How To Be One Of A Kind Instead Of One In Many with Sam Horn

In this Episode

• [02:57] Sam Horn recounts a childhood memory of receiving a draft horse, whose gentle nature made her feel protected. She reflects on how her bond with horses nurtured her confidence and resourcefulness.
• [05:23] Sam outlines her approach to selecting book topics, stressing the importance of offering original insights and timely relevance.
• [06:57] Sam unveils her EEE framework—Experience, Expertise, and Epiphanies—as a guiding tool for content creation.
• [08:21] Orion describes her spontaneous journey to Japan with just $700, which evolved into a three-and-a-half-year stay, as Sam helps her distill the experiences and expertise gained from it.
• [15:29] The conversation shifts to Orion’s language expertise and how it has built her confidence and skills.
• [23:57] Orion and Sam explore the power of vulnerability and storytelling as a bridge to genuine audience connection.
• [35:16] Sam and Orion brainstorm ways to elevate the title of Orion’s presentation, aiming for something bold, magnetic, and memorable.
• [40:15] Orion shares a transformative retreat in Puerto Rico, sparking the discovery of resonant themes and word bank.
• [50:33] Sam reveals her three top tips for leading a naughty life.

Jump to Links and Resources

About Today’s Show

Hi, Sam. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here. 

Well, you’re welcome. I’ve been looking forward to sharing some stories and ideas on how we can be one of a kind instead of one of many.

Amazing. Before we begin, maybe you can share one of your favorite childhood memories with me.

Aha, our parents got us a draft horse when I was five years old, and he was a big old black horse named Elko. He was so gentle that my sister, brother, and I could ride him at the same time, and if he felt us like we were about to fall off, he would stop until we regained our balance, and only then would he resume walking. He was as much a babysitter as a horse. We really loved Elko.

That’s amazing. You know, I spent a weekend at my friend’s in Texas, and she’s got a ranch. I was really afraid of horses, but she had those—I don’t know the name of them—but they’re very, very tall, and she had a very tall, beautiful black horse. I spent time cleaning after them, feeding them, brushing them, and after that weekend, no more fear of horses. It was amazing. 

Isn’t it wonderful? Because I can only imagine that if you see a tall horse, it’s intimidating, but if you brush the horse, and the brush snuffs you, which is like sniff, sniff kind of nestles you, then all of a sudden it’s not a tall horse, it’s this lovely being that’s receiving you, brushing it and taking care of it. It becomes a very special relationship with that horse, doesn’t it?

Right. Do you think your connection with horses helps you connect with people?

I just love that question. A reporter once asked where I got my confidence, and I said, “On the back of a horse.” When my sister was eight and I was seven, we would be gone all day on our horses. We lived in a small mountain valley, and our parents didn’t warn us about danger. They didn’t go, “Oh, be careful.” They said, “If you get bucked off, figure it out. If your bridle breaks, figure it out.” 

As a result, we became very resourceful. Instead of seeing the world as a dangerous place, we see it as an adventurous place. Instead of worrying that something might go wrong, we think things will probably go wrong, and when they do, we’ll figure them out. 

You wrote so many books about so many topics. How did you discover your passion? How do you go about tackling a topic? 

I keep my antenna up for what gets my eyebrows up.

I have criteria. I look for something that hasn’t been done before, because the world really doesn’t need another book on stress management or customer service or leadership. That’s been said before. So I keep my antenna up for what gets my eyebrows up. When I wrote the book Pop!, I noticed many people had really good businesses, ideas, or products, but they looked like everything else. 

And so I grew up with this book on how to come up with a first-of-its-kind title, how to come up with a way to describe what you’re offering that people had not heard before, where their eyebrows go, “Oh, that’s interesting. Oh, tell me more.” I look for a topic that gets people’s eyebrows up, that’s relevant, that they can use, that actually helps them lead a better life or create a better career. 

How did you find your uniqueness? 

Aha, George Washington Carver said, “When you can do a common thing in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.” So I’m reaching out to everyone right now to kind of take a personal vow that you will not be content to be common. If you’re common, it’s going to be hard for your business to break out. If you’re common, it’s going to be hard for your presentation to get booked. If you’re common, then why would someone read your blog? 

