A Personal Note from Orion

You’ve probably heard the expression “own yourself”. But what does that really mean? When your confidence lies within you, you are unstoppable. And to get that inner confidence, you have to start with loving yourself fully, by accepting – and appreciating –  who you are.

As a generational healer with an intuitive soul, Dr. Blossoms works with high-achievers to help them to embrace their greatness and increase confidence. In our conversation, she reveals how to let go of self-imposed limitations and build an empowering identity so you can truly own yourself.

 

 

In this Episode

• [04:49] – Sky starts us off by telling us a bit about who she is.
• [06:11] – Was Sky born confident? Has she been confident all her life? Her answer gives insight into how confidence changes depending on how far you’ve grown into living boldly.
• [07:22] – We hear about the problem with the idea of competing over a man, and why any man you would compete for is one you don’t want anyway.
• [10:06] – Sky explains that abuse is a reflection of prior self-abuse, illustrating how our experiences and environment create profound effects on our later selves. She also discusses the importance of looking to others for examples of how to reach a better life, offering her own experience in the Soviet Union to demonstrate what she means.
• [16:08] – High achievers and truly successful people get there by having the courage it takes to step up and do what is right for them, Sky explains.
• [17:58] – Sky offers a reason why people with good intentions may hold you back: because by stepping outside of your comfort zone, you’re reminding them that they’re not.
• [18:41] – What is confidence? Sky tells us about the two types of confidence: real and outsourced. She also mentions the book Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl and discusses how it relates to confidence.
• [23:33] – Sky talks about what it means to own yourself, and explains that knowing yourself is the first step.
• [25:27] – What does it feel like to own yourself and to own the room?
• [26:53] – Using the example of games, Sky talks about inhabiting various avatars. She suggests noticing how differently you show up depending on who you’re with and the circumstances you’re in.
• [29:37] – Orion asks whether one should try to be aware of their behavior in the moment, or to do it in retrospect. Sky encourages doing so in retrospect until you’ve had enough experience to do so in the moment.
• [30:54] – What is Sky’s advice for a woman who feels a lack of confidence in dating or relationships? She emphasizes the need for healing your wounds.
• [33:24] – Sky talks about how she uses her intuition to help each of her clients. She also touches on the challenge of achieving forgiveness.
• [34:28] – We hear about where blocks to forgiveness come from, and what sorts of events and incidents can shape harmful or hurtful beliefs within ourselves. She gives the example of lying as a child, and how it can become a negative cycle.
• [39:42] – People have more trouble forgiving themselves than others, even if they don’t realize it at first, Sky tells us.
• [40:38] – Sky offers several more tips for confidence. Tip #1: Stop explaining yourself (this goes especially for women). She gives a powerful explanation for this tip.
• [45:44] – Tip #2 is your body language. Holding a power pose for two minutes dramatically boosts your confidence level, she explains.
• [47:18] – Tip #3 is focus. “Where your mind goes, energy flows,” Sky tells us. She emphasizes the importance of focusing on the positive side of anything rather than the dark or negative side.
• [50:29] – Orion mentions Cesar Millan conducting an experiment that involved getting a scared dog to lift its head, and how this changed its personality completely. She goes on to talk about conditioning your mind to find the positive in life and other people.
• [54:17] – Sky offers several wonderful tips for how a woman can feel stellar.
• [55:52] – Sky generously offers Stellar Life listeners a gift; more details below!

About Today’s Show

‏‏Who would have thought that growing up behind the Iron Curtain, in a family of secret healers, would lead to becoming an award-winning author, a spiritual leader and a celebrity advisor. Dr. Sky’s magic touches have helped hundreds of people to transform their relationships, make more money, and regain their zest for life. As a gifted intuitive and a medically trained doctor with two decades of study in psychology and human behavior, Dr. Sky helps high-performers to develop unshakable confidence, emotional strength, elevated consciousness and intuition. Dr. Sky has been featured on CBS Radio, FOX News, Boston Business Journal, and ABC, among others.

Hello and welcome to Stellar Life podcast! I am your host Orion and I’m very excited to have you here listening. Thank you for being here, thank you for listening. If this is your first time here welcome, and if this is your third or fourth time welcome, thank you for listening again and again. Our podcast is pretty amazing, the guests are phenomenal and I really, really make sure that I talk to people that I love and admire and have something to contribute to your life. We always evolve, we always grow and sometimes even if you’ve heard the same information over and over again in a different time, the information will resonate differently because you are a different person. We are never static, we are ever-evolving and it’s always good to learn more and hear those things that are inspiring so we can take care of ourselves better, we can feel better about ourselves, we can grow and then we can reach out and maybe help others through the same things, the same issues that we conquered for ourselves. I would like to invite you all to join our community, the Stellar Life podcast community, you can go to the Facebook group, Stellar Life podcast, and I would like to invite you to connect with me personally on my website stellarlifepodcast.com or via Twitter or via Instagram. My name on Instagram is @OrionTalmay and on Twitter it’s the same thing @OrionTalmay. Orion like the constellation and Talmay is T A L M A Y. I really enjoyed talking to Dr. Sky. I really admire her personally and professionally. This is not our first encounter, we see each other a lot in Seminars, we have some mutual friends, and it was just lovely to actually have her on the show as a guest and it was just very inspiring and intriguing, and I’m sure it will give you this little boost for today and maybe next week and maybe next year and maybe you will hear something that will change your life forever and ever. Who knows? So stay tuned. And now on to the show.

