Luci Lampe

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O: Hey, welcome to Stellar Life podcast. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening and inspiring me. I appreciate you. You are amazing. I also wanna give a shout out to the ladies that are now joining Awaken Your Inner Goddess 7-Day challenge. It is a private, closed Facebook group. You can come and join us in this group if you answer three questions and if you have a profile photo; two things that are a must to join the group. In this Facebook group, we talk about awakening your inner goddess. Around Valentine’s Day, I’m going to launch the Awaken Your Inner Goddess 7-Day challenge again. In the meantime, we have a group of ladies that are awesome, and sweet, and kind, and we share all kinds of great information. Every once in a while, I post videos there with some cool stuff. If you are interested, go to the Facebook group Awaken Your Inner Goddess 7-Day Challenge. That’s Facebook groups/goddesschallenge. My guest today is a goddess herself. I just really enjoy talking to her. It was almost like talking to an old friend because we are so much aligned. I love her message. I love how open and genuine she is. She’s really a heartfelt leader. She really owns her message. I like that. I like coaches, and mentors, and gurus, they walk their talk. They don’t just preach and then you meet them separately and there is a little bit of a disconnect that you can’t really put your finger on. It’s not the case with Luci. Luci is a mom of four. Author of Achieving Sexy: Redefining Your Momlife & Mombod and founder of the Sexy Mama Movement and the Sexy Life podcast which I had the pleasure of interviewing on. That’s how we met. I fell in love with her. She’s awesome. She helps her clients inspire growth and positive change in their context both personally and professionally. Her work has been featured on The Huffington Post, Forbes, CBS, and Fox. We talked about the definition of sexy, how to combine sexy and motherhood. When you figure out what sexy means to you, how do you actually tap into that and awaken that? We also talked about her life story which is very great and inspiring. Stay tuned, and now onto the show. Hey, Luci. Welcome to Stellar Life podcast. How are you today?

L: I am doing great. I’m really doing great, yes. Thank you.

O: I am so happy to have you on the show. I was on your podcast and I don’t know, the conversation went so well. I liked you so much, I was like, “We have to have you on my show because you’re freaking amazing.” Why don’t we start by you just sharing a little bit about yourself, your mission, your passion.

L: Yeah, sure. Thank you. My name is Luci Lampe. I’m the founder of Sexy Mama Movement and the Sexy Life. A lot of sexy going on. I have four kids and I’ve been married for 11 years, earlier this month we celebrated 11 years. All of this has to do with inspiring growth and positive change in the lives of mothers, of families, of high achievers. What started out for the moms to help them eliminate limiting beliefs and patterns that are holding them back in life, and expectations and things that don’t really serve them for what they want. That started to awaken some other things in me that I realized, “Oh my god, it’s not just the moms that need this.” But the moms are like my people. They’re my people. I champion moms. That is a huge part of my vision because we have so much influence on the future generations. Our children are shaped by us so profoundly. I’m super passionate about that because it literally impacts all the generation that’s to come.

O: It slowly comes across. How did it all start? Well, first of all, you got married. You were young.

L: Yeah.

O: You’ve been married for 11 years. How old were you when you got married and when did you have your first baby?

L: I celebrated my 21st birthday on our honeymoon. Not even legal drinking age, I was like, “Ooh, champagne.” Crazy. But, we knew that we felt that this is right. This is the time, why wait? We have been through our share of challenges but we wouldn’t have changed a thing. Our first daughter was born one year later. Actually, nine days before our first anniversary. Our first wedding anniversary we celebrated with a newborn. That was my senior year of college. When I graduated from school, I was a mom and a wife. No one expected that going into college. I know that you’re very much about living from the heart and for me, for us, that was living from our hearts. That was our path and we chose it. We’ve continued to follow through for the past 11 years. That’s a whole other thing, we could just talk about the relationship and keeping that alive. That’s four kids, and deployment, and depression, and seeing all kinds of stuff.

O: Really. Oh wow. Let’s talk about that.

L: Okay.

