Episode 167 | May 7, 2019

Boost Your Self-worth with Nancy Levin

A Personal Note from Orion

For women, it’s easy to fall into the trap of doing everything for others. We are the nurturers – the instinct is strong within us. It’s so strong, we often forget to save some TLC for ourselves. And for many of us, we often feel we are not worthy of self care, of following our dreams, or of being successful. The world has made us believe that we must put others’ happiness first if we want to be happy.

But all of that noise is just an illusion. The reality is that you are worthy of the love, the life, the dreams you want, simply because you are you. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone – simply going after your dream life makes you worthy of achieving it.



About Today’s Show

Welcome to Stellar Life Podcast. How are you doing? Are you feeling good about yourself? Do you feel worthy? Feeling worthy is a problem because social media can affect the way you see yourself. Your social situation can affect the way you see yourself. All of a sudden, your worth depends on how many accolades you have, how many achievements you have, what kind of a relationship you have, how beautiful you look, the designer purse that you’re carrying with you or not carrying with you.

It’s quite a twisted world because you are worthy. Whatever you did or did not do, you are worthy of love. As my mentor, Dr. Demartini always says, “your worth doesn’t depend on external things.” Sometimes, people who don’t feel worthy themselves will make you feel unworthy. But you should never give up, you should never let those little voices crush your dreams or make you feel unworthy.

I just learned a spiritual lesson myself lately where in the past, I did acting and I listened to the naysayers and I stopped. They told me that I can never amount to anything because of where I’m from, because of my accent, because of my age. I was so young at that time and I gave up. That’s interesting because something just happened recently where I took an improv class with a new teacher, who somehow—I don’t know why—doesn’t like me. Throughout the class, she was really mean to me and she made an insensitive comment.

I just lost my cat two weeks ago and I was in a very painful, vulnerable position. I asked her a question about a game because I had to miss class. Out of the blue in front of everyone, she just said “well, I’m really sorry about the loss of your cat, but you haven’t been here for two weeks and that’s why you’re not understanding.” It’s like, “why would you bring a very sensitive thing that I didn’t share with anybody in this class?” I came to class, I was finally gathering my strength, I was certainly coming really excited to work and be there, just be in the moment, and all of a sudden, she brought all this up.

All the pain of the loss – it was so unnecessary. It had nothing to do with my right to ask a question and get an answer or with my skills as an improviser. But all of a sudden, all those old insecurities that you’re not good enough, you’re never going to amount to anything, all those feelings mixed with the loss, I felt devastated. I didn’t even want to go back to class even though I love my classmates. I had a conversation with my wonderful husband and he was like, “just go there, have a talk with her, stand for yourself, and don’t let her crush your dreams. You paid for the course and you want to enjoy it.” I liked what he said and I did see the link to me giving up on my dreams in the past because other people thought that I am unworthy.

Your outer world is a reflection of your inner commitment. Click To Tweet

I came to class and to my surprise, it’s just amazing how the universe works. There was a substitute teacher that is going to teach us for the rest of the course. I had a freaking unbelievable time in class. I was shining my light and I was playful. It was enjoyable and I was connecting with my friends. You have a choice when you feel unworthy and when people try to crush your dreams. You can give up and be a victim. I did that in the past and it doesn’t work. It doesn’t help you. Or you can go face your fears and just say to yourself, “Whatever I did or did not do, I am worthy of love. I am worthy of my dreams. I’m going to pursue my dreams. I will work hard and never give up,” and just move forward with that decision. Because that decision will bring so much light into your life even if you’ll encounter obstacles. Just climb over it because your dreams are waiting for you.

If you have a dream in your mind, that means that there is a reason for that dream that you have. Your neighbor doesn’t have it, your sibling doesn’t have it, you have your own specific dreams. It’s almost like the universe implanted those dreams in you because you have the capability to go and achieve them and get to where you want to become. There is a reason why you specifically had that dream because you have the ability to achieve it.

Like I said, all these unworthy stuff that you feel is all an illusion. There’s a conversation with an ego part that is not serving you. Go for your dreams. Don’t let anybody put you down or make you feel unworthy and most importantly, don’t let yourself feel unworthy. Be mindful of the inner conversation in your mind about, “Am I worthy or not?” Even start by using some affirmations and say to yourself, “I am worthy of a great relationship. I am worthy of great success. I am worthy of my dreams. I am worthy. I am worthy just because I am.”

