200th Episode Special! The Story of My Miracle Baby

A Personal Note From Orion

For this episode, I’ve decided to share my secret with you, a secret that I’ve kept for almost a year. Later on, you will understand why I kept it as a secret and why I didn’t really want to talk about it or share it.

But it’s time. I’ve received a gift from God, and I am ready to share that with you. I also think that it can help a lot of you with the idea of manifesting and understanding of what goes into manifestation and how the manifestation of what you want doesn’t always happen the way you want it to. Still, you can manifest your dreams. If you deeply connect with that, it will show up in your life. Not always exactly the way you want it, but it will happen for you.

I wanted to be a mother for a long time. Every time I saw a little kid or baby, I felt a deep longing in my heart, that desire for being a mother. Earlier in my 20s, it wasn’t there, but when the 30s hit, every time I saw a little baby or even a little puppy, I just felt like “Ugh. I really want it.” Knowing I have hormonal deficiencies and other issues, I was not an optimal candidate to get pregnant naturally. So, my husband and I decided that we would go and try IVF.

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When I went to the doctors, they gave me less than 10% chance to conceive. That’s not a lot. Especially when you go to a doctor’s office and there is somebody who is educated and wearing a white robe, you tend to believe them. I remember going to my friend, Ganith, the acupuncturist and she used to take care of me while I was pregnant, to help me with getting pregnant and preparing my room for conceiving. While I was pregnant, she took care of me as well. I remember we were talking about that and she’s like, “What?! They said 10%? Switch it. Make it 90%.” And I took her advice. She said it very humorously but I like that. I decided to believe that I have 90% chance to conceive and not 10%.

I went to all the fancy doctors in Beverly Hills and they wanted to get me an IVF right away without even checking my uterus. I was thinking about it, it was super expensive and has a low chance. Stephan (my husband) and I decided to go to Israel and do IVF there because it was much more affordable and the doctors are amazing, very advanced medicine and very advanced technology. It’s the best of both worlds and I’ll be able to be there and be near my family. So, we decided to go.

Thank God we did because my doctor there did a 3D ultrasound check-up before he even said yes or no to IVF. He found out that my uterus was a T-shaped uterus, meaning it was blocked from three sides, meaning there’s no place for a baby to grow in it. Unfortunately, none of the doctors here in the US that I went to thought to check it out.

On my first trip to Israel, instead of going through IVF, I went to surgery to open up my uterus. If I haven’t done it, no IVF in the world could’ve helped me because my uterus was too small. I did this surgery and I had to wait for my uterus to heal and went back to the US. A few months later, we went back to Israel and I did IVF in Tel Aviv.

Now, typically the percentage to conceive on the first try that they gave me was 5%. And I was blessed because I conceived on the first try. I was so happy. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of my challenges. When I thought about pregnancy and what pregnancy is going to look like, I always had this image of blissful pregnant women, hanging out in nature, hanging out in the beach, all smiley and happy, almost like being pregnant is the most relaxing thing, and most relaxing experience in the world. But my pregnancy did not match that image.

Your dreams don't always manifest the way you imagine them. Trust that whatever transpires is for your highest good. Click To Tweet

At some point, it did. I did an amazing photoshoot that gave the illusion of perfection and ease but this wasn’t so. First off, IVF is super challenging and dealing with IVF hormones is so difficult especially because I was hormonally deficient, super deficient. My hormones went from 0 to 100 so fast, I felt like I was losing my mind.

Now, I am a love coach, a relationship coach, and a life coach, but it took a toll on my relationship. My husband and I are very big into self-development. We had to use all our tools, everything that we need, everything that we knew, to deal with this situation. I was very emotionally intense. I could get up in the morning smiling, angry, raging the next hour, super sad and crying the hour after that, and then laughing again. It was nuts. It was so hard. It was literally like I was on drugs or I was drunk and it was super hard to control. I’m very blessed that I have this man who was my rock and stood by me even when I was really crazy.

