USA
HEBREW
About Today’s Show
Hi, Anil! I am honored to have you on the show.
Hey! Thank you, Orion, for having me on your show!
Yeah, welcome! Why don’t we start by you telling you in our listeners a little bit about yourself?
I was suicidal 7-8 years ago and I needed an intervention from Tony Robbins. His wife did one. His wife’s brother did one. My wife did one. I was very stubborn and I realized that life is not about you, it’s about the difference you make so as soon as I started helping other people, the pain disappeared.
That’s incredible! What made you write that book? How did you start helping people?
Well, you know, I’ve been through a lot of teachings, seminars, coaching seminars, and events so I knew what to do but I couldn’t implement. Some people think that knowledge is power but it’s not. Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is not power unless you implement it. Then I thought there must be a way to implement and I thought, “Okay, what did I do?” then I started writing it down and I thought, “This would be good in a book!” It was just a process.
Your book is called Immediate Happiness. What is happiness?
Well, happiness is external and inspiration is internal. Fulfillment is internal. Happiness is external. Happiness is easy to get. I’ll give you $100 or $1,000, you’re happy so it’s important that we are able to have a level of awareness of what we’re really seeking.
Life is not about you, it’s about the difference you make. Share on XWhat does it mean to be happy? How do I know that I’m happy?
Well, you know, you can measure happiness and I’ll give out something called The Happiness Score. What you do is, you fill in this form that has 25 questions and if you go to this website: myhappinessscore.com, you’ll get a detailed breakdown of areas of your life that you need to work on so if, for example, there’s one particular area that you like to work on but you didn’t know it, this program would tell you exactly what area to work on and then once you start working on that, that’s where you get the immediate results.
Right. What makes you happy every day?
Well, three things: You know, what we do as human beings that make us happy and really fulfilled is what I call the 3 G’s. The first G is, you have to “give.” Give your time, your energy, your love, your commitment, your joy, your money—give it away without wanting anything in return. The second G is, you have to be “grateful.” Be grateful for what you have and don’t focus on what you don’t have. And the third G is, you have to “grow”—emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Any time you’re not feeling happy, anytime you are not feeling blissful, any time you’re not feeling joyful, one of those 3 G’s is missing.
When we encounter obstacles in life, we need to either get gratitude or focus on something else? Or, give something to somebody else?
With an obstacle, look at the 3 G’s: give, grow, and gratitude and then decide what does it mean. If say, for example, you have an accident. Do you make it mean, “This is always happening to me!” and then to go in that state? Or, do you see, as human beings, we’re meaning-making machines so do you see, “You know what? This is something that happened. It doesn’t mean anything and I can let this one go.” It’s really about empowering yourself and having that awareness.
Can you tell me a little bit about people whom you’ve worked with and what type of successes they had?
I have over 200 video testimonials. The people I work with are normally very successful entrepreneurs who feel very successful but they feel that there is something missing. Their relationships, perhaps, are not as good as they wanted or they feel that they should be in a happier place. This is where we can redirect their focus and redirect the way they’re wired so that they can live a richer, more fulfilled, more balanced, and happier life.
Is it different working with successful versus unsuccessful people?
It is because successful people take action and in my experience, unsuccessful people really don’t take action, or they’re not committed, or they say they don’t have the money, or they don’t have the time—they make excuses. Whereas, with successful people, you know that they’re going to do it and if they don’t do it, you don’t have to work with them. It’s really quite a learning process for me too because, at one time, I would just talk to anybody but now, I’ve realized that I really need to help people who want to help themselves.
All right. Absolutely! In my coaching practice, it’s the same. I had a few times where I had to fire clients because it was just not a good match and it’s not good for me or for them if they’re not moving toward their dreams and they’re just talking about it or making excuses. So, tell me a little bit about the successes that happen with your coaching?
There’s a gentleman whose name is Liam. He did a beautiful testimonial for me saying that he had seven years of pain, regret, and guilt that disappeared in a 20-minute conversation. It really is that powerful because what we were able to do with him was to let him forgive—and I call forgiveness as the express pathway to freedom. Your ability to forgive or let go will determine how happy you are.
That’s big! How can someone forgive past hurt that took probably 20 years or a decade to accomplish? How can they forgive in twenty minutes?
There’s a technique and once you do this little technique that I have, it’s so powerful because you see the benefits and people realizing that letting go and forgiving has nothing to do with the other person. They’ve been living a life where they think that letting go means they’re letting the other person win but that’s not the case because by letting go, you win. Having a bad attitude or having a bad feeling towards someone is like taking poison and hoping something will happen to them. Once they realized that there is a way out and once they realize that it’s not letting the other person win, they can forgive but they don’t have to forget.