My guest today is Nancy Levin. She is a bestselling author, radio host, and master integrative coach who offers in-depth coaching programs designed to support clients in making themselves a priority and living on their own terms. This was a fantastic conversation and it will empower and inspire you. Now, without further ado, onto the show. Hey Nancy and welcome to Stellar Life Podcast.

Hello there. Thanks so much for having me here.

Thank you for being here. I really appreciate you being here because I know this is going to be wonderful. Before we start, can you share a little bit about yourself?

Of course. Currently, I am a master integrative life coach, a bestselling author, and a host of my own radio show. For 12 years, I was the Event Director at Hay House Publishing. I have a 20-year career in live event producing and spent the last 12 years of that career at Hay House, traveling around the world with the greatest minds, authors, thinkers, teachers, and speakers in the realm of self-empowerment, motivation, inspiration, and healing. I thought that was my dream job. I absolutely loved it. I have been graced with being able to have very close relationships with Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, and you name it in that field. I always say I had backstage pass and a front row seat to all the teachings, but they never really landed inside of me until I went through my own dark night of the soul, until I really had my own crisis.

When we’re constantly chasing the gold stars, no gold star will ever be enough to fill the void that we have within us.

The way that emerged for me was in the form of an epic divorce. I have been someone who spent her life living by the motto of never let them see you sweat. I was projecting an image of perfection to the world. I was managing the perception of others, really only wanting them to see me through the lens that I gave them to see me through. I was in the space of, like I said, my dream job at Hay House. I never in a million years thought I would leave. However, there was such an upheaval and disruption in my life around the divorce that it really sent me in the direction of a deep self-inquiry. I began studying with my dear friend and mentor, the late Debbie Ford. It was through my work with her and then subsequently going through her yearlong coaching certification training, which I really did it just for my own good. I had no desires of being a coach. After the year of that training, I was essentially unrecognizable to myself. I was a very different woman from the woman who had began that training. It became very clear to me that my calling is to help other people get free. I made a really big shift around leaving a very long career, leaving a longstanding, well-respected job I loved, a great salary, the whole nine yards and to go out on my own in the world as me.

Wow on two levels. One is, wow you got to connect with Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay. You are so blessed. I received the book, You Can Heal Your Life, from my mom when I was 17 or 18. That was back in Israel where I’m from. I followed Louise Hay for many years and I really loved her teachings. Her teachings really helped me when I had to go through my own dark night of the soul. I got to see her only once in my life on her 90th birthday when she went on stage, and she didn’t even speak. She was just measuring everybody with her eyes, with her beingness and that was extraordinary. It was so beautiful. Wow, to be able to connect with those giants. And Wayne Dyer, I didn’t get a chance to even meet with him or see him once. That’s an extraordinary life experience.

What’s really interesting is what you said. You were basking in their energy and their teachings, since you were not connected to your own being, you didn’t go through what you had to go through to receive the teachings. You got it but you didn’t get it until you had to go through your own journey. What’s changed in you? What were the changes?

First and foremost, the big change was essentially being able to tell myself the truth. I do believe that we all have this truth nesting inside of us that starts out as a whisper – once we ignore it long enough, it becomes a scream. Until we’re really able to pay attention to our own truth, we’re not going to be able to have any sort of real true intimacy and connection with others. For me, it began with being able to be with my own truth and really connect with my own voice, my own preferences, my own needs, my own desires and my own wants. Because I’d spent such a significant part of my life and all of my marriage sublimating my own wants and needs in order to fulfill everyone else’s. I was really a classic perfectionist type A, people pleaser, don’t-rock-the-boat kind of person. I abandoned myself along the way.

Many women experience that. It’s a common issue. What do you think it stems from?

