Episode 187 | September 24, 2019

Sexify Your Leadership with Missy Garcia

A Personal Note From Orion

As a young girl, I clearly remember a moment where I was shamed for wearing a dress that was “too short” – because my legs were showing. That moment has stayed with me until this day, and I’ve done a lot of work, particularly through Sheila Kelly, to reconnect with my body and remove that shame that was assigned to my femininity and inherent sensuality. 

As a woman, you may often find yourself juggling a work-life balance in this man’s world, one where society expects you to be both feminine, but reserved. Our sensuality is often stifled: we are shamed for embracing and showing our bodies, yet corporate America has a ‘sex sells’ mentality that constantly objectifies women.  This is why it’s important for you to not only reclaim your sensuality, but embrace it, feel it, and live it with no shame. Discover your body, your needs, and embrace the sensual pleasures of everything that makes you feminine. 

When I work with my clients on reclaiming their inner goddess, I remind them that this is the cornerstone of any relationships they have: the most important one is the one we have with ourselves. This means that you develop a relationship with yourself that is fun, that is forgiving, that is grateful for all that your body does for you. My guest today, Missy Garcia, knows all about living a juicy, sexy life, and today shares her journey on how she used her powerful inner sensuality to heal past sexual trauma and live a vibrant life.


About Today’s Show

Hey, Missy, and welcome to Stellar Life Podcast. It’s great to have you here.

I’m excited to have a juicy conversation with you.

It’s definitely going to be juicy. I think it’s going to be one of my favorite conversations because I really like what you’re doing in the world. 

Before getting to all the juicy stuff, can you share a little bit about yourself?

Where do you want me to begin?

When you were born. Just kidding. Just a little bit about your background, passion, and what brought you to what you’re doing today. 

The beautiful journey of life had led me to where I’m at now. I grew up and had a pretty traumatic childhood. There were a lot of events that happened. One of the biggest things that really impacted me deeply was sexual trauma. From there, I just went on a journey to try to find myself. I became a nurse. I really love to help heal and help other people. I went to nursing school and became a nurse, but that just didn’t really fill my soul. I actually got injured, which took me on my nursing career and led me into holistic, natural, health and wellness. I built a very successful business around that. As every entrepreneur knows, the best way for personal development is to start your own business. 

As I did my personal development journey, I realized how much my sexual trauma was impacting me being able to fully lead and own all of who I was, be able to show up confidently, speak with conviction, and be able to put my visions into the world. That led me to work with Layla Martin and becoming a sex, love, and relationship coach and healing my own trauma. In that, discovering the power of working with sexual energy. My favorite thing about working with sexual energy is the combination of sex and leadership, and how when you are tapped into your sexual energy can really uplevel your own personal leadership. 

My vision and my purpose is really helping women to reclaim this power, to tap into their energy, for them to lead a life that’s just juicy, free, feel completely whole, and alive from that.

That’s funny. When I said in my description from my ladies, I’m like, “I want you to feel juicy, sexy, and alive.” I just had this beautiful peach, summer food. I had this beautiful organic peach. It was so juicy. I was like, “Hmm, yeah. This is love.” Just before our conversation 10 minutes ago.

I guess it is summertime there; you get peaches. In New Zealand right now, it’s winter. We don’t get the peaches yet.

Yeah, I didn’t think about that. I went to New Zealand once with my husband. He lived there for seven years. It’s a magical place.

When you surrender to your divine feminine energy and allow your body to move the way that it's guiding you to move, you will find yourself. Click To Tweet

It is. It’s a very magical place. I absolutely love it. Juicy, absolutely. I feel that so many of us women don’t really know what that means. We work and live from the head up, maybe the heart up. But there’s so much power and flow. Again, coming back to the word, juiciness. When you tap into your full body and connect into your sexuality, use that not to give away. That’s the thing, not to give your sexual energy away, or use it for manipulation purposes or anything like that but for you to be able to fully use that for nourishment and for fuel to activate every single part of your mind. For me, it’s the deepest meditation that I have when I’m deeply connected into my sexual energy.

I totally agree. What was your healing journey like going from experiencing sexual trauma, to having difficulty in your business, to owning your sexual power?

Great question. I hid it. When I was raped, I hid that. There were a couple of people that knew but it was something that I was ashamed of. I didn’t let anybody know that, that has actually happened to me. It was something I buried and it was like, “Oh, it’s not a big deal, it’s not going to affect me.” My mind took over and buried it away.

It wasn’t until I got into a relationship with my husband that I actually started to feel safe enough. That part of me that was traumatized, I was so full of shame that I just felt so scared around sex and it started to emerge. I went from feeling very sexually free that’s still in a traumatic state but pretending it wasn’t there to having full-blown anxiety attacks whenever we try to be intimate. I knew that there was something, but I didn’t know how to go there and I didn’t realize the impact. 