What is my EEE? In fact, that’s what I help clients do—figure out what their EEE is. We’ll tell people what that is in a moment. Now, how can you leverage that? So whatever it is you say or create or do is uncommon, which is the key to success. Want to know what EEE is? 

I’m so curious. 

Take a personal vow that you will not be content to be common.

Okay, and guess what? We’re going to do this for you in our session, so that if we workshop this in our podcast and interview, everyone listening can do the same for themselves. Unless they’re driving, I hope they have paper and pen. I ran the Maui Writers Conference for 17 years. Writer’s Digest said it was the best writer’s conference in the world, and the number one takeaway from 17 years was, “Ink it when you think it.” 

So, if people listening want to break out instead of blend in, because blending in is for Cuisinarts, not for creatives, coaches, or consultants, write this down. The first E is ‘experience’. Now I’m going to ask you, what is something that is done that is uncommon? Where is somewhere you’ve been? What is something you’ve experienced that is kind of rare, and not a lot of people have done it? 

So, tell me an experience that you’ve had that was meaningful to you, but that was not something that a lot of people get to do.

When I was in my early 20s, I left the country with about $700 in my pocket, and I went to Japan. That was good for three days in Japan back then, but I stayed for three and a half years. I traveled to over 42 countries. I studied from the best leaders and luminaries in the world. I don’t know. I had a lot of uncommon things in my life.

Okay, right now we’re gonna bullet those because what we’re doing is we’re coming up with your unique IP. IP is intellectual property. What are you bringing to the table that people go, “Wow, that’s interesting. I want to know more.” Because when you bring unique experience into your book, or you’re speaking, people are vicariously getting to experience things they never have and perhaps never will. $700 in my pocket, still, people would want to read that. Now, we also think about metaphor—$ 700 in your pocket doesn’t sound like much, but it was enough to get you out the door, correct? 

Yes. It was enough for a few days.

Ink it when you think it.

If you were going to write a LinkedIn blog about that or speak about that, ask people, “What is something you want to do, but you feel you don’t have enough right now, you’re not ready right now, and it’s keeping you stuck?” $700 may not be enough to stay three and a half years, but it was enough to get you out for seven days, right?

Right. Something like that. Even less.

Okay. Now tell me, how did seven and a half days turn into three and a half years? What did you say at the end of seven and a half days, when you thought, “Well, I’m not going home. I’m going to continue to explore.” Put me in the scene where you made that decision. 

I think I made the decision to stay two weeks, but it was not enough. It was hard, so I just decided to find work. I worked as a waitress and kind of found my way there. 

And you went to work as a waitress, so you thought, “I really don’t want to go home. I’m having too much fun,” or “This is a special experience. I don’t want it to be over, but I’m gonna have to pay bills.” So tell me, how did you get that job as a waitress? 

I went down Roppongi, which was a foreign area, and I just knocked on doors and asked for a job. To stay, I became a student. I studied Japanese, and that’s how I stayed. I got a student visa.

You talked about knocking on doors. I see another LinkedIn blog, which is, “Are you willing to knock on doors?” You didn’t wait for people to give you a job. You didn’t wait for money to show up. You thought, “I need to work. I need to earn this. I need to initiate on my own behalf.” So, you knocked on doors. 

Now, for people reading this or listening to your talk, it’s like, if you know what you want, but are you waiting for it to come to you? Are you willing to knock on doors? Are you willing to put yourself out there? Are you willing to take the first step? Now, tell me about you becoming a student. What did you study?

Japanese. But you know what? I think there was a core message there that I didn’t share. One of the things that led me was that my mom gave me the book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy. I really believed in manifestation. I would go down the streets of Omontesando, which is a very fancy Champs-Élysées of Tokyo. Every few designer houses had a little Shinto temple. 

I would throw a coin, clap my hands, say a prayer, “Thank you for my guides and angels leading me in the right way.” I was kind of like a Pollyanna. I wasn’t afraid of not having. I knew something would come up, and I would look around, and I was very much grateful for everything around me all the time, and so grateful to be there. I think being in that high-level vibration created the long stay and the ability to do this. 