‏‏Hello Dr. Sky, how are you doing today?

‏‏Hello Orion, I’m great. How are you?

‏‏I’m feeling awesome. I’m a little tired. I had a long day but I’m super excited to talk to you. I think that you are so unique and special. Everybody that is listening is going to know that very, very soon.

‏‏Thank you, very kind of you.

‏‏Thank you. Let’s start by you sharing a little bit about who is Dr. Sky Blossoms.

‏‏That’s a loaded question, did you realize that? I hear episodes five hours long. I’m a third generational healer and intuitive. I have the ability to see what most people don’t. I work with high performers, helping them have their best life ever in every area. Relationships are my specialty. I love helping people have meaningful, deeply passionate, lasting love relationships. But sometimes, it’s relationship with money, relationship with children, relationship with your passion and your mission in life and all of it comes down with two relationships between you as your soul and heart and who you truly are and who you’re allowing yourself to be currently. I’m aligning the two where you come in complete congruence and alignment with your heart and soul and live your fullest expression in the world.

‏‏Beautiful. Today we’re going to talk about confidence and life in general but also specifically, confidence as being a partner in a relationship and in the daily process. Were you confident your whole life? Were you just born very confident?

‏‏Here’s an interesting thing, I think I was more confident than many people are. About a year ago, I was going through training on high performance myself. The instructor said that we need to work on confidence and I raised my voice and I said, “Hey, but I’m one of the most confident people that I know.” He said, “You’re confident for where you are, but you’re not confident for where you need to be or want to be.” And that was true so I am confident and I was always confident. However, the next step in growing into living my purpose, living audaciously and boldly, every single time it took growing up to do and up levelling my confidence. Does that answer your question?

‏‏Yes, it does. I know that in the daily world, a lot of women feel in competition with other women. They don’t feel less confident. Sometimes, they have this scarcity mindset. All the good ones are gay or taken or there is always this “I am not enough, pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough.” How do you work with those issues?

‏‏I’m so happy you brought this up because ladies, this competition over men is the biggest distraction bomb that has ever been dropped in our society and conditioned us to be in competition with each other. This is the most ridiculous thing on the planet because here is the truth. A man who is going after every woman and he is going for the next shiny thing, you likely don’t want anyway. But the man who truly cares for you and is deeply in love with your heart and soul, he does not care for other woman. As soon as he sees you and really sees you and he goes straight for your heart, all other women became irrelevant. It does not mean that he will not look at them, it does not mean that their beauty will not inspire him or even evoke a sexual desire, it will. However, he would not be thinking of spending his life with any of those because he wants you and he claims you. I think when we get over with this silly, silly competition with each other and embrace our sisters in every environment, professional or social and start uniting as women, the world will change because we hold immense power. Fighting over men is just, pardon me, stupid.

The man who truly cares for you and is deeply in love with your heart and soul, he does not care for other woman. As soon as he sees you and really sees you and he goes straight for your heart, all other women became irrelevant. Click To Tweet

‏‏I totally agree. I think that a lot of what’s showing up in the real world starts within ourselves, in our internal world. There is that fulfilment inside or an internal struggle and that reflects in the real world. First, everybody should know that they need to learn how to love themselves and appreciate themselves and find that confidence to walk with their heads high and with the true bliss and appreciation for who they truly are. This is easier said than done, especially in a society where women are hearing all kinds of things they don’t want to hear and all those women issues are coming to the surface. In some ways, we are still in the same boat we were 50 years ago. Some women are being treated unkindly. They don’t feel like they’re equal to the guys. What kinds of tips and strategies can you give us? For A, isolating ourselves from the outside noise that maybe bring us down, and B, some practices that will help us connect us to self-love and appreciation.

