A Personal Note From Orion

We all have emotional baggage that we carry with us into new relationships. It’s a bad habit, and it’s not fair to your new partner to have to clean up someone else’s mess. I work with a lot of my coaching clients in helping them clean up their own mess because ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness. Entering into a new relationship, or even just starting to date again, can only happen when you go into it with an open mind, and an open, clean heart, free from the past and ready to receive love.

Aside from leaving behind your baggage, you’ll also have to learn to trust men again, and for that to happen, you’ll have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Men want to be respected and feel needed just as much as we do, and trusting them is a way to show respect while being vulnerable allows them to step in and serve you. 

Helena Summers is a woman who has a background worthy of a Hollywood movie. She has survived a rough upbringing, war, 2 arranged marriages, and has gone on over 500 dates, to finally end up where she is today: sharing her story with you on how she has overcome so much and has never given up on men or the idea of true love. Tune in to this episode to hear her incredible, inspiring story.

 

About Today’s Show

Hello and welcome to Stellar Life Podcast. Helena Summer is the founder of LivDelicious lifestyle movement. She lived through a war and became a nun at 15, committed to a life of celibacy, simplicity and poverty. Her first romance was an arranged marriage to a former priest and this is just the beginning of an unusual story. I was fascinated by her approach to relationships and her sensitive, beautiful approach to mankind. So if you want to know more about relationships, if you want to know more about men, and how to understand them and connect with them, this is the show for you. And now without further ado, on to the show

Hello, Helena. Welcome to Stellar Life Podcast. It’s wonderful to have you here.

Thank you, dear.

You have one of the most extraordinary stories I’ve ever heard in my life.

Yes. People say I should write a book or make a movie.

You totally need to write a book and make a movie, maybe a few of them. Maybe you can share a little about your story so people will get to know you a little better.

What part was the most fascinating for you?

From the beginning, like your upbringing and all of that.

Okay. Upbringing. I’m actually a rape baby.

Oh my god. I did not know that.

Yeah, it started like that, and not only me, I have a twin sister. My father raped my mom and that way, he trapped her to stay with him. At that time, in that part of the world, there was no such thing as a divorce or leaving somebody pregnant. She was trapped. It was what the whole torturer’s thing. He would lock her in the house in one room without a toilet or water while she was pregnant and all this crazy drama.

Oh my gosh. I just got goosebumps. Wow.

I know. That’s why I try to not share everything because people often lead with their compassion and sadness towards me but this is something that my whole existence here is to teach us that we actually are not the victims of hardships of life.

Yes. We’ll get to that, but what happened after that?

What happened after that? We were raised this way and it was very hard to live with him, just terrible, just lots of ugly, unhappy, goosebumps-kind-of-moments with him. And then my brother came to her—he was 15 or 16—and he said, “Mom, if you don’t divorce, I’m going to leave and I’m going to run away from home.” This is how she woke up and she started to protest.

I was the only child in my classroom, my twin sister and I, who had divorced parents. It was a lot of embarrassment, shaming, blaming, wronging, and hiding because of that. Then just maybe six months, we were divorced for six months and we live in this little tiny house and it was so nice. We were happy and free. We had cherry trees and apple trees in the garden. It was gorgeous. I was so happy—six months, and then the war started and my brother was on the front line.

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Which war was that?

Croatian War of Independence. It was 1991 in Yugoslavia. Yugoslavia fell apart and was all this mess. Croatia had a War of Independence. My brother was on the frontline. My twin sister and I were separated. She was in Hungary. I was in Croatia. My grandmother’s house was bombed. Three bombs fell on her house while she was in the kitchen and it didn’t kill her.

She’s got some angels.

Right? She was wounded in her arm in the Second World War in ‘45 but not in this war even though three bombs fell in her house. And, my best friend died. Imagine your whole life, from conception to the whole life, there is just misery.

Wait, and you were what? 10, 12?

15 at the time. Everything was just miserable and then topping it with war. I ended up being a refugee in my own country alone. My mom was not there, my sister in Hungary, my brother in the frontline, so I was just by myself in this refugee camp with this bunch of women from different villages and a bunch of children and old people. It was just so miserable

One night, a baby died. A baby actually froze to death. It was so cold and there were no blankets. We got this military blankets, sharp, just terrible blankets. This baby froze. I never saw the baby because everybody was rushing towards the woman and surrounding her. It was like [3:00] AM or something and everybody was crying, and lamenting, and screaming, such hard energy to feel. Then, I heard the news. It’s a baby. Then I heard the second, third layer of news, “Oh, it’s her fault. She should have covered her.”