I realized it was impacting my business when I was feeling really insecure about how I was showing up to build and lead my business. I always felt like, “Oh, I can’t do it like that.” Or, “I need to be like this.” Or, “Oh my gosh, I cannot be seen. People can’t see me.” I was building a business underneath the covers because I was so afraid of people seeing me. I actually physically adjusted my stature, too. I was very more hunched over than I am now. That was like protecting myself, protecting my heart, and protecting being seen. I’m trying to make myself physically small and energetically small.

I just knew that I had these gifts within me that needed to come into the world. When I heard somebody else shared their story about sexual trauma and how it impacted them, fully owning all of who they were, the lightbulb turned on for me. When that lightbulb turned on, there was no way that I could turn it back off. The first step was two weeks of deep grieving. I just grieved.

Allow yourself to finally feel it.

Yeah. My kids would come in. “Mom, are you okay?” “Yeah. I’m okay. I just need this time.” My husband is so supportive. I was deep grieving, really feeling it. From there, I had a space for me to explore what the next step would be and talking about it was the next step for me. Talking to my mom, my dad, my brothers, all the people that are really important to me in my life. I let them know that this is something that occurred to me that had happened.

What was their reaction and how did that help you?

I think what helped me the most was the grit from the courage and strength of me actually having those conversations. Of course, it impacted my parents deeply. My mom took some blame onto herself which she obviously didn’t need to do. 

Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It’s a way to reach out and connect with people on a deeper level.

That’s what moms do.

Yeah. My dad wanted to protect me. My brothers wanted to protect me. One of my brothers really holds back his emotions. He started to cry and was deeply impacted. It opened up this new wave of me being able to fully live into truth that I was hiding behind for so long. It took off that cover that I was hiding under. The people that loved me the most could actually see me for all of me. It was really powerful. From there, I started working with some healers. Again, I worked with Layla Martin in her amazing program and everything changed.

What is that program about? What shifted in you?

Using self-pleasure. This is her sex, love, and relationship coaching program. It’s a 600-hour whole year-long coaching program, very in-depth. A lot of it comes back down to using your own pleasure. I discovered how my own pleasure could be healing for me. It actually becomes the most healing modality that I turn to now. 

From there, even doing yoni massages with my husband, we store so much energy, events, stuck emotions, and everything within our yonis. When we can move that through is when space opens up. That space can be filled with pleasure, love, acceptance, joy, and deep connection to the divine and into the earth. 

What is a yoni massage? Yoni massage, the word, I guess it’s a tantric way of saying massaging your vagina? What’s the difference between just massaging it to a yoni massage?

With a yoni massage, this can be called di-armoring as well, it’s putting pressure on different points. When you’re putting pressure on to the points, you know how when your neck gets stiff, and you feel like there’s a knot there.

I know, I feel it right now. 

You can feel those within your vagina. The first time that I received a yoni massage—you can do this by yourself as well—my husband brought this to me. I was like, “Okay, sure. Let’s try it.” He could literally feel those knots in my vagina. He would just put pressure on them and lightly touch them. What I had to do is 100% just surrendering to the experience. I would just direct my breath deep into what I was feeling inside. With my breath, my focus, I would just allow myself to move or to sound. Through that breath focus movement and sound, the energy started to become released. 

I honestly, in doing that, if somebody from the outside was looking, and they’re probably like, “What the fuck?” It’s like an exorcism or something that’s happening there because there was so much that was there. I cried, I screamed, I kicked. So much was just stuck within me. I had to surrender into that and fully allow him to see me in that experience as well.

What a beautiful connection with your husband.

Yes. After that, he could hold me through anything. 

No. It’s definitely a gift for him, too. It’s a gift for both of you. 

Absolutely. You can do this. People do this as a profession as well. You just seem to be very mindful whenever you go to see anybody on a professional level. Of course, safety is a huge thing. You can do this for yourself. Just even using your fingers or using a glass dildo, you can do this for yourself as well. I think it’s being able to release what’s stuck there is going to open up for the gifts that are within us.

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I never owned a glass dildo.

Glass dildo are nice. They’re nice because they don’t have any chemicals. You just have to warm them up. That’s the thing. They can get very cold so you need to warm them up. That’s, in a nutshell, is part of my deep journey.

It seems like a very somatic experience. You did a movement. You had the sound going on. Was it a lot of angelation and snakelike movement? What did it look like?

A lot of shaking. Definitely, a lot of shaking. I remember afterward, I just laid there in a fetal position just shaking. It’s just releasing all that trauma that had been stuck within me for so long.