We are talking about your presentation or your book right now because you see, when we go into your experience, we unpack it, and then we hook and hinge it to our readers or our audience. We don’t just tell our story. “Here’s my story, here’s what I did.” Now, that’s about you. I would ask people, if they’re taking notes, put a vertical line down the center and over in the right-hand column, you’re talking about being in a high vibration and being and learning. You’re talking about being grateful.

Now, over on the left, we would put imposter syndrome, or we would put doubts or fears or worry, because, see, many people are like, “How am I going to earn a living? What if I can’t find a job? Nobody knows me here.” They stay on the left and go down the rabbit hole of doubts, worries, and concerns. No, you are over on the right-hand column, being grateful, studying, learning, receiving, appreciative, and thankful for the opportunities coming your way. 

So now you would hook and hinge back to your readers and say, “How do you spend your mind time? Are you over there on the left thinking, “Well, no one’s ever going to hire me.” Or are you thinking, “Well, it’s only a matter of days before I run out of money.” Or are you over here on the right giving thanks and choosing to be grateful instead of grumpy?” Shall we keep going?

Yeah.

For your audience, let’s shift to the three E’s. Let’s go to the next E, because you’ve got the idea. Just start unpacking your unique experiences, where you’ve been, what you’ve done, that people would like to do or haven’t done, or might find interesting, because often that ends up in a blog, that ends up in a book, that ends up in a presentation, because you’re making something accessible, where people haven’t thought of it that way have, haven’t seen it that way, and now they do through your experience, which is a story, which keeps it interesting. Shall we go on to the next E? 

Yes, ma’am. 

Okay, let’s look at your expertise. Now your expertise is what you’re good at, that other people would pay you to teach them or do for them. So now we come into your knowledge, your talents, your skills. Are you really good at language? Do you speak several languages? 

Yes, I do. I speak English, Hebrew, rusty Japanese, and a little bit of Arabic.

Boom. Okay, so see, we’ve already identified a skill where other people would like, “Oh, I would like to be multilingual. Oh, I would like to learn how to speak Hebrew. Oh, I would like to do that.” So see, you have a skill to pay the bills, so to speak, right? However, once again, we go beneath the story to find the other stories. It’s not just that you’re multilingual. It’s not that you can just speak several languages. Tell me what made that a priority for you?

Oh, well, it’s just that in Israel, you learn English in school, and sometimes you can take Arabic classes. It was a part of my education. And in Japan, I needed Japanese because I don’t speak much English and needed my visa.

Okay, you had practical reasons for needing the visa. However, it was also part of you being able to live in the world and immerse yourself in the culture, because if we travel somewhere and can’t speak their language, we never feel like we belong there, do we? We don’t understand what people are talking about. We’re in a restaurant. We don’t understand what’s going on. So we feel like perpetual strangers if we don’t speak the language, right? 

Absolutely.

So now I’m going to go somewhere else. Tell me about this skill. How has it given you confidence? Or how has it given you comfort to go places and not feel like a stranger? Tell me how that skill feels to you.

It feels nice. I like surprising waitresses in the sushi restaurants. It definitely gave me confidence. But you know, I never see my languages as a skill, more like my other skills as skills that are confident building, like the way I can be present with a client, or when I do a hypnotherapy session, the way I help them and can connect and channel and hold them, or my speaking on stage skills, I’m very charismatic on stage. Those are things that give me confidence.

Let’s write those down. These are all skills that go into your mix of IP. You talked about being charismatic on stage. There are a lot of people who would like to learn from you how to be charismatic on stage. You talked about the ability to be present for your clients in the channel. There are a lot of counselors, therapists, and psychologists who think about how they have to drive home at rush hour, or it’s only three o’clock and they have three more clients, etc. 

What comes naturally to us, we assume it comes naturally to others, so we actually devalue it. However, in inverse proportion to how easily it comes to you, is how hard it is for others.

They would love to learn from you about how you’re present, how you’re able to channel. I’m asking everyone listening and watching to write down the skills that are at the top of their minds. Like you said, “I’m charismatic on stage. I can channel people,” etc. What are you good at that maybe other people aren’t good at, and they could learn from you, reverse engineering how you got good at that? It’s a shortcut for them. 

This is where you provide shortcuts for people who want to be good at what you’re good at. And then, I’m going to challenge people to write down something they don’t think of as a skill, because you said that you didn’t think of language as a skill. 