That is when I was totally fed up with how broken we are. This blame was so hard for me to hear and I got so pissed. I was so pissed. I cannot even tell you. I’m like, “I’m going out to find God and kick his ass.” What did I know about life? I believed that if your faith is the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains. You know that verse from the Bible. I believed my faith is still a mustard seed, I can stop the war.

I ran away from the refugee camp. I only had my clothes. I had no money, no ID, no food, nothing on me, just the clothes on me, and a heart full of hatred. That’s all in my possession and nothing else. I went from person to person, “Excuse me. Where is God?” “Oh, it’s in the church. It’s in the Bible. It’s in your heart. It’s in nature. It’s everywhere.” People just give me some answers. I was really unhappy because I wanted to meet the dude and kick his ass. After a long day of asking, there were these three beautiful women. I asked them and they said, “Come with us.” They were nuns. That’s how I, at the age of 15, became a nun. I lived the life of celibacy, simplicity, and poverty.

How was it?

Beautiful. If I live my life over again, I would still do it. I would maybe stay in less time. I stayed maybe 6-7 years. I would stay maybe four. It was beautiful. I loved it. I learned that we don’t need to yell because in my household it was just yelling. I remember this one oldest nun, she told me, “You know, we don’t yell here. We could talk.” That was the beginning of learning that life can actually be peaceful.

You know, simplicity is so beautiful. I had one bag and that’s all I owned, whatever could fit in one bag. If I had more, I give away. If I get something, I give what I had. I did not have one brand new piece of clothing for at least 10 years. Even after I left, that whole tradition of sharing, you just pass it down. There is so much simplicity in my life and when the mind is simple and peaceful, it can actually help the heart to open. It was a good life.

After a while, now I’m 15, 16, 17, 18, I’m 21 and I’m like, “I just want somebody to touch me, to hold me, to kiss me.” I just want to kiss a man. I was like, “Oh my god. I should focus more on service and pray better.” That obsession with ‘I just want one hug and a kiss, but probably, if I would get a hug and a kiss, I would want more’. I came to them and I said I cannot follow my vows. My mind is constantly, “I just want to have a man.” I left.

How did they react? Were they cool with it?

No. I don’t want to blame the whole system. Organized religion is a system of humans. I still want to believe that there is a lot of purity in some of the knowledge, philosophies, and information, but not so much purity in humans. There was a moment of big disappointment and disillusionment.

It’s good you had it when you were young. I’ve traveled around the world and I’ve been studying with many gurus and life workers, and I studied different paths of spirituality. I had that rude awakening a little later where I was like, “Okay. You can’t put anyone on a pedestal or even any system on a pedestal.” You have to take what serves you and just leave the rest because as soon as the knowledge is in the hands of humans, they act like humans then all the greed and jealousy, it all creeps in. I do believe that every religion and method has a light in it. It’s just that not everybody that carry that system is pure.

Thank you. I really appreciate that we can connect on that level. People want to take everything or nothing, and it’s not. Take something from everything. It’s almost like we forgot that we have an inner guide. Our own inner guide is the connection that guides us to the right path. My guide out of there was a man. I want a man. Of course, that was blamed like, “Oh, you’re not pure. You should serve better and whatever.” But no, I wanted a man and that was more important because, of course, there were men over there who would be like, “Hey, baby,” kind of energy.

What happened is I left and there was a priest in Slovenia, it’s a neighbor country to Croatia, that also left. Then a mutual friend, or so to say, authorities, they said, “Okay, you got to go in the shark world. You don’t know men in power. You don’t know what men are. You’re going to get there and somebody is going to take advantage of your naivete and innocence.”

I was really scared of that. I actually had a crazy dating story. Because it was war, women who were staying there in the area in some ways were “helping” soldiers. They were taking care of them, loving them, kissing them, and whatever they were doing with them. I was gone and everybody knew where I was. In my brother’s generation—I was now 21 and they were four years older, so they were 25—they all knew I was a virgin. At some point, I had so many men. All my brother’s friends were asking me out. My mom said, “Open up. You have to learn. Just go.” I was going, they want to touch and kiss me and I was all weirded out. One of them was really…

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Aggressive?