I think it stems from a particular pattern that we develop early in life. I talk and I teach a lot about our shadow beliefs and our underlying commitments. The underlying commitments are the coping mechanisms and the survival strategies that we put in place usually under the age of 10, that begin to form the way that we buy love and safety. I fully believe that we are completely capable of creating whatever we’re most committed to. The problem is, most of us have no idea what we’re committed to. We think we’re committed to whatever it is that we say we want and yet the truth of the matter is that we are more committed to something else. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner commitment. It’s highly likely that early in childhood, in response and reaction to the environment we were growing up in, we made promises to ourselves. Something like, in order to stay safe, I won’t rock the boat. In order to feel loved, I need to stay silent. In order to feel safe, I have to be invisible. It’s not safe to shine brighter than my mother. It’s not safe to have more money than my father. Any of these kinds of ways that we begin to package ourselves to be digestible to someone else. This is really where it stems from.

If the yes is coming from a place anywhere else but desire, it’s a no. Click To Tweet

Then we start to learn the currency with which we start to buy love and buy safety. Especially for the people pleasers. If I do everything for you, if I do everything for everyone else, it’s the way that I start to feel loved and feel safe. The other thing that happens along this time is that we’re creating our persona at such a young age. We’re packaging ourselves to be digestible to someone else because underneath that, we really have this belief that if I show up as me, I won’t be loved and accepted. I have to hide parts of myself in order to be loved and accepted. We start to disown parts ourselves along the way, we start to disown qualities that we deem as negative, and we start to disown qualities that we deem as positive. This isn’t happening consciously.

This is really all happening under the age of 10 because we’re too young to really process and digest what’s happening. We just start drawing conclusions in the only way that we can. We start deciding on some level that these promises like, it’s not safe to rock the boat, if I speak my truth, I’ll be unsafe and unloved. We start promising ourselves that we will or won’t do certain things. This goes hand-in-hand with these beliefs around either some version of I’m not lovable, I’m not good enough, I’m not enough, there must be something wrong with me. It’s really all stumbling down into the primary conclusion that we draw about ourselves around I’m not worthy.

I’m not worthy and I’m not good enough are the two main things that I come across when I work with my clients. Even when I hear the most successful people talk about it, they say that at some point, they struggled with that. How come so many people struggle with this?

I would say it’s because of the way that we start responding at such an early age, the messages that we receive, then the imprints that we form, and what we make everything around us mean about us. The behavior of our parents while growing up may very well have nothing to do with us, but we internalize it and make it mean something about us. That’s really where the “I’m not worthy” and “I’m not good enough” stuff begins. Every pattern that we experience later in life – as we grow up and as we find ourselves in different kinds of relationships, whether it’s intimate or romantic, or whether it’s coworkers or friendships, or whatever – they’re all going to loop back to the initial pattern that we experienced with mom or dad.

We will live our life through that filter and we will look for proof that this is the world and this is the way it is. What are some ways that you help your clients break that pattern?

To me, that pattern needs to dissolve. First, as I’ve said before around the truth-telling, we’re not taught in a way that it’s safe to set our own boundaries, that it’s actually healthy to know our yeses and our nos and that it’s really important in every relationship. Especially the relationship between me and myself, that I know my limits and that I know what I will and won’t do. I know what I will or will not accept and what I will and will not tolerate. I actually start with my clients there, to start with just checking in with themselves, because I can’t tell how many times I will have a conversation with a client and ask a direct question about them, and they’ll immediately begin answering in reference to someone else. Maybe a husband, maybe a boss, maybe a mother. We are very quick to abandon ourselves. We’re very quick to lose ourselves.

A lot of my work is actually around really giving permission to put yourself first, bring yourself into the equation and put yourself at the head of the table. Inevitably, the response I get is something around, “Isn’t that selfish?” because so many of us have been taught to disown selfishness, to disown that quality. I’m proud to say that I’m on the bandwagon here to reclaim selfishness because there is healthy selfishness. We are the ones who put charges on qualities. Being selfish is not inherently bad or good. We are the ones who apply a charge to it. The truth of the matter is that we are all everything. We are all selfish and selfless. We all have the capacity for both. It’s a both and not an either/or. Most of us get this idea of, if I put myself first, it means that I’m taking everyone else out of the equation, or I’m not putting any attention on anyone else, or I’m shirking my duties or responsibilities, or I’m disregarding other people. I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying, put yourself first and from there, you can also put your attention on others. It’s the both and not the either/or, not black or white, which is where so many of us get stuck.