‏‏Well, you’re raising up a very important challenge in the issue in our society and obviously any form of abuse, verbal, emotional, physical is actually a reflection of prior self-abuse. Many women bought in into a belief system when they were little of not being good enough or of not being sufficient in some way and obviously it starts playing on later in life. They cannot be blamed for that because our environment has huge influence in us. If you are a little innocent girl and you are conditioned by your guardians, by bullies in school, by teachers that because you’re a girl you’re inferior or whatever it may have been that those messaging. Obviously, it’s going to affect your life. At the same time, we reach a point where we become adults, we become conscious and we can see that there are certain patterns that do not serve us. More importantly, we could see that there are other examples of women living different lives. Let’s say if you grow up within an environment where every women like in the Middle East where every woman is suppressed. You receive that as a norm because you don’t know any better. But the moment you see a different way, you start thinking huh, maybe I could be that women who lives that different way. For me, growing up behind the iron curtain, I had that experience where in the Soviet Union it was all the same. People live in the same level of poverty and I was conditioned to believe that we lived in the best country in the world, much like America thinks. However, my first trip abroad showed me that there was a whole new world of opportunity out there. At the age of 14, I made the decision that I’m not going live in the Soviet Union and whatever it took, I would get out there. I would imagine the same happens for women once they see that there is another possibility there, they’re presented with a choice; am I going to continue living what I have known being suppressed and being diminished and my life being dimmed and me being in the shadow of myself and not even being able to fully express myself, or am I willing to do something to claim my freedom, to claim my power, to claim my race and brilliance. It’s an individual choice, and unfortunately nobody can make that choice for you and it does take courage, especially in the beginning. It’s not easy to break free from this conditioning to become separated from the tribe and to do something on your own. Frankly, those women who have not seen the difference and who have not experienced the call of their soul to rise above their current circumstance, they will not hear my message anyway. But the ones who will hear my message are either those who have already reason above that or those who think enough is enough. I’m a woman and I’m proud of that. I’m brilliant and I’m capable and I’m willing and determined to live my fullest potential no matter what it takes. For you, if you are in that space, my first encouragement would be to treat yourself as kindly and compassionately as you possibly can. Because what happens is I see many, many women, kind and beautiful, that subject themselves out of very good intention to quiet a degree of abuse where they start pushing themselves too hard, where they start pushing and putting themselves in harsh demands. I call it super achiever syndrome. We start proving our worthiness through going above and beyond. And on one hand, it’s great because we achieve things and reach new heights. On another hand, very often it becomes at the expense of health, at the expense of running on empty. It starts by just being kind with yourself. One example which is tangible, I remember my mother who was listing things that she was supposed to do to me. She is going to give me this whole list where she feels to me like a Cinderella and I listen to her and I said “Ma, would you make me do all of those things?” She goes like “God no, I love you.” I was like, “Why do you make yourself do all of those things?” That would be a good way to gauge. If you would make your daughter do all of those things that you make yourself do, then go ahead. But if you would have a little more mercy for your child but you don’t have mercy for yourself, maybe it’s time to reconsider.

‏‏I did a podcast interview with Dr. John Demartini. When we finished the podcast interview, we just had a private conversation and I told him that I’m still overwhelmed of doing this and I have this project and this project, and he helped me. He gave me this idea. He was like, “Just sit and write every little thing that you have to do even if it takes pages. And then, divide all those things to three categories; things that I must do, things that I can delegate, and things that I have no control over. Those were his three categories, it’s a simple exercise but it’s so good to help release all that clutter in your head that takes up so much of that space, so much of that breathing space that we need, especially the overachievers. I like what you said when you talk to the women that are on the verge of breaking through. If you are listening and you know that this is your time, I truly encourage you to step into your greatness and take a courageous step because your life, your dreams are on the other side of that step.

‏‏Yes, absolutely. Here’s an interesting thing. It may look easy later, but if you study high achievers and people who really are successful, it always takes that courage to step up and do things that are to say the least unusual for most people around you. I know when I became an entrepreneur when I was still a student in a medical university years ago, I was a full time student and I had my own business and I was reading books like Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. All of my peers were making fun of me very openly and I would just disregard them and I would say, “When my parents are elderly, you’re not going to take care of them. When I need to be supported, you’re not going to pay my bills, so screw you. I’m going to do what I know is right for me.” That’s how I took it and I encourage you to just do your thing and disregard what anybody else thinks.

‏‏That’s really important. The people you surround yourself with, and if you’re stepping into a new endeavor, it’s so important to know who to share the information with because some people love you and take care for you but they can’t see the picture beyond what they’re capable of. They’re judging your life through what they see, through their own personal pair of glasses. If you are a risk taker, the people that love you will want to keep you close because a, they’re afraid that something bad is going to happen to you, and b, they are afraid that if you’re going to be big and successful you might not want to hang out with them. That’s true to a business endeavor, it’s true when it comes to love, and it’s true when it comes to losing weight. You gotta be really careful with the people that you surround yourself with and who you’re sharing information with.

‏‏I would say that there is a third reason to why people would out of “good intention” hold you back. It’s because by you stepping out of your comfort zone, you’re reminding them that they’re not. The more successful you become, the more you’re rubbing it into their face that they’re not doing it.

‏‏That’s a big one. I never thought of that, that’s so cool.

‏‏When you grow to the next orbit, you do upgrade your circle. It does not mean that you stop loving people who were in your life, but it just means that they probably receive less air time.

‏‏Let’s go back to confidence. What is confidence?

‏‏I love this question, thank you so much. I truly love it. Confidence is like spirituality. People talk about it as if it’s a very understood thing. The truth is it’s not. It’s not understood by most people. From what I see, there are two types of confidence. One is real, and the other one is outsourced, let me explain what that means. The outsourced confidence comes from things that you own or labels that you can brag with. For example you put on high heels, definitely you’re going to feel more confident than in house slippers. Or you put a new dress, for a man, if you are putting on a Rolex watch and drive a Ferrari, you are going to feel more confident. If your bank account starts showing five more zeros than it does now at the end, you are going to feel more confident. All of those elements are fabulous and valid but all of those create artificial confidence, or as they call it outsourced because economy can shake, and your financial situation can change. The cars rag, the heels break, your beautiful body can get a wrinkle or pimple, and the confidence goes out of the window. All of those things that give you that outsourced confidence, they’re lovely but they’re unreliable. This type of confidence can be easily shaken. The true confidence is rooted in who you are and in you owning yourself. No one can ever take that away from you. I read one of the most remarkable books a few years ago which is called Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl where he describes his experience of living in full concentration camps during World War II and losing his entire family. Through the horrific reality of concentration camp, you start seeing the bigger picture. But what is interesting is in the beginning of that when people are brought to the concentration camp, they’re stripped of all of their belongings, stripped of their family and of their friends, they’re stripped of their environment, they’re even stripped of their clothing and hair. All they’re left with is this naked body and whatever the soul and characters within that body, and nothing of outside world anymore belongs to you. Even your professional achievements, whether you were a professor, a neuropsychologist or brain surgeon or a janitor, you’re all levelled out. When you consider that, what if everything that you associate with is stripped away, what are you left with? Those things that still make you confident, even if everything is taken away from you, that is true confidence that can never be shaken. That is the true self development of developing the character of connecting with yourself.That real confidence is deeply rooted in your spiritual connection. The more you’re connected with your heart and soul and the creator, that’s where the confidence lies.

