Episode 158 | March 5, 2019

How to End Suffering and Be Happy with Kute Blackson

A Personal Note from Orion

Do you know who you really are? When you strip yourself from all of the self imposed labels, as well as the labels which society has placed on you, can you look at yourself in the mirror and truly say that you are happy? It’s a scary question to pose to yourself, because answering it truthfully means peeling back years of layers that can reveal the emotional traumas of your life.

But it’s worth the small amount of discomfort and even pain that you may feel when you start shedding yourself from the expectations of life that don’t serve you and weren’t meant for you. Once you are free from the emotional baggage, you can embark on your journey of happiness. Because at the end of the day, happiness is not the destination. It’s something that we must work on everyday – being happy is part of the challenge!

My guest today is widely considered the next leader in personal development by great minds such as Marianne Williamson and Larry King. Kute Blackson is a bestselling author and an inspirational leader who serves up some seriously motivating tips on this week’s episode.

About Today’s Show

Hello, my sweet listeners. How are you doing today? Some days you wake up and everything is rainbows and unicorns and some days not so much. Even though motivation and inspiration is something that should come from the inside, some days you want to listen to some motivation. You want to listen to some inspiration. You want to listen to somebody that can ignite you. Somebody that can connect you to the magnificent being that you are because we tend to forget. Sometimes we forget. Sometimes I forget. So, here’s a reminder. You’re pretty awesome and capable, and you are destined for greatness. Kute Blackson is the author of the bestselling book, You Are The One, and is wildly considered the next-generation leader in the field of personal development by everyone ranging from Larry King, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, and more. For over 20 years, Kute Blackson has been igniting people’s hearts and inspiring them to take courageous action. His mission is simple: to inspire people across the world, to access their inner freedom, live authentically, and fulfill their true life’s purpose. And now, without further ado, on to the show. Hi Kute, and welcome to Stellar Life Podcast. It’s so good to have you here.

It’s good to be here. Thanks for having me.

Image result for You Are The One: A Bold Adventure in Finding Purpose, Discovering the Real You, and Loving Fully

You Are The One: A Bold Adventure in Finding Purpose, Discovering the Real You, and Loving Fully

Yes, thank you. Before we start, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Wow, that’s a big question. Let’s see, I was born in Ghana, West Africa. My father’s from Ghana and my mother’s Japanese. I grew up in London. Now, I live in Los Angeles and I travel the world transforming people’s lives, facilitating events, seminars, and speaking. A national bestselling author of a book called You Are the One. For me, my life is about serving human beings and waking them up to who they really are. Certainly, as human beings, we connect with the truth and living our authenticity in the world, giving our purpose, gifts, and sharing that with humanity. My first memory as a young boy in Ghana, West Africa around 5-6 years old was literally seeing a crippled woman crawling on the floor. She picks up the sand that this man walks on, wipes it on her face, and stands up.

Week after week, I grew up seeing blind people see, deaf people hear, people stand up out of wheelchairs and throw away crutches. All sorts of miracles occur, diseases being cured. The man whose sand she’s picked up was my father. My father was a social teacher, a minister, a healer. He was the founder of 300 churches in Ghana, West Africa, a huge church in London. I grew up in this spiritual context and environment. This was my life in terms of how I grew up. Age eight, I started speaking in my father’s churches in London. Age 14, I was pretty much ordained as a minister, given the mandate to take over my father’s spiritual organization. From a very young age, I felt a deep calling to serve people. I remember being age five and feeling this deep desire to make a difference in people’s lives. I remember feeling this burning desire of my life wasn’t my life. I became very obsessed literally as a young boy around seven, eight, nine years old, with my first self-help book and really just trying to understand who am I and why am I here, what’s the purpose of life, where are we going, where do we come from, and what is this whole thing about?

I grew up in a very poor part of London, South London. I looked around and I saw many people that had everything but were miserable. They had every reason to be happy, but they weren’t happy. I saw many people that had nothing and they were fulfilled. I started to ask myself the question, “What is the purpose of all of this? Is it just to wake up, go to sleep, eat, make money, have sex, make babies, build a house, go on vacation, and then die?” I just felt like there has to be more. There has to be more. Maybe those listening in, you’ve asked yourself the question, “Is there more? What is this thing about?” So, this became my obsession. At 14 I was ordained as a minister, but I knew at that moment when I was ordained, I saw my entire life set out for me. I knew honestly that that wasn’t my path, but as a 14-year-old kid who wanted love from his father, I didn’t have the courage to tell my father, “I love you, but this is not my path.” Deep down, I think we all have a sense of the truth, but sometimes we’re afraid to acknowledge the truth. I went along with it; four years of living hell. When I turned 18, I knew I had to make a decision.

Why was it a living hell?

The living hell was knowing that I wasn’t living my truth. The living hell was knowing that I was living someone else’s life. My entire life was mapped out for me and I knew that wasn’t my truth. I think deep down, we know when we’re not in alignment. We know when we’re betraying ourselves. We know when we’re not following our truth and I think that’s the pain. Maybe those listening in, you’re in a relationship right now and you know it’s not right. I mean, maybe you love the person, but you know you’re not in love. You know you got married for the wrong reasons. You know you’re going in different paths. You know, “Wait a second, this person is never going to change and it’s not going to work,” or maybe it’s abusive. Whatever it is, we know deep down when something isn’t truly in line. Maybe you’re working a job that you know is not your purpose and you’re compromising your integrity.