Is happiness something that happens to you after you do a certain action? Or, is it something that you have to work on every day all day?
It all stems from awareness. You cannot be happy, you cannot be fulfilled, you cannot be joyous, and you cannot be blissful without awareness. That’s a must that we all need to work on. If we work on the muscle of awareness, what happens is, we become aware of being aware and then a lot of beautiful things happen. As that muscle gets stronger, a level of awareness, happiness, joy, and bliss increases.
Yeah. What’s an example of an exercise in awareness?
It’s a gratitude exercise, so if you just close your eyes and tell me five things that you’re grateful for.
I am grateful for my body. I’m grateful for my amazing partner. I’m grateful for my family. I’m grateful for my mission. I am grateful for you right now.
How do you feel?
Awesome! I feel great. I feel elevated!
Yeah, and that only took 5-10 seconds so that’s the secret! We have to build that muscle up and as we develop, it just gets easier and easier and easier. Normally, when I coach someone, I ask them to try a hundred things that they could be grateful for. Some of them stumble at 3 or 4 but it’s just practice and then they get to 10 or 20 and then they go, “Oh! This is interesting!” and as they’re doing it, you can see their physiology, their face, and their energy change.
Right. I’m doing gratitude every morning when I wake up. I am thinking about the things that I’m grateful for—from the past and the things I’m proud of—and I just get into this blissful gratitude and what happened is, a lot of the past memories are showing up for me every morning—things I haven’t thought of a long time—and I just started to journal it so now, I have a gratitude journal. It’s very fascinating to just go back and read all those things I wasn’t aware of because we have so much to be grateful for and we have this ‘entitlement syndrome’ like, I’m healthy and my life is like this and this is the way it should be and I just need to get more! And that’s wrong. We need to feel ourselves and be in appreciation of everything that we have because when you’re for something, the universe will give you more of that—more love, more health, more money. How does happiness connect to money?
See, there is no correlation. They’ve done studies that around $75,000 is the limit and if you earn more than that, you’re not necessarily any happier. The way I measure a man’s wealth is this, what he has left—if you take away all his possessions—is he kind? Is he generous? Is he caring? Is he loving? Is he present? Is he a good person? Does he have good thoughts? Does he have good intentions? That’s how I measure a man’s wealth. In my coaching, I realize and notice that a lot of wealthy people are not happier. In fact, they’re more unhappy. They are fearful, they’re fearful of losing it all. They don’t know who their friends are. They don’t know how to make longer-lasting and deeper relationships. They’re focused on money rather than building their relationships. Having spent some time with Richard Branson, I asked him, “What are the most important things in your life?” and he said, “There are two things: My health and my relationships.” He didn’t mention anything about wealth or money.
Yeah, he’s a cool guy. I love your photos!
He’s the nicest man! We’ve had some good conversations.
That is so cool! I hope to meet him one day. Do you meditate or do you have any rituals that you personally do every day to condition your mind for success and to condition your emotional state?
Well, you know, as I’ve developed the muscle of awareness, I really don’t meditate but when I do meditate, I need three minutes. I focus on the joyous aspects of my life. I really enjoy the enjoyment of others. If I see children, I really get such a high from just watching them being happy, playful, joyful, and present. Happiness can come from anything. I’ve got a wristband with the word “awareness” on it so if I look at that, and you know, you’ll be grateful for the difference you make so it’s just a matter of building that muscle-up.
Right. We’ve known each other for a while now and you have a great sense of humor—you’re extremely funny! I mean, just now, before we started, I saw you on Skype and you had this t-shirt with a big heart on it. So cute! What do you think about humor? How does that work into that equation of happiness?
Humor is very powerful because it changes what you’re thinking about. It changes your state. Once you are laughing, there’s no room for unhappiness.
Right, and it’s also a great tool to break patterns in relationships, right?
Absolutely! Especially relationships because things can get very serious and very heated and then as human beings, we love to be right so we hold on to our stance and that inevitably leads to pain.
Any tips on how to break the pattern through humor?
Start telling jokes! I mean, there’s one joke I tell everybody and there are millions of people who would know if I tell it to you—so, what do you call a deaf gorilla?
I don’t’ know.
Anything you like! He can’t hear! I use that—you know, if a waitress is having a bad day or someone is not being as nice as they could, I start telling them a joke. And then all of a sudden, they say, “You know what? That’s funny! Thank you, man!” and then all of a sudden, they start treating me differently.