“It’s possible to have healthy relationships with others without losing ourselves.”

Put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.

Exactly. But we’re so reluctant. There’s really such resistance and such fear around this concept of taking one’s self into account first.

I know. Even though I teach these stuff, in my own personal life, sometimes it’s hard for me to put boundaries in my own relationships, or not to be self-sacrificing. When I want to do something for my husband and I can’t because I’m tired or something like that, I feel a lot of guilt. I’ll set the boundary but it will come with a cost.

What happens quite often is there’s always going to be a cost. There’s always going to be a consequence to setting a boundary or not setting a boundary. First, we have to discern where do we want to live? Are we willing to live with the cost or consequences on one side or the other? And then we have to remember—to me this is really the most important thing when we’re talking about boundaries—it’s not up to anyone else to uphold or respect our boundaries. In fact, they will likely resist them, they will likely push back. It’s up to us to uphold, respect, and honor our own boundaries. When our boundaries get cost, it’s because we’ve enabled that to happen. That to me is the most important piece here because I work with clients time and time again and they will say, “I set the boundary but he or she kept doing the thing.” Yes, they will keep doing the thing. It’s up to you to hold your boundary, and it’s up to you to be able to name what you’ll do to honor and take care of yourself.

I know many women that don’t have enough healthy boundaries, and that’s the status quo in their relationship. It can be in their intimate relationship or at work. How can they transition? How can they start putting boundaries without being too harsh or weird to the other person? All of a sudden that person who was doing everything for me is setting boundaries and I don’t know how to respond to that.

First, I’m actually just going to pull back and say, part of the reason that they exist, like I was saying before, is that we’ve enabled it. When we begin to change, the people around us may not like it. Part of this exercise of putting yourself first is taking the attention off of the impact on the other person and leaving the attention on ourselves. If we’re overly concerned with someone else’s response, it’s going to inhibit us from doing what’s in our truth. We can set boundaries with grace and love. We can tell our truth with grace and love. The important piece to remember is what’s the motivation behind anything we do? The simplest place to take this is to look at our knee-jerk to yeses when a direct request comes in, whether it’s from an intimate partner, a mother, a friend, a boss or anybody. Look at our knee-jerk response which is usually yes. About five seconds later, the response is some version of, “How the hell can I get out of this?” We want to look at that and see, “Am I saying yes because I don’t want someone else to be mad? Because I don’t want someone else to be disappointed? Because I want to be the hero? What has me saying yes?” If the yes is coming from a place anywhere else but desire, it’s a no. It’s really important to discern where the yes is coming from. We want to start practicing our no. We have to find our no in order to free our true yes, not the nature of yes but the real yes that’s inside of us.

I like how you said that we have to find our no in order to release our true yes. Because if you say yes to everything, you’re not in tune with your own feelings or desires. Like you said, you’re a people pleaser then it creates resentment, and it creates all kinds of negative feelings along the way that it can pop up in an argument that has nothing to do with it. It’s not about the other person, it is because you did not set the boundaries. It’s pretty interesting how everything starts and ends with us.

Everything starts and ends with us.

The universe, the people, everything around us is just responding to what we emanate. I like the idea of taking responsibility for yourself. If you feel like, you’re acting too submissive in a relationship, it’s not about your partner, it’s about you. You need to step into your power.

Your choices are your crystal ball. Every choice you make is going to serve or sabotage you. They have the power to determine your future. Click To Tweet

That’s exactly right, and we’re so quick to want to blame someone else because it’s easier that way. But the bottom line is that we really need to see how we’re showing up, and we need to see what we’re willing to take responsibility for, and we can initiate change in the dynamic, if we are willing to make different choices. To me, if we look at where we are right now, you and me, I can clearly see how every choice decision, the action I’ve made up until now brought me here, right? Therefore, if I don’t do anything different, my future is going to show up looking very much like my present and my past. We’re all very busy wanting to go to psychics to find out, or card readers—I’m all for them, don’t get me wrong—but we’re all trying to look outside of ourselves or what does our future hold. The bottom line is, our choices are the crystal ball. Our present moment choice is the crystal ball. Our present moment choice determines and predicts our future. Every single choice we make is going to serve or sabotage.