O: What happened? You’re a new mom at 21 years old. All your girlfriends are just like they’re out, they’re drinking, living life, dating guys, and you’re a mama, and then there is, I bet this is where the struggle between being a mama and being sexy started. Where, all of a sudden…

L: Oh, man.

O: Yeah.

L: Actually, it started way before that.

O: Really?

L: Motherhood is actually what began to free me to be sexy. As weird as that sounds. My background was very conservative. I actually went to a Christian college in Oklahoma. When people see on my LinkedIn profile that I went to Oral Roberts University and my company is all about the word sexy, like, what is that about? You don’t see that everyday.

O: Trailblazer.

L: Yeah. I’ve never been like any of my friends, like really anybody I ever knew. I was very much about, again, my calling, living from the heart, following what I felt was right for me. When I became a mom, everything changed. It’s like a rebranding of my identity. I’ve continued to rebrand myself as a human being, as a wife, as a mother. We were definitely the first of our friends to get married, to start a family. Actually, the time that we had our third and our fourth kids, they’re three and two now, that was when our friends started having their first kids. We feel like, “That could have been us.” But when you make a decision and you really commit to it, and then you get to follow through on the journey. You have to. That was the biggest part of the struggle in the early years of our marriage and parenthood was feeling like, “Oh, we have to do this. We have to do diapers and teething. We have to go to work and have a second and third job.” All the stuff that we have to do and it felt like it was such a burden. It’s so overwhelming. That’s no way to live, no matter what the age. When things started to shift in my mindset before we had our third and fourth kids. Our experience with these two kids has been very different. Just knowing what we know and luckily, our older two kids, they’re turning out pretty great.

O: I’m sure they are.

L: We were mentally – I don’t even remember some periods of times. It was just a blur. It was such a big stressful blur. We weren’t really equipped to handle the stresses of that. We didn’t have the period of time where it was just us as a couple. It was us as a family. Now, in retrospect, we know how much value that has brought us to what I do now with my clients who are mothers and wives, and to the couples that we’re preparing to actually begin coaching as a couple. That’s a new thing that is developing for us. A lot of opportunities to connect, to create really deep intimacy, to work through our own barriers, things that we never dealt with, and then brought into the relationship and brought into the parenthood relationship. As you know, I’m sure you’re very familiar with this concept, that we are all each other’s mirrors. Everywhere we looked, we did not like what we saw in our own mirrors. There has been a lot of opportunity to learn about ourselves.

O: That’s just something about your character and about your love because people think, “I’m gonna marry my dream partner.” Then, life’s just gonna happen. Everything is gonna work out.

L: The happy movie.

O: Yeah, yeah. The happy ending. They got married and then they lived happily ever after. That’s it. One sentence. Nobody talks about money struggles. Nobody talks about diapers. They just lived happily ever after. Especially when you’re so young, we never receive a manual for life. We never receive a manual for relationship. This is how you need to act. You’re so young, you didn’t even know who you yourself were and all of a sudden there is a partner, and a child, another child. It’s pretty complicated.

L: It was very intense and not to mention that I wasn’t allowed to really be sexy before this whole wife and mother role started. I didn’t know.

O: Tell me about that part of not being allowed to be sexy.

L: The thing is about our upbringings and our parents. I firmly believe that we’ve been through what we’ve been through and came up in the context that we’ve been in for a reason. That shapes a lot of who we are, who we’re meant to be. For me, it was a huge gift because I got to unravel who I really was in a whole new way. My kids are getting a very different experience. We talk more openly about things. We don’t minimize emotions and experiences that we might be finding challenging because they’re uncomfortable. That was a context I grew up in because that’s the context my parents grew up in. It didn’t serve me as an adult to not know how to handle my emotions, especially as a wife and a mom.

O: Was the word sexy even a part of the vocabulary?

L: Oh, no, no. We didn’t talk about sexy. We didn’t talk about periods, only when necessary, just with my mother. That was just the way it was. Trying to figure out what it looked like for me to be free and expressive, and own my sexy, which isn’t just the sexual appeal. That’s a huge part of it. That full confidence of this is who I am because that is so sexy. I was so diminished.

O: When was the moment where you – because you’ve been a rebel in a way.

