As a woman, you are naturally passionate and nurturing. Because of your giving nature, sometimes it’s easy to lose yourself to a relationship. The dance between being an alpha career woman, mother, caretaker and sensual lover can be overwhelming.
They say “Love is blind” and sometimes in a relationship you can become blind to your own needs. A lot of women eventually develop a sense of loss and lack of fulfillment as they begin to see themselves completely change from the person they were before their relationship.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself. Here are some mistakes you will want to avoid while in a relationship, so that you stay true to yourself:
1. You try so hard to please your man that you become somebody else.
Don’t pretend to love something you’re not interested in just because he likes it. Don’t change the way you are in front of his friends and colleagues as well just so you can be more “pleasing”. This may be doable at first but you can’t be genuinely happy about yourself when you’re keeping a front all the time. Be honest with your partner from the start. If you’re not comfortable with something, let him know by communicating clearly so that you both can find an agreeable solution.
Let’s say he’s an avid soccer fan and you’re not. It is good to support him for his love of sport but that doesn’t mean you have to sit and watch (or pretend to watch) an entire game. If he understands, he could watch the game with his friends and let you hang out with yours. After that, if his team wins, you celebrate together and if they lost, make sure you’re there to console him. He had fun, you had fun and at the end of the day, you support each other.
2. You forget to hang out with your friends.
Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you WHO you are. A lot of women who get into serious relationships tend to set aside their own friendships and just spend all their free time with their partner. Cutting yourself off from your friends means you’re giving up a side of you that you can’t share with your man.
There are times in your life where all you need are your girlfriends to make you feel better. Even men need some quality time with the guys too. Don’t set aside friendships just because you’re in a relationship. To stay connected with your girls (and guys too!), the simplest thing to do is just show up. Show up to special occasions or even just simple wine nights, or even just call or send a text. Connect in any way you can and let them know you are still there for them.
3. You don’t see yourself as empowered/equal if you have a successful man
Women dating successful men sometimes fall into a trap of feeling unequal to their partner. Success is relevant to dominance and there are times where the woman has to step aside in favor of their man and this creates a feeling of losing their own power.
By nature and through the test of history, men have been the upper hand on relationships and it becomes more fervent when they’re successful. For you to deal with this, find ways to keep your independence intact. Be strong in your conviction to have the career you want – even if that’s a stay at home mom (which is a amazingly tough job on it’s own!) Just make sure that you realize that you are are equally contributing to the relationship in the ways that you can. Whether it be financial, emotional, or mental support, there are ways to create equality and balance.
4. You don’t keep healthy boundaries
Being together doesn’t mean you have to do everything together – you still need to create healthy boundaries. Value each other’s personal space and give room to breathe when it is needed. Maintaining a good relationship with your man means you respect each other’s limits.
If you’re busy at work and have a bunch of deadlines to meet, your man should be able to understand how important your career is for you and give you space to do your thing without making you feel guilty. Just don’t forget that when you’re done with everything, make sure to check in on him and spend quality time.
5. You stop doing the things you love that doesn’t involve your partner
On my recent interview with relationship coach Jacqualyn Burnson on my Stellar Life podcast, she said, “the biggest key to success in your relationship is that you take personal responsibility for your own joy and happiness.”
Many women have set aside or stopped doing the things they love once they enter in relationships for various reasons. It can be to spend more time with their partner or because your partner didn’t like you doing certain things. Whatever it is, you lose a little part of yourself by doing this. Some women may have given up on their love of dance to become a full time mom or others may have cut their travels every year because their beau doesn’t want them to be away all the time. I just want you to know that it’s never too late to go back to your passions and live the life that fulfills you.
Reconnect with the things you love doing. It can be going back to an old talent or hobby or finding something new. You just have to make room for it.
Being in a relationship does involve compromises and the occasional sacrifice. After all, you are joining to distinct individuals into one life. The key is keep an open communication and still find the time to fulfill yourself as an individual – after all, your partner fell in love with you for who you are as a unique human, not who you are around them (at least I hope not!)
Do you have stories to share where you felt like you were losing your identity in your relationship? Let me know how you dealt with it in the comments below.
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