A Personal Note From Orion

Sometimes, it’s hard for me to communicate what I do in the world. I can say I help women find self-love so they can attract their person and attract success. But it’s so much deeper than that because what goes into that is also healing of trauma, dealing with self-esteem, and connecting to a persona that is stronger than you think.

But how can you share all that in one sentence or in the very quick elevator speech? To help with that, I invited Adria DeCorte. She helps women leaders clarify the message they’re here to share, so they can reach the right audience. She’s a TEDx speaker, host of The Unforgettable podcast, creator of the Messenger Archetypes, and has been featured on the Huffington Post and Fox Morning News. Are you ready to step into those messenger shoes and share your message with the world?

 

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About Today’s Show

Hello, Adria and welcome to Stellar Life podcast, it’s a pleasure having you here.

Hi, Orion. Thank you so much for having me on today.

Before we start, can you share a little bit about yourself and how did you find your passion?

I am a message clarity coach and leader. I support people who I think as messengers, even though they may not think of themselves that way. Typically, women who feel they have a really strong mission in the world, they have a message to share that they feel would create a ripple effect in their industry. Sometimes, they feel a little bit uncertain of how to even start speaking and sharing what they have to say. A lot of times, they actually feel really messy about what it is they even want to say, how to say it, and how to tie their business and their work in the world back to it.

I help them get clear on what it is that they’re saying, what it is that they stand for, who their people really are, how to communicate in a way that really connects with those people, and how to stand up and share their message and their mission in the world in a way that truly feels aligned for them and isn’t catering to what they think other people want to hear from them. At the same time, it really moves the people that they want to move and moves them to action, whatever it is the action that they want to take.

How I got to this is so not linear, which is probably true for a lot of us. I actually started my career in the architecture world, I quickly discovered that there were a lot of parts I liked about it but it wasn’t the right fit for me. I ended up shifting into botany, plant ecology, and environmental work for the government. Even then, it felt like it wasn’t quite right and I started my business. At the time, it was a wellness-based business. That was probably about seven years ago, and since then it’s really evolved.

About a couple of years into that business, I was pulled to audition for a TEDx talk. This is someone who grew up painfully shy, but I realized that the message I had to share at the time was stronger than my discomfort. I auditioned and applied. I ended up getting it and speaking.

For a TED talk, you have to be very clear on what you’re saying, what you stand for, how you’re communicating it, how you’re moving people to action, and all these things. In putting it all together, I realized that was actually my strength and my gift. I loved doing that work. I’d been hiding from stepping into that fully as my actual business, supporting people around their message, supporting people around their business and their leadership in the world because I didn’t feel like I was “qualified.”

Through the whole process, that really helped me step into what my work was. I came out on the other side realizing that I wanted to make a big pivot in what I was doing. I shifted and that’s the work I’ve been doing ever since. It’s so much more in alignment with me than the work I was doing before. I feel like I could see the women in my masterminds really embrace their voice, step into themselves as leaders, and speaking out in the world. It feels so right now.

Your message and your mission should feel aligned with who you truly are, and not what people or society think you should be. Click To Tweet

Nice. First, I like what you said when you introduced herself as a leader because when we just say what we are, then everybody believes it and we believe it, too, because words are powerful. When we say, “I am a leader,” then we already see ourselves as bigger and more capable than we are. We step into those big shoes, and we grow into those big shoes. We say, “I’m a leader,” then all the actions are going to fit that new identity.

I guess that’s what you do with your ladies where you make them feel like a leader, you make them feel like they can, they are enough. When they affirm that to themselves and to others, then everything they do will follow that identity.

That’s so true. When I’m working with my clients, we do it in a very small container. There are six women in there. What I found is that when I’m talking with them and supporting them on calls, a lot of times I’m helping them clarify the message they have to share and really be super clear on who the people they’re speaking to and all these different elements.

It always gets messy though. The way you describe it is like we’re just doing a talk and then they get clear, but I know that those processes can be so messy and some people can get so frustrated, especially in a group setting.

It gets messy before it gets clearer, that’s a thing to know.

It’s like cleaning the house.

Yes. I’ve been running this group, running rounds of this program for about four years now and I’ve done many of them. One of the things that I have realized, shifted and evolved over the years in how I do my work is that in the beginning, especially with messaging work, the people would get heady in their heads. It would be very much about wordsmithing and, “Am I getting this right?” There would be this very heady energy.