It’s so natural.

It all comes natural to you. I’m so glad you said that one of the most intriguing ideas about skills is that what comes naturally to us, we assume it comes naturally to others, so we actually devalue it, because we think, “Well, of course, it’s easy.” Guess what, in inverse proportion to how easily it comes to you, is how hard it is for others. 

Devaluing that gift is to understand that instead of assuming, “Well, this is obvious, this is no big deal,” it actually is a big deal because it’s hard for others, it’s impossible for others. If you could make it as easy for them as you make it for yourself, now you’ve got something. What do you think about that? 

I think it’s a really good point. 

Okay, I’m gonna say one more thing about this. I’m gonna give you a quick example. I work in the tennis industry with Rod Laver, and Rod Laver won the Grand Slam of tennis twice. That’s the Australian Open, the French Open, Wimbledon, and the US Open. We used to put on tennis camps, and Rocket would show them how to volley. He would go, “It’s like this.” People go, flop, flop, flop, flop. He would say, “No, it’s like this.” 

But see, it had been so long since he had thought about the mechanics of the strokes, he could not teach them because they were so automatic for him. When I work with clients, I understand what comes easily and automatically for you. If you can reverse engineer it, if you can go back, “Well, why am I charismatic on stage? Why do I love filling a room with my energy?” 

I love it. It’s almost like I feel the audience’s energy, like being in this energetic bubble of give and take, knowing that I’m affecting change, and knowing that I’m changing someone’s heart feels good.

Okay, so see now, when it comes to being one of a kind instead of one of many, we codify the steps to your expertise. In other words, you talked about it as an energy bubble. “I love affecting change.” I was just at TED in Vancouver, and you may know that at TED, you have to submit your script weeks in advance, and when they rehearse, if you get a word wrong, they stop you and correct you. 

What happens is that many people get in their heads that they’re so afraid to get something wrong that they’re not charismatic because they’re not thinking about infusing the audience with energy, as you were. They’re not thinking about effecting change. They’re thinking, “What am I supposed to say next?” If you’re self-conscious when speaking, or dread or are afraid of it, you’re probably over there worrying about getting it right. 

When it comes to being one of a kind instead of one of many, we codify the steps to your expertise.

If you can shift them into what comes naturally for you, which is the joy of having this opportunity to infuse people with this energy, what a gift it is, what a blessing it is. Do you see how that would be your contribution to the world, if you could, for more people?

Yes, yes. And they didn’t come naturally. I used to be really afraid. I had to work on that. I used to be afraid to speak into the microphone and ask questions at a conference. When I first did that, that was amazing. That was a breakthrough. 

Now you brought up a breakthrough, and we’ll get into our third E right now, which is epiphanies. Epiphanies are revelations. Epiphanies are like, “Oh, I see now.” Epiphanies are like, “Oh, I understand what’s important.” And so, see, you just talked about a breakthrough. 

Epiphanies are breakthroughs. When the light goes on and the pen plays, we suddenly can do something or understand we’ve been doing it wrong, and there’s a better way. Or we get crystal clear about something confusing before. So now put me in the stage where the epiphany happened, where, instead of being afraid, you actually enjoyed it. What happened? 

Well, first, I didn’t die. I broke the mic, and I didn’t die. I studied acting, and I think one of my epiphanies was that it was very easy to be on stage as a character, and it was very hard to be on stage and just be me. It was very easy to hide behind the character, but to be me, the vulnerable and open and share the way I speak, and most of my life was in the States, so with my accent, and who would even want to hear me, all those negative thoughts and impostor syndrome. 

Epiphanies are revelations.

But the more I did it and the more training I took, the more everything fell into place, and now the stage feels like home. I still get super scared before I talk, but it’s not fear. It becomes excitement. 

Well, see, you are talking out, once again, a chapter in a book, a presentation, and now you’ll see why it works to put a vertical line down the center of the paper, and over on the left are the beliefs and the behaviors that sabotage our success. On the left, you thought, “Well, I have an accent. Is that maybe a deterrent?” You thought, “Who would want to listen to me?” And over on the left, you thought, “When I act, I get to be a character.” 