When we get in conversations, you always make me laugh and I really appreciate that. You use humor to not only break patterns when people are angry but also to make them feel safe and cared for.
Yeah, and it makes me happy too because I caused it. If you can cause something that can change a person’s life—just for that minute, it’s the greatest feeling on the planet. You know that when you do your coaching.
Yeah, so you, basically, collect smiles.
Yeah, I collect memories. It’s all about memories. It’s all about how you leave people feeling. People will always remember how you made them feel.
Yeah, absolutely! One of the most powerful coaching that you gave me and I would like to share and really thank you for is, when I thought of becoming more present online and contacting more people and getting out of my comfort zone, I came and I asked you for advice. I told you, “You know, I’m afraid. I’m insecure” and whatever, and you told me something I’ll never forget. You said, “Somebody is dying out there because you’re not fulfilling your purpose.” Actually, you used the word “dying” and I really took it to heart. I was like, “Wow!” because when I get out of my own limiting beliefs, fears, and all “me, me, me” and I think about the bigger purpose I have here on earth—which is to help people—I can do whatever and be whatever. Actually, I think this podcast is a part of that—a part of your coaching—and I want to thank you for that.
That’s my pleasure! You know, as soon as we start serving other people, we see the difference it can make and that is so addictive.
As soon as we start serving other people, we see the difference it can make and that is so addictive. Share on XYeah. It is addictive, isn’t it?
Yes.
Yeah, actually one of my things is to get into the kind of like “play” with people—get into their minds and when I say play, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to play with them or try to take advantage but try to create a playful environment and through that, bring out the serious stuff and really deeply connect. Do you know the kind of like helping them get their guards down so we can connect better through a smile, a gesture, a joke, or through funny interactions? That’s an amazing tool.
Yeah, and we never know what people are going through so by you having that small interaction, it creates a feeling for them where at that moment, the pain disappears. It’s beautiful.
Isn’t that incredible? What’s your biggest dream? Where do you see yourself?
I want to go to India and Africa and talk to large groups of young people and give all my content away with no upsell, side sale, or no hidden agenda. I just want to give it away because the difference one person in that crowd could make would be incredible.
That’s a beautiful dream! When are you going to do it?
Within 12 months. I’m working on people in India and on people in Africa. I was born in Africa so that’s why the relationship is there. Within 12 months. I wrote this down yesterday, I want to speak in front of 20,000+ people.
Incredible! Right now, you still speak in front of big crowds, don’t you?
Yeah, I speak all over the world. I just spoke in Croatia. I spoke in New York, California, India, and all of the world. I have a beautiful message that people don’t need to suffer. They don’t need to be in pain. All they need to do is just change their mindset.
So, going through all those countries and sharing that message globally, do you see a difference in people’s reactions?
Well, each country has their own idiosyncrasies. The Germans are quite different to the British but, basically, we’re all human beings. We all have the same needs—we want to be loved; we want to feel respected; we want to feel honored; we want to feel that we’re good enough; we want to feel that we’re smart enough; we want to feel a special way. Every human being feels that way and that’s the way we were when we were kids. We were so special but all of a sudden, something happened—we started to go to school and we were no longer special.
Right. Do you have a point like that in your life where you felt like that as a kid?
Oh yeah! I remember coming from Africa to London and I thought, “This is funny. I don’t belong. I’m brown. All the other people are white. I don’t understand the language. There’s something wrong with me. I don’t belong here!” and basically, I became a coconut.
What does that mean?
It means I was brown on the outside and white on the inside. Have you ever heard that before?
No, I’ve never heard that before.
As an Indian growing up in London, all my school friends were white so during the day, I would be white then when I come home, I’d be brown to fit in.
Ah! That must have been so difficult.
It was but it’s a mechanism that protects us.
Right. Let’s talk about relationships. When we get in relationships, it’s really fun and happy; the hormones are very intense, and our partner can never do anything wrong but then, a few years go by, and sometimes, the level of happiness or connection can be affected. What can we do to keep that fire alive?
Well, this is what happens and I call this the “dating façade.” Boy sees girl. Girl sees boy. They are instantly attracted and they’ll do anything for each other. This carries on and then they get married. All of a sudden, he thinks, “Well, I can’t do that stuff anymore,” and she’ll also think that she can’t do that stuff anymore. Then, he’ll say to her, “You’re not the woman I married. The woman I married used to cook me meals, cuddle me, and look after me,” and she’ll say, “Well, the man I married used to do this, this, and that. Now, he doesn’t do that anymore!” This is what I call the “dating façade” and the secret is this—if you want to save your marriage and if you want to save your relationship, all you have to do is one thing: serve your partner. If you serve your partner, look after them, and make sure that they’re looked after in every way—and I and I don’t mean that in a bad way—I mean, in a caring and loving manner, they won’t ever leave you because all their needs are being met and they would do the same to you. If they don’t do the same to you, you know, perhaps, that’s not the right partner.