L: Yeah.

O: Where you said, “I’m gonna set myself free. I’m done. I wanna own my sexy and I feel good about it.” I’m gonna say it again. Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy. I’m gonna say the word sexy everywhere.

L: So much so like I brand myself by this word.

O: Yeah.

L: It’s a series of moments, never milestones, I grew up wanting to be a singer. I found people like Shakira and Beyonce to be really magnetic because they were just who they were and they didn’t give a-can we just speak honestly here?

O: Yeah.

L: They didn’t give a fuck about what anybody thought. They were just them. They were just themselves. It was beautiful and there was something very inspiring about it. But I wasn’t supposed to be listening to that or watching that. It was too sexy. With all the best intentions from my parents, I know that. When we lived in Nashville, it’s when my husband was deployed, we moved to Tennessee. We’ve been wanting to make that move for a while. Just try out some music industry, possibilities, and I shifted from writing contemporary Christian music, because I always felt like I was in such a box. I didn’t fit. I started doing pop and latin music and salsa dancing on stage and making my own costumes, just dancing my butt off and doing shows in my own kind of style. It felt so right. That was one big milestone for me was creating that EP when he was deployed. That was my first CD of my own music and that really wrapped up onto who I was as a woman.

O: The stage gave you permission to actually not be somebody else but be who you are. Because in real life you are someone else, in a way.

L: Yes, exactly. I got to get glimpses of who that Luci was. What became a little bit not ideal about that situation was that I made that a chore. I always find a way to make things a chore. Things that I’m supposed to be enjoying and finding pleasure in, I would make it a job.

O: It’s a part of your upbringing.

L: Yeah. There was a lot of honor in working hard and achieving. It’s a badge of honor to wear yourself like just work, work, work, work, and do, do, do, do.

O: But not, work, work, work, work.

L: Yeah, not like that.

O: Just, work, work, work, work.

L: Working, twerking, all of that stuff. I shut down the free, fun, liberated, fully sexy, confident, part of myself. I really didn’t know what that felt like yet. That was a big milestone but I had to put that aside for a while because I lost myself. I lost myself in all I’ve been doing. The next big milestone was in 2012 when I decided I’m gonna stop all this doing for the sake of doing. I’m gonna slow down and figure out what do I want, who am I, why am I doing this? That was a really powerful year for me. It felt really strange to not do so much. I wasn’t sure who I was without all the activity but that was very necessary. Very necessary time. Then, when our third daughter was born, and I started the Sexy Mama movement, that was another big milestone because I made the decision to own the word in my business.

O: I like it.

L: To put it in the brand. It was risky for me because I know I could possibly alienate a lot of people.

O: You probably do.

L: I do. I love that, actually.

O: It’s exactly what you need because the bigger we get, the stronger we own our message, the more polarity we create. Look at the biggest people, the biggest singers, pop stars, rock stars, actors, motivational speakers, everybody that is so big and well-known, they all have haters and they all have raving fans. People are gravitated toward us because of who we are. The people that are not a match to our vibration will just go away. That’s okay because we can’t be everything to everyone.

L: Exactly.

O: Where we can be this one awesome thing for the person that really needs it. I looked at your childhood. I was born in Tel Aviv, in Israel. I was an Orthodox Jew. I used to wear socks, and I used to cover my arm.

L: Yeah, I couldn’t show my shoulders.

O: Yeah. Even wearing pants would be a no-no. It was very religious. But there was a charm to it. Because I was very pure, very pure of heart, and I guess, spiritually connected. I still am very spiritually connected but from a place of abundance and freedom. God is love. Back then, God is love, but also, I should fear God. God is gonna punish me if I’m gonna be a bad girl. I don’t wanna be a bad girl. Even if you were born with very liberal parents, born to a house where people are very liberal, and the word sexy or gay is okay, there’s still this fear for women to be bad girls. I don’t wanna be a bad girl, but the truth is bad girls rock.

L: Yeah. Bad girls have a lot of fun.

O: Bad girls have more fun. If you look at Shakira or Beyonce, they’re not good girls. They would be so boring if they were good girls. They would not be inspiring, or charismatic, or passionate.