Yes, and I told him, “No. You have no idea how I treat my body. No. You don’t want to touch me. Back off.” Then he said, “Did such and such ask you out?” I said “Yes.” “And such and such?” “Yes.” “And such and such?” I said, “How do you know?” He said, “Because we all put,” I don’t know in that currency, but let’s say, “We all put $100 down on who gets you. And he will get the money.” I was so broken. That sucked. They introduced me to this guy from Slovenia. He was a former priest, I was a former nun, and we got married. My first marriage was an arranged marriage. It was beautiful. We loved each other. We are still very good friends.

And we lived a very simple life. We still had a life of simplicity and poverty but not celibacy. We had lots of fun. He was very sick. He had asthma, skin disorders, allergies, and a lot of little problems. We worked such odd jobs. We were shepherds. Somebody had sheep. We took care of those sheep. Did you know that when sheep graze, they do not eat mint. As they graze the grass, I would pick the mint. Then, we would dry the mint and then we would go door-to-door to sell the mint as a tea. We had another person who had bees. We were selling door-to-door his honey and mint tea. Then, we started the ecological organization and I was making little postcards from flowers, plants and little things that grow. Everything was custom-made and original. It was wonderful.

We lived in an old minibus. It was a simple life but we loved each other a lot. We sing a lot and we make love a lot. It was very simple. Winters were hard because we had to go somewhere and either his mom, or my mom, or his father. It was hard to find a place to live. After about seven years, he got really sick. He would spread his hands and they will crack and there was blood from his fingers and palms, and blood on his feet. His socks were always bloody and it sticks to his feet. He would go to meditate and pray for eight hours a day. He didn’t know any other shelter and he would tell me, “You need to go and have a life. I don’t want you to go with me. Don’t go after my path. I want to die. I’m tired of this.” He basically arranged my second marriage to a Hawaiian surfer dude.

Oh my god. That’s so different.

Because he said, “You don’t know how to enjoy yourself. You are shy. You are afraid of your beauty. You are afraid of hurting. Go live a little.” I’m like, “Please, no. I don’t like this guy in Hawaii.” Gosh, this man, he was so handsome. Imagine Mel Gibson at his best years and Tom Cruise at his best years. I mean, blue eyes, dark skin, gorgeous hair, handsome, and strong surfer body. He was hot. I was like, “Please. I want some ugly guy,” because my first husband was just a regular, very tall, very skinny, priest-looking kind of man. Just very frail.

But I didn’t know how to say no. When this Hawaiian man wanted to marry me, I’m like, “Okay. What do I say? How do I do this?”. I ended up marrying him and we lived in Hawaii, in Kona for two years. My first husband and I, we were like a marriage if you make a smoothie. You put a strawberry and banana together and that’s a smoothie. But my second husband and I, we were strawberry and tomato.

Oh, no. That’s not good.

We totally look alike. We were both cute and attractive. My first husband, we didn’t have a similar attractiveness level. We got red faces and green hair. We look-alike but when you make us a smoothie, nobody can drink it. We decided it was time to divorce.

How old were you there?

Now, I’m 31.

Okay, 31. You have never really dated in your life.

Never been on a date.

Except for that crazy date with the brother’s friend.

I didn’t even know what’s a date. In Croatia, there’s no such thing as dating. You don’t date multiple men. You just go with one and then you marry them. It’s a weird thing. I didn’t kiss anybody from my brother’s friend. Nothing.

You had two marriages without even having a date?

Yeah.

And then you’re 31.

I was never engaged in my life. I was never on a date. I was just married and I changed my name each time.

You did. Okay. Wow. So, you’re 31. You’re still in Kona. You are divorced and now what?

That was my question. I’m like, “Can I just have a husband?” I’d know how to be married. I’m a good wife. I can cook, I can clean, I’m fun, I’m delightful, I speak funny English. I am a maid. But, what do I do on a date? I’m afraid. What do you want from me? Marriage means some kind of security. But a date means, what if they want to rape you? I was so afraid. I decided that I was so burned out with my second smoothie guy that it’s still not delicious that I was thinking that my first banana smoothie was delicious because it was spiritual.

Ah, okay. How were you in the world? Did you feel beautiful? Did you have any body image issues? Were you super confused? How are you handling yourself? I guess your family was back in Croatia. 