You know what, when deer is being chased, immediately after that, they shake their bodies to release the trauma, but human beings don’t do that. We have issues that are stored in our tissues, especially, like you said, for women. In our pelvic area, near the sexual organs, is where we store so much emotions. What are some other modalities for sexual healing other than the yoni massage?

I think helping to retrain your brain with your own story as well. Being able to look at the conditioning that’s been given to you from parents, society, religion, and be able to realize if you have chosen to take on those stories or if you are choosing to change it. 

I think that’s really powerful because we hold so much shame. I think when we can retrain our brain and help to adjust our own story, then, that opens up space to dive into the possible trauma that might be there. 

Like I said, I use self-pleasure a lot. That is my deepest connection within my body. That’s my meditation that I do that is deep healing. I can use my sexual pleasure for just pleasure. I can use it for nourishment, for fueling my body, for activating my voice, for helping to release really bad stuck emotions. I’ve had sadgasm and angergasms, it gets right out of my system, so it’s very powerful.

But if we have so much shame, it’s hard for us to go into being able to take that on as our own healing modality. I think helping to retrain the shame, helping to release the shame, and choosing an empowered story when it comes to relationships with your own sexual energy and sexuality is powerful.

Working with somatic level, somebody that is trauma-aware or a trauma specialist on a somatic level is really important, definitely trauma-aware. I think that, that’s helpful because it lives within your body. If you’re just talking about it, it’s going to open up some space, but it’s not going to release what’s being held within. Whenever anyone is wanting to rise in this world, step up in their leadership, grow a business, get a raise—any of those sorts of things—a lot of what holds them back is something that’s occurring in their body level. They can sit there and go, “Oh, I can think about it, I can think about the words that I need to do, and I can think about the actions I do, but when I go to actually do it, something is actually physically holding me back.” A lot of that is this stuck experiences, events, and things that are in our body. 

Working on a deep body level in a somatic way is so powerful and I recommend that for everybody whether you have known traumatic events or not. Working on a body level is really valuable, so using breath, using sound, and using movement like the shaking we’re talking about, or even just dancing or doing energy release kickboxing, karate, or running. That’s movement of the body, but you gotta be aware of you’re doing those things if you’re tuning yourself out of your body or you’re turning yourself into your body. When you tune yourself in is when you can really know what it needs and that’s where also the wisdom comes forth. 

I really believe in movement as a way of healing. I did a lot of work with Sheila Kelly. Sheila Kelly brought pole dancing into the mainstream here in the US. She was on the Oprah show three times. The way she teaches or her teachers teach movement, it’s very different. When we move, we move really slow. The room is dark, only red lights. There were no mirrors because we are mirrors for each other. You move slowly. You really feel your body. It’s a lot of sexual, of course. It’s a pole dancing style movement, so it’s very sexual and sensual movement.

The best way to develop a strong connection with your community is when you develop a strong connection with yourself.

Then, people put on an outfit and a song that resonates with you for that day. You try a different song, you taste different music. Some music that you listen to will not move your body. There are some songs that I’ll never listen to in the car but as soon as I put them, my body just started moving and going crazy. It’s such a beautiful release. She’s got 10 archetypes. You go and whatever archetype comes out, you can be an archetype that has a link through rage.

I had the dance that was leaning on the pole for a whole song and crying. I’m hardly even moving. That was a beautiful release. I had songs where I felt so elevated and spiritually connected. I had songs where I was this ragey, dominatrix, don’t-come-near-me, stomping the floor, going crazy, climbing on the pole, and almost shaking it. There are so many ways to release through our emotions and through movement. I do believe that. 

This is the disconnect for so many women. We do not embrace our emotions. Being angry is bad, being sad is bad, and we try to shove them down like it never happened. You need to embrace them and find a healthy outlet to express them. Being praised for expressing them because a lot of the time people say, “You’re so emotional.” If somebody tells me that, I’m like, “Thank you, I know. That’s my power. I am emotional. I’m an emotional human being. I’m connected to my body—emotional body, physical body, and spiritual body. I embrace that.” When you embrace your shadow, when you embrace your darkness, it’s not in the way. It’s a part of you and you are in control. The control comes from a place of surrender. I know you talk a lot about surrender. 

Yeah. I love that primal one that you’re just talking about where you’re just stomping. Some of the most fun exercises that I do is that primal, just raw, and embracing that. Being able to just stomp, rage, hit, scream, and yell. Just being that primal state. 

I have a client that did my primal exercise that’s part of my course. She came out of that and she goes, “I can fucking do anything that I want to do.” I’m like, “Yeah. Exactly.” How powerful is that for you to just feel and to know that. There’s a difference between knowing it from just like, I can think, “Yeah. I can do anything I want to do.” And knowing that it’s coming from your body. 

I get it. It’s on the body level. You can’t talk your body into healing. You got to move your body into healing. 