L: They wouldn’t be themselves. They wouldn’t be who they are and that diminishes everything. That’s just like normal.

O: Just normal. What is normal?

L: There is no normal. That’s the thing about it. There’s no normal. What we consider to be normal is just mediocre. It’s just status quo. It’s just following the expectations, “Oh, first I gotta buy a house. Then I can propose. Then we gotta have this much in the bank before we get pregnant and have this many, and then we gotta wait this long until we have the next kid.” There’s so many freaking rules. Why?

O: It’s almost like we create tiny cages to live in inside our minds. It’s so interesting because sometimes we think, “Oh, this society is putting those rules on us.” But unless you live in a country where, it’s North Korea, those countries where you can’t have even freedom of speech, then it’s like, “Okay, you don’t have a way out.” But here in the United States, those rules are self-inflicted.

L: Yeah. They’re all self-imposed boxes.

O: Yes, imposed.

L: We are living in these thinking little boxes. Here’s the thing, we get from one box to another box.

O: To a bigger box.

L: Like, “Oh, I made it now.” Nope, you’re still in a box. My objective at any given time is to figure out what box am I in right now that I haven’t realized I’m in yet, so I can get out of it. Because I don’t think I’m 100%, I know I’m not 100% there until I die then I’m free of all of it. I might be in a bigger box but I’m still like, “I haven’t reached my full potential and I wanna keep making progress, and learning, and learning more.”

O: What’s your definition of sexy?

L: Ooh, sexy is powerful. Sexy is knowing who you are and having the courage and the freedom to be that person, and confidence comes as a result of that. You can see somebody, it’s not really so much about what they’re wearing or how much they weigh or what their bra size is or how much makeup they have. For me, they just own who they are. They walk in like they just know how powerful they are. That is sexy.

O: I love it. Girl, we’re so aligned. This is awesome. Because I talk about awakening your inner goddess where it’s the same thing. It’s when a woman walk into the room like you said, doesn’t matter what she looks like, what matters is who she is. That divine energy, that sexy energy she brings from the inside that get people to just gravitate towards her. How did you start the movement? That’s really interesting. What was the process? Did you start planning your community with the end in mind, kind of like knew where you’re going and had this big vision? Or did it just happen and things were building on top of one step at a time? Because sometimes I see people, I see their communities, and I see their language and it’s like, “They know everything.” I still don’t know exactly what to name my own community. I’m like, “Mmm, I don’t know. I have the Orion thing going on which is like stars but I also have the goddess thing. I don’t know.” How does it work for you?

L: Oh, that’s pretty incongruent with each other though. In my head, “Oh, the goddess and the stars.” It’s all very magical and a little mystical.

O: Yes.

L: For me, and I love that too, by the way. Because I look at your stuff and I’m like, “Oh, she’s got this stuff mailed.” I feel real and feel like we’re all thinking at any given time like, “Oh my god, am I doing this right? Is this what I’m supposed to be doing right now? Should I call it something else? Shouldn’t I create a new URL, a new domain?”

O: I became obsessed with buying new domains. Everytime a cool name pops in my head, I’m like, “I have to grab that domain before somebody else will take it.” Then I go back six months and I’m like, “Who came up with that name? This is so silly. It doesn’t even make sense. What was I thinking?”

L: I have done that. Oh my gosh, they called me from the domain sellers, it was like, “We noticed that you have X amount of domains. We think you might wanna consider this membership plan because you’ll save a lot of money.”

O: Oh, wow. Wow.

L: But when it came to the Sexy Mama movement, it’s still weird calling it a movement at first, because it was just me. I’m the movement.

O: You made an empire. I’m gonna call it empire.

L: Yeah. It feels a little achiev-y but if you have this big ass vision, you’re like, “Okay, this is gonna be this huge movement.” It’s gonna shift the direction of how moms develop themselves, how we see ourselves and what we’re capable of and all the stuff. I kept falling onto that. When I initially started it, actually our third daughter had just been born. She was six weeks old and it was crazy. That was the hardest transition of any of our children was number three. Because our older two kids were six and seven, almost six and seven, and we had been diaper-free and baby-free for that long. We were in a whole different world of kid stuff. We would go rollerblading, we’d go skateboarding, and stay at the beach late, no naps, none of that. To go back to baby land was a really wake-up call. Night waking, teething, all that stuff. We knew that was gonna be a few years.