Whatever it is, maybe it’s a different calling, but many times we are so afraid. I was afraid. We’re so afraid of owning our truth. We’re afraid if I fully am who I am, if I speak what I feel if I expressed my true self if I make this decision and follow my path be it this relationship, what will people think? Follow my dream, follow my car, follow my purpose, leave this job, then what if it doesn’t work out? The fear of failure? I think for me, I was afraid that if I followed my truth and I told my father, that I would lose his love, I’ll lose the relationship, I would be an outcast, I would be alone. I didn’t want to rock the boat. That was the living hell of knowing that there was something deeper inside that I was supposed to do, but I wasn’t following it out of fear. When I turned 18, I knew I had to make a decision. I chose not to go to university. I looked into my future and I realized, “Wait a second. I could be successful by everybody else’s standards in the world, but if I don’t have myself, if I don’t have my own inner peace, then I have nothing.” It was so painful to kind of feel, wow, age 28, age 38, age 48, age 58, I looked at the trajectory of my entire life and I saw pain. The pain of not living my own truth.

Then I looked into the future which was the unknown. The path that I was guided to go and sometimes it scares me to go into the unknown because we’re not sure what’s going to happen. We try to control our lives but I realized what control do we really have, ultimately? So, I looked at the unknown and I knew what I had to do. I finally had the conversation with my father. This was a pivotal point in my life. I told him I wasn’t going to take over his spiritual organization. We’re talking three hundred to four hundred thousand people in his organization. It was quite a big deal. I basically left everything behind. It was the scariest moment of my life up until that point, but I knew what I had to do. If you’re listening in to this conversation, folks, sometimes maybe you’ve reached a point in your life where the life that you’ve created, the relationship, the structure of what you are living is actually too small for what you’re soul is seeking to become, what your soul is seeking to express. Perhaps you are being guided in a different and deeper direction. Life doesn’t care about your comfort, it cares about your evolution and everything is a constant process of growth and evolution.

You can be successful, but if you don't have yourself and your own inner peace, then you have nothing. Click To Tweet

Yeah. Joseph Campbell in his Hero’s Journey always talks about it. This is the first stage of the Hero’s Journey where life, even if you look at Star Wars, the hero starts with feeling really bored or very uncomfortable with the where he is in the world, and then there is the calling from the inside. I think that the second stage is the refusal of the calling. You had the calling when you were 14, but there was the refusal for the calling because you were afraid. You were a child and it was hard to confront your dad because everybody expected so much of you. This is not a small thing to be the head of a ministry that big. Eventually, you answered your calling. What was your calling? It’s interesting to me because you already lived in a spiritual congregation. You live a spiritual life. What was missing?

Honestly, I just knew it wasn’t my path. When I was really honest with myself, it wasn’t in alignment with how I was supposed to or the deepest expression of my soul in this lifetime. It was nothing good or nothing bad. I just knew it wasn’t in alignment. I had to basically be willing to tell myself the truth. The real, authentic, raw truth. I think one of the things that I think is missing for many of us, one of the things that actually stops us from transforming—I love the opportunity to do live events, and seminars, and help many people from different walks of life—one of the consistent things I see that stops us from really transforming, being free, being fully happy are all the ways that we lie to ourselves, all the ways that we BS ourselves, don’t tell ourselves the truth. We end up lying to ourselves out of fear. That’s really what keeps us stuck.

For me, it was a process of really first and foremost, being willing to tell myself the real, deepest truth which we’re often afraid of. One question I would invite people to sit with is number one, what am I lying to myself about? Number two, what am I pretending to not know? And number three, what am I most afraid will happen if I actually tell the truth? Many times, we have this fear. For me my fear was, I’m going to be outcast, I’m going to lose everything, I won’t be loved again, I’ll lose my relationship with my father.

Did you?

I finally told my father, which was a huge deal at the time, and we didn’t speak for two years, which was very challenging. But I believe that there is no shortage of people in your life, in my life, in our lives that will think they know what’s best for you. They will impose their ideas, their vision of your life, but what I have to realize, and what we have to realize is it’s your life. You are not put on this planet to simply please other people, you are put on this planet to grow, to evolve, to learn, and to become who you really are. Ultimately, it’s your life. At the end of the day, your parents will die. At the end of the day, your loved ones will pass away. At the end of the day when you’re on your deathbed, you will have to look yourself in the eyes and say, “Am I at peace with who I was?” A lot of the concerns, the fears, trying to please people, and what have you, none of that stuff will really matter at the end of our lives.

Sometimes we think when we follow our path or when we follow our purpose, then life is easy, the angels come out, the heavens open, and everything is just a smooth flow all the way. No. Sometimes, when you find your path and live your truth, it is challenging, it is difficult sometimes, but I think the challenges and difficulties that we face are simply the universe preparing us, preparing our souls to have the internal muscle, the soul force, the strength to be able to be you, the person who is capable of fulfilling the vision and fulfilling the dreams. For me, it was challenging. I’ve faced many challenges.

Sometimes we think when we follow our path or our purpose, then life is easy and everything is just a smooth flow all the way, but that’s not the case. 

Everybody talks about achievements. I want to know more about your challenges. What were some of the most difficult challenges that you had to go through and conquer, in order to be the person that you are today?

Wow, we would probably have to be on this call for about four days. For me, it was the fear, the fear of wanting to please people. I grew up the preacher’s kid, so I wanted to please people. I wanted everyone to like me. I was a nice guy. I was the sweet guy. I was the responsible one. I had to give up this desire to please people, to make everybody happy, to be the good boy, and be more committed to following my truth, following my authentic truth deep down, and that was a huge challenge for me. It was really letting go of the need for people’s approval, for people’s validation, and through that process, learning to honor myself, learning to value myself, learning as a young man to love myself, and trust my own heart. That was a challenging process. What I realized is when I followed my truth it was challenging, it was difficult, but I really thought that when we follow our truth, then the universe will support you.