20 hours away.

You were in Hawaii and you’re on your own. What was going on for you then?

As a nun, we traveled a lot. When I lived with my first husband, we went to many places. We went to India twice to look for the truth. We went to Japan, Singapore, Thailand. We lived a very humble life.

I’ve been to those places.

It’s a place where you go search for something higher.

Or go party on the beach on a full moon.

Not for me, but I understand. I’ve seen those. The places where you want to get deeper, you are hungry for the truth.

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Yes. We traveled to India and we actually studied at Oneness University and I had an incredible experience in India.

India is the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

India is a lot. It’s such high stimulants for all your sensations. Everything—the smells, the colors, the intensity, the spirituality, the rawness, the lack of spirituality. Everything is so…

Violent and peaceful. Everything is there.

Yes. Everything is so mixed and intense in one place. It’s pretty awesome.

It’s inconceivable for the western mind. Everybody gets a cultural shock.

I guess in the beginning. In the beginning, it was a culture shock for sure.

I cried when I arrived and I cried when I left because I didn’t want to leave. First like, “Oh my god. This is hell. I want to get out of here.”

One of my most beautiful experiences in India was when I was spending three hours with a young female elephant named Tara, which means star, and I fell in love with her. I was hugging her, feeding and bathing her. She was the most incredible creature I’ve ever encountered except for my cat that passed away. Really, it was such a wonderful experience.

Sorry. Thinking about India. Let’s go back.

Back to Hawaii, so now I’m divorced. I had issues with my body image. I knew men were attracted to me, but I thought this is because they are just horny dogs.

As long as you are female, they will be attracted to you. It doesn’t mean that you’re beautiful, sexy, or attractive.

Or did they want to protect me, or did they want to get to know me, or did they want to share with me, or they want to take care of me. I felt violated by their eyes. I remember going to gay bar.

Try to go to Egypt.

A woman told me she had a 14-year-old daughter and somebody said, “I’ll give you 1000 camels for your daughter.”

No. We had a little conversation—I told you about Egypt—but except for the magical part of Egypt which was the Valley of the Kings, and the temples, and the Pyramids. Being in the city of Cairo, even with a man by your side and even covered or without a headcover, you feel very vulnerable. It’s not safe at all, so you had that feeling. I can also resonate because when I was young, I had a difficult childhood. I was like, “Me too, for sexual abuse and physical abuse.” I get it. If you experience it, if you just think about it, it feels quite unsafe for women to be out there.

Very true. Have you ever been to a gay bar?

I love gay bars.

Right? You feel so safe.

I love the gays. Partying with the gays.

Yes. I remember I went with my male friend and I said, “This is the feeling.”

Some of my best friends from Israel are gays and it’s really celebrated in Israel in a very big way.

I felt very normal in a gay bar, but in regular places, I would feel unsafe. I didn’t know whether these men wanted to protect and support me and be my partner, or they wanted to use me. All over my energy, I had written with big tattooed letters, “Look what you can’t have. You can’t have me. Back off.” I was fed up. One, my marriage was great because we were a spiritual marriage. The other one was terrible. My mother’s marriage was terrible. All the marriages I heard about are terrible. “F you, everybody. I don’t want to be touched or seen,” but I really wanted to feel connected.

There’s so much love in your heart and you want to share it with someone. I know it. When I was single, I had this agony of, “I just want to really love somebody that would love me back. That’s all I wanted. I want to love. I have this so much love in my heart that I feel like it’s going to burst out of my chest and I don’t know what to do with it, and this longing.” I understand that disconnection.

In the war, I had a heart full of hatred and I worked on that. My best friend was a Serbian. To me, that was a victory because Serbia and Croatia were at war. But when I felt that my heart was full of hatred towards men, how can you live a spiritual life if you hate 50% of the population? That’s too much burden to carry. My little heart could not hate so much.

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You’re a love bug. You can’t hate. You were heartbroken. It wasn’t hate that stemmed from being hateful; it stemmed from being heartbroken, wanting the world to be better, being so alone, and having such a difficult life.

I decided that I was married, been there, done that. Engagement, boyfriend, whatever. I wanted to give myself a gift of love to heal 50% of the population that I hated. I wanted to heal my heart so I would go on dates with men and I would tell them, “I’m not ready to date. I’m not ready to kiss. I’m not ready to do anything. If you still want to go out and teach me about the greatness of men, I want to learn to appreciate men. I want to be in love again.”