‏‏I love that. Yesterday, Stephan and I went to the movie theatre. We had a really fun date night. He surprised me, took me into a Japanese restaurant. He hates Japanese food but he did it for me. He enjoyed it, he had stuff to eat there too. And then we went and we saw Dr. Strange, the new movie, it was awesome, really awesome, highly recommended. This is going to be a spoiler for some of you, but I’m not going to tell you the end. The way the story starts is that the main character, Dr. Strange, is actually this brilliant neurosurgeon. His whole ego is around how brilliant he is and how brilliant his mind is. And then, he gets into a car accident and they put 20 or 21 metal rods in his hands and he can’t perform surgery again and he was devastated. It goes through like all the stages of being angry, sad, mean and bitter, all those negative emotions. And then he’s seeking for some truth or somebody to help him, and eventually he finds and connects to his true gift and true powers which is beyond the ego. When he goes beyond the ego and into service, he finds his true gift. It just relates to what you said. It’s interesting. You said that you have to find a way to own yourself. I want to go deeper, what does it mean to own yourself? What does it mean to own your walk? People throw this right and left, just own who you are. Own yourself. What does it mean to own yourself?

‏‏Great question. Well first of all, before you can own yourself, you need to know yourself. You need to have a deeper understanding of who you are. I do that often with my private clients and even my high end clients where I take them on a deep state of presence and I hold them in my presence and I ask them who are you? I encourage them to come up with as many answers as they can. Normally, people start with normal things like, “I’m human, I’m a woman, I’m so and so name.” I take them deeper and then I actually stripp away all of those labels that they associate with them, “I’m a mother, I’m a father, I’m a husband, I’m whatever, I’m an entrepreneur, I’m a doctor.” Once all of those fall away, I still keep asking them, “Who are you?” And then sometimes, they don’t know the answer, sometimes they start connecting with something a little deeper. They offer words that are a little bit more reflective of their own infinite spirit. Once you realize that you’re way more than meets the eye and you’re able to embrace the divinity of your own being and the greatness of your spirit and the power of your creative capacity, then you can own yourself because anytime you walk into the room, you own yourself and you own the room. Anytime you’re conversing with another being, human or animal, you are not expecting them to reflect to you who you are, you declare who you are. Nobody can tell you otherwise.

‏‏That’s really powerful. You actually declare who you are. That’s beautiful. What does it feel like to own yourself and to own the room?

‏‏That is the ultimate freedom.

‏‏We saw each other in a few events. A couple of days ago, I saw you at JVX and I just love your spirit, your radiance, love and your radiance, confidence. It’s really nice that you actually embody that.

‏‏Thank you.

‏‏I really enjoyed that, I enjoyed my interaction with you.

‏‏That’s an interesting thing that you bring it out because once you own yourself, you don’t need to do anything to be a gift to the world. By being who you truly are, you are a gift.

Once you own yourself, you don’t need to do anything to be a gift to the world. By being who you truly are, you are a gift. Click To Tweet

‏‏So many times we put bars on ourselves like we put ourselves in little prisons and we compartmentalize, we put ourselves into little boxes. Now I’m a mother, now I’m a doctor, now I’m this, now I’m that, and we are not even aware of us doing that. I think it’s part of the human condition. It’s a journey of self-awareness to break through the bars and find freedom.

‏‏Can I make it easy for everybody? Super easy. First of all when you are born, you don’t even get to choose your identity, you’re given it. You’re given the name, you’re given nationality, sometimes you’re given religion and belief system. Owning yourself is part of choosing your identity consciously and living it fully, so that’s number one. In terms of all of these roles that we play; mother, doctor, healer, whatever. Think of this as a computer game even though computer games are not my thing, I think this is a perfect demonstration. When you play a computer game, you choose an avatar. All the roles that you play, they’re just different avatars that you play and they’re different aspects of your personality. They’re alive, they’re valid, they’re valuable. And yet, neither one of them is a full description of who you are. It’s just one aspect of yourself, right? When you perceive yourself as something greater and as the driver of all of these avatars, you can choose how you play your games consciously.

‏‏What will be a practice to do around creating your avatar?

‏‏Avatars, you don’t need to create them, you just need to become conscious of like “Okay, now I’m being a Mom or now I’m stepping in the speaker’s shoes or now I’m stepping in the friend’s shoes.” You don’t even have to draw those distinctions, it’s just merely self-awareness. Start observing yourself in all of those different scenarios and start observing how differently you show up depending on who you’re with what the circumstances are. You may turn into a complete goof ball if you’re with lifelong friends. You can maybe start acting as a child even if you’re 40 or 50 years old when you’re next to your parents because you start feeling insecure in their presence. Maybe you start feeling superior when you’re stepping into your boss role and you’re talking to your employees. Maybe you start feeling kind when you’re making a charity donation or feed the homeless person. Simply becomes aware of all of your expressions and start consciously choosing them. Most people operate within all these scenarios by default without fully being present to even themselves, much less to other people. Once you start observing yourself and you say, “Oh here I kind of acted greedy, or I was rude here but I don’t have to be.” And then you start making conscious choices of behavior and responses and that’s when you truly own yourself.