For me, my vision was to come to the US. I want to come to the US and find teachers, mentors, and many of the authors I had read about as a kid. The spiritual teachers and authors, and most of them are very famous. I wanted to come, find these people, and study with many of them, whether it was the Marianne Williamsons or Deepak Chopras of the world, to the unknown mystics in India and what have you. So I decided to come to the US, but the challenge was I had no university degree. I chose not to go to university. I had no support from my family other than my mother. It was no money, it was a real challenge. One day when I really committed, many times, we wait for the universe to show up but actually, the universe is waiting for you to say yes to the calling.

When you say yes to the calling and wholeheartedly commit yourself to what you know you must do, that is the moment that unlocks the miracles. That is the moment that unlocks grace and support of the universe. The universe is actually waiting for us. When I thought yes to my destiny, cut a long story short, I ended up winning a green card in the lottery. It was crazy. I knew I was going to win, and that was confirmation for me. One of the things I have to move through was my own fear. As a kid, I was a little afraid, “Is it going to work out? Oh my God,” and I had to just learn to really trust life, trust bigger than my mind, trust bigger than my fear, not succumb to my fear, and let my fear stop me. When I won that green card, that was another level of confirmation. The universe is in charge. Life is supporting me. The Divine, whatever you want to call it, this intelligence of life knows what it’s doing if I just let go and surrender. That’s what brought me to the US, two suitcases, $1000, knew no one in the country, and that’s what started my process. It was challenging.

Honestly, when I came to the US, those first few years were difficult. I had no money, no education, knew no one, not sure how I was going to survive from one day to the next. But when you are in alignment with your soul, for me, there was a deeper motivation that kept me going. I knew I was on the right path. Even while it was difficult, and I was hungry, and I was lonely, and I was all those things, I knew that I could keep going because I was on the right path, and I had peace in my heart that wasn’t based on money in my bank account or what people thought. I knew I was on the right path and that’s the deeper motivation to keep me going.

Everything is a constant process of growth. Life doesn't care about your comfort, it cares about your evolution. Click To Tweet

I love it because it really reminds me of my own story. I just finished serving in the Israeli army and then I did some other jobs. Then I took a job as a car saleswoman and I was bored out of my mind. I didn’t even have a license and I used to sell those cars. New cars, selling them, bored out of my mind, and then I found a book about Japan. I opened it and it was beautiful. I started highlighting all the places I wanted to go to. I gave my manager a two week’s notice, and with $700 in my pocket, which wasn’t much in Japan in those days.

It’s nothing in Japan.

It’s nothing, it’s like an hour in Japan.

It’s literally an hour in Japan, yes.

Yeah. I traveled and it was my first travel out of the country. I had people trying to hold me back, but it’s like what you said, you have to follow your truth. It was like there was something waiting for me. Yes, there were days where I was literally hungry and buying those onigiris that are super cheap. But then after that, I found a job. I even had a wonderful boyfriend there. I’ve stayed for 3½ years. The experience really shaped me and changed my life. It’s true because for me, one of the books that guided me when I was a teenager, my mom gave me the book, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. I used to walk down the streets of Tokyo and being in real gratitude for where I was and I always imagined where I wanted to be. I was putting my vision forward. How did you work with the power of your subconscious mind?

How did I work with the power of my subconscious mind?

Yes, or prayer, whatever you call it.

Can you be more specific about that question?

Yes. Did you believe that you were guided, that you were protected?

For sure. I always felt I was guided, I always felt I was protected. But for me, it wasn’t necessarily directly working with my subconscious mind. For me, the feeling of being guided and protected was actually quite simple. Sometimes, it was all, how do I develop faith? How do I cultivate faith? How do I cultivate that sense of knowing I’m guided, I’m protected, and trust? How I did it was I would look around. If you just looked around, look at the sky. Sounds really simple, but look at the sky. Look at the sun, look at the rain, look at the trees, look at nature, and if that’s not good enough, take a moment to consider that right now, you and I having this conversation, we’re having this conversation, you’re listening into this conversation. Maybe you ate food this morning. In your body alone, there are trillions and trillions of processes happening. Something to process the visuals in your eyes and your brain. You ate food this morning and the food is digested.

You ate a piece of toast or some fruit, or you ate a piece of fish. How is it that you eat this fish, and your hand doesn’t become a fish, or you eat an orange, and your toe doesn’t become an orange. There is an intelligence. There is an innate intelligence functioning the sun, the stars, the moon. There is an innate intelligence that’s living and breathing in you, that is enabling all these processes to happen even in your body. I believe we don’t have to look very far. Just look inside at the simple, seeming ordinary nature of your own being. There are literally miracles happening and I think if you really just let yourself sit with, “Whoa, wait a second, I’m a freaking miracle. There are trillions of processes happening inside of me.” That will start opening and cultivating a relationship to nature and life and having a deeper level of faith. There is something moving, living, and breathing us in spite of us. Cut your finger today. You don’t have to meditate, you don’t have to be a spiritual person, you don’t have to do a mantra, you don’t have to do yoga, you don’t have to read a book, but if you cut your finger, keep it clean. Innate intelligence knows how to heal. What is that?