Oh my god. That’s amazing. Wow.

Orion, my dear, men are amazing. They took me out for dinners. They told me all their stories. They were so protective and kind. They helped me move. They helped me with this. They helped me with that. They were amazing.

You went on over 500 dates, that’s correct?

Yes.

How? How did you do 500?

Because you don’t get attached that you’re going to be with the one, your heart is open. For me, everyone—short men, tall men, old men, young men, big men, small men, fat men, whatever, I had no judgments.

This is the most extraordinary thing.

Yes. Because who else will do this for me?

Coming with this boundary, meeting those expectations like, “I don’t want to date you. I want you to show me how good you are and be a representation of all mankind and show me why I should trust them.”

It’s not really, “You show me why I should trust them.” That sounds a little challenging.

Well, no, like how worried they are, of course, but in your heart, a part of the quest was to trust men.

Yes. If they would ask me, I would tell them, “Yes. My heart was broken by my own father. It was broken by religion. It was broken by men. I want to learn to respect men. Help me.” I came more from a vulnerable place and open-hearted and they stood up for me.

What are some of the most extraordinary dates that you had that you were like, “Oh my god. My mind is blown. I didn’t know that men could be so incredible?”

I was moving from Kona to Honolulu, and I didn’t know anything about Honolulu. I was afraid of driving on highways. I could just drive corners.

Driving in Hawaii is the easiest thing in the whole world, right?

I know but before that, I didn’t know.

Everybody’s so nice in Hawaii.

Remember I was a nun. I learned to drive cars at 59.

I get it. I learned to drive late, too so I get it.

I was afraid of cars. I moved to Honolulu and there was this guy, his name is Mark. His birthday was the other day, actually, just wished him a happy birthday. This was in 2008, 11 years ago. He was renting his apartment and I was contacting him to see if his apartment would work for me and stuff. He picked me up from the airport and he was so kind to me. I told him, “I know you, men. I don’t want you to think blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” I positioned myself right away.

He showed me the whole island. He showed me everything. I didn’t even rent his place. I just went to see his place amongst other places and I said to him, “You have no idea how much softer my heart feels now.” It’s needles of a bird, feisty, and he was cutting these needles. Slowly making them shorter, and shorter, and less sharp. He said, “I really care about your story and everything that you want to learn about men and stuff. I will give you my place for cheaper if you want.” I said, “No. The place is not the right match.” I didn’t and he still showed me around. Never tried to kiss me. Never tried to hug me. Nothing.

I had one man, oh my god—six-pack, tall, macho, good looking, and I told him, “You know, I just want to learn to respect men. I want to learn who men are.” This big, macho man, he was in the military, his eyes started to shake, tearing out, and he was…

I’m tearing right now. This is so beautiful.

He was telling me about this woman who texted somebody while she was on a date with him. He said, “So much disrespect. I never heard a woman say, I want to respect men.” They would just hear the stories of used or lied to. They were as hurt as we were.

I remembered I had this one guy. Oh my god, he was so big. 350 pounds or more and I was so sweet. He took me out to this really fancy place. He told me about this really fancy place and I’m like, “Uh-oh. He wants to propose.” I got so scared. I said, “No. I just want a simple place, the most simple place possible.” We ended up somewhere in some diner, and I was asking him about Hawaii and the culture and he brought me mangoes.

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That’s so sweet. Literally.

Literally sweet. He brought me mangoes and he said, “You know. I never eat in diners. I never go out. I didn’t want to take you to a nice place to impress you. That’s how I am. I am that kind of man. I always go there, to this kind of place.” I told him, “I didn’t feel safe and I want to make sure.” Then, he’s like, “Okay. Here’s my card. If you need anything from anybody, if anybody ever bugs you…” this man was a big and famous name in Hawaii, “…and I will protect you. I will take care of you. Just call me. Nobody should mess with you. Nobody should cause you any problems. Just reach out.”

I love it. I love what you’re doing because what you’re doing is coming with a different intention because for me, I was in this abusive relationship and after that, I ended up in the hospital. After that, life was not safe and men were not safe. Everytime I went into a relationship, the question that went in my life was, “How can I not get hurt by you?” So, by doing that, I put on this persona, this very masculine persona and I would come into every interaction waiting for a man to hurt me. By doing that, they were, of course, it’s either emasculating them, making them feel less because I wanted to show them that I am big and strong, so you can’t hurt me. I was so broken inside.