With this little baby in my belly, only a little tiny cell, I went back to the US. But I went back to the US very sick. I remember my first day there, it was so rainy, and I was soaking wet, and I got terrible bronchitis. Now with the IVF, it really weakens your immune system because I couldn’t fight it. I dealt with severe bronchitis over two stretches of my first and second trimester. A total of 4½ months of terrible bronchitis and my coughing was so severe that my chest was covered with swollen blue veins.

Three weeks after I got to the US, I also had a miscarriage scare. I was really bleeding and I went to the hospital. I remember I didn’t have my wallet to pay for the hospital, I just had my phone, I took an Uber. I was hysterical. I thought I lost my baby, but thank God it was a false alarm. They actually implanted two embryos to increase the chances. Maybe it was the other one, I don’t know. But at least I had one, healthy one. Thank God.

After that, I had a few months of grace. Nothing other than the typical pregnancy symptoms, nausea, insomnia, bloody nose, swollen feet, restless leg syndrome, and huge pornstar boobs. That was the best part. But I remember looking at all those pregnancy apps and checking for symptoms and just being like, “Check, check, check. Why am I feeling all those symptoms? It’s too much.” I also really enjoyed being pregnant. Just feeling that life in me growing and learning to trust my body as you’re starting to create life, that was amazing for me. This was against all odds, a 5% chance.

Every day, for me, it was a miracle. I was fascinated by my growing belly. I was fascinated by being pregnant. I was even fascinated by my swollen feet, even though it hurt a lot. Every day it was a miracle. It was also a very lonely time for me because I didn’t share my pregnancy with a lot of people. Only maybe less than a handful of people. And I was going through all these struggles—the sickness, the loneliness, the fear of being pregnant for the first time. I was going through it alone and it was really hard.

I chose not to publicize my pregnancy because I believe what is hidden from the eye has more blessings. And I just wanted to keep it for myself, especially after the miscarriage scare. I just wanted to just keep it out of mind, and out of sight. Also, with all the stress and uncertainty, I didn’t want that to be the focus or I didn’t want people to pity me, “Oh, poor her.” I just wanted people to treat me normally.

Focus on everything that you want to manifest in your life. Your thoughts can become your reality.

But when I was nine months pregnant, I was ready to open up for a select group of close girlfriends and we did a beautiful mother’s blessing. I finally had the opportunity to share my journey with them. It was very healing for me. They all blessed the baby and me with light and blessings. It was really beautiful.

At 36 weeks though, we discovered that our baby was breech. Meaning, the head was up instead of down. I did everything I could to turn him head down. There is a website called Spinning Babies. They have all this type of exercise to be inverted and help encourage the baby to spin. I did that. I did acupuncture. I did special chiropractic appointments to help with turning the baby. Spend a lot of time and a lot of money and all that. I did hypnosis for spinning the baby. Moxibustion sticks—meaning, putting that smoky little wooden thing to burn my little toe for 20 minutes everyday, very stinky and very annoying. I did it twice a day. I remember getting up in the morning, doing the moxibustion, the Spinning Babies, running to the chiropractor, going back and doing hypnosis, doing hypnosis for my birth. My whole day was around this pregnancy and trying to have a healthy vaginal birth.

Eventually, I tried something that was terrible. It’s called External Cephalic Version (ECV). You go to the hospital, they put you through the ultrasound, which is really not good for you or the baby at all. Ultrasound sucks, there’s not enough awareness about the risks of ultrasound here in the US. Everybody tells you that it’s totally safe, but in the past, doctors said that X-rays were very safe for babies and now they don’t dare do it.

They did ultrasound waves in human studies in China. They don’t do it here because it’s unethical, but they did it in China and they show a link between ultrasound and some problems with ADD, reproductive systems and all kinds of things. I wanted to flip the baby, I have to make the decision, I was avoiding ultrasound most of my pregnancy, but this time around, it was like, “Okay, I’m going to do it.”

I did ECV. They monitored my belly under ultrasound and then they tried to switch the baby on top of my belly. As soon as the doctor put the ultrasound on my baby, the baby climbs even higher inside me. He was hiding under my rib cage from the radiation of the ultrasound. And then the doctor dug her fingers up and under my rib cage and it was so painful. I squealed from the pain. It didn’t work. They’re like, “Should I try again?” With tears in my eyes, I was like, “Yeah, let’s try.” It didn’t work and I was just left with a bruised belly, tender to touch and my baby was still breeched.