That’s beautiful and I really liked what you said about our outer world is a reflection of our inner commitment. Let’s talk about self-commitment. What is it? What does it look like? And how can somebody stick to it?

When you’re saying self-commitment, do you mean some kind of discipline, or having accountability? What do you mean? Tell me more about what you’re saying.

I’m talking in relation to what we spoke of, an inner commitment to putting yourself first.

Remember earlier, I was talking about the underlying commitments that weren’t really our consciousness? What we were really more committed to, because as I was saying, our outer world is a reflection of our inner commitment? The first thing I want to say about that, as I lead into the answer to your question, is that the crazy thing about those old, outdated, underlying commitment is that, they began as a way to protect us. They actually served us at some point in our young lives. We put them into place for good reason. The crazy thing is that the very thing that protected us as children becomes the seat of our self-sabotage as an adult because we keep serving the old commitment.

The shift needs to begin with a new conscious commitment that we can put into place, that we can start to gauge our choices around in order to have that commitment to putting ourselves first. If I shift to the conscious commitment of, “From here on out, every choice I make is going to be in service of putting myself first, taking myself into account,” then that becomes the yardstick, that becomes a gauge that I measure my choices against. “He wants to go out for Italian, and I want to go out for Chinese, but I don’t say, I want to go out for Chinese, I just agree to Italian.” Is that honoring my commitment to put myself first? No. I mean, it’s a simple example, but it’s what I know that happens all the time with women across the board.

I love the idea of putting a conscious choice in analyzing your answers while it happens, and our habits and patterns are 95% in the subconscious mind. On the conscious level, I can say, “I know that I’m worthy. I know that I am amazing. I know that I’m capable.” and then there is this six-year-old child inside that still believes on the subconscious level that, “You’re not worthy. You’re not good enough.”

It’s all going to come down to action. Even my dear Louise Hay and her affirmations. They have to be surrounded, supported, and cultivated with action. Even I am worthy, very important affirmation. What is something I can do today to cultivate the worthiness within me? What is something specific I’m willing to commit to doing today? I used to be the kind of person who, every morning, woke up with the thoughts running through my head, “What do I need to worry about today?” which essentially is, “What do I need to do for other people? What do I need to do to stay out of trouble? What do I need to do to make everything be okay?” I made a conscious shift in my wiring. I literally had to train myself so that the first thoughts in my morning are two questions that I ask myself before I even get out of bad. Once my eyes are just barely wanting to open up, I immediately ask myself, “What is the most self-loving action I can take today? And what is the most self-honoring choice I can make today?” and then move from there, because that is how we begin to strengthen the muscle of putting ourselves first, instead of everybody else.

Honor your choices. Every single choice, no matter how small, has an impact. Click To Tweet

That’s beautiful. How can I love myself more and what are the other two?

What’s the most self-loving action I can take today and what’s the most self-honoring choice I can make today?

Give me an example for each one.

It could be anything from self-loving action. I’m going to go outside for a walk during my lunch break. I’m going to buy myself flowers. I’m going to book a massage. I’m going to cook myself a really nice dinner, sit down, and eat it. It could be anything like that. It could be by taking a bath. It doesn’t have to be anything that costs any money. And then the self-honoring choice might be, maybe there’s a difficult conversation that I need to have, that I need to speak my truth.

What are some ways of having more self-worth, having more confidence? How does that affect your external world?

I think it affects the way that we’re willing to show up and be seen. I see that the big piece of the underlying commitment conversation is a commitment to be invisible and to stay silent. Part of the work I do is around being able to anchor in the truth of who we are, be seen, be heard and bring ourselves into the forefront. When we are embodying our confidence, it’s what actually will infuse us with the empowerment to be able to shine.

Self-love and confidence is something that I teach. I’ve taught hundreds of women on how to connect to that and I really believe in that. Lately, for myself, I was sick for six weeks straight. Bronchitis and coughing, and I have to tell you, my self-esteem was pretty low. When you can’t function and you can’t get out of bed, like I’m very active, I couldn’t even look at my computer, it was quite terrible. I wasn’t very responsive to my team. Everything was taking the backseat and laying down in bed was the most self-loving thing that I could have done, but it did affect my self-worth. It did affect my confidence. When we are super sick—I talk to women, I teach them about awakening their inner goddess—I did not feel like a goddess.