I believe that that same intelligence, if we are willing to get ourselves out of the way, if we’re willing to trust more, then that innate intelligence, it knows how to unfold our life. It knows how to do our life. I think one of the keys is to actually surrender ourselves. The more we’re willing to surrender and get ourselves out of the way, then there’s more room for this innate intelligence that’s been around for billions and billions of years to flow, and unfold, and lift through us. When I look at the great ones, Buddha, Bruce Lee, Muhammad Ali, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Mandela, etc., they surrendered themselves to the flow of life. What life was able to go through them was way beyond anything that they could have made up with their minds. A life that is determined by the mind, the mind is conditioned, the mind is in time and space, the mind is conditioned by past history. Many times, when we try and live a life and create goals and a life based on our mind, our mind can only reference what we’ve experienced or what we’ve read about. Not necessarily the realm of all possibilities, but when we’re willing to surrender and get out of the way, and not limit ourselves to goals and a life based on what we can think, but beyond thought, beyond thinking, beyond the mind, then we tap into the soul, and the soul is infinite. Then we tap into the universe. The universe is infinite, vast. Then we tap into life. Then life can manifest itself through us and flow through us in ways that our conscious mind and our subconscious mind cannot even imagine.

When I speak about the subconscious mind, when I talk about connecting to my subconscious mind, I am aligned with what you’re saying. I connect to my subconscious mind because my subconscious mind is connected to the global consciousness, to the infinite source. When I was talking about that, it wasn’t my creation, I was talking about co-creating with my divine. I love your idea of surrender. Where I was walking down the streets of Tokyo, there are shrines every other block. I used to walk to the shrine, throw a coin, clap, say a prayer, and being in gratitude for my angels and my guides. The idea is to visualize and send the message to co-create with your divine because what you’re focused on with trust and surrender can manifest in the world. Who were your greatest mentors that shaped your life?

Everybody is your teacher. Sometimes the simplest or even the most unexpected people can teach you a thing or two about life.

I think at different stages of my life, there were different mentors. For me obviously, growing up with my father, he is and was a really great man and influence at the time. Even though we weren’t close growing up and he didn’t sit down and teach me directly, I learned a lot just by being in his presence and observing him. My mother was actually a huge mentor even though as a kid you don’t appreciate it. She’s just my mother. I realized through life and the process of while she was alive, how truly enlightened she was without me realizing it. She was enlightened because she was so surrendered to life, surrendered to the divine will, and surrendered to whatever was seeking to happen at the highest level. Her level of surrender is something I have learned from in such a profound way. I think that’s what made her truly great, and that’s what made us truly great, the Mandelas of the world, the Gandhis of the world, they surrendered themselves. I think they were mentors, many authors, teachers were mentors.

I think for me now more than anything, and this is really the truth for me, is I find everybody my teacher now. Sometimes the simplest people, the taxi driver, the Uber driver, the most unexpected people teach me. I see life more and more as a school. I see life as the ultimate spiritual practice with which we get to learn. Really, everybody’s my teacher. You’re my teacher, relationships are my teacher, friends are my teacher, everything. I kind of have this view now that everybody is my mentor and everyone is reflecting, showing, and projecting back to me aspects of myself. Life is a process of learning. It’s not just one person anymore. It’s just kind of the whole. Yes, there are some books I read sometimes. I had different mentors as a teenager. I used to love Bruce Lee. Someone like Bruce Lee for me wasn’t just philosophizing, he was living it, he was putting it in action.

He wasn’t just on a mountain top, he was living it through his body, but also kind of through really living in alignment with the flow, with the Dao, with the flow. You could say he somehow achieved a huge level of success and that was really inspiring for me to do it not from a place of ego, but from a place of just being in alignment with the flow of life. He always had a huge impact. We have different people at different stages.

A lot of people have problems with the concept of surrender. It sounds like weakness, it sounds like losing control, it sounds uncomfortable. What is your definition of surrender and how can people surrender to their greatness?

I think many times we have viewed surrender as weakness. We’ve viewed surrender as giving up. We viewed surrender as just less strong. I really don’t think it’s the case. I think many times we think we’re in control. I think many times we try to control life and to me, control is the master addiction. We impose our limited will on life and think we know how something should be, how our relationship should be, and how something should work out. We try to force our will in making it happen in a certain way. Many times, it’s not what’s seeking to unfold. I think we end up limiting our life. I just found that sometimes when things don’t work out, that’s when the magic happens. When things don’t work out the way we want, they work out in different ways, and then we end up saying, “Wow, it worked out way beyond what I could have expected.”

To me, the real magic of surrender—honestly it’s going to sound strange—is actually taking the conditions, our limited conditions from our mind, off of life. It’s because our mind is conditioned. The degree to which we’re conditioned were actually not free and many times we set goals and intentions based on our mind that we actually conditioned. Many times the goals and the life that we think we should have is sometimes often based on certain conditioning, programming, parents, childhood needs, wants. Did we think, “What if I can get this? If I can do this? Then I’m going to be enough.” This is true. I think when we take conditions off of life and say, “You know what? I’ll take the conditions off of life,” to me the real surrendering is to the highest good, trusting that, “Wait a second, there is an intelligence that is living life. There is an intelligence that’s been around.

This intelligence is living in me. What if I let go to that? What if I allow that? What if I truly surrendered to that?” It’s not an easy process, but I think life itself is a process of surrender. We are here to surrender, we are all being surrendered. We’re born and then on some level we get older through those challenges, heartbreak, illness, sickness, and then we die. There’s no escaping the process of surrender. At some point, as people get older, we have to surrender to the body changing, surrendering to death, and surrendering to certain things. I think when we surrender, we bring ourselves into a certain relationship of life that is about total acceptance. I think when we can accept fully what is and what isn’t, then we’re free. It doesn’t mean you don’t make choices, it doesn’t mean, “Hey, I’m in an abusive relationship. I’m going to surrender, be totally in acceptance, and I’m going to stay.” No. It might mean, “Okay, I’m in an abusive relationship. I’m going to totally surrender to the fact that this is what it is, totally surrender to the fact and accept who my partner is and isn’t, I’m going to not resist, or makeup, or rationalize, or enlighten myself. I’m going to totally surrender and accept this is who they are,” and when you do that, then you can feel what you feel. Then you can say, “Okay, what do I want to do now?”