A little bit about breech births. We as human beings did those breech deliveries for thousands of years and it was okay. Up until the year 2000, a woman carrying a breech baby had two choices: a vaginal breech birth or a C-section at the hospital. But because of flawed and incorrect study that first choice was taken away. Now when you go to the hospital and you have a breech baby, the only delivery method they offer you is C-section. They also stopped training new doctors in the art of delivering a breech baby. I find it very sad. Up until 2014, a woman in California would still have the option to have a midwife deliver a breech baby at home, in California, but that privilege was taken away from women.

That study that came out in the 2000s was disproven, yet because of lawyers and liabilities, C-section remains the only option for most women these days. Like I said, these days, new doctors aren’t even taught the art of delivering breech babies. I find it very disturbing. I really tried to spin my baby but I was unsuccessful.

Listen to your intuition. It's often a whisper that gets drowned out by your mind chatter. Click To Tweet

It was on to plan B. We hired the best and only doctor in LA who does breech delivery at home. Dr. Stu Fischbein. He’s the only one. He’s going to move away from California and then there’ll be no one from LA and I don’t think there’ll be anyone that will offer breech home delivery. I was at home and we had a beautiful environment. I remember waking up at [5:00] AM. I’m telling my husband, “Baby, this is it.” He’s all asleep and like, “Oh, no. You have Braxton Hicks,” meaning false labor. I’m like, “No, baby. This is not Braxton Hicks. I am feeling something.”

So we called the doctor, they came a few hours later and I was already 7 cm open and just a few hours later I was fully dilated. I had a really good experience in my labor at home. It was beautiful. I had my incredible doula, Jessica Botello, my fantastic midwife, Beth Cannon, and the lovely Dr. Stu Fischbein and his student in my house.

I had a birthing tub. I really imagined myself having an orgasmic birth in the tub, that was my dream. My incredible husband supported me through the contractions, we have those beautiful photos of me really zoning out and tuning in and he’s holding me from behind. It was an incredible experience for me. My body, she’s about to give birth, I’m experiencing this amazing feeling. I’m experiencing this amazing sensation.

The reason why my experience was not that experience you see in the movies where the ladies are all screaming during labor, is because I took a Hypnobabies class. Three months prior, I would condition my mind to create this sense hypnoanesthesia and almost numb my body from the chest to the hips. And every contraction felt like a big warm hug. That really helped me. It wasn’t unpainful but it was in a way pleasurable. I had those hypnosis tools to ease the pain and relax me through the contractions.

Like I said, I was very quickly fully dilated and ready to go, but my baby didn’t descend and the bag of water never broke. I was in labor for about 18 hours, a little bit longer. Then my labor just stopped and Dr. Stu recommended going to the hospital for a C-section which was my worst nightmare. That was the last thing I wanted to do.

At midnight, after about 20 hours of labor, I had to face my greatest fear. Seriously, I did not want to have this type of delivery. I want to have immediate eye contact with my baby. I wanted it to be orgasmic and beautiful and in the water. I wanted to put my baby on my chest as soon as he arrived. But I had to face my greatest fear, and we drove to Woodland Health Hospital.

I felt in shock. Moving to a cold, brightly lit harsh hospital setting from the soft nurturing home environment. It was very disorienting. At first, we went to the hospital, Dr. Stu was with us and then this very sharp, really masculine energy female doctor came, very cold. She was very unpleasant. We were gathered in the room and she looked extremely exhausted and she was freaked out because the baby was breech and Dr. Stu had to tell her, “This is normal. This is what I do for a living. Breech delivery is normal.”

I quickly got into the C-section procedure. As they operated on me, my upper body couldn’t stop shaking. I had a really bad reaction to whatever they gave me. My neck and biceps were painfully spasming through the procedure. I was spasming so much. My upper body didn’t stop shaking. There is me lying down there, the curtain dividing my body, my body is numb from the waist down and my upper body just can’t stop shaking and spasming and it was very painful, my neck was very painful. That happened to other procedures and even hours after the procedure.