So in a way, you’re taking yourself out of the game. Because it’s not their judgment, it’s the character. Over on the right, you talked about how it became home for you when you realized you could be vulnerable. You did not have to be perfect. Over on the left, you could be yourself, and that is actually more relatable to people. When you go first and share something personal, it gives them permission not to be perfect and to be vulnerable. Is that what you find? 

Absolutely.

So do you see now, if you’re writing about this or speaking about this, you ask. This is what I call a hook and hinge, so 67 stories about this. At the Maui Writers Conference, we had an Olympic athlete who talked about training for the games, made the team, and then he choked in his heats. He did not even make it to the finals, and everyone back home was saying, “When are you going to be on TV?” Well, he’s not going to be on TV. He didn’t make the finals. 

When you go first and share something personal, it gives other people permission not to be perfect and to be vulnerable.

Then, two years later, he was so disgusted with himself that he went back into training, made the team, and got a medal, which was the end of the story. Now I’m the emcee, and I’m looking around, and people are giving him polite applause, but I could tell what they were thinking, “Well, good for you. What’s that got to do with me?” Because he never once, at the end of his story, did he ask three questions. 

He never said, “Have you ever had a dream that didn’t work out? Did you throw in the towel and quit? Did you not feel you could live with yourself and go back?” So do you see how when you tell your story about stage becoming home for you, because you know you’re affecting change and you can be yourself, and you don’t have to be a character or be perfect, you say, “How about you? Do you dread speaking in public? Do you know that it’s like people fear it more than dying? Well, guess what? I did it and I didn’t die. 

Here’s why I look forward to it and enjoy it instead of being afraid of it.” We keep asking the audience, “Would you like to be able to enjoy being on stage instead of being afraid of it? Would you like for it to feel like home, instead of being this place that you would not?” And you see, when you ask now, your story is their story, and it’s this two-way patient, not one-way communication. 

Do you see how you have a revelation, you have a breakthrough, and you unpack it? What was preventing that? What was your ‘before’? What is your now? How can you codify that and ask it so that the lights are going on for other people and the band is playing? I never thought of it that way. “Yes, that’s what I want. Yes, that’s what I’m doing. Now, I have a better way.” 

That’s how our EEE is unique. These are all your stories. You didn’t get them out of ChatGPT; they’re your stories. That’s how we’re unique. In today’s world of AI, people are yearning for people like you, who are real and who share their experience, expertise, and epiphanies, because that’s when we connect, and that’s the purpose of communication—to connect. 

That’s amazing. In order to be unique, you bring your experience, expertise and epiphanies. How do you communicate with people when you’re not on stage?

Okay, let me talk about my book Pop!, which Seth Godin said was revolutionary. Now we talk about coming up with a one-of-a-kind title and a 62nd description, a one-sentence tagline that helps us pop out of the pack. So I’ll give you an example, and this book right here. So first the 62nd story, then we’ll unpack it for you. Sounds good? 

Yes. 

So I’m in Hawaii and giving a course called Dealing with Difficult People without Becoming One Yourself. It’s in a beat, and when we put it in a beat, we make it easy to repeat. It’s alliteration dealing with difficult people. So you see, it’s a crafted title. But here’s the thing, if you go online and you look for difficult people, there are 1000s of people writing about that topic, speaking about that topic. So see, I’m one of many, not one of a kind. 

Well, now here’s where the story comes in, and how we can come up with a title that gets our foot in people’s mental door so they want to know more. At our first break, there was a gentleman. He didn’t even get up to get a cup of coffee. He just sat there gazing off into space. I’m curious. I went over. I said, “What are you thinking?” He said, “Sam, I’m a real estate broker. I took this class because I thought you would teach us some zingers to fire back at people who’d put them in their place. That’s not what this is about.” 

I agreed, and he said, “I’m a martial arts student. I’ve studied karate, taekwondo,  and judo. What you’re talking about is like a verbal form of Kung Fu, isn’t it?” Eureka! Tongue Fu! Tung fu is a first-of-its-kind name, which means I could trademark it, which means it’s been selling around the world for 25 years, which means I’ve certified people in it. I spoke at the US Embassy in London. 

I’ve spoken in Seoul, Korea. What’s the number one business book in Turkey? Because I came up with a one-of-a-kind name in a very crowded field of communication or conflict resolution, there’s no book called “Tong Fu” except this one, which has driven a very nice career for 25 years. So, would you like to know how to do that for you?