By the way, I just want to mention for the listeners, if you want to listen to the Sheila Kelley episode, that’s episode 73. It’s called The Movement of the Feminine, which contains both feminine, masculine, and everything’s in it.

These female bodies, I feel like we do store more in our bodies. We move in a different way. Our bodies are designed to move in more curvy ways whereas the male body is designed to move in more rigid lines.

Yeah. Fuck it or kill it for the guys. We do have more of that sensual flow that we’ve lost because we haven’t been able to go there. When we do, especially as young girls, we are often told, “You’re so emotional. You’re so this. You need to be more like this. You need to stop this.” Yeah, the power is when you can be with all of your emotions.

When I was a little girl—I’m from Israel—I grew up religious. I don’t remember how old I was, maybe eight or nine, and I wore this dress. I love that dress, but I grew. The dress got shorter. I went to my aunt’s house, I think, and I wore it. Somebody shamed me on how short the dress was. 

Until today I can still feel that. My face turned red in that embarrassment, that showing my body was so bad. Right now, I haven’t minded. I used to be quite modest, covered, and a very good girl. Not always but in many cases, you grow up believing that being too much is not good. I think it’s different within your generation on Instagram, where now it’s like everything is about your sexuality and put it out in the open. It’s another way of feeling bad about your sexuality. 

We definitely got shamed. I got shamed as a girl.

I have an eight-year-old daughter right now. I’m raising her the best that I can to fully embrace of who she is. Even now, at eight, I walk around naked. My kids see me naked. They know when I’m bleeding, all of that. When she was changing in front of her friends the other day, she was covering herself. I’m like, “You’ll feel good. You’re fine. Your body is beautiful. Every single body is beautiful.”

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Her friend was way more apprehensive. My daughter was kind of like, “Yeah, yeah.” She’s just like, “What do you mean every body’s beautiful?” I’m like, “Your body is beautiful. Her body’s beautiful. Every single shape, every single size, and every single thing. Think about if you didn’t have your hands, you won’t be able to grab that toy right now. If you didn’t have your legs, you wouldn’t be able to walk down the stairs.” Then, they’re able to shift their perspective into, “Oh, wow.” Even just bringing the functionality of their body into play, “Wow, if I didn’t have my stomach, I wouldn’t be able to eat.” 

It’s just so beautiful for them to witness from a different level that it’s not just the outside looks, but the function of what our body provides for us is absolutely beautiful. I try to bring that into play because even at eight, she was still bringing that up and still being a little bit conscious of herself when she’s around her friends. At home by herself, she’s fine, but it’s just that judgment, it’s so huge within girls and women. I’m sitting here going, “How can I change that paradigm? What can I do to change this paradigm even at such a young age?”

It’s very difficult. It’s an epidemic.

It really is. When you talked about Instagram and putting your sexuality out there, there’s a difference between putting your sexuality out there, to give that energy away versus being able to use that energy for yourself. We’ve been so trained as women to use that sexual energy to give it away. Look at all the billboards that we see. That’s what it is. They’re using sex to sell. We’re trained, “Oh, I got to use my sex to sell.”

There’s a difference between being able to use your sexuality as an empowerment versus using that energy to give it away. When we give it away, we’re constantly leaking that energy. We’re just going to come back to the state of depletion. We’re going to come back to, “What was that for? What am I for? What am I good for? Am I just for that? Or for this? Or for pleasure for them?” I like to help to bring a shift to that paradigm too. It’s like, “Let’s use that sexual energy for yourself.”

The number one thing when people come into my courses is, “If I don’t have a partner, is that okay?” 100% because I want women to reclaim their energy for themselves. Then, if it’s something that they choose to share with their partner, then it brings the connection with their partner into whole new dynamic. They’re no longer giving it away.

Yeah. It reminds me of what I was studying with Sheila. You do lap dances on the chair but some women have never, 10 years, 12 years, have never done a lap dance for other husband or partner. They just do it for themselves. You move for yourself. You embrace your own sexual energy. 

You have the courses and all the beautiful things that you do. Before someone gets involved in your courses or your teaching, how can they go on the path of discovering their sexual essence? What can they do now to be more in connection with their own sexuality?

I like dancing. I actually did pole, too. That was one of the first things that started my journey as well. It’s just opened me up to a whole new level, which is amazing. And it’s just dancing. But when you’re dancing, bring your focus down into your hips, into your pelvic region, and start to just feel into that energy. What if you surrendered into it and allowed your body to move the way that it’s guiding you to move?