Your support system will be your rock during difficult times.

It happened pretty quickly after I got anesthesia. Then I heard a baby cry. I saw the team gathering around my baby and I just wanted to hold him. I heard my baby cry, I just wanted to hold him. I was crying and I was screaming at them. I was like, “Give me my baby! Give my baby! I want to hold my baby! Please, please! Give me my baby!”

I don’t know if I was able to scream loud enough for my voice was lost and everything that was happening in the operation room. I felt so hopeless and powerless to do anything. I was still being sewn back together on the other side of the curtain that divided my body in half, and no one looked my way. Even not Stephan, my husband, who was there with them. I didn’t know that my baby’s vitals were unstable. I just knew that my baby was just born and I can not look at his eyes or hold him the way I really imagined doing. It was really hard.

Finally, around 15 minutes later, they finally gave my baby to me. I couldn’t even hold him because I was so shaky. I kept holding him and shaking. I felt so sad and disconnected. This beautiful experience that I imagined to be was so the opposite of anything I imagined. I remember holding him and looking at him, I was pretty much in shock. The thought that went to my mind is, “I want to give him eye contact. I want to give him eye contact.” But because I was so shaky, I couldn’t even hold him in a way that I could look in his eyes. It was (for me) devastating.

I kept holding him and shaking for the next few hours. And then they moved me to a recovery room, but I started losing a lot of blood, a significant amount of blood. They kept me for observation in the recovery room for an extra three or four hours. And the nurses kept painfully pressing on my belly to push out the blood and clot. It was so painful. They’re laying there, holding my baby, shaking, my husband is near me, and they are just shoving on my belly that is gushing blood. It was not fun. It was horrible, it was painful, and it was traumatic.

They told me afterward that I lost about 1200 milliliters in the recovery room, which is about 5 times more than typical. My hallucination of having an orgasmic, vaginal home birth was completely crushed. But I know that babies come to the world the way they’re meant to. My baby was birth side in my shaking arms. I kept the baby skin to skin for hours and hours. I didn’t let go of my baby unless they really needed to check him or something. I was just holding him for hours on end. I felt like I needed to bond with him since I didn’t have that.

Your body is miraculous. She can heal in ways that will astonish your doctors. Click To Tweet

When you have a vaginal birth, you have all those beautiful hormones—the oxytocin and the dopamines—that happen naturally during vaginal birth. But when you do a C-section, those hormones are not there. That mother-son bond is a little different. I had to create that bond. I did not want to let him go. Skin to skin on me, not letting him go.

The next day, I noticed something was wrong with him. The nurses brushed me off saying such a stance us, “Oh, your baby is not relaxed because he feels your anxiety.” Every time somebody tells me that, it was so frustrating. It’s like, “Okay. If I am anxious and I know that my anxiety affects my baby and it’s hard to control my anxiety, I get even more anxious about it.” But them just saying that made me feel like a little less than.

I told them, “You know, he just wants to nurse a lot.” I know it’s still 10 hours straight and I was like, “He doesn’t want to stop nursing.” The little amount that this little tiny creature could even get out of my boobs that are barely producing milk in the first hours. And they said, “Oh, he is nursing too much because he’s using you as a human pacifier.” I thought I was a terrible mom. Seriously, I felt like I’m just awful. I don’t know how to calm him down and I don’t know how to educate him because this little, tiny baby, day-old, is using me. The tiny, little one-day-old baby is using me as a human pacifier. How can you even say no to that?

I was sleep-deprived, recovering from surgery, with pain killers, and my self-esteem was not good. I felt like I was hallucinating. Them telling me that really affected me on a cellular level. I felt really depressed, depleted, and hopeless. But there was another side of the nurses in the hospital, which was nice to watch them hold the baby and take care of the baby. I learned actually a lot from seeing them and treating my newborn.