‏‏Is that a matter of being aware of your behavior in the moment or just reacting back?

‏‏In the moment is ideal. Without practice it’s challenging for most people so you practice in retrospect and then you bring it in closer and closer into the now. If you’re aware of your behavior in the present moment as it’s happening, then you have mastered it because you can adjust it right there and then.

‏‏Do you ever reflect on that before you go to bed?

‏‏No, I don’t do that. The only time I do reflections is when something feels off to me. Because we have this beautiful guidance system called emotions, so when I feel fully connected and blissful, then there’s no need to analyze anything because I know I’m fully connected with the source of life with my heart and soul and it’s beautiful. We’re in alignment, or in the flow. When I feel resistance or something feels off or I had a conversation and it feels icky, that’s when I look back and say what was it in my perspective that caused that distortion in my vibration? And see if I could look at that differently so that my perspective is aligned with my heart and soul.

‏‏What would be you advice for women who feel lack of confidence dating or lack of confidence in her intimate relationships?

‏‏Yeah, great question. The first thing would be obviously the advice that you probably hate by now because it is so much easier said than done; fall in love with yourself. Here’s how you can do it. You cannot truly love yourself until you heal your emotional wounds because your mind is a perfect track record keeper and it stores all of your experiences and especially those linked via pain because your brain function is to protect you from future pain. It will constantly remind you remember that, remember that and it’s going to start pushing you to protection mode. In order to eliminate that, those wounds that have not been fully healed need to be at rest. How you know if your wound has been healed, if the painful circumstances of the past have been brought into your awareness, they do not cause any emotional response anymore. For example, if a person has been cheated on time and again, it develops a strong neurological response where people are afraid of their partner to be unfaithful. They become suspicious and they have trust issues and all of that stuff. It’s going to continue on and consequently they attract partners who are not very trustworthy. When that has been healed, you are, a) naturally attract people that you can rely on, b) you’re not suspicious anymore and it’s easy for you to trust people and, c) when you recall any of the episodes from your past when you have been betrayed, they don’t cause any emotional response in you anymore. It’s like you don’t care, it’s like a movie that you have seen a long time ago and you don’t have emotional charge around anymore. Does that make sense?

‏‏That makes complete sense. I always teach my clients that healing is the first step. One of the way of healing that I love is gratitude and forgiveness. When you forgave the person who hurt you and forgive yourself, it’s a way to release a big load from your system. I also like EMDR therapy, I like cognitive behavioral therapy, I love NLP, I like hypnosis. Do you have certain methods that you really connect with?

‏‏I have a huge bag of tools from NLP to AFT. I would not say that either one of them is my go-to tool just because I have this unique intuitive talent where I see things and I know how to shift them faster than any other method that I know. Unfortunately, it’s not something that I can share like this in the interview because it’s a process and it’s individual for every person. I just see what’s the shortcut for you to get where you need to be. I love what you said about forgiveness. What I find also that sometimes it’s challenging to forgive. I’ve had clients who want to forgive but they just can’t and it’s just because it’s been so heavy for so long and they have this huge feels like a rock in their heart and they cannot breathe through it. It takes a little bit more heavy lifting to remove that, and it’s possible. Every single time it’s possible. I want to explain where those blocks are coming from so people would understand, would that be helpful?

‏‏That would be amazing.

‏‏If you could imagine your body being a vessel, like transmitter and receiver mechanism. Your very own soul and the life that chose you is pouring in and through it and gets expressed through the physical form. But literally, you are the life that makes your body a life. Body is the vehicle that allows you to experience this physical realm. See it, smell it, touch it, taste it, etc. If you have no resistances and your earthly perspective on yourself and life is aligned with perspective of your source of your soul, then the energy of you and life flows smoothly and freely and you are in the flow, in the zone, and everything is amazing and blissful and that’s an enlightened state. If you have a belief which is not congruent with what your soul knows to be true, like the popular belief “I’m not good enough, there is not enough resources, all the good ones are taken,” any of those things will block the flow. But where do those beliefs come from? Let’s say you’re little and you come home and your shorts are stained and you have a very angry mother who is going to get mad at you. Your mother is asking you about the shorts. Because you want to make your Mom feel bad and protect yourself, it seems innocent to lie and to say, “Well it’s not me, my friend spilled it on me. It’s not my fault.” Because you’re afraid for your Mom to get mad at you. It’s not like anyone of us is evil when they’re two to three or five years old but it just seems like the path of least resistance. When that first lie occurs, it normally causes even more reaction and produces the result that we’re afraid of. For example in this case, mother gets extra angry. Why? Because she’s adult and she can see through the lie and she’s not only angry about the ruined shorts but she’s even angrier that her son or daughter lied to her. But next time around, you are even more afraid to say the truth because your mom was so mad and the pattern has developed. Or the other circumstance, I’ve had that actually happen with one person I worked with. As a child, they were playing with a couple of kids and somebody broke the lamp. It was not the person that I worked with but other kids blamed it on him. Adults believed those other kids and punished him and he felt that was unfair. The adults demanded from him to admit that he did it and he resisted it for a while but after a certain period of time, he gave into pressure and said, “Okay, I did it,” just because it seemed easier even though he didn’t and he was punished. But then that teeny-tiny lie that seemed to be under pressure and sort of innocent and seem to be for survival, that caused huge amount of distortion much later on his life. Those teeny-tiny lies that we tell ourselves for the sake of whatever, they create those huge blocks later on in life. In order to resolve those limiting beliefs, we actually need to find the origin of them and find the truth within the statement that was not true and we believed. If somebody said to you like your teacher in school, “You’re stupid,” and you believed in that and that wasn’t true, it was not the opinion aligned with your soul, then you have to go back and reclaim your truth and own yourself in that moment that you are as smart as you need to be. You are smart for you and nobody else has the right or nobody else’s opinion matters. Only your opinion matters. Literally, only your opinion matters.