I think anybody can do that. You can do that right now. You can put on a song that moves you and just start moving. Feel into that energy. Also, just wake up in the day and just say hello. Say hello to your divine femine center that you have. Put your hand over her and just say, “Hello, good morning.” Even with that, I can bring up some feelings of, “Oh, this is uncomfortable. This is shameful,” and it doesn’t even have anything to do with pleasure. It’s just like, hello, she’s there. There’s so much wisdom, guidance, creativity, and amazingness that comes there from her. 

Yeah. Even a stage before that, you can just touch your body and slowly come into touching her. Some women have a struggle with that, even with touching their own body, touching their own arms, touching their own breasts. You can also build into that.

Yeah. Even just touching. Just put your hand over. Just like a cup over your clothes and feel into that energy that’s there, too. Bring pleasure every single day. Just rub your arms, rub your fingers through your hair. Enjoy the bite of the peach and feel the juice, the flavor, and the texture in your mouth.

It feels so good. 

Just feeling the pleasure and things like that every single day helps to just activate this new way of being. Breast massage. Touch your breast. We store so much toxic energy in our breast tissue. You can do a beautiful breast massage when you’re in the shower. Just connecting into your body in that way as well. Again, exploring the story around it, being open enough to realize if you do touch your breast or even enjoy the juices of the peach. If there’s the story of that comes up with that, giving yourself the space to explore that and say, “Where is this coming from?” and start to layer by layer look underneath.

Be in tune with your highest divine energy and everything you do will reflect how you see your world.

Like, “Okay, what’s hiding underneath that? And what’s hiding underneath that?” “Oh, I feel a lot of shame.” “What’s hiding underneath that?” “My dad told me that no one would ever want me if I was like this.” “What’s hiding underneath that?” “I’ll be alone.” “What’s hiding underneath that?” “Nobody’s going to care for me. I’m going to be stuck alone. No one’s going to care for me. I’m going to not have anything. I’m going to be miserable.” 

It’s just layer by layer looking at what is the story, what’s underneath this, what’s underneath that, and coming back down to, “Okay, I can feel where it came from. Now, what do I want to choose as an empowered story instead?” “Whoa. Pleasure is beautiful. Pleasure is healing. Pleasure is something that my body enjoys. It’s actually really soothing for my nervous system. It helps me when I’m feeling anxious.”

You can just change your story, whichever it is. You have the power to do that, but you also need to release whatever it is on a somatic level, holding you back from changing that story. Just being aware of that made seeking some support with somebody that works on a somatic level as well.

What does surrender mean to you?

Getting out of my head. 100% just leaving from my body. Allowing my body to just take the reign, allowing myself to just go with whatever it is that it needs. That could be movement. That could be sound. That could just be 100% relaxation. It’s just getting out of that thinking, that getting out of my head.

What is activating womb energy?

Activating womb energy is just so beautiful. I get so much wisdom from my womb. She loves to tell me beautiful things and loves to push me into directions that I’m like, “What? I don’t know about that one.” There’s so much juiciness that’s there. For women, whether you had a child or not, whether you still have your womb or not, we still have that essence there. We still have the energy there. 

We are designed to create. We create life. Yes, there’s a little part of a man, but we are growing a child, we are creating that, we are birthing that. If you think about that with any other thing that is transpired, anything that’s given to you, you have the ability to create and birth that, too. A new business, a new relationship, a new way of relating, a new way of connecting into yourself. All of that can be created on your terms and birth into the way that you want to. When you connect into your womb energy, she’s 100% supportive of whatever it is you’re wanting to do.

What’s the process of connecting?

There are many different processes. Again, I always come back to focus, breath, movement, and sound. I will do breathwork, like direct breathwork into my womb. When I do breathwork, I have to surrender and get out of my cortical thinking brain.

Do you imagine something? Do you imagine energy? Do you imagine the connection? Do you see a womb?

You have the power to change your story and become who you’re meant to be, but you can't do that unless you release all the tension inside of you. Click To Tweet

Some people do. For me, I’m not so much of a visual. I’m a feeling person. I can feel it. I can feel the energy. Other people can see it. Other people can just really be activated with all their senses, so it just depends. For me, I can really feel the energy. When I drop in into that space, I can feel the aliveness of that. I can feel the energy that lives there, that is there within me. That’s actually a place where I store energy to come back to when I need it. It’s kind of like my little treasure chest, too.

But yeah, I feel it personally. People will see it. You can see white light. You can see this swirl of energy. You just start to work to move through your body. That can be your nourishment to help to nourish your heart space, help to nourish your willpower, to help to nourish your brain and your voice. Again, it comes back to fuel. 

Our energy centers are connected to our endocrine system. It can be fueling for the endocrine system, which is just like your hormonal balance, your adrenals, your thyroid function, your pituitary gland, your thymus gland which is your immune system. Using this energy can fuel and nourish your whole entire being. I think that’s why a lot of people, the majority of us, just relate to the sexes, pleasure, create a baby, have a little bit of intimacy, and then we’re done. This like a whole modality for being vibrant and alive for our entire body.