I believe that in order to change something, you have to fully accept it first in order to change it and not resist it. For me, surrender is totally accepting what is, not resisting what is. I think that’s when the magic can happen when we take our limits off of life, and many times, I just found, we limit life. We limit life in ways, but if you want magic, we have to surrender. I’ll give you a quick story if I can. People often ask me, how my parents met. My mother is Japanese, my father is from Ghana, West Africa. Total opposite people. My father’s totally black, my mother is totally—you’ve been to Japan. She’s old school Japanese.

You are not put on this planet to simply please other people. You are here to grow, to evolve, to learn, and to become who you really are. Click To Tweet

I love the old school Japanese. They’re the best.

They’re so sweet. I mean just the sweetest person and total opposites. Here’s the deal on how my parents met – talk about ultimate surrender. My father, when he was eight years old, would have these visions of a Japanese guru. A huge Japanese spiritual teacher in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, basically came to my father. It is in Ghana, when he was eight years old, came to my father in his readings, and teaching about the mysteries of life. My father when he was 15 started healing people. My father when he was 15, started his first church. Fast forward 25 years later, built 300 churches in Ghana, West Africa. He was 36 years old and he goes into a store in Ghana, West Africa in mid-1970, a book falls off the shelf, picks up the back of the book, sees the face of this Japanese guru. He didn’t know this guy was real.

He was shocked. He writes to this man in Japan, this is pre-internet, writes a letter to this man, says, “Hey, you’ve been coming to me in my dream since I was a kid.” This man sends his son-in-law to meet my father in Ghana, West Africa. The man was so interested in my father. He invited my father on a lecture tour to teach with the guru in Japan, in Tokyo. Meanwhile, my father had three kids, his first wife had died. He says to the son-in-law, “I’m looking for a wife, please pray for me. I believe in the power of prayer.” The man says, “No problem.” The son-in-law goes back to Japan, he gives a lecture. At his lecture, he announces to the audience, “This guy from Africa,” my father, “is coming to Japan on these dates.” Now, my mother grew up in this spiritual organization. She grew up meditating. This was her teacher. She was in the audience.

My mother was 28-29 at the time. Old school Japan, if you’re not married by 23-24, your life is over. You’re considered old. She’s 28-29 at the time, not married. She decided to say a prayer. Her prayer to the universe was, “God, I totally surrender my idea of who I think I should be with. I totally surrender my idea,” because many times, we have these ideas of, “Well, my soulmate should look like this, my soulmate should look like that.” She said, “I totally trust you, universe. I completely surrender. I take all the conditions off if he’s tall, short, rich, poor, I only want what is highest for my soul. I’m ready for my soulmate.” This was her prayer. I believe when we surrender without conditions, we open ourselves to the bigness of the universe, no limits. Then we open ourselves to no limits. She hears about this African man coming to Japan, she feels chills in her body, literally. She said she felt in that moment just knowing, “This is my husband.” She writes to my father. She writes a letter, nothing romantic. My father was in London, he’s praying, he’s meditating, and God says, “Your wife will come to you tomorrow.” He goes to the mailbox. There’s a letter from my mother. He says, “This is my wife.” He opens the letter, his hands start to shake, “This is my wife.”

He writes back to my mother. By the way, my mother speaks no English, my father speaks no Japanese. They can’t even communicate. He writes to mother and says, “Would you be open to moving to Ghana?” She writes back and says, “If it’s God’s will.” He writes back and says, “Yes, it’s God’s will. Marry me.” They haven’t even seen each other. They haven’t even met. It’s crazy. My mother is having letters translated by her sister. She can’t even speak English. They meet for the first time, 45 minutes alone. They obviously agreed to get married. My father goes on this crazy lecture, he told about the guru. The challenge is my father has no money by Japanese standards. To be respectful, you have to a wedding in a kimono, some sake, just respect for parents, and do it right especially being a foreigner. He doesn’t have any money. God says to him, “Just chill.” I believe that there was a divine flow in everything if you’re willing to trust. Bigger than our fears, bigger than our minds. Six weeks later, he goes to his mailbox, true story, there was an envelope in the mailbox, it is in Japan. He opens it. No name, anonymous. A note that says, “This is for your wedding.” It was $7,000 in US cash, in the mid-70s which was quite a bit of money back then. Then he got married. I think amazing things happen when we take the conditions off of life. That’s when unexpected grace flows that we can’t make up, and that’s the magic.

Surrender. Allow yourself to receive whatever the Divine has prepared for you.

Yeah. Do you know how I met my husband? I was at Date With Destiny from Tony Robbins. I went there to work on my business. There was the relationship day and Tony talked about polarity, masculine, feminine energies. I was still recovering from a very bad relationship and I know that was very much being in my masculine. I’ve been in my masculine. I wanted to force creation. I wanted to force manifestation. I wanted to do it all by myself. I wanted to prove to the world that I’m super strong. That day, I sat by a waterfall at [1:00] AM. It was in the desert and I sat, and I cried, and I laughed, and I cried. I prayed to God and I said, “God, I surrender. I finally surrender. I can’t do it on my own.” I wrote my relationship vision who I want to attract and who do I need to become to attract that person. Forty-eight hours later, I was introduced to my husband. Nine days later, he proposed to me on a hot air balloon in Vegas. I said no, but nine months later, he proposed again and I said yes.

There you go.

That was, I think, my deepest profound experience of what surrender meant to me. To me it meant trusting, it meant surrendering to higher power, it meant allowing myself to, kind of like what your mom did where she’s like, “Okay, I’m going to drop the conditions, I’m going to let go, and allow the flow of the divine guidance to run through me, so I can attract my soulmate,” that’s really beautiful. I love that story.