I know where you’re going with this. Here’s the deal. When this is what’s happening, we’ve attached our self-worth and our lovability to our productivity.

And our contribution.

And what we achieved, what we do and our contribution. A part of this is being able to pull apart our worthiness and lovability so that we are able to be with knowing we are worthy, knowing we are lovable, regardless of what we do. That’s the hardest piece across the board in the work I do with my clients, especially if we’re type A, overachiever, people pleaser, perfectionist types. We are so wrapped up in really letting someone else externally determine our value and our worth. We put our worthiness in the hands of someone else. It’s about being able to reclaim our own worth.

To me, it’s really about the slowing down, the settling in, the being in acceptance of, being instead of doing. The more practice you can do, whether it’s meditating, or journaling, or going for a walk, that isn’t achievement-based, that isn’t productivity-based, that isn’t about getting approval, or getting applause, or getting accolades, or getting validation from anyone else, the more you can begin to get comfortable with doing things just for you simply because you like it, simply because you need it. This goes with being sick, with resting, with not feeling the need to be superwoman from the perfection-ville all the time. With really resigning as general manager of the universe.

I love that. It’s very freeing.

Very freeing. Begin the practice of, what are the things I can do for me that no one else will see? And begin getting comfortable with not getting the approval, or applause, or accolades.

When you’re willing to make a change, when you’re willing to honor yourself, there’s no other life that can appear; only yours.

It’s really hard not to get approval, applause, or accolades. I was in an event yesterday and I saw Dan Sullivan speaking. He said that he wants to retire never, because the moment you retire, the applause stops, and the accolades stop. That’s why people a year or two after they retire, they retire from the world, because they’re not driven by their purpose, they don’t get the applause.

That’s what I’m saying that this is really an epidemic. That we’re constantly seeking external validation. Here’s the thing, when we’re constantly chasing the gold stars, no gold star will ever be enough to fill the void that we have within us. We are the only ones who can fill that void. Everything we’re seeking externally needs to be resolved internally first. Then we can get to a place where, “Yeah, I can retire because I don’t actually need any of that anymore,” I mean I hear what you’re saying and I’m just going to say that in contrast, it’s not a healthy place to be in that place of I can’t stop because I need the external power source. We need to be our own power source.

What are some tips to being your own power source?

The things I’m saying before. The things that you can do that no one else sees, that no one can give you approval for. What can you be committed and devoted to? What are your non-negotiables that flies in the face of external validation, that may even be met with some resistance from others in your life, but you’re doing them because it’s what you need to do for you?

For me, that was the biggest lesson. It is what it is, the lesson of acceptance and allowing, and it’s interesting because I had to learn that lesson a few times in my life. I seem to forget the lesson. Somebody’s feeling worthy and then they want to step and you have a book called Jump and Your Life Will Appear. It reminds me of a concept I heard from Tony Robbins. It said, “Jump, then a net will appear.”

What if the net never appears? Is this really true? Is it really true that you’ll jump and a net will always appear? Because so many people jump and then they get hurt.

I’m not saying the net will appear. That’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying is that when you jump, your true life will appear because likely what’s been happening is you’ve been living an uninhabited life. You’ve been living someone else’s life. When you jump, when you’re willing to make a change, when you’re willing to make different choices, when you’re willing to honor yourself, there’s no other life that can appear; only yours.

I was playing the devil’s advocate but what I really think is that, even if you jump and you got hurt, you will learn through the process of healing, and you will learn more about yourself. Sometimes after you challenge yourself by doing nothing. I think our biggest lessons come from those times in our lives where we, unfortunately, experience hardships. It’s almost like it’s the melting pot to get the gold out, to see what’s really important for us.

Here’s the thing, too. I see the ways in which in my own life, my own story, and the story of ultimately leaving my marriage was really a catastrophic event that exploded. What I’ve learned from that is yes, out of the chaos we can emerge victorious out of the crisis. But here’s the thing. We don’t have to wait for the crisis. Most people are content to wait for the crisis before they make a change. But I’m saying, rock your own foundation before it rocks you. Don’t wait for the crisis.