Have you ever use your sexual energy to heal your body?

Yeah. For myself, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s when I was pregnant with my daughter. That’s a thyroid condition. I did a whole bunch of holistic modalities. I change my diet, use supplements, essential oils, homeopathic, a whole bunch of things. I was able to get that, but I also can feel my thyroid getting inflamed. If I have stagnant energy there, I can feel my thyroid increasing in size. I will activate through self-pleasure. I’ll activate my sexual energy and I’ll bring it up the back of my spine and out of my throat. I’ll allow it swell around my throat and again, surrendering it into any breath or any sound that wants to happen. Then, keep that circle going to bring it back down to the front and come back up. I will use it to help release that. This is my throat. My thyroid is the place where I…

Didn’t speak.

Yes. I didn’t speak for a very long time. I would speak about some things but I wouldn’t speak about a lot of things. I didn’t speak about my ideas, or what I really wanted to do, or who I wanted to be. There were so much stagnant energy there still, even to this day, at the place where I always have to focus and the place where I do feel the energy gets stagnant there. I have to always be aware about it.

Are you cured of it?

I don’t have Hashimoto’s anymore.

That’s amazing. That’s beautiful. One of my guests on the show, it was episode 3, her name was Jaiya. She’s a well-renowned sexologist. She authored many books, got also courses, programs, and all that. Also, my husband and I took her yearlong mastermind. We learned a lot, it was really awesome. 

One of the things she was talking about is she used her sexual energy to manifest money. I don’t remember the details of how long she sat in meditation and for how many days. By self-pleasuring herself, by the time she reached the peak or the orgasm point, she was thinking about money manifestation. I think within a month or two, she tripled her income, manifesting more money into her life. That was extraordinary. I never tried it. I need to manifest a new house.

Well, you’ve got to get to work. You have to work, girl.

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Also, you talked a lot about leadership and sexuality. In Napoleon Hill‘s book, Think and Grow Rich, I think his 13th principle is sexual transmutation, where he’s talking about the idea that all the greatest leaders in the world have this sexual energy that they use for their businesses. How do you see the link between sexual energy and leadership or business?

Leadership is being able to rise into new domains and own all parts of who you are. Being able to authentically just own and do what it is that you’re wanting to do. For you to bring a new idea into the world and to set up into a new space, energetically, all of you need to be on board. If you’re disconnected from your stored energy that is your fire, that is your fuel, when you’re using that, you can use it to spark your creativity. You can use it for that.

Also, it’s going to be useful for your self-confidence, useful for your willpower, for your motivation. Whenever you’re leading in anything, those are always going to be things that you’re going to fall back on. Being able to nourish your heartspace—compassion, vulnerability—your yearning for leaders in this world that are open and vulnerable. Being able to express, you got to express. If you’re using your energy to be able to nourish all these parts of you, you’re going to be able to take your idea, take yourself, take your vision out there because each part of you is aligned, is nourished and activated in expressing that into the world. 

If we go up into our headspace, being able to have that connection into the divine, being aligned, using our inner work, and our outer work. That deeper visionary mind being able to come into a meditative mind. Basically, I just describe each one of our energy centers or chakras. When we’re cut off from our root then we’re going to have to pull from other energy centers and try to find some balance. If our root is the one that’s fueling it, then it’s going to go into overflow and it’s going to go out into all of our other centers, so it’s going to activate all of those. 

When you are wanting to come out into leading the world or your domain or whatever it is, even if you’re just wanting to lead within your household, it doesn’t have to be a big huge thing. Leading in your household changes generations. When you’re wanting that, all parts of you online, onboard, it radiates because you’re fully energetically alive. You radiate that out. You have this energy. Allow yourself to take up space, be seen. Magnetize what it is that you’re needing and desiring. To speak out when you’re needing and desiring. 

The connection for me, 100%, was just like, “Of course it makes sense,” but so many of us, myself included—I built a very successful business completely disconnected from pretty much the neck down—don’t know that, that can be the fuel to take us to a completely new level of being.

I would not be able to do what I’m doing right now three years ago because I would go like, “Oh my gosh, people are going to judge me. I’m going to be seen. What are they going to think of me? What am I going to say?” I would’ve completely just shrunk down from it. But because I did a practice this morning, I used my sexual energy this morning to fuel all of me, to show up fully for our conversation. 

Really? Thank you. I’m so proud of you.

You’re so welcome. That is my fuel. I have to nourish that fire and be able to bring all of me onboard, allow myself to take up space, to use my ideas, put them out there. That, for me, is a connection between sexuality and leadership.