Theoretically, it sounds really easy but I feel that sometimes, it’s hard to be of service to your partner 24/7 and not get into your own selfish “me, me, me” and what I need.
It’s not that you have to be 24/7. I’m, a lot of the time, not serving my wife but I pick my moments. The most important stuff I make sure that she’s cared for. There are little things—I don’t take the trash out, I don’t take the dishes, I don’t iron my clothes, I don’t do the washing and I could do that stuff to serve her but I’m not going to because it irritates me and that’s something I’m happy to do because my intent is pure. My intent is not to hurt her. My intent is to serve her. By not doing those tasks, I don’t get irritated so I can be more loving towards her.
So you get out of your own comfort zone to keep the fire alive?
Yeah, and, again, it’s awareness—knowing that your wife is upset and knowing that something is very important. Let me give you an example: I call this the “toothpaste” story. I would always leave the lid off the toothpaste tube and my wife would complain so then I would keep on doing it because it’s a fun thing to do. One day, she said, “Honey, every time you do that, I lose some love for you,”
Oh!
So, I thought, “Oh, that’s not nice! Using my own stuff against me!” I said, “You know what? I hadn’t realized how important it was to you and now I realized it. Although I thought I was having fun, you were not having fun and in that moment that you’re upset, you cannot love me so I apologize,” and that’s a beautiful thing so it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
It’s how you say it and how you do it and what you do. There are so many things to do!
Yeah. Focus on the important stuff—the 80-20 rule.
Do you do anything special to get to fire alive beyond awareness?
Awareness is the number one. For example, this is a beautiful memory I have. My car was in front of her car so she had to move her car to let me out. As I was passing her, she smiled at me in such a beautiful way. It let me up. I called her and said, “Honey, you know there’s something that happened this morning,” and she said, “What?” and I said, “As I was passing you, I saw such a beautiful smile in your face. It let me out!” It was like, 30 seconds, but how often do we stop and compliment our partner? It does not have to be a big thing. It can be a small thing. But again, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
You work with couples as well, don’t you?
Basically, I work with individuals because at the end of the day, if you want to live to change, you have to change. If you want a relationship to change by you changing, your partner will change.
Oh, got it! Incredible! Do you have any story or example from somebody who saved their relationship through working with you?
Oh, many, many, many, many instances! An instance where a gentleman would be with his wife and she would look at me in a certain way and sometimes, they would have fights. In her world, if someone shouts, it’s a violation. He didn’t know that because, in his family, they always shouted. In her family, they didn’t so if anyone raised their voice, it was a violation but he didn’t know that. I explained to them, “Look, every time you do that, she puts her guard up and she can’t love you in that moment because she feels so violated.” He said, “Really?” I said, “Yeah, ask her,” and she said, “Yeah, if you want something, talk to me nicely and I’ll do whatever I can.” It’s having that awareness and asking simple questions like: Honey, what can I do to serve you? What can I do to make you feel more loved? What can I do to make you feel more respected?
It’s also about listening because when we get heated, it’s easier to fall into listening to our own story and being right than being loving and caring towards our partner. It’s like, instead of being each other’s person, we make them the enemy and as the enemy, nothing they can do or say will be the right thing and even if they do good things—because we can be so stubborn in our world—we can’t even see it when they move toward us and that goes back to awareness.
It does and letting go as well. How important is my relationship with you? Am I willing to let this go? And then you’ll say, “You know what? It’s really not that important.” Why is it not important? “Because I love this woman so much.”
And also with communicating with your partner, it’s really important to say as things happen if your partner did something that does not work for you. You should say, “Hey, what you just said hurt me.” and just put it out there right there and then instead of bottling it up because then, your partner will understand that he/she did something wrong and you can solve it in the moment instead of letting it just explode later on.
Absolutely! That takes courage to do that but again, it’s the muscle. As you develop that skill and you say those words like, “Honey, you know when you say those words, I don’t feel loved and honored by you. I wish you would say it in a slightly different way,” and then you can have that power back into that relationship.
Right, and it goes back also to it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it, because if you say, “Honey, when you say this, this makes me feel X-Y-Z.” If you said it in an angry way, your partner will not respond but if you take a moment to breathe and go into that place of awareness and connection and speak out of love—your intention is the most important thing. If you have that intention of solving the problem and just communicating in a peaceful and loving way, the results will be different than if you use this as a tool to be right.