A few hours later, I was holding him and he felt burning hot. I insisted they check his temperature. And yeah, he had a low-grade fever. They suggested testing his blood sugar as well. We said yes and thank God we did because we found out that his blood sugar levels were dangerously low, 20. At that moment, I learned to trust my intuition. It doesn’t matter what level of experience the person in front of you has. You have to trust your body, you have to trust your intuition as an individual and especially as a mother. That was the moment where I learned to trust my intuition as a mother.

I knew something was wrong with my baby, and I was right. The trauma, the pain from the surgery. I was a little bit self-absorbed after the birth because I was thinking about all the pain that I’ve been through. It was this pity, “Why me? Why did I have to go through this? Why didn’t I have this beautiful birth at home? Spending so much money on all these methods to spin my baby and inviting the doctor and spending more money on that and trying so hard to control the outcome. Why did it happen to me?” Like I said at the beginning of this podcast, sometimes we plan for things to happen but they happen the way they happen.

Vision boards are a great way to set your goals and dreams.

When my baby was sick, all the trauma and the pain of the surgery and the poor me, nothing mattered anymore. I just wanted my baby to be safe. When I did the mother’s blessing, I told them that they will be my circle of light and when I’m in labor, I gave them all the candles and I asked them, “I gave each one a candle and a rose.” At the end of the circle I asked them, “We’re going to have a group text and when I’m in labor (and this is for your eyes only), please light a candle and pray for my baby.” So we did, and then the next day when that happened, I called them my circle of light and I asked them to pray for my baby.

Stephan and I spent a long stressful night. That poor little baby was poked and poked in his heel often and his blood sugar levels were all over the place. Up and down, up and down. Super stressful. It was a roller coaster. Finally, after 20 hours, his sugar level was stable. Now, looking back at the bigger picture, I thought my son had to be born in the hospital, so they could spot this blood sugar level and they can address it. If we were at home, we would not have the tools to handle all that. That was another big realization on my end.

Finally, we were able to leave the hospital. I was rolled out in the wheelchair, holding my baby boy, and my husband came to pick us up in our car. I remember just sitting by him and watching him sleep in his tiny car seat. Four days later, as we drove away from the hospital, this was one of the best, most special moments in my life as Stephan, me, and the baby are going home as a family. I just want to share with you the birth of my son, David Gabriel Spencer. He was born on September 5th, 6lbs, and 9oz and is our miracle baby.

I would like to know what you think about this story and if it inspired you in some way. What do you think about it and what kind of lessons you can implement in your own life from this? Is it the lesson of never giving up? For me, it was one of the lessons where it was very humbling because I always saw myself as a great manifestor. And I am. But there is a bigger picture. Things manifest and things come into this world the way they need to show up. The way you birth a baby, or the way you birth your business, or the beginning of a new relationship, it doesn’t always happen the way we imagine it. It happens the way it should be, the way it should happen.

Always look at the positive side of things. Life lessons, even though it’s painful, can act as a humbling experience. Click To Tweet

We came back from the hospital with the still tiny little bundle of joy. Let me tell you, being a new mom is hard! Especially because I didn’t have much help. My family came from Israel but then that was a whole new story because they got sick and I had to take care of them, too, and the newborn. I was very sleep-deprived, I’m still sleep-deprived, but it’s all good because when I look at this little cutie, tiny, beautiful baby; he’s not so tiny anymore. He’s eating well and he gained weight, he started to talk with his little baby language. I love it. Still, it’s not easy, it’s hard. I decided I wanted to put my career on hold, kind of. It’s almost like right now, I’m preparing the mental foundation for a rebrand, planning my new website, and really crystalizing my message. I’m not ready to go out yet. I stopped coaching clients one-on-one but I’ll get back to that.

If you are interested in being on the waiting list, please email me, orion@nullorionsmethod.com and we can go on a call and see if we are a good fit for life and love coaching. For now, it’s just me and the baby. I’m in baby land and I’m so happy because I was waiting for this miracle for such a long time. I talked with my friends and some of them, they had babies fairly easy. It was a big deal but it wasn’t such a big deal. For me, I just wanted to cherish every moment.