For you to bring a new idea into the world to step up into a new space, your entire being needs to be onboard. Click To Tweet

Makes a lot of sense. I’m in the process of—for a long time—wanting to change my website. I’ve been to a million seminars, started from so many gurus, live workers, and other people. In some circles, I just felt like I needed to fit in and I needed to be more like everyone else with their formal outfits.

In my nature, I’m very sensual. People comment on my sensual energy. It was something that, I guess through who I am or maybe the work I did, it comes through. I feel like I want to put more bold images and really show myself in my true color. There’s still that little voice, the little fear of, “Yeah, they’re going to judge you. They’re going to see you like that. You’re a married woman. Blah, blah, blah.” What do you do with this voice?

I try to see where that voice is coming from. I do a lot of parts work. So, what part of me is this? And I put a name to it a lot of times, like Judgy McJudgerson or something, and I will work with that. For me, a lot of times it’s like an inner child piece once given a story, and you can’t do this. Especially, as a married woman—I’m a married woman and a mother—people were, “Oh my gosh, how could you do this? How can you show your body like that?” I would get this, “What does your husband think about this?” Excuse me, I’m my own person. It’s just that society standards. 

When you are able to integrate that part of you that wants to almost hold you back, then, you bring in the power of—I’ll use the P-word—you’re pussy power, you’re bringing your pussy power, and you allow that to come through you.

Pussy power forever!

Yes. You allow that to come through. When you can work from that place, then of course, what you’re going to put out there is going to be 100% aligned with you. It’s going to feel good for you. 

I’m definitely heading in that direction. You’re right. We do so much self-healing and so much work. Even though it’s like what you’ve said, the layers. It’s like, “I’m done with it, I’m over it, I’m totally confident. Everything’s okay, I’m secured with my sexuality, I teach this stuff. Blah, blah, blah,” then something comes up. I’m like, “Where have you been? What are you doing here?” Do you still have those little things come up to you?

Yeah. Actually the last couple of days I’ve been working on integrating the inner child part of mine with the work that I do because of my trauma history. I tracked a lot clients that have trauma because I can hold them through that. Because of the depth of where I have gone, I can hold them through that. I held so much as a child with everything that I experienced, that she showed up recently in the last couple of days freaking the […] out, and just making my body feel so heavy because she feels like she has to hold it. I have to go in, do the work, and create that boundary because she’s not holding any of it. It’s not her job. She’s a child. So, I have to go in and help to integrate. I have to create a new boundary with her and then bring my empowered parts. I have the most amazing warrior-goddess that lives within me that comes forth. I was like, “I got this,” so the empowered parts take over. 

When we are getting triggered, naturally, those parts from childhood, teenager, they want to come in and take over the throne. If you’re in-tune to what’s happening, you just freeze, or retract, or, “I can’t do this.” If you keep going in, you keep doing the work, keep realizing and integrating, then that opens up more and more space. It’s really just the journey back to the original essence before.

Yeah. I just noticed myself nodding my head so much, I think my neck hurts. Yes, so true.

That’s really what I feel everybody’s journey is about. They choose to go on the path. It’s just the journey back to your original essence before society, before our parents’ conditioning, before what were supposed to be doing. When we’re told we shouldn’t show up like this, or that’s wrong, or that’s bad, no one’s going to like you for this way. All of those things we just connected from these parts. Then, you just come back to your original essence. That’s the most vibrant, beautiful, alive, free, whole space. That’s what I love helping people to do is to come back to that.

One of my biggest realization when it comes to leadership was that not everybody’s going to love me 100% of the time, which was devastating. When you look at the greatest motivational speakers, they are very polarizing. Some people are all about them and some people are like, “I’m never come near this Charleton.”

I think the bigger you get, the more authentic you get, you will polarize. The people that are not aligned with your vibration will just naturally fall out whether it’s close friends, clients, whatever opportunities. Everything that is not aligned with who you are, the new version of yourself that you step into, will just fade away. 

Then, as it fades away, then you’re more aligned with people, places, ideas, opportunities that will show up in your life. It’s quite a challenging journey to give up the past and step into the new you. It takes courage. It takes work. But it’s so worth it.

Absolutely. Some of the deepest wounds that, I think especially women carry, is the deep wounds of sisterhood. As you rise, as your vibration changes, your energy changes, you’re owning a whole new level of who you are, that your previous sisterhood maybe didn’t know existed. If they don’t come along or not okay with your journey, then, one of the deepest wounds I have to heal was being basically shunned from a sisterhood that I grew up with. It was so painful.

Yes, it’s painful.

It really is. It does happen and it does take courage. But then, if you can emerge and you can heal that wound, the new sisterhood that I created that’s so supportive, loving, and will have your back no matter what, that cheers you on, that’s really what we all need. All of us women need that. We need to have that because that’s taken away from us. Woman against woman, me against you. We need to come back together because there’s so much power when women come together and are supporting each other, sharing ideas and having a conversation like this, being able to just embrace the power of each woman and not try to trample over them. Each queen is the queen among queens and just allowing that to be… It’s so powerful.