O: Literally a wake up call.

L: Yeah. A whole lot of wake up calls. Also because we knew we wanna have another kid soon after. Our younger two were 14 months apart. Our older two were 13 months apart. It’s a year gap in between. Because when I’m already in this big transitional mode, I often take on something else that’s equally big. Because, why not?

O: Because why not?

L: Why not? We’re already going through this. There’s never a convenient time so let’s go ahead and do it. Why not?

O: I like the concept of there’s never a convenient time. Sometimes, I fall into that trap of like, “I’m gonna wait until the stars are aligned.”

L: Another theory.

O: The correct temperature.

L: The next supermoon.

O: Yeah.

L: It’s like parenting. There’s never a perfect time. Sometimes it would be a little more peaceful and less stressful than others. But it’s just it is what it is. Actually, talk about being able to do things with less stress and overwhelm, being able to accept things for where they are, and knowing that they’re temporary.

O: Ah, so cool.

L: So huge, so big. Wow, why didn’t get this with my first two kids? Because that would have changed everything. I started the business because I saw this pattern of it was the moms who were coming to me for support. They thought I had it all figured out. Like, “Well, you’ve got your six pack abs. You can do all this stuff with your cowbells. You’re strong. You’re active.” All this stuff. Because on the outside, I had those things going for me. On the inside, I’m trying to figure things out as always. But I noticed that the moms, they wanted to know how to lose the weight, and what to eat, and things like that. But it wasn’t really about that. There’s something else. Under the surface, there were these beliefs like I don’t deserve to have the body I want. I don’t feel I’m good enough to have the marriage that I really want. He deserves a better woman. Just all these crazy things that we just don’t talk about in weight loss world, typically. Now, a lot more of weight loss coaches and fitness coaches are willing to go there now that than at that time. But it was a deeper need, and I saw that that was there, and I wanted to address that. My signature program was fitness and life coaching. It’s still going but a lot has developed since then. I didn’t imagine that what I’m doing now was going to happen three years ago. It just continued to unfold.

O: It’s pretty cool. I did not know that you were so much into fitness. I didn’t know that you were a trainer I guess. I was a trainer too and I started in that world too. I got certified in kettlebells, I also taught group fitness like zumba, and kickboxing. Back in the day, I was more of a kickass, I have to say. Now, I’m more chill. I’m doing it more for pleasure than to get somewhere in general.

L: For me, it’s a functional part of it. I wanna be strong enough to do stuff with my kids and not be out of breath and all that. But it’s not like I gotta be this percentage of body fat to feel okay about myself.

O: To prove something.

L: Yeah.

O: To be okay, so people will love me, so people will know that I’m good enough.

L: They will notice and accept.

O: That’s pretty cool. I had the same transition where for me, it became from, and I enjoyed creating really fun training programs, but also the transition from body to mindset and then finding the connection between the body and mindset. I was always really obsessed with mindset. I remember, I used to put my clients on the table and stretching them, and without them being aware trying all kinds of hypnotic techniques.

L: Yeah. Try this, let’s see what happens. I learned this thing.

O: NLP-ing my clients to a better shape or they’re in a trance state while I’m stretching them and putting all kinds of embedded command like, “You are strong. You are capable.”

L: Yeah, you are worthy. I love that. I did notice that in your description when I was interviewing you and looking to your bio. I’m like, “Oh, we got some similar…” The journey of, especially the fitness part, transitioning into more of the mindset and then integrate the transformational work.

O: I love it.

L: That’s really cool.

O: How did you help women so far? Where do you see the biggest shifts?

L: The biggest shifts, and I never would’ve expected this, because so far, I’ve done one-on-one coaching with the women. Having worked with couples together. But that’s the area that has impacted the most meaningfully is the marriages or romantic relationships. Actually, all of my clients are married.