Absolutely! It’s all about how you say it, your vibrational energy, your tonality, the level of your voice, and eye contact all make the difference.
Right. Do you have a “surprise” story of somebody you coached who surprised you completely with what they achieved?
There are hundreds! If you look at my website, you’ll see that people have said that, “Anil came to me and within five minutes, find out the roots of my problem.” If you look at my YouTube channel, you’ll find hundreds. It’s really about clarity. I see so much clarity in people’s relationships. What people are missing is that clarity. Once they have clarity, it gives them focus. Once they’re focused, it gives them action and from action, they get results—and ultimately, what they’re getting is success and fulfillment. It can start from the simplest question—for example, here’s a question you could ask Stephan, ”Honey, what can I do to make you feel more respected?” See, men value respect over love and the next question would be, “Stephan, what can I do to make you feel more loved?” and he can ask you the same questions.
He’s going to have the same answer for both!
No!
I’m joking!
Then when he says—Great, what else can I do? “I’d like you to cuddle me,” “What else can I do?” “I’d like you to give me a massage,” “What else can I do?” “I’d like you to just pat my back in a certain way like this.” Now, you know specifically and then he’ll ask you. And men, if you ask a lady, let her finish. Don’t interrupt her and don’t fix her. Be present to her. Be there for her—that’s what she wants.
I’ve been to a course with Jaiya, who’s a sexologist, and the same thing is true. In the intimate relationship, just asking those questions “How do you feel?” or “What will make you feel better?” or “Is this touch better than this touch?”—it just goes, like you said, everything goes back to awareness. It’s pretty incredible! When you are aware of what you are trying to get or your intention, you’re aware of your needs, you’re aware of your partner’s needs, and happiness will show up.
Absolutely! Because you’re serving.
Incredible! So, who can work with you and where can they find you?
Anyone who’s really looking for massive change, I’m called “the coach’s coach”. People come to me as a last resort because they want fast results, especially if you’re looking for a partner. If you’re stuck, you can’t find a partner because you don’t where to go or how to find that perfect partner, I have a methodology that I can find you a perfect partner without you even going out on a date. You don’t have to waste your time going on dates because ultimately, the biggest mistake we make when we’re choosing a partner is we pick the wrong partner for the wrong reason.
You don’t have to waste your time going on dates because ultimately, the biggest mistake we make when we’re choosing a partner is we pick the wrong partner for the wrong reason. Share on XCan you tell me more about that? That’s very interesting.
Yeah, so people base relationship on looks or what the person does for a living or where they met and they sometimes base it on fear that they want to be in a relationship but they’re more fearful of not being in a relationship so once they are in that relationship, they try to change or fix the other partner and then they get comfortable and they get comfortable about being comfortable.
So, you’re talking about an inspired action rather than a fear-based action?
Well, it’s an action based on facts. I can teach people the methodologies that they can use to weed out possibilities and improbabilities of having a fulfilled relationship with a person because people will go in almost blind into a relationship thinking that, “Oh, I can fix that. That’s not important!” but, fundamentally, it is. For example, I had a coaching session with someone the other day and I said, “Is honesty a very important part of your relationship?” and he said, “It’s the most important part,” and then I said, “Is your partner honest?” and he said, “Well, she’s not.” Ooops! He covered it up but now he’s got crystal clarity. He said, “You know what? I get it!”
So, what happened with them?
Well, inevitably, because he thought he could change her but it’s not going to happen. If that level of honesty is not there for him in the way that he wants it and she’s not willing to adapt or change, it gives you that clarity. I’m not always about getting people together. My number one criteria is that you get clarity so you can make the right choice.
Absolutely! Einstein said that when a force goes in one direction, it will keep going to the same direction unless an outside interference will come and change that direction. As coaches, that’s what we do. Sometimes, we just give that clarity for them to make that change for themselves. Yes, relationships are awesome and it’s great to be in a relationship but if you’re in a relationship that hurts you, you might as well just set yourself free and set your partner free.
Absolutely, and then you don’t miss out on a beautiful relationship.
Yup! Absolutely! So, where can people find you?
The best place is to look at my website, which is meetanil.com, and also remember to get your happiness score at My Happiness Score.
Beautiful! Well, that was very cool! Thank you so, so much for everything you shared with us today.
My pleasure!
And thank you, my incredible listeners! I wish you a happy life, a healthy life, and healthy relationships. Find your happiness. Go and actually take that happiness score—it can be really, really interesting! Have a good time and have a stellar life!