I wondered why I cannot go into a relationship and have a safe, happy relationship because I couldn’t. When you change that intention into, “How can I see your greatness?” I think you attract a different caliber of men and you will attract people. Because when you ask that question, the men that will answer to you will be that men that is good in heart, good in his core, and he’s willing to be there, and like you, and love you, and protect you whether it’s your match or not.

But a lot of times, we come into dating and relationships with our old baggages, before we did the healing, before we did the work on ourselves, before we found safety in who we are. It will break down every interaction, every relationship, everything because we don’t give them a chance to do the things that they want to do the most. The thing that the guy wants to do the most, a decent guy with a good heart and maybe doesn’t have too much baggage, is to love and adore you, be there for you, protect you, be your hero, be your man. It’s mind-blowing what you did with all these men.

You will get proof of everything that you’re seeking for. Your mind will answer every question you give it. If you give your mind the question, “Why are all men unsafe?” You will get the answer to why all men are unsafe. In reality, you will manifest those interactions that will show you, on a greater scale or a small scale, that men are not safe. But if you ask a question like you did, which is, “Teach me to love and respect men. How can I love and respect men more? How can I see their greatness and beauty and give them a chance? Give them a chance.” It’s so beautiful and those were the interactions that you attracted into your life.

I am very grateful. I had 13 men who I dated when I kind of started kissing men too, who came to my wedding to congratulate my husband.

You get a kiss, and you get a kiss, and you get a kiss, and you get a kiss.

You see, with all these things about men and going on these multiple dates to learn who they are, I learned one crucial thing that no wise woman could ever teach me and it is this: One man heals what another man hurt.

Say it again.

One man will heal what another man has hurt. You get broken, feel broken, and feel damaged, and there will be one man who will, for no reason, help you with this. It will soften your heart and the other man who will, for no reason, will help you with that, or guide you through this, or support you, or protect you, or something. It will soften these needles, these sharp swords that we have, and they will heal. We are here to heal each other, to help each other, but you need to step-up for yourself first, not a step-up in a tough way but what I call it, “woman up”. See, because all of these women, “Man up. If you’re man enough to be my man. Well, this ain’t going to do, blah, blah.” No. Soften.

It’s like you’re trying to change the world around you externally. It’s like when everybody else changes, when the men change, I will change, and then everything’s going to work out, but the truth is.

I’ll be the change.

“Be the change that you want to see in others.” It’s been said so many times it almost sounds like a cliche but it’s so true. I truly believe in it.

When a woman womans up, a man will man up because you put up a higher standard and everybody wants higher from themselves. Why do you think the personal development industry is a multi-billion dollar industry? We are all hungry for betterment. We want to be better, and we, as women, if we cannot put a higher standard, we look at other women and we compare ourselves. “Oh, she’s sleeping on a first date, maybe I should just sleep before we even meet.” No, keep a high standard. Let a man show you his heart. Men will.

I didn’t kiss and didn’t do anything with them and they were totally supportive and loving and kind. I even wrote on my dating profile when I started to date later, I said, “I learned one thing about men, you guys would do so much good and you would not get any respect for it, and you would still keep doing the good.” And men would come to me and said, “That sentence that you wrote, I want to meet you just because of that sentence. Who is this woman who respects men so much?”

I love it. I think in many ways the work that we do with women, we have a similar approach which about the beingness. I talk a lot about the connection to your inner goddess and your femininity. You said it in a way of softness and respect which is a part of it because when you are in that beautiful essence of yours and you are embracing who you are, yourself, your sexuality, your sensuality, in a beautiful enlightened way, who you are, you become an attractor and then you become a better partner.

It’s not like it’s happening in a day and then you’re like, “I’m the perfect woman.” It’s an evergoing work on yourself, especially in relationships. It’s like an awakening. When I went to India, the monks said that awakening is not a one-time thing. It’s like you awaken, and then you go back, and then you awaken on a different level, and then you kind of go back. It’s a wave. It’s in and out, and then slowly you become better and better. Everyday, if you put the intention to it in every moment, in your interactions, if you put the intention to it, you become a better person and a better partner.