O: Are you gonna be a love coach like me now?

L: A love coach.

O: But you know what? This is just another box. I’m a love coach. I’m a life coach. I’m a transformation coach. I’m an awesomeness coach. I’m a quantum physics, extraterrestrial coach. I have to put a name on it.

L: Yeah, because people are kind of, “Oh, what do you do?”

O: But it’s all related. The body connects to the mind, connects to the way you show up in life, in your relationship, relationship is our lives.

L: Exactly. It’s all connected. You can’t separate it.

O: No, I don’t see a separation.

L: People might come to one area because they think, “Well, this part of my life needs help right now.” But then it’s actually this part that needs attention and then that’s gonna be improved. Whenever we work on the self and healing the wounds that these women haven’t looked at, didn’t even know were there, then that opened up the opportunity to have more intimacy and more connection with themselves and then with their partners. That’s been really cool for me to see that. Actually, my husband and I are developing a program right now for couples, even deconstructing things that we’ve seen, patterns in people that we’ve helped on just kind of on the side or my clients and their stories, and their journeys, and then our own. That’s exciting. Just another title, relationships, sex.

O: It’s really beautiful. It’s really beautiful how you and your husband work together. Do you have the same business?

L: This will be our first joint venture.

O: Oh wow.

L: That will be separate from the sexy mama movement.

O: Nice.

L: Yeah. It’s not officially out yet. Oh, this is the first time that I mentioned it on a kind of a public place.

O: Oops.

L: Just putting it out there.

O: Yeah, it’s beautiful. It’s very necessary. With the women, what’s your coaching style? How do you approach transformation. What are your favorite tools to help women transform?

L: When it comes to style, it’s a combination or nurturing and affirming and kicking your ass where needed. Waking people up. Because I can be very nice, very kind. Sometimes, I just cuddle up and bitch out and that’s just the fact. When it’s not about me being liked, I know that it serves them to hear something that is maybe in a blindspot.

O: I love that because when the people come to coach with me and they have the illusion that I’m really sweet, and I am, but then it’s tough love. It’s needed. There is so much sugar coating happening in the way millenials are brought up, in the way society is, and in some shape or form, I do sugar coat, to be gentle. But sometimes we can’t. Let’s just say it as it is.

L: If you follow your gut, you follow your intuition when it’s appropriate to speak to certain things or to kind of watch it unfold for them on their own. That is something that no training can really impart. It’s just a matter of doing it and saying, “Well, that didn’t land well. I think I’ll learn that for next time.”

O: It differs with different people, yeah.

L: It is and each personality type. As far as tools I’ve found incredibly helpful besides personal mentors and coaches, that really was what made it click for me. I’ve been studying and doing all this learning and training but when I had someone actually model it for me and got to see them how they lived out their lives, that was really what cemented it for me. I’ve really enjoyed using NLP, the enneagram. Enneagram is actually I think my number on favorite thing.

O: What is enneagram?

L: It’s a personality typing. It’s a really ancient, they can’t really trace back how far back it began. It was mentioned in the Odyssey. When he goes through his discovery of who he is, he went through all nine of the personality types.

O: Oh wow.

L: Which is weird because this was way back in the day. It’s recently been rediscovered. It’s not as big as NLP right now. Two decades ago NLP was like, “Oh, Tony Robbins uses NLP.” People started using it in business to kind of manipulate people and they got a bad rep. But it’s very powerful. Now it’s more mainstream. But the enneagram is kind of getting slowly more recognition. But it is spot on. That will call you out on all your shit because it’s not all about putting you in a box. I love Myers-Briggs and I love the DISC and Tony Robbins’ Six Human Needs that really simplifies it for a lot of purposes, but the enneagram, it can go so in-depth and reveal to you what it looks like to be a healthy whatever your type is, and unhealthy and average when you’re integrated, when you’re in stress. It’s very thorough. It’s like, “Oh, my god. I’m reading, somebody followed me around with a camera and this is me.”

O: Is it like a personality test?

L: Yes. It’s nine different personality types. That’s something that both my husband and I are committed to mastering right now. It’s already been useful in client interactions.