That’s the magic, you didn’t plan to meet your husband. “I’m going to set a goal, I’m going to go to Date With Destiny and in 48 hours, I’m going to manifest this man that looks like this. He’s going to show up.” No. It just kind of happened. You were just following a feeling.

He was not even my type.

He wasn’t even your type. There you go, surrendering to someone who’s not your type. What if you said, “No, he’s got to be like this, he’s got to look like…” That’s the grace. You wouldn’t be with him if you didn’t surrender. That’s surrender, that’s the magic, and that’s the beauty.

You talk a lot about love. I want to dive into self-love and loving others. What were some lessons you learned about love? I’m not talking necessarily about romantic love. I’m talking about love in general.

Essentially what we all are is love. We are all love, but we’ve forgotten that we’re love, and because we’ve forgotten that we’re love, we end up seeking love outside of ourselves to try and reconnect with and get what we think that we’re not. That’s when the suffering starts. Suffering begins when we forget who we are, that essentially we are pure love, we are pure essence, we are divine, we are that energy of love that we seek. How do we disconnect from that? We’re born, and we’re born into this amazing, crazy, wild existence called life. We float from the heavens, wherever that is, and we float as these beings. If you look at a child, a young baby child, they are full of love. You look into a baby’s eyes and you see love. I think that’s why when we all look into a baby’s eyes, we all melt because we are reminded of what we truly are. A child is this being of light, a being of love, pure unconditional love.

They will jump on the table and sing with no self-consciousness. They’re not like, “What are they thinking about me? Do I look fat? Can I sing? I can’t sing like Celine Dion.” They’re just pure love, emanating and manifesting. It’s just magical, it’s beautiful. Then we are born and we meet our parents. Our parents, some of them are a little crazy sometimes. Parents are just also doing the best that they can do, based on their life, based on their commissions, then two things happen. The first thing is, we’re born into these environments. Maybe there’s pain, there’s trauma, there’s divorce, there’s abandonment, whatever extreme to not extreme level of just life stuff. There was this stuff. They’re born into this environment and in order to avoid and deal with the pain of not being loved, the pain of divorce, the pain of whatever it is we’re going through, slowly, unconsciously, we learn to shut down parts of ourselves in order to not feel the pain of being shamed at, fighting, alcoholism, abuse, trauma, or just maybe they weren’t emotionally present for us.

Many times, we wait for the universe to show up but actually, the universe is waiting for you to say yes to the calling. Click To Tweet

We learn to develop walls and shut down parts of ourselves. We end up disconnecting from this light, this love that we are, that gets covered up with layers upon layers. Ultimately, survival mechanisms, and now we’re not fully in touch with our true nature of love. Then we start going out into the world and we start developing all sorts of masks, roles, identities, personas, ways of being, the sense of who do I need to be in order to be loved. For me, I thought I needed to be the nice boy, the good one, the responsible one, the preacher’s kid, and so I started developing this persona. We start developing a mask and a role, an identity that we hold tightly onto in order to get love, be approved, fit in, be validated. Maybe we were a certain way, maybe we were loud, funny, and crazy, and our dad said, “Be quiet.” So we shut down and go, “In order to be loved, I need to be quiet. When I’m quiet, then I get love. When I get all As, then I get love. When I’m a certain way, I get love.” So, who did you think you needed to be in order to get love, a validation, and approval? We learn to disconnect from the emotion and feelings of pain to survive, and we learn to develop this identity, and then we hold tightly onto that.

It gets reinforced and we think that’s who we are. It’s just who we’ve learned to be and who we’ve been conditioned to be in order to survive and function. We develop these layers that then disconnect us, you could say, from being able to be in touch with the full nature and expression of love that we are, the full authentic beingness of expressing and being loved. We are love but we’ve just forgotten and become conditioned. I think to me, life is a process of peeling away layers, acknowledging that we’ve been conditioned, feeling the pain, the hurt, letting that go, and reconnecting with the love that we are. I think when we do, we connect with the fact that we are love, then the less we need to seek it outside, the more we can express it, be it, live it, share it, and give it. I think life starts taking on a different context, a different quality, less about trying to get something from someone or somebody out there, versus being loved. I think the more you’re in touch with your true nature as love, the less you need. The less you need, the freer you are. The freer you are, the freer you are to love. I think that’s where the joy is. That’s where the happiness is.

How can you love if you don’t get loved back?

Essentially, you are loved. When you give love, when you’re more committed to loving, then you’re free. But many times, we have these conditions. “If I love you, then you have to love me back a certain way.” Now, it becomes a trade. Now, it becomes a transaction. Now, it becomes a business deal. That’s not love, that’s conditioning, that’s a need, that’s business. “You give me, I give you.” It’s a transaction. When you realize, “I am love,” when we hold love back, it’s painful to hold love back, to feel so much love in your heart, and to not give it is actually painful. When you love freely, it’s blissful, but we have these conditions, “If I love you, you’ve got to give it back to me. It has to come back from you.” We’ve gone into this limited idea with love that when really move to this place and say, “You know what? I’m more committed to just loving.”

Here’s what I found. When you love fully, then you are free. When you love without the conditions, then you are truly free. Truly free in that, when you love, you open your heart. When I love you, I open my heart. Even if it may not come back from you, I open my heart. In the opening of my heart, the reality is, I benefit in the loving you, in the opening of my heart, I’m the one that’s being loving, and I’m the one that is receiving the benefit of loving. So, I believe when you’re open to loving, then you also open yourself to receiving love at the level with which you give loving. What we have to realize is love for love’s sake. Love because it’s the natural thing to do. Love without the expectation and attachment that is going to come back from that person. Rest assured, you can’t cheat the universe.