That’s heavy.

Yes, and that would just halt everything. One of the things that I’ve leaned into over the years, with my own podcast, too, in how I’m sharing things and how I’m supporting people on the conversations I’m having is how do we actually create, do all this, and stay in our heart, our gut and the feeling center. Versus getting heady because it doesn’t really matter that much.

In our calls, that is the way we keep it from getting so messy and so spinning in circles is that it’s not really about getting it right, it’s about feeling connected to what you’re saying? Do other people feel connected to what you’re saying? Being able to visualize your people, see them moving through their day, and channel that right from that place. So much of my work is how do I keep these people in their heart, and how do I keep these people not popping back out.

I love that. That’s hard. It’s hard not to compare yourself to others or try to be like everybody else because everybody has those five steps, those formulas, those blueprints. It’s one like one-size-fits-all, but it’s not because we are individuals and it’s different. Everybody has a different process. Even in my personal life, I’m a new mom to a three-month-old beautiful baby. I look at those mommy vlogs and it seems like they have everything figured out. They know exactly when to put the baby to sleep.

They have those perfect lives and it’s hard not to fall and compare yourself to others. It happens in business, too. Where this person has this perfect formula and I need to be like her in order to be successful. The truth is that you don’t. The truth is that you are an individual, and the people that are gravitated toward that icon online will not be your audience. There is somebody else.

This is so true. I feel like I fell into that in my own messaging for a while where I was feeling like, “Okay, these are the things that you’re supposed to work. This is what you’re supposed to say for people to want to work with you. This is a proven formula.” And all these different things. I was very drained and I felt really disconnected from what I was saying. Honestly, I started blocking clients from signing up with me because I just didn’t want to do the work that way. That whole heart space, that whole feeling part of things, the alignment just really wasn’t there.

Especially women. Women are such emotional beings and a lot of women in business just block that side. With my work with women, I do a lot of feminine-masculine energy work and drawing on both powers of the masculine and the feminine, but in this day and age, it just seems like women have the illusion that if they are only in their strong, powerful, brainy direct state of mind, then this is the only way to be successful in the business.

I just saw an interview with this lady who invented the Poo-Pourri spray. Her company is worth more than $500 million or something like that and she is all heart. She’ll bring coaches to her office. She will cry with her team. It’s pretty crazy. She’s super wild and out there. She’s awesome. I like to see more of this type of leadership that is hard-driven, unapologetically emotional, connected, and from the heart. What was the shift for you there?

For me, it was really that I just couldn’t go on that way anymore, but I didn’t believe that I could be successful in business if I changed that or if I were to just talk about what I wanted, and the way I wanted to talk about things. It didn’t shift the actual work I was doing. It didn’t shift the fact that I support people with their messaging and all of that. What I did was started to play with talking about things that excited me and shift the energy because, at that point, I was just in the energy of like, “I don’t even care what I’m saying.” I started talking about things that excited me even if it wasn’t business.

On my podcast, I played with things like that. I just gave myself permission to remove any of the messaging and language around what I did that felt like I was saying it because I was supposed to. When we’re in business, in the business world, everything has to have a through-line, if you’re supporting another business owner, back to making money and getting clients, and all that stuff. I had a lot of messages that were around that and I just shifted it. I said, “What if my message was just about being a messenger, about being a leader, about the actual messaging, and about how you feel when you’re saying it?”

It’s about the purpose because so many people get caught up in those little things that they do every day and they forget their purpose. Why did they even start their business? What’s the vision? What’s behind it? What’s the legacy? What’s the bigger picture? What makes you happy?

I saw a huge shift in response from my audience, too. I have people who had been listening to my podcast for years who wrote to me and said, “I don’t know what’s different but you feel so real and authentic. There’s just this difference and I didn’t even know if something was missing before or that I felt like before maybe I had been pretending.” When you’re a leader, when you’re someone in the world, some other people look for things. It becomes where you feel like you have to show up a certain way.

Trust the process. Every success story always gets messy before it gets better. Click To Tweet

Right. I totally understand.

I didn’t realize I was unconsciously performing that way. There are things that were so embedded and so unconscious even getting on video or on a call and feeling like you have to pump up your energy, high vibe, energetic, and entertaining. That’s performing in a way.