‏‏That’s awesome. I’m going to go back to forgiveness. I really agree with what you said about forgiveness. Forgiveness takes a lot of courage. It’s like jumping out of an airplane, skydiving, not everybody can jump. It’s really hard and sometimes you need the help of a professional to push you or help you in that direction so you can actually have this sense of freedom, sense of life, sense of, “I’m not carrying this burden with me any longer.” I feel that after we heal, we’re kind of like a blank slate. It’s not linear. It’s not that we heal and then we feel juicy, sexy and alive and then we can feel very confident, but I think that usually healing just brings you into a sense of self and a sense of balance. I think there are more steps to take in order to feel really, really confident, really feel like you’re owning your walk and you feel this light from within that is shining out and attracting whatever you want in your life. What other practices besides from healing would you recommend?

‏‏Okay I’ll dive into that, I just want to say one more thing about forgiveness since you touched upon that. In my experience, people never have trouble forgiving others, it’s always linked back to forgiving themselves but they don’t realize it. But if you really unwire that entanglement, it always comes down to forgiving yourself. No matter how traumatic the circumstance was, people innately know that they are the creators of their own life and they’re the creators of their own reality. Even the most atrocious thing happened to them and they did not want that intentionally to happen to them, they still realize that they wore a co-creator in the experience and it’s scary to admit. It’s much easier to blame someone else for a rape or murder or whatever of their loved ones versus admit that they were co-creator to this. And forgiving themselves, that’s what is the hardest. In terms of other tools for confidence, I’m going to share a couple of very simple steps that each one of you can take right now and is going to boost your confidence 10x, I promise you that. How was that?

‏‏That’s probably awesome.

‏‏Tool number one, which I have learned from one of my mentors who used to run a billion dollar public trading company. We’re talking about super high achievers, super high performers. His way of communication when we just started working together seemed like a little abrasive and abrupt to me at first. Anytime I would say because, he would cut me off and say, “That’s irrelevant.” I’ll be like, “What?” The point I’m making is stop explaining yourself. Especially women, we’re explaining and apologizing for things we did and didn’t do. If you’re Canadian, I feel for you. Basically, think about this, let’s say you’re running late. Instead of saying to whoever you are meeting with, “I’m sorry I’m running ten minutes late,” you’re going into a long explanation of why you’re running late. If somebody invites you to a birthday party on Saturday night, you say, “I can’t make if because blah blah blah blah,” and you go into an explanation. We’re used to explaining ourselves all the time. For the most part, it’s unsolicited information. People didn’t ask you and for the most part they don’t even care. The fact of the matter is you’re late. That’s the fact where we go from here. You did something, you didn’t do something, that’s the fact. What’s the next step? This kind of explanation, it seems like it’s going to make you feel better but it takes up your time, it takes out of people’s times, it takes energy. Worst of all, you are getting used to writing the same excuses in your own head and it causes procrastination in your performance because you’re saying, “Well I didn’t do that. Yes I didn’t do it because blah blah blah,” and you keep having that excuse conversation in your own mind and it becomes a norm and it takes so much time and emotion and psychological energy from you. When I have my team members working with me and they also have to get used to that. For example, I tell them their assignment, I need you to do XYZ. Next time when they’re reporting and I said, “Have you done it?” They’re like, “Well I haven’t done this, I haven’t done that because…” I’m like, “I don’t care. Stop, I don’t care. You haven’t done it? Are you willing to do it? What time frame realistically can this be delivered in?” Boom. I only care about the reasons why they haven’t done something if there is something they need from me. There’s something I need to supply to enable them to deliver. Other than that, it’s irrelevant. I do the same with my clients, have you done their assignment, have you not done it? Because here is another statement that I absolutely love and adopted that does not belong to me, it belongs to my friend Bob Danel. He says any reason will do. What that means is we can use the same reason to succeed or to fail, even though I don’t believe in failure. For example, I personally know one very famous Hollywood actor. One day, we had an intimate conversation, just as friends, and he shared part of his life story where he grew up in a very abusive environment. His mother remarried and his stepdad was just atrocious to him and his brother. Beating him up, emotionally, physically, all kinds of stuff. He decided that when he’s going to grow up and have a family, he will have a completely different environment for him, his wife, his children and he dreamed of creating a happy family and succeeding greatly and that’s what he has done. He has a beautiful wife, madly in love with her, great children, stunning career with over 200 films and TV shows, and his brother is an alcoholic and cannot break free from his addiction. He’s a wreck. His brother is using the same reason of an abusive childhood for his addiction. Circumstances are not alike, it’s literally the same, but the outcomes are different. These two men have used the same exact reason to produce for themselves completely different results. You can say that somebody was born into poverty and of course I was born in poverty, how can I ever become rich? And then you meet another person who is a billionaire, he says, “I was born in poverty and I was determined not to live that way myself.” It’s always a decision, individual choice, and therefore any reason is irrelevant. If it’s good enough for you, it’s good enough for me.