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When you love, it may not come back from Suzy, or Joe, or Kute, or Peter, or that person, but it will come back. Maybe not from that person, sometimes it will come back from the most unexpected people. Love because it feels good to be loving. Love because it’s your nature to love, but don’t have an attachment that it has to come from that person. Then you’re free. Then you’re just free to just be in love and express. Also then, you’re open to receiving love from all the abundant ways that the universe can give it to you. Every moment of life, the universe is loving us. Every second of life is the truth of the love of the universe. When we say to others, “No, all the love has to come from this one person.” And only this one person in the whole freaking universe is pouring love on you, the sun, the star, the moon, every breath, everything, and there are 7 billion people on the planet that are potential expressions of love in your life, but we often limit it in a certain way, based on our conditioning, and our programming. I think when we can be open that way, there’s tremendous freedom, and I think that’s part of the process of life. It’s to let go of the conditioning, and layer, so that we can be more loved. I think we are ultimately here to be more loved.

Nice. A lot of people suffer from self-love, in loving themselves, and forgiving themselves. What’s your take on it?

Loving themselves and forgiving themselves. Here’s what I would say, again, these are big questions.

I only ask big questions. I don’t know if you noticed.

Yeah. I love these big questions. I think ultimately, we are here and we’re born into this human experience because on some level, we’re here to evolve, and we’re here to grow, and we’re here to learn. How we learn are through experiences and relationships. If we didn’t need to grow and evolve, we are ultimately whole, perfect, pure consciousness- consciousness that is seeking to experience the totality of life as this human being. How we grow and learn are through relationships and experiences. If we were meant to be perfect, view relationships perfectly, and never hurt anyone, then what would be the point of being here? If we want me to incarnate into this human experience, we would just float in the heavens and just be in total angelic, perfect, nirvana bliss. But we are here to learn. We’re not meant to be perfect, we’re here to be human.

Part of that process and learning is you’re going to “screw up and fail,” and “learn mistakes,” and sometimes you’re going to hurt people. All these things are part of the process of learning and growth. There is no such thing as perfection at the level of the personality. No matter how much meditation, yoga, seminars, books you read, your personality will never be perfect because the personality is not meant to be perfect. We operate and we live in the realm of the three-dimensional experience, the 3D world which is around of humanity. Plus, minus, up, down, light, dark, fat, thin, rich, poor, it’s the Dao, it’s physics, it’s the nature of life. When we realize that the goal of spiritual practice, growth, and evolution is not to be some perfect human being that never screws up, never makes a mistake, then you realize, “Wait a second. I’m a human being.

I’m going to have moments of up and down, I’m going to have good days, and bad days,” not that you want any of those things, not that any of those things have to define you, not that any of those so-called mistakes define you, but it’s just the nature of the human process. There’s no such thing as perfection. At the level of your soul, your consciousness is purely perfect awareness, unconditioned awareness. The level of your humanity is imperfection and that’s the beauty of being human. That’s the beauty of being imperfect. We’re here to grow and we get to evolve. We evolve through relationships and life. When you realize that, then I think you can maybe have a little more compassion on yourself. Sometimes we beat ourselves up, and we don’t forgive ourselves. Even some of the things that we did that were painful 10 years ago, we did it out of our own pain. We did it out of our own conditioning.

Underlying every behavior is really a positive intention. Rarely did we do certain things like, “Yes, I’m going to do this thing so I can really be bad.” Usually, we did it out of our pain. An underlying part of us has a positive intention that we were seeking to get something for ourselves, some feeling of connection, some feeling of wholeness, some feeling of satisfaction, some feeling of peace that we thought we were going to get by doing that thing, by eating that thing, by having that affair, by doing whatever it was that the method was a little screwed up, or maybe cause some pain, or wasn’t the most enlightened, but the underlying motivation was we’re trying to get something. When we can remember, “What was I seeking by doing that thing. What was I trying to get?” usually, you’ll see that the intention is positive.

When you can realize, “Oh, I was seeking to get myself some peace even though I may have hurt someone in the process.” If you can acknowledge that positive intention, then I think your relationship with yourself can start shifting to a bit more compassionate place for yourself, for your pain, for what was striving you, recognizing, “Wow, I was in pain.” What was moving me in that relationship to say those things? “I was in pain,” and if you can then go, “Wow, let me meet myself with some compassion.” To me, healing is your ability to apply love to those parts of yourself that are hurting. When you do that, you’ll heal. That’s why we’re here. We’re not here to be perfect, we’re here to evolve, we’re here to grow, and we’re here to become more of who we are. That’s how I see. The last thing I’ll say is or forgiving myself, give yourself that gift. No one’s going to give you that gift, ultimately.

When you realize that will process and the purpose of life, growth, and evolution, I think it’s easier to give yourself a gift. But I will say, God, whatever you believe, God, the Universe, Divine, even if you don’t believe, it’s fine, it’s just a term for this conversation, God is not going to forgive you, and you might be wondering, “What do you mean?” God is not going to forgive you, because God has never judged you. I don’t believe that the universe, the intelligence, the divine, is judging you. If He’s not judging you, He doesn’t need to forgive you. If you’re someone who’s thinking you screwed up God’s plan for your life, you can’t screw up God’s plan for your life. You are what you are. You’re growing how you’re growing.