O: Can you see with your clients they are moving from one personality type to another or does one stay in that same personality type and they just become the – I bet there is a light part and a shadow part, and they just gravitate more to the light part of the personality.

L: Yeah. A healthier form of that. Really, all of it is about becoming more self-aware. Because our greatest assets can also be our greatest liabilities. For me, as being a big enthusiast, I can get really excited and come up with all these great ideas but that can also become my weakness if I have all these ideas but I don’t follow through and I don’t master something. I see that pattern throughout my life too. I go, “Oh, this makes so much sense. Because during this time I was in a healthier place mentally. I did this and during that time I was totally scattered.” It’s not about switching personality types, it’s really accepting who you are and seeing what you can be.

O: Do you use any other tools, like tapping or other type of tools?

L: I played around with stuff. But I haven’t formally dived into the more physical touch tools. Everything that I’m doing up to this point is more on observation, on patterns, on mental kind of related things. But it’s fascinating. I have some friends and that’s how they do. They’re just masters at tapping or they know how to do, what’s it’s called? What’s that one where you just – I’m totally blanking. You don’t touch them but you just kind of do the energy field.

O: Healing? Reiki?

L: Reiki. Yes. I have a lot of Reiki friends. I’m sure you do too in Los Angeles.

O: Yeah. My mom does Reiki.

L: Oh, no way.

O: Yeah. I believe everybody has Reiki in their hands. It’s just a matter of tapping into it. Somebody that’s listening right now whether or not they’re a mom or not, how can they tap into their sexy? If they don’t feel sexy right now and are like, “Oh, look at those girls. They feel so sexy. I wish I was there.” First of all, just for myself, I wanna say I don’t feel sexy every minute of the day. Sometimes I don’t. But I have, personally, my own tools of connecting and igniting my sexy. It’s also, like you say, it’s awareness of, especially it helps to be a leader in this field because then I have to remind myself even before this interview, I’m like, “Oh, we’re talking sexy.” I don’t feel that sexy right now. I had to do some breathing and just ground myself to remind myself what it feels like. What are the tools that you are using and how can it help somebody that is listening right now?

L: That’s a great question. Because there are so many different ways depending on the context.

O: Just tell me everything.

L: Tell you everything. The things that come to mind right off the top of my head are, for me, often times when I’m not feeling sexy is because I am resisting something. There’s some resistance somewhere to being down on myself like, “I haven’t been happy enough today or I’m not smiling very much, I’m not having very much fun, what’s wrong with me?” The fastest way for me to shift that is to just, “Okay, this is where I’m at. I’m not gonna guilt myself over it. I accept that this is where I am at. You know what, I have a choice. I can choose to focus on how I haven’t made the best choices so far today or I can make a different choice right now.” In five minutes or whenever the next opportunity comes, which is really constant. For me, it’s not sexy to be in a mindset of, “I have to do all this stuff. I have to do mom stuff now.” I believe when I feel like I get to do everything. That’s a frame of mind that I’ve put myself in intentionally. It’s become more of a default the more that I practice doing that over the past several years. If I’m not feeling sexy, I’m like, “Okay, we’ve got this time to ourselves, husband. I haven’t been feeling it all day.” First of all, that’s acknowledging that to him that, “You know what, as you’ve probably noticed, I haven’t really been all over you today, and I want to be that person who is like that for you but you know, I just haven’t been that person today. I know she’s in there. But today, she was just a little more buried under bills, and follow-up calls and errands and whatever.” It’s being real. Our spouses, our significant others are gonna notice. We can choose to either sweep it under the rug and be like, “Well, it’s okay. They’re gonna understand,” and just make assumptions or we can acknowledge it

O: “I’m so tired.”