‏‏Wow, powerful. Number one, because its irrelevant.

‏‏Unless somebody is specifically asking you. Of course, we don’t want to do just black and white, there are some circumstances where you do need to explain something. If the person is inquiring, then you don’t want to be rude. But chances are if you do not volunteer that information, most of the time people won’t ask.

‏‏So what’s number two?

‏‏Number two, your body language.

‏‏That’s a whole different three-hour conversation, at least.

‏‏That’s right. A couple of thing you can do and use, there has been a scientific study done that if you hold a power pose for as little as two minutes, your confidence level is boosted dramatically. For example when you have something important happening in your life like you’re going to a job interview, you’re about to make a sales call, you’re about to talk to your prospective date, you’re about to go on a date; stand in front of the mirror with your back straight and your top outfit, your head is up and just be proud of who you are for a couple of minutes. Sit like a boss at the table with your feet on the table, your chest body completely open, or stand up and lift your arms up. If you were to Google happiness pictures online, you would see a person looking up into the sky and their arms are open in that v-shape upwards. That’s the happiness stance, right? Stand in that position for about two minutes. I guarantee you, anything after two minutes, you can no longer be depressed.

‏‏I love that. I have a talk, it’s called Unleashing Your Inner Superhero. In the middle of the talk, I make people stand up and stand like superman or superwoman for good minutes. It really works. It’s pretty awesome.

‏‏Absolutely, that’s number two. Number three is focus, where you focus; where your mind goes, energy flows. There are so many things in our life where your attention can go. It can go into something that’s pleasing to you or it can go into something that is displeasing to you. And guess what? You’re going to recreate more stuff where you’re focused. Let’s say if you are focused on environmental pollution and let’s say you’re a caring person but your thought processes goes into how bad that is, guess what you’re supporting?

‏‏How bad it is? You’re supporting the darkness and not the light.

‏‏Exactly. You’re supporting the pollution. If you’re an environmentally conscious person but your attention goes into looking to this new technology they’re recycling, look into this new invention, look at these people who are starting the movement, look at these people who are standing like a rock right now for their truth. You get enthusiastic about the new way of consciousness in our planet and you participate through your own action, that’s when you’re really helping apply to your own life. Let’s say that if you want to have more money, then welcome and focus on every little penny that comes your way. You find the penny on the street, celebrate it, focus on it, tell people about it. Of course, most people are going to think you’re crazy. You’re going to come to them, “Can you believe what a great thing happened to me today? I found a penny on the street.” They’re going to look at you like you’re crazy and you might not want to be friends with them much longer. I mean it, because those people who are very successful, they get it and they would say good for you. Those who are in the mediocrity mindset, who are taking little things for granted and who are not used to appreciating, they will say, “You’re crazy” and start talking about their bills and problems.

‏‏Do you have any more tips? Or was it three or was it ten? How many was it?

‏‏Let’s give them three. Here’s the deal, I can give ten and twenty but I want you to apply them. I think these three are tangible enough, applicable enough, and easy enough so that you can take them and run with them. Master the three and your confidence level will improve dramatically, for sure.

‏‏I’m just going to repeat them. The first one was because it’s irrelevant, that means don’t let your excuses or somebody else’s excuses stand in the way of your success.

‏‏Exactly, stop explaining yourself.

‏‏Number two is your body language. Before you go into a meeting or a date or anything that is important to you or just if you want to feel better, adopt the power pose and adopt a different physiology, even jump or do some push ups. Anything that will change your physiology and get your blood flow and make you feel stronger, more vibrant, and more alive. Tony Robbins says that there’s a big difference. It’s a two millimeter difference between when your head is really up and high and when your head’s down. That can completely shift your emotions. Actually, Cesar Millan, the dog trainer, had an experiment with a dog who was very skittish and always had the tail between its legs. The dog was the most scared little puppy ever all the time. What Cesar Millan did, he tied a rope to the tail of the dog, so the tail was up. When the tail was up, the dog’s head had to be up. That dog’s persona shifted completely. It’s like walking down the street with a smile on your face. You can fake a smile but eventually, people will smile back and it will make you laugh. Before you know it, you completely shift your physiology. I’ve done it.

‏‏Yes, absolutely.

‏‏The third one was focus. Where your mind goes, attention flows, energy flows.

‏‏It’s more like give your attention to things that you would like to see more often. That the rule of thumb. Whatever your conversation is with anybody or whatever your conversation with yourself, ask yourself, “Do I want more experiences like that?” If the answer is yes, keep talking. If the answer is no, then stop on your tracks right there and then, and say what do I want then? And talk about what you want.