I heard that before, don’t wait for the crisis, you don’t have to go through a crisis to transform. When you’re in your comfort zone, it’s hard to see that you even have to change. It’s comfortable, it’s numbing, nothing wakes you up. We don’t create a shift. Where do we draw the line between jumping irresponsibly to jumping responsibly? Some people go all out without any safety net, without any consideration.

I think it’s a person-specific question. I think that we have to see what is our top priority and what’s our driver, what’s most important to us. Just the example of leaving a marriage for one woman. The sort of responsible “way to leave the marriage” is waiting until she has enough money or waiting until she has a house, where she can move herself, and her kids into. It could be something like that, but for another woman in a marriage, she might be in physical danger. She might decide to get out no matter what, she doesn’t have a dime for a name. I can’t put the value of responsible or irresponsible on that. I think it’s really more about what’s your priority, what’s most important to you, what are you jumping away from, what are you jumping toward, and how can you set yourself up to best with all the need, the strongest need you have.

Beautifully said. Nancy, what are some of your daily rituals?

My daily rituals begin actually in the evening, which is that when I go to sleep at night, I put my phone into airplane mode. So when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is I meditate, then I make my coffee, and then I drink a nice big Mason jar full of warm lemon water, before I even have my coffee. I still haven’t even turned my wifi back on my phone yet. I have this whole period of time in my morning. Then I write my journal. I have a whole period of time in the morning before I even let the world come in. That has been life-changing because you know how it is, as soon as you look at your phone, there are a billion notifications or it’s all the world coming at you. I make a really conscious choice about when I’m ready to enter into all of that. It’s not until I’ve done the things that I need to do for me. I do all of that first thing for me, and then I deal with the rest.

Being selfish isn't bad. You can be selfish and selfless at the same time and still be the person you are meant to be. Click To Tweet

I love it, you put yourself first, and you can answer anybody else’s demands, emails, requests, needs, wants. What are your three top tips to living a stellar life?

I would say this piece around give yourself permission to put yourself first. I would say really honor your choices, that every single choice has an impact, there’s no small choice. So, really looking at that. And then, I would say the third piece is that, because I think that this is counter-intuitive to what most people think, we can really have healthy relationships with others without losing ourselves, so that we really stop packaging ourselves to be digestible to someone else, that we anchor in our truths.

Beautiful. All this knowledge, all this guidance, where can people find you, connect with you, get your books?

My website is nancylevin.com, that’s the best way to come be with me. I’ve got a free Facebook group you can join, I’m very active in it. I’ve got coaching programs coming up. I’ve got books. I’ve got my radio show, but everything is there, everything can be found there on my website.

Perfect. Thank you so much, Nancy, for being here.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you, listeners. Remember to put yourself first, honor your choices, and lead a stellar life. This is Orion, signing off. Until next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

Find your truth. Knowing who you are will become your guiding light whenever you have to make an important decision in life.
✓ Visualize what you want to happen or achieve in your life. When you picture your goals in your mind, you are already halfway there.
Fully commit to what you want to happen in your life. Nothing will work out unless you are willing to put in the time and effort needed to reach your goals.
Don’t feel guilty for being selfish. It’s okay to put yourself first. If you’re happy with where you are in life, it’s going to be easier for you to provide care and happiness to others.
✓ Uphold, respect and honor your own boundaries. Learn when to say no—especially when you are tired.
✓ Take full responsibility for your decisions. Living your life on your own terms can make you feel emancipated, but don’t forget that there are consequences for every decision you make.
✓ Prioritize your “me” time. Take a hot bath, buy yourself flowers, or treat yourself to a meal at your favorite restaurant. Make time once in a while to prioritize your own needs and reconnect with yourself.
✓ Practice self-awareness. Self-love is about being kind to yourself, but you must also be realistic. Take care of yourself, but don’t avoid confronting hard truths.
✓ Start your morning right by developing a routine that will help you embrace positivity and jumpstart your day.
✓ Join Nancy Levin’s Facebook group, Nancy Levin Insiders, for a community of strong, phenomenal women who are all about living a life in their own terms.

Links and Resources

About Nancy Levin

Nancy Levin is a bestselling author, radio host, and master integrative coach who offers in-depth coaching programs designed to support clients in making themselves a priority and living on their own terms.



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