Start jumping jack before the call and stuff.

I started playing with, how can I just show up as me? How can I just start speaking? For me, my medium is my podcast. How can I just start speaking through my mic to my people and not have to be any certain way? If I’m feeling quiet and calm that day, how can I be that? This year, especially, I’ve been really reclaiming my introvert shy roots, being totally okay and have compassion for my voice just like I invite my people to have compassion for their voice. It’s like, how can I embrace that and be soft sometimes?

I started the business and I can be a really bubbly, upbeat, vocal person. In the past, I have judged my much quieter, shyer side when I don’t have that energy, so how can I just be both, how can I be whatever it is I am that day, and have compassion for whatever that is?

Nice. You stepped into more authenticity and then people saw you more, they resonated with you more, and they love you for who you are.

I know. It’s the whole thing of, “You don’t have to do anything to be worthy. You don’t have to say anything special. You don’t have to do anything. You already are.” But it’s always harder done than said.

When women come to your masterminds, what are the main subconscious challenges? What are those subconscious beliefs that drive them without even knowing?

There are so many, but a lot of it is feeling like they’re not ready and feeling like they’re not who a messenger should look like, who someone who makes a ripple effect in the world should look like, sound like, or act like, and cutting themselves out of the running.

I have this happen also with people who are interested in my mastermind but then don’t apply. I’m enrolling right now. I had a conversation via email with someone this week who wrote to me and said, “I don’t think I’m ready for your mastermind. I don’t think I’m ready for this. Here’s what’s going on with my business.” I was like, “Actually, let’s hop on a call because I’m pretty sure that you are where you need to be to step into this.”

That shift of actually seeing themselves like that, it can be a really big hurdle. Yes, it’s so fascinating because this is something that happens over and over again in my enrollment process. It’s like women taking themselves out of the running and saying, “I’m not ready for that. I don’t think that’s right for me. Maybe I’ll wait for a year. I think I need to have this done first.” It’s this stepping back from their leadership, stepping back from their voice, which it is. It is what it is. There’s nothing wrong with it. I could totally relate and understand it.

I can relate too. It happens to me, still happening to me sometimes, but especially even before I did this podcast, I was not ready. English is my second language, people will think that I sound funny, all these negative mind chatter. If it wasn’t for my husband that pushed me and was like just go do it, this would never happen. All the amazing people I connected with and all the amazing opportunities I got through this podcast, none of it would happen.

Also, I feel like by doing this podcast and talking to some incredible people that I thought I used to put on a pedestal, for example, I had Dr. Demartini on the podcast. A decade ago, he was somebody that was on my vision board, somebody that I thought I would never ever be able to meet. A few years after, I created a Huffington Post article with him, he was on my podcast, I have his personal contact, and we’re friendly. He knows who I am, I always get a big hug.

None of that would have happened unless I stepped and did things like Tony Robbins says, “Jump and a net will appear.” Sometimes, you just have to jump. You can’t wait to be ready. You’re never ready to get married, you’re never ready to have a baby, you’re never ready when the contraction comes, this is never ready, especially at [5:00] AM. You’re never ready and there is no need to wait.

For a lot of the women that I work with, some of them are introvert and shy. A lot of them, in general, grew up in Western culture, where there’s so much that’s always telling us as women that we just end up being naturally waiting for permission or waiting for someone to tell us we’re ready, for some sign, or erring on the side of not stepping into things.

It becomes such a big part of this work which is so interesting and considering. We’re talking about words, communication, and positioning yourself. How do you talk about your work and the value of it, and all this stuff? But underneath, there’s this whole level of how do you be the messenger that you are, how do you bring that to the table? That’s why I created my Messenger Archetypes because I felt like I had seen five themes come up over and over again in women that I worked with.

What are they?

We have the inspirers, that’s the archetype where it’s more like what you think of as an influencer on social media or in the world. It can be really challenging to be real and to just be relatable to your people.

There’s the sensitive soul, which is the one that hovers with their finger over publish, spends so much energy, and has huge vulnerability hangovers afterward, but is also very empathic and has superpowers around really truly caring about people and people can feel that.

You have the tactician, who is all about what we were saying. The more masculine like, “Here are the steps.” Their challenge can be moving people to action and having people really have the emotional pull that they need to take big shifts.