There will be a time for me to become a mega superstar, go back, make tons of money, be all over the place, and shine like the star that I am. But for now, the most precious thing for me is to wake up in the morning and look at those big bright eyes, his beautiful smile, and that just fills me with so much joy and so much fulfillment. And yes, some days I’m like, “I can’t handle it anymore. I just want some me-time, please.” I just went and did my nails three months after I had the baby for the first time because I didn’t have a chance to do so. And it felt great.

Some days are really hard, but then I keep reminding myself of this miracle, how beautiful he is and how much I want to cherish every moment. I don’t want to miss the first word, the first giggle, the first time he was able to hold his little toys. I want to be there. I am addicted. I think I’m addicted to my son. He’s so cute.

I hope you enjoyed my story. I hope you will learn something from it. If you want to email me, and tell me your thoughts, share your thoughts, or share a similar story, again you can email me at orion@nullorionsmethod.com. I was at a place where I thought about quitting and stopping this podcast because I don’t get much feedback from my audience, I know there are downloads, but I don’t get many emails that are saying, “Oh, this episode rocked my world,” or, “Thank you for doing what you’re doing,” or, “I have a similar story and I want to share that with you.”

If you are gaining value from this episode or from a different episode, share that with me and let me know because I want to know that I am creating an impact in the world. I want to know that I’m helping you, I want to know that I’m giving you what you need. It’s hard to just imagine doing that, knowing that I am putting great content out there, but not getting the feedback.

Believe in yourself. Trust that your dreams are valid and that it’s there for a reason. Just go for it! Click To Tweet

When you plant a tree and you put a seed in the ground, you know that something is happening. But without even seeing something growing, it’s quite difficult to keep waiting. If you find it in your heart to contact me, do that. That would help me a lot. I would like that. If you want to review the podcast, then say something nice that will help other people want to listen and engage, then go to iTunes and write a quick review and I will be forever grateful.

My three tips to living a stellar life for this episode, number one, believe in yourself. Trust that if you have a dream, it’s there for a reason, and just go for it. Go for it even when it’s hard, even when people tell you, “You only have a 5% chance to succeed.” Go for your dream, go for your dreams because something is going to come out of that.

Number two, know that the manifestation of your dreams will not happen exactly how you imagined it, but it will manifest in some way, shape or form if you are going and heading in that direction. If you take the action, if you visualize, it will happen. Visualization is so important.

Create a vision board. I created a vision board for my pregnancy where I had photos of babies and I had this one photo from an LA baby shower that my friend did where I was holding her little son and he was just a few weeks old. I had that photo and I imagined myself holding my own son. I put that on the vision board and put little baby socks on the vision board. Do that. Imagine yourself fulfilling your dreams and have a strong desire and trust the creator that it can happen for you.

This is Orion, signing off. Until next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓} Follow the Law of Attraction. Focus on everything that you want to manifest in your life. Your thoughts can become your reality.
{✓} Consider IVF if you’re having difficulty in conceiving a baby, but do some thorough research first and choose the best doctor for your needs.
{✓} Have a support system of people who understand what you are going through. They will be your rock during difficult times.
{✓} Try doing a hypnobabies class when you’re expecting a child. Hypnobabies teaches medical-grade hypnosis techniques that help create a much more natural birthing environment.
{✓} Research more about home births so that you have an alternative option if you want a more natural approach to birthing your baby.
{✓} Trust your intuition. Listen to what your body is telling you, especially when it comes to your baby’s needs. A mother and child’s bond is unbelievable, and your instincts are heightened when you’ve just given birth.
{✓} Visualize the kind of life you want to live. Create a vision board and make yourself a promise that you will accomplish your heart’s utmost desire.
{✓} Try to look at the bigger picture. Sometimes not everything happens according to plan, but trust that the universe conspires into making all your desires a reality, one way or another.
{✓} Never give up on your dreams. Even when people tell you that there is a small chance of success, sometimes miracles do happen.
{✓} Send Orion a short message or feedback and let her know your thoughts via orion@nullorionsmethod.com.