L: Yeah. You know what that means. One of the biggest things for us in keeping things sexy in the relationship is to keep the communication open. There are many moments when I would rather be comfortable than bring something up. I have to ask myself, “Am I more committed to being comfortable right now and avoiding potential confrontation, or not confrontation, but just sort of a disagreement, or am I more committed to this relationship?” Having the intimacy and the connection that I know that we both want. Just the other day, I’m just gonna lay it out for you, we had that moment where I haven’t felt very sexy today. I’m a little butt-stressed today, this and that, we had head lice, I don’t like to comb through hair and get lice out, it’s unsexy. It’s exhausting. We started there with the acknowledgement. You get to put your soul out there naked for the other person. There’s potential rejection with that. What happened is we both were just this is where we’re at, and what’s funny about that is that things happened anyways even though we thought this is definitely not happening today. It’s okay to not feel sexy all the time. But the key is to recognize that and acknowledge it and accept it and then you can move through it.

O: Yeah, I have the same experience with my husband sometimes. What I found out is that when I communicate that and sometimes, it’s just say, “No expectations, okay?” The moment that I feel that there is no expectations, we’ll just start a little play, or a little massage, or just caressing each other, or just laughing at ourselves. Laughter is such a good way to just release all the tension. Things happen because then we’re not in our head so much. We go from our head to the moment because the moment we are in some sort of expectations, I think especially for women, even for men too, our sexuality shuts down. Just giving ourselves the space because I think the sexiness happens in the space.

L: Yeah, it does.

O: We have this illusion that my partner is gonna make me feel sexy. Most times, it’s no, I have to make myself feel sexy. What is my sexy? Breathing is sexy. Space is sexy. Being grounded is sexy. No expectations is sexy. Now, I’m an open vessel and I can communicate with my partner and create and whatever happens, happens with no expectations. That goes into connecting with your partner and having a deep communication with your partner which you built over the last, what is it, 11 years, 12 years, with your partner. Wow. That’s so cool. If somebody is single and she’s listening now, and she doesn’t have a partner, what will be your advice to help her feel sexy?

L: I haven’t given single ladies any kind of insights. Really, it’s becoming more familiar with who she is. Really accepting and loving that person. Because somebody else can only love her to the degree that she really loves and accepts herself. Know that she is whole and complete without anyone else. When that somebody else comes along, you can have this really fulfilling, joyful, loving, playful union that she’s not depending on that person to complete her or make her happy. She’s happy. Because she’s happy, and complete, and whole, that person comes into her life and they just have a great time together.

O: That’s beautiful. Beautiful. Before we leave, what are your three top tips to living a stellar life, or sexy life, or sexy stellar life?

L: Stellar life. Oh my goodness. Okay, three top tips. Number one, everything, take personal responsibility. Personal responsibility of our emotions, like we’re talking owning our emotions, our choices, our lives. Not blaming who we are and where we are on somebody else. When we don’t take personal responsibility, not taking ownership. Number two, give yourself space to be without doing all the time. Rat race and confused. Productivity with activity. Number three, to really use our voice. To use our real voice, not all we think we should say or what’s the nice thing or the…

O: Convenient.

L: I don’t know. Convenient, yeah. Convenient but to have the courage to speak up. It doesn’t always mean confrontation. We have these truths inside of us that if we don’t share them, we could be robbing somebody else of their gift. Because that’s when we listen to our intuition. I wanna stick with those three.

O: I love those. Number three also, in my head, relates to boundaries because if you’re nice all the time with everybody, then eventually you are robbing yourself from having a full experience with them. Because in relationships, whether it’s with your kids, with your friends, with your lover, you have to have boundaries. You cannot have boundaries if you hide behind what is your truth.

L: Never have to hide behind some other mask.

O: That’s beautiful. I enjoyed this tremendously. But before we leave, where can people find you, connect with you, join the Sexy Mama movement. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

L: I like that dance you’re doing. Perfect. They can visit sexymamamovement.com and the sexylife.com.

O: Thank you so much for being our guest today. I really appreciate you.

L: Thank you for having me on. It’s such a pleasure to have this conversation with you. It’s just so fun.

O: Thank you for joining me on my mission to light people up and change lives around the world. I hope that this conversation inspires you to step up, go after the life of your dreams, and be who you want to be. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to go to stellarlifepodcast.com for show notes, transcripts, and other cool stuff. Please, subscribe, review and help spread the word by sharing us on Facebook and Twitter. Have a lovely day and I’ll catch you on the next episode.