You’ve got the free spirit. The free spirit would be the person who just has so many ideas and so many ways they want to be in the world. They may be very woo or a little bit more esoteric. It’s really hard to ground what they’re saying in ways that people really get their work, people don’t really understand what they’re doing and yet they’re visionaries.

You are more ready than you realize. If you feel like you have something to share or say to the world, consider yourself ready and you’re halfway to your goal. Click To Tweet

Then the final one is the expressive, which is having the one that has so much to say, so much to share, and so passionate. Often the point or the more powerful nugget of what they have to say gets lost in all the pieces.

I feel like I’m a combination of all these archetypes. I’m in big trouble.

We’re all our own unique mix. I’ve heard this over and over again with people who take my quiz and uncover what their dominant archetype is. The goal of this is it gives you permission to be like “Oh, okay. That’s just how I am. This is me,” and there are superpowers to it. There are things that I can lean into and shift, that make me even more powerful as this messenger. But this is fine, there’s nothing wrong with how I am in being able to accept those parts about them.

Nice. What’s the key to communicating your message? Before that, how do you clarify your message? What is the process?

One of the exercises that I take people through when we’re clarifying what it is they stand for is we’ll do a visualization of closing your eyes and seeing yourself on the TED stage, or if that feels a little bit too much sensation of seeing yourself handing your book to someone you really care about. If you wrote a book, being in that space, opening your mouth, and wanting to share something with the people in the audience. The people that you care about shifting their lives are in that room. When you open your mouth, you want to say something that is going to create some big shift in their lives and what is it that comes out.

We have a whole workshop around this in my mastermind because it’s so much deeper but starting to visualize if you were to do a TED talk, or if you were to write a book around this, what is that message you have to share in the world? What is that shift you want to create in the world? Why does this matter? Why does this really matter in people’s lives? Really journaling around that, brain dumping everything that’s coming out of your head, and starting to get it out of your head and onto paper can be a really powerful thing because sometimes things come up that you didn’t even realize or that you thought of but you didn’t take seriously.

What happens if people tell you you’re too broad, you need to niche down, this is not good enough?

Oh, I talk so much about niche too. I am a believer in being specific. The reason that I am is because when you’re not specific, it’s a lot harder to connect with your people. I’m not into niching for the sake of niching. I don’t think there’s any way you should be or shouldn’t be but I found that when people don’t have a clear vision of who they’re speaking to (and it’s hard too if you have multiple populations), then what you’re saying starts to become censored. In a way where you’re speaking about one thing but then you’re worried, “Is the other population relates to what I’m saying? Okay, let me broaden it out. What about this one?”

Suddenly, what you’re saying becomes (1) very broad so it’s not relating to any of them, and (2) censored so you’re not actually saying what you want to say. I actually see niching down and getting clear and visual on who you’re speaking or writing, it’s like you can see them sitting in a chair across from me. I see that as a powerful way to create a connection with your people. For you to be able to show up is you. For you to be able to show up without having to think it’s what I’m seeing, to just be able to have that conversation with them.

Got it. Do you use any formula for an elevator speech when you try to communicate your message to others?

I do have a template. I am a believer in templates and formulas. If they’re a guide to wrap your head around something, then go and do what feels right for you. In terms of elevator pitches, what I would say is, “I help blank to blank so that they can blank.” The important part that often people leave off is the “so they can” part, which is the most powerful part because like, “Why does this work matter?” essentially. That part is really important.

Another thing that people will often do (and this is one of the shifts that I am passionate about helping people make), is that a lot of the times we think of our work and what we do as, “What is actually your tools?” If you’re a yoga teacher, if you make meal plans, if you help people write their social media, if you’re a reiki master, all these different things become our tools in our tool chest, but they’re not what you actually do, in terms of what’s going to really matter to your people.

A lot of times there’s this pivot, I call it the tool to problem pivot. Where we want to shift into what’s the problem we’re solving for our people from their perspective, not from ours because we’re the experts. If we talk about it from our perspective, it’s not going to make sense to them. It’s not going to land for them. They don’t know what we know.

When we’re writing that elevator pitch and anything that we’re writing around, when we’re talking about what we do, how do we frame it from the perspective of the problem we’re solving for them? What are they really worried about? What are they struggling with from their perspective and use that? Often what happens is, that’s where people will start from when they’re talking about what they do.