Every single one of us, we all have our soul’s journey, we all have a unique journey. But you might think, “But I should not have gone through that.” Yeah, but if you didn’t go through that, you wouldn’t be who you are. If you didn’t go through that thing, you didn’t experience that thing, if you didn’t screw up in that way, if you didn’t do that thing and that thing that you’re judging yourself from like, “I’m wasting so much time, blah-blah-blah…” yes, but all of those experiences have been perfectly preparing you to be the person. I say it like this. All of your pain, all of your trauma, all of your hurt, all of your experiences is like the divine shift has been cooking you, so that you can be the one, be the perfect person to be able to fulfill the dream and the vision. If you did not go through those things, you wouldn’t be here, and if you didn’t go through those things, you may not be able to have the compassion, the insight, the wisdom, and the understanding to be able to help people. If Oprah didn’t go through pain, and abuse, and all those things, how would she be Oprah? If Mandela didn’t go through 26 years in prison, would he have been Mandela? No. To me, there are no mistakes, there are just evolutionary experiences that are preparing you to fulfill your mission and your vision.

Nice. What are your three top tips to living a stellar life?

Three top tips, let’s see.

Yeah, and quick ones because we are at the top of the hour.

Yeah, real quick. I’m going to make this as quick as I can. Number one, you are going to die. To me, this is the most important thing. If I were just to give one, feel, remember, meditate on the reality that you are going to die. When you meditate on death, not as a morbid thing, but as a reality. Me, you, Bob Marley, Bruce Lee, we’re all going to die. Jesus died, Buddha died, we’re going to die. When you really remember that, then it frees you up to start living your life, to realize you have no time to waste. There is no time to waste on small petty stuff, on drama, on what other people think because we’re going to die. At the end of life, you take none of it with you other than what you leave behind and what you give away. Meditate on your death and let that inspire you to give your gift radically, and boldly now.

Second thing, feel your truth, live your truth, happiness is simple. We want a happy life, but we’re often afraid based on our conditioning and stuff we’ve talked about in this conversation. The second thing is to be unapologetically committed to living your truth. Bottom line, with love, and with respect, and with compassion. Thirdly, love deeply, love wholly, love and live without holding back. At the end of our lives, nothing really matters other than the loving, nothing really matters in life other than love. Make sure each day, you’re loving fully, you’re expressing love to yourself, and those you love fully because much of the stuff we worry about, and fuss about, and stress about is not going to even matter when a year from now, let alone on your deathbed. Love big.

Beautiful. If people want to learn more about you, read your book, get coaching from you, hear you speak, where can they go?

Well first, I just want to say it’s been great having this conversation. Thank you for having me on, I really appreciate your questions, your big questions, and your inquisitive mind. I really feel your heart in the conversation. If people have been touched or inspired, for me, this is a calling, it’s a passion. I would love to connect. You can get my book on Amazon, You Are the One. I also have a website for the book, youaretheonebook.com where if you buy the book, you can get some free gifts that we’re still giving away. Go there, get your free gifts. There’s a website I have called How to End Suffering and Be Happy where I give away I think a two-part audio training program. That’s something you can check out.

If you’ve really been moved by this conversation and might feel ready for the next level in some way, twice a year I do a very special event. It’s a 12-day transformational experiential event in Bali, it’s called Boundless Bliss. You can go to www.boundlessblissbali.com. If you’re a leader, you’re a visionary, you’re someone who feels a bit of a call and to make a difference, it is a life-changing transformational experience. That’s Boundless Bliss Bali. My main website, just kuteblackson.com. I’m on social media, shoot me a message on Instagram, let me know. Instagram, Facebook, let me know you heard this conversation.

Thank you so much Kute and thank you so much, listeners. Remember, love because you are love, be open to the abundance and love of the universe, because the universe wants to give you so much, and lead a stellar life. Until next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

✓ Have the courage to be who you truly are. Confidently speak your mind and express your inner truth. You owe it to yourself to live a life where you aren’t hiding your genuine feelings.
✓ Learn to accept life for what it is and what it isn’t. Let go of the things you cannot control and let them unfold before you naturally and in their right time. Resistance will only lead to suffering.
✓ Bear in mind that you cannot please everyone all of the time. You have been put on this planet to grow, evolve, and learn. There will be times where your decisions will not be agreeable to others but don’t let that faze youespecially if it’s your calling.
✓ Let adversities become your mentor when it comes to fulfilling your dreams. Oftentimes, these struggles may seem like the end of the road but in reality, they are detours. Enjoy the ride.
✓ Don’t wait for a sign. If you have a burning desire inside your gut, go for it without hesitation. The Universe will not wrap your goals in a bowtie and place it on your lap. You have to chase them.
✓ Trust that there is a higher intelligence, a divine being that has bigger plans for you. Whenever things don’t seem to go your way, remember it’s because your fate is already written. You will be okay as long as you keep the faith.
✓ Treat everyone you meet in life as a teacher. They know something you don’t and whether it is a good or bad experience, consider it as part of your journey to finding your truth.
✓ Love without the attachment of wishing others to love you back. Love for the sake of being in love. You are love. There’s no need to seek love because it has been inside you all along.
✓ If you felt like this episode’s message was a calling, check out Kute Blackson’s courses, How to End Suffering and Be Happy and Boundless Bliss (which is held in Bali) to take your transformation to the next level. Grab a copy of Kute Blackson’s book You Are The One: A Bold Adventure in Finding Purpose, Discovering the Real You, and Loving Fully.

Links and Resources

About Kute Blackson

Kute Blackson is the author of the bestselling book You.Are.The.One. and is widely considered the next generation leader in the field of personal development by everyone ranging from Larry King, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson and more.
For over 20 years, Kute Blackson has been igniting people’s hearts, and inspire courageous action.
His mission is simple: To inspire people across the world to access inner freedom, live authentically and fulfill their true life’s purpose.

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