I love it. Can you share a client story that healed or owned her sexual power and how it affected her leadership in the world?

Let’s see.

There’s so many.

Yeah. I think when the main one that’s coming to mind—this is not a specific client but just a general sort of theme—is when they come into this power. When they can play and be with this energy. What opens up for them is a possibility. Possibility of being able to know themselves on a whole new level, being able to show up from this new space, being able to feel empowered in a way that they probably haven’t in a really long time, and feeling the joy that comes from within. 

With that joy, there’s also this dynamic of, “Wow, I can take on the world. That dream that I have is totally possible for me.” That’s a theme that many women that go into this journey come out with is, “Anything is possible for me. I can do that. I can show up this way. I’ll be okay. I can always fall back on myself.” They have really come into a beautiful relationship with the power that’s within, the love that’s within, the safety that’s within, the belonging that’s within. 

I personally don’t think that we can have that true self-love, that self-acceptance, that deep belonging that we all want without being able to fully accept our sexuality. There will always be a chunk missing from the pie if we accept and love all other parts but sexuality. When that piece comes back in is when there’s like, “Whoa! There’s so much power here. There’s so much love here. There’s so much joy here. There’s so much within me that I’m capable of doing.” I think that’s the main thing that I see with the majority of my clients.

That’s very beautiful. If somebody wants to become your client, take your courses, and learn more about you, where can they go?

missyagarcia.com. Everything’s there. I have a blog every single week, so you can read about different things, very personal, vulnerable stuff that I write in there. They can follow me on my social media. Tags are on there, my course info’s on there. You can book a free 60-minute breakthrough call with me. That’s all there. The website’s the best place to go, so missyagarcia.com.

Perfect. Thank you so much. It was so fun having you on the show.

Thank you for having me.

It was awesome. Before we say goodbye for now, what are your three top tips to living a stellar life?

Pleasure. Bringing pleasure into your life. We’ve already talked about this like rubbing your fingers through your hair, rubbing your body, just even tickling your arms. Enjoying that peach or your drink or whatever it is, just feeling pleasure on a daily basis and activating that will help you soothe your nervous system and bring a whole new awareness.

Always look inwards. I always invite you to always go in versus looking out for approval, looking out for love, looking outwards for whatever it is you’re seeking. Take the journey inwards. That’s going to lead you in that stellar life that you’re wanting.

And continue to explore new domains. Continue to explore the what-ifs. Continue to explore the journey back in or integrating those parts or working with your inner child. Just continue to explore that. Like we’ve discussed, it’s just a journey. It’s a journey back to your original essence that they’re waiting for you.

Perfect. Thank you so much, Missy.

You’re so welcome. Thank you for having me.

Thank you and thank you, listeners. Remember to bring pleasure into your life daily. Always look inwards and follow whatever it is you’re seeking. Continue exploring and be a seeker of yourself in knowledge, in light, and whatever it is that you are desiring. This is Orion, until next time. Thank you for being here. Bye.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓} Surrender and allow yourself to go through grief when you’ve experienced trauma. This is part of the process of your healing journey.
{✓} Don’t dwell too long in misery. Determine what your next step should be after letting out all of your emotions. Like a Phoenix, you too can rise up from the ashes.
{✓} Maintain an open conversation with the people dear to you most especially your partner. When your family circuit is intact, you have all the support you need to lead your community.
{✓} Use self-pleasure as a form or release. Explore your body and your sensuality to help you recharge and de-stress.
{✓} Try the Yoni massage with your partner doing it on you. According to Missy, not only will this bring you immense pleasure, it will bring you closer with each other on a spiritual level. 
{✓} Find ways to connect more with your body. This can be through activities or hobbies where you feel yourself the most such as yoga, meditation, painting, writing, singing, etc.
{✓} Do some slow sensual dance routines to help you connect deeper with your feminine energy. 
{✓} Connect to your womb energy with the help of some intense breathwork. Breathing intentionally in silence can help give you some clarity on your clouded thoughts. 
{✓} Don’t be ashamed of your vulnerability. Great leaders are people who aren’t afraid to show others their true feelings. 
{✓} Check out Missy Garcia’s website to see more of her workshops, content, and services that will help you ignite the fire within.

Links and Resources

About Missy Garcia

Missy Garcia is a powerful sex and leadership coach for women who are desperate to escape from their dull and disconnected lives. She is warm, authentic, funny and deeply vulnerable, offering sage advice about sexuality and leadership from a raw place that has developed through her own journey of self-transformation.


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