I used to have that. I just help women that need help. I know, it sounds so flat. I help them connect to their greatness, so they can be whatever they want in the world. In that thought process, it feels like I’m making sh*t up. I’m making what this person thinks. I’m making up his problem. I don’t have telepathic abilities. I am empathic but I don’t live in their head and people often say, “Just go and get into their head and figure out exactly what their thinking, exactly what their problem, exactly how they see the world.” How do you get to that?

It’s a combination here. What I do with my people is lead them through a visualization, where they can really get there. That’s the starting point because what comes out is the next step, is to go and have conversations with real people, but you identify who the people are to seek out and talk to.

Even then, even without having to go talk to people (because I used to really lean on that, and that’s still really important), a lot of us know who it is we’re talking to. Often, it is an earlier version of ourselves. A lot of the times, if we go in that deeper visualization, where we’re not in our head figuring it out and we’re just channeling what’s coming up, and seeing our people. A lot of the time that exploration really does pull up things that there’s a lot of truth in that resonate fully.

In my program, since it’s a mastermind and it’s a small cozy unit, I’ll have the women there post in the group. We have a Facebook group. Post in the group, each of their assignments. When they’re channeling their people, they post that. Everyone goes in and shares how it landed for them, or how it felt. They’re not necessarily their ideal clients. A lot of it is for building that muscle of sharing things, being heard, and you knowing that it’s okay to share.

I really believe that messaging is a very dynamic thing. It is not something to be figured out in your head in one moment and then it’s done. It’s like, interact with the world. You go out there, you start talking about it, you see what feels good for you to say, you see what lands for other people, you shift, you evolve, you grow, it’s always happening. It’s a living thing. 

What are some ways you connect to your heart?

I love this question. I would say, taking a deep breath. Coming back into being present. It’s so easy for me to just be swirling in my to-do list and be out in the world, doing all the things. I’m such a doer. For me, it starts with that awareness, then starting to breathe again and being aware of my breath. Sometimes, what I need to do in order to come back into my heart, to come back to me really, is to journal everything that’s swirling around inside of me and get it out. Get it out of my head onto paper, so that I can release it.

One of the practices I’ve had the last couple of years with that journaling has been to just say everything as it’s coming up as messy as it is, as negative as it is, as whatever as it is, then to go back as my, “Why is yourself?” and answer all the questions, or get myself advice about each piece. That idea for an assignment was given to me by a mentor a couple of years ago and I found it really powerful. That’s the practice I have. That, and taking a bath in the middle of the workday.

Embrace your voice, discover more about yourself, and see yourself as a leader, because you can be whatever you set your mind into. Click To Tweet

I love that. You might enjoy my first episode here on Stellar Life was with Bill Donius, and it was all about right-brain intuitive writing. There is a process, then you ask a question, and you write it down from your logical self. You do that process and then the answer comes from your right brain, which is your creative center. The one that connects to that universal Google, that heart center.

You get a completely different answer. For example, you can ask about your totem animal and your left brain will say, “A lioness,” and your right brain will say, “A dear.” It’s very beautiful. I’ve been doing that and trying to find answers. Every time I write the answers with my non-dominant hand, I get completely heart-centered, almost spiritual answers. They’re completely different from when I write with my dominant hand.

That’s episode one. We’re almost hitting 200, probably over 200 when this episode airs, but 200 episodes ago, we did that. My friends own a facility for sensory deprivation tanks. Those are like little mini saltwater baths, little rooms, private rooms, and you go. You basically float in the dark, where your senses are completely deprived. It’s just you, the water, dark, you’re floating, and it’s really relaxing to the nervous system. It’s a good place to go and chill and then get some answers.

It sounds amazing.

It is. Another thing that I really want to try (I’ve done it in the past, but I want to go and do it again) is watsu, water shiatsu, where you actually go, and instead of you’re floating on your own, you go with an instructor, and you’re just chilling. They move you in the water and it’s almost like you’re back in the womb. You’re held.