Exactly, and it’s up to us. Nobody will do it for you. When you will yourself to love, when you really want to do it, things become different. I’ve always talked to my mom. We had no role model growing up of any happy relationship, but I created a really wonderful life for myself and many people. We can all do that. Men will help us. You just need to let them.

Yes. How do you ask them?

For what kind of help?

Whatever. I guess my question was what did you discover about communication with men?

They really don’t understand us to read their minds. They’re terrible mind readers. If we try to make that, we lose big time, everybody loses. Men respond to us. If a man is really cool and a really good man, a quality man, he would want to be with a refined woman. The finesse of a woman is to choose soft words that describe her personality through and those are rare. Often, you can get what you want from a man without many words. Smile, soft eyes, please. Seriously. There is often so little to do. I remember I was walking towards the gym and there was a man on the phone in front of the door going back and forth. I stand in front and he’s on the phone, and I said, “I respect a man who opens a door.” And of course, he opens the door.

That was so ninja.

Right? It doesn’t have to be your man. Of course, can I not open my own door? Of course, I can. But why would I not connect to a man and show him how it’s easy to gain respect.

Oh, wow. That is so great.

Did he later maybe opened the door for another woman? I believe so. We train our society what kind of people we want to have. A smile does a lot of things. I have a client who is really strong and powerful, and a very successful doctor and, “But I don’t need a man. I don’t need him of this and I don’t need him for that.” I said, “Men want to be needed.” “But I really don’t need him. I have my money. I have my car. I have my house. I have this.” I said, “Okay. Let’s do this.” She buys this bottled water from the machine. I said, “When you get your bottled water, hand the bottled water and say, I can’t open this bottle.” I said, “You will see. They will happily open your bottle of water.” “But I can do it myself.” I get it, but the point is to see that we need to connect and it’s easy. When you ask them they will come, they will be there for you. It’s a simple thing like that.

My husband and I, when we bought a house or when we first moved into the house together, we were like, “So, what are we going to do now with the trash?” I said, “I’m in the kitchen, mostly. I know when the trash is full but I don’t want to mother you. I don’t want to boss you. I don’t want to talk, ‘Trash is ready.’” We created a sign language for trash is ready. It’s shaking my arms like I have chicken wings. When I do that, we stay like this together and that’s it. Sign language for I’m hungry, we shake the booty.

I love it. With my husband, it took that shift to manifest and learning about relationships, and allowing him to open the door, and allowing him to change the lightbulb. Now I’m just like, “I can’t do this. I can’t do that. Can you please do this.” You know what, he’s happy to do it. Sometimes I’m a little tough on him. I’m like, “There is a spoon in the sink. I just cleaned and you left a spoon in the sink.” You know, a little crazy, but I compensate by being a good wife in many other ways. Last night, I was just laying in bed and I was just in such awe and gratitude for this amazing, incredible man. Like you said, “One man heal what other men hurt.” I feel like I have this healing with my husband.

It’s not like it’s a smooth journey and everyday we’re lovey-dovey, everything is rainbows and unicorns, but when I look at the bigger picture, I’m in such awe and I’m so grateful. He’s like a unicorn. He’s such a special man in my life. It fills my heart with joy, and love, and gratitude. Being where I was in the past and looking at my journey with men and how I never trusted them, I didn’t even know that all the good ones were either gay or taken. I’m in such awe and gratitude to have this journey and to learn because there is no manual on how to be a woman or a partner. We always teach what we either needed to learn or in the process of learning. What is the I Love Men Method? I love men. I have Orion’s Method, you have the I Love Men Method.

It’s a process I take women to will themselves to love, to become a distinguished and refined woman. The Latin word is Femina Nobilis—a noblewoman. People always call themselves a goddess, a queen, a princess, I cannot resonate with these, but I understand what is a noblewoman. I understand what means distinguished and refined behavior and men understand that too. When we blend our languages, so to say, to speak in a way that they can actually understand us and to make it easy for them to help us, to support us, our hearts will soften. We will start loving them more. We will have a fabulous dating experience and the healing that needed to happen with the ex-husband, or a father, or whoever was in between will naturally happen.

You can actually just will yourself to dating. You don’t have to go on 500 dates like I did, 100 would be enough, 50 would be enough. If the clarity of intention is there and if you really position yourself. “Okay, I’m scared. I’m frustrated. I don’t know what, but I’m willing to become distinguished and refined. I’m willing to bring in my feminine essence to this table and tell a man exactly what I need.” We are very good today with boundaries but we are terrible with bridges.