‏‏That is true also for relationships. Our human condition is always trying to protect us from danger. Sometimes, in an intimate relationship, we try to look for danger and we try to look for threats. We need to recondition our minds to look for what’s good and what we want to experience more of. A practice that Stephan and I are doing every night before we go to bed, is we say to each other at least 3 things, it always ends up to be 11 or 12, things that we really appreciate about each other. Like oh my God, thank you for washing the dishes, or thank you for putting your hand on my shoulder when I was feeling down, or thank you taking out the garbage. Little things and then you condition your mind to look for what’s good and what you want more of rather than what you don’t want more of. Also in a way of influencing, if you’re bickering and fighting and calling names, you won’t influence the other person. You will influence them to be a rebel and do the opposite of what you want. If you want to influence somebody you love, do it with grace. Do it with compliments, do it with uplifting them and giving them love and affection and acknowledge them for what they do good rather than, “You’ve been bad to me, you’ve been mean to me.” Those things are going to happen but through awareness, you can condition the way you see the relationship or the way you see your partner. A lot of times, we point fingers and blame our partners where actually the finger we point always should be pointing back at us in most cases.

‏‏I love the practice that you shared with Stephan about appreciating each other. I think it’s so important and it’s so simple, anyone can do it. It’s such a game changer. Good for you guys, very wise.

‏‏Thank you. We didn’t come up with that ourselves, we studied that from Harville Hendrix. What are your tips for a woman to feel stellar?

‏‏Well, I would say start with your body language because no matter where your emotional state is, that is going to help. Really get focused on what you want in whatever particular scenario you are in, and spend a few minutes recalling those situations where you have succeeded, where you have been on top of your game, where you were in the zone, where things unfolded for you perfectly, where you felt love, where you felt supported, the way you were loving and supporting, and just give yourself a good reminder of the grace in your life. That should help you regain your balance no matter where you were. Sometimes, it just means look at things that bring you joy. Sometimes, if I feel down and need a little boost, I would Google pictures of beautiful homes and islands, or I would Google pictures of kittens or flowers.

Get focused on what you want in whatever particular scenario you are in, and spend a few minutes recalling those situations where you have succeeded, where you have been on top of your game, etc. Click To Tweet

‏‏I love cat videos.

Yes, and I would just spend a few minutes watching that. After you have a few giggles, you’re in a whole different state.

‏‏That’s amazing. Thank you for all your words of wisdom.

‏‏It’s my absolute pleasure. Thank you.

‏‏That’s amazing, I really love talking to you. I’m sure that our listeners are so inspired and empowered to work with you and connect with you. Where can they go?

‏‏Thank you. Well, can I give our listeners a gift because I want to acknowledge you guys for sticking all the way through with the interview and hopefully you will be applying some of the tips that Orion and I have shared with you. I want to give you my free trigger removal tool kit and that’s part of the emotional healing. This toolkit contains a video, a step by step instructions and a support system. It’s pretty valuable. It’s actually worth a few thousand dollars but I’m willing to give it to you because I want you to grow and I want you to live your fullest potential. The way to claim it, you go to www.bestthingever.com/toolkit. Consequently, my website is bestthingever.com.

‏‏And Dr. Sky, you’re the best thing ever.

‏‏Thank you. I loved our interview, thank you so much for inviting me, it was awesome.

‏‏Thank you Dr. Sky, and thank you listeners, I hope you enjoyed yourself, heal yourself, forgive yourself, forgive others, love yourself and focus on how blessed you are and have a stellar life, until next time.

 

Your Checklist Actions to Take

✓ Commit to figuratively embracing other women in every environment, and focus on uniting with them rather than being drawn into competition.

✓ Resolve not to fight over a man. Any man you need to fight for probably isn’t one you want anyway; Mr. Right should claim you and be devoted to you.

✓ Look for examples of women whose lives are similar to what you aspire to, and use that as inspiration to rise above your current circumstances.

✓ Treat yourself as kindly and compassionately as you possibly can; subjecting yourself to self-abuse and making harsh demands of yourself doesn’t help.

✓ For the next week, observe yourself carefully in social settings. Notice how different versions of you tend to show up around different events or people.

✓ Once you’ve observed your own behavior and selves, start making conscious choices about who to be and how to behave. This is how you truly own yourself.

✓ Focus on healing past wounds before you focus on dating. It’s not until these wounds are healed that you’ll be able to attract the right kinds of people.

✓ For the next month, work on making a habit of not explaining yourself (unless asked). Cut yourself off any time you’re about to say “because” — either out loud or in your own thoughts.

✓ Next time you’re about to do something important or intimidating, strike a power pose for two to three minutes beforehand, and focus on being proud of who you are.

✓ Focus on the positive, rather than the negative. As Sky says, “Where the mind goes, energy flows.” Focusing on the positive can help you progress to success.

Links and Resources:

• Best Thing Ever
• Twitter – Dr. Sky Blossoms
• LinkedIn – Dr. Sky Blossoms
• Facebook – Dr. Sky Blossoms
• Man’s Search for Meaning
• Viktor Frankl
• Harville Hendrix

About Dr. Sky Blossoms

Who could’ve thought that growing up behind the Iron Curtain in a family of secret sages would lead to becoming America’s Award-winning and #1 Bestselling Author, International Speaker, and a Relationship Mentor. Dr. Sky’s magic touch has helped hundreds of high-performers to transform their relationships, make more money, and regain zest for life. She’s known for activating miracles and rapid manifestations effortlessly.