I know some people do, have you float, almost like a sound bath, while you’re floating. That’s another thing that I really want to do. This morning, I did an acupuncture session. That’s incredible if you get the right person to do it because some are that amazing. If you get somebody really good who does acupuncture, I swear to God, I got into a 30 minute of super deep, REM sleep with that. I don’t get a lot lately but it’s so good. It’s just relaxing. To get into your heart, you have to be in a very relaxed state physically. For me, like you, water is amazing. Water, nature, sun, it’s all so good.

The sun is another thing too, it’s like, “Where’s the patch of sun.” Going outside like, “Where can I stay on the sun?” because that has such a shift. This is a really good question and conversation because I really believe that with messaging, with most things, if you try to force it, it either comes out robotic in what you’re supposed to say or you get blocked. It’s like shifting into that receiving energy, that heart energy. This isn’t even woo, this is the real physical body, like how it operates. It feels like in order to let things come in, in order to create, it’s so important.

Get back into your heart and create from that space. Let your intuition be your guide to create conscious conversations that aim to connect and communicate. Click To Tweet

This was a really fun conversation. Before we end, I have two questions for you. One is, where can people find you, reach you, connect with you, learn how to be messengers, or even get permission to be messages from you? The number two is what are your three top tips to living a stellar life?

If you’re listening and you’re resonating with us, and you want more support of stepping into being a messenger, clarifying what you’re saying, all the things we talked about today, I have a podcast called Unforgettable. You can find that on Apple podcast, on all the places you find the podcast, or you can go to unforgettablepodcast.com, or you can search my name, Adria DeCorte, on your podcast app.

Instagram is a place that I love connecting with people. My handle is, @AdriaDeCorte. I love engaging with people there and share lots of messenger-y things. If you want to find out your messenger archetype, you can go to Messenger Archetype Quiz. There’s a quiz that takes less than 5 minutes for you to identify what your dominant archetype is, which is pretty powerful to know.

And what are your three top tips to living a stellar life?

The first would be to have more moments where you remember to get back in your heart, to create from that space, to move forward from that space, to have conversations from that space, to communicate form that space. as the place where your creative energy is flowing, your truth is flowing.

The second would be to do the things that get you there everyday, so whether that today leads to a journaling practice, whether that’s a daily bath, whatever that is, whatever that might be, to be aware of that. To keep bringing that into your life, and make that a priority.

The third would be to recognize that you are ready. You’re so much more ready than you realize. If you feel like you have something to say to the world, and that you have a shift you want to make in the world, you’re ready to make that shift. Really, the next step is to clarify what it is you’re saying.

Very nice. Adria, thank you so much. This was wonderful. I appreciate you.

I appreciate you, too, Orion. I love this conversation. Thank you so much for having me on.

Thank you and thank you, listeners. Remember to connect to your heart. Do the things that get you to your heart. Get you there every day and recognize that you are ready. This is Orion, till next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓} Be intentional with every goal you set. Setting goals isn’t enough, it’s your daily intentions toward the things you prioritize that make a difference in your life. 
{✓} Trust the process. It’s always messy and difficult in the beginning but you will get better over time.
{✓} Connect with your audience on a more personal level with the help of storytelling. Take a significant memory in your past that can be very relatable with your community, and create a narrative out of it
{✓} Always stay aligned with your message. Let everything you do resonate with who you are as a person. 
{✓} Don’t be ashamed of being vulnerable in front of people. Most of the time, showing your unfiltered emotions become your strength rather than your weakness.  
{✓} From your color choices, logo, down to your messaging style, establish your personal branding and stick to it. 
{✓} Be specific with your niche. Be as specific as you can so that people can easily understand what you are offering. Being too broad often seems like it’s too much clutter.
{✓} Create a space where you can be your most authentic self and let your creative energy flow freely. It can be your office, a corner in your room, or a nook outside your house. Whatever it is, it should be your own personal place. 
{✓} Build tiny daily habits that will help you achieve larger life goals. Set small tasks within the day and commit to achieving them daily until it becomes a norm.
{✓} Check out Adria DeCorte’s website for more uplifting content and tips on how to clarify your message so that you can achieve a wider reach.

Links and Resources

About Adria DeCorte

Adria DeCorte helps women leaders clarify the message they’re here to share so they can call in their people and their next level of impact. She’s a TEDx speaker, host of the Unforgettable Podcast, creator of the Messenger Archetypes, and has been featured on the Huffington Post and Fox Morning News.

 

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