Oh, I like that. I like that as a kid, sometimes when you would create the boundaries your own way, you cut the bridge and you don’t get anyone’s heart. It’s the boundaries about you and it’s not about the connection.

Yeah, and one of the things that I teach is boundaries and bridges. This is the same lesson. The lesson is called, “Boundaries and bridges.” Not, “Lesson one, Boundaries. Lesson two, Bridges.” No. Boundaries and Bridges. I have a part of my program, it’s called receiving school. We actually teach women how to receive everything—love, gifts, help, material stuff, support, advise, how to be a woman of grace because we don’t know feminine superpower is receptivity. Number one superpower and how many women use it? Very few.

“But I would receive if he gives me, whatever, Rolex.” No. That’s gold-digging and not gold-digging for the heart, gold-digging for the money. No. We receive from our essence of receptivity in the way we talk to men, in the way we are, the way we look at them. You don’t have to say anything. Your eyes can show if you are sad, if you are happy, if you are angry, if you are excited. Your eyes can show if you’re receptive. This whole process is about softening and that’s incredible power. Women cannot be powerful if she’s not receptive. Superpower number one, without it, you can’t be powerful.

I love it. Where can people go to find you, work with you? I know you have an amazing free video download that people can get about the I Love Method. Where can they go?

It’s helenasummer.com. Helena Summer. Summer is just one summer, like a season, no summers, helenasummer.com.

Wonderful. Wonderful. Helena, this was awesome. Before we say goodbye for now, what are your three top tips to living a stellar life?

Three top tips to live a stellar life. I’ll give you three female superpowers. Allow your body, mind, and heart to be receptive. Receptivity is superpower number one. Female superpower number two is patience. You were waiting for nine months for the baby, you know how to be patient. Patience. You don’t have to reach. “Okay. He didn’t text me 20 minutes, I’m going to text him again.” No drama. No, “Oh my god, oh my god.” Relax. Patience. Hold your horses. Lean back. Chill. That’s feminine superpower number two.

Superpower number three, vulnerability. It’s okay for him to see your heart. With my men, when I would come to them and say, “I didn’t have any good experiences with men but I want to learn to love men. I want to learn to appreciate you guys. I want to learn to respect you.” That’s very vulnerable, but you see how much good it brings? It brings all the good out of men, good out of everyone because it’s a superpower. Stellar life—be receptive, patient, and vulnerable.

Wonderful. Thank you, Helena, so, so much. I really appreciate you.

Yes. Thank you, Orion.

Thank you. Thank you, listeners. Remember, allow your body, mind, and heart to be receptive. Be patient. Hold your horses even when you really, really, want to text back. Vulnerability is key. Allow your man to see your heart. I wish you all a very, very stellar day and a stellar life. This is Orion, until next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓} Live life with an open heart. Don’t resist all the possibilities and good things life is ready to offer you. 
{✓} Listen to your inner guidance and trust that it will lead you to the right path. Going on the journey to finding love must also be a journey of finding your true self. 
{✓} Set an intention on what kind of man you want to spend your life with. Visualize your future partner not just on physical and tangible attributes, but how you would like him to treat you as a partner.
{✓} Give the right man a chance to love and take care of you even when you’ve gone through rough relationships in the past.  
{✓} Seek a partner you can spiritually connect with. It doesn’t have to be religion. An awakening experience can come from all forms and phases.
{✓} Show respect to your partner at all times. Give them your highest regard even when you’re arguing as you should aim for compromise rather than putting the other down. 
{✓} Take time to understand men and get to know them on a deeper level. Embrace the fact that both of you are separate individuals with unique goals, outlooks, and needs.
{✓} Make men feel needed. They have a natural urge to protect their women. Showing your vulnerable side without being too needy is healthy for a relationship.
{✓} Don’t hesitate to ask for what you want. Don’t expect men to be mind readers because most of the time they truly are just clueless about how you feel. 
{✓} Check out Helena Summer’s website www.livdelicious.com for more information, resources, and tips on how to make your love life spicier.

Links and Resources

About Helena Summer

Helena Summer is the founder of the LivDelicious lifestyle movement. She lived through a war became a nun at 15, committing to a life of celibacy, simplicity, and poverty. Her first romance was an arranged marriage to a former priest… And this is just the beginning of an unusual story?

 

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