22
Jun

7 Red Flags to Notice when Dating a New Guy

Dating a new guy who may eventually be your prince charming  can be exciting. The butterflies, the nonstop flirting, the first kiss…! It can also be quite disappointing if you ignore some important red flags.

As lovey-dovey as this initial phase can be, it’s always wise to take a step back and observe the new man in your life without those rose colored glasses. Because if you’re looking for a serious relationship, you’ll want to be sure that he’s got the same idea in mind. I’ve been in bad relationships in the past and looking back I realized I overlooked some of these red flags when I was caught up in that initial ‘honeymoon’ phase…

So how do you know if he’s NOT worthy of your love and time? Here are 7 red flags to look out for.

  1. He is always  late. In general, people who have no sense of time are not going to be respectful of  you and your time. If he tells you, “I’ll meet you at 8PM” he should be there at 7:55. Being on time not only shows that  he values your time, it’s also an indication that he is true to his word as well and this speaks volume in a man. And if he is running late, it would be respectful of him to at least send you a message with a heads up  and an apology.  A real man would never leave a woman waiting for him awkwardly, all alone in a restaurant or a bar  or wherever you’ve planned to meet.
  2. He is always checking his phone when you’re together. What could be SO important, more important than spending time with you? When you go out with someone for the first few times, observe how they spend time with you – the quality of that time matters just as much as how often. Is he always checking his phone? Do you catch him glimpsing more than once at his watch? Do you see him looking at other women when he’s with you? Even something like paying attention to a game on the TV at the bar rather than staying engaged in your conversation is another red flag. These actions are plain and clear: something more important than you is occupying his mind and thoughts, and he is not willing to give you the attention you deserve.  If he is really interested in you, he’d be curious about your thoughts and feelings and  and make you feel that he’s having a great time.
  3. He’s rude to the wait staff. When you’re out on a date, chances are someone is going to serve or wait on you and your date. It can be a waiter, a receptionist or a guide. If he’s rude to service personnel there’s a huge chance that the time will come where he’ll be disrespectful to you too. People who are rude to service personnel tend to have huge egos and an overarching sense that they are better than others. Remember that manners always make the man,  and basic kindness and respect towards others will lead to a solid foundation in your relationship.
  4. You don’t like his friends, & vice versa. An old adage says “tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” I strongly believe you are the product of the 5 people you hang out the most with. You can definitely tell a lot about a person by just looking at his peers. And if you can’t get along with his friends, you are going to have a difficult time getting along with him in the long run as well. Same goes when he doesn’t like your friends too. If ever you end up together, think about the conflicting times you both have to deal with when your friends are around.
  5. He always talks about himself. It may be fun getting to know him more and more as the days go by, but it stops being  fun when it’s all about him. A good conversation is about throwing ideas back and forth, and just getting into a really good flow.  If you ever feel like you’ve been sitting there, listening to him talk about himself for the last hour, chances are you are dating a narcissist. He’s not interested in you, he’s interested about making himself look good in front of you. To spot a man who is all about himself, observe how he listens to you when it’s your turn to talk.  Does he stop you midway so he can insert something about himself?
  6. He wants to change you. When it’s real love, you accept the other person as they are. We all have imperfections and if someone is serious about you, they embrace those imperfections rather than change you. It could be the little things. Is he trying to change the way you dress? Does he comment on how much time you spend with your friends?  Unless you are participating in some serious self harming behavior, and he is trying to help you, there really is no reason why he should try to change you. The only changes that should happen are that he naturally brings out the best in you, but never anything that is forced or unnatural.
  7. He loves drama. Yep, even men sometimes love drama. While us women are always pegged as “drama queens”, men can definitely stir up their own soap opera too. Observe how he reacts to little things. Does he turn something into a big issue when he can just shrug it off? Does he gossip about his friends or coworkers constantly? Drama queens tend to need lots of attention and validation, so this is one soap opera you’ll definitely want to tune out of.

If you see any of these 7 red flags through the course of the first few dates, I recommend you steer yourself away from a potentially toxic relationship. These flags won’t always be waived high and be obvious, so really take a subjective look at your relationship in the early stages, and don’t let yourself be blinded by butterflies and that magical floaty feeling we all get. Have you experienced these red flags before? What did you do? Share your story in the comments below to give your sisters a heads up!

 

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