Yes, ma’am. Sam, I like to know everything you teach. You are one of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met. We met prior. Had some coaching with you, and you have endless knowledge, and how you see people is remarkable. You’re just so brilliant. Now go on.

First, thank you. I can only imagine that in your work, you had talked about receiving, so I’m receiving what you said. I’m not just brushing it off and moving on. Aren’t we fortunate to do work we love that makes a difference, and isn’t it wonderful if someone’s kind enough to see us and to express what you just did? So thank you very much. Okay, what do you call your presentation?

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. I have one about how to Unleash Your Superhero and How to Awaken Your Inner Goddess. I have Relationship Secrets that Your Mama Didn’t Tell You. 

Good. Okay. Now, see, I listen for what pops out. And my filter is, “Have I heard it before? Is it complex or confusing? Is it like I’m thinking, “Yeah, that is not really relevant for me.” So see, we have criteria for what gets people’s eyebrows up and they think, “Oh, I want to know more.” Of everything you just said, what do you think popped out?

When we put words in a beat, we make it easy to repeat.

The last one because you lit up.

I lit up. Now, unpack this. Why do you think of everything you said the last one really got my attention, and I think it has a lot of commercial potential.

Because the word secret is already a good word, people like to reveal secrets, and it’s just relatable. When I say mama, you expect the mom to teach you everything. We get so disappointed not having a manual for life or a relationship. So I guess people can relate to that.

Now, once again, part of what you do and what I do, and I want everyone watching and listening to do, is to start paying attention to your words. And when I say codify what you said, I mean, pull out the words you know in a blog that you could number them, because now you’re making something replicable on the surface. For example, I took notes on what you said. And as you said, the word secret.” If someone is just going to write a blog, they’re going to say, “How to give better customer service. You gotta read that blog. It’s just a how-to; there’s a lot of how-to stuff. But if you say three secrets to giving better sacrament, “Ooh, secrets,” right? It means curated something, and it will be surprising and unexpected. So see, people write this down. Is my title surprising? Is it unexpected? Does it connote that I have curated content and give them the best of the best? Okay, I want to know a secret because it’s a shortcut. So see, that’s one word. Now you also said it’s relatable. Who isn’t in a relationship?

Who didn’t come from a mom?

Start paying attention to your words. Pull out the words you know that you could number, because now you’re making something replicable on the surface.

So see, everyone is in a relationship, and I don’t care whether it’s their customers, spouse, kids, friends or parents. Relationship is something that is relatable, and people want to know how to get better at it. And look, it’s contrarian—a little bit—that your mother didn’t tell you. “What didn’t my mother tell me? I know she told me this, but what didn’t she tell me that I want to know?” So, you up-leveled the intrigue factor of the others, a little bit more, the power of your subconscious, or something like that, right? 

Well, I don’t think it’s “The Power of the Subconscious Mind.” It’s something with “subconscious.” I forgot the title because I haven’t talked about it for a long time. But how would you take something like “Unleashing Your Inner Superhero” and make it more juicy?

Oh, juicy is a good word. Let me give you two ways. For everyone listening, you would think about a presentation you give, a book you’re going to write, a blog you’re going to create, or a post you’re going to give, and you come up with your word bank. What are the words I frequently use when I’m speaking, describing, or explaining this? You write down 20 words. “Well, I use this word a lot. I use this word a lot.” Let’s just do five of your words. You want to talk about superheroes here?

Sure, I also have Awaken Your Inner Goddess. Let’s go with Awaken Your Inner Goddess, which is about connecting to your feminine. It’s like I talk about the divine feminine. I talk about the power of being in your feminine, where a lot of people see it as a weakness. I’m talking about creating a version of yourself that you want to step into from the future. And I’m talking about integrating everything that you are. And I’m talking a lot about self-love and acceptance.

All right. Now, juxtaposing a vertical line down the center, over on the left, I put “weakness” because I was listening for words that would prevent people from being in their inner goddess, their divine goddess. They would see it as weak. Or like, “Well, you don’t want to cry in the boardroom.” You got us at work. So, over on the left are the objections to this, the barriers to entry, and the traditional thoughts that would prevent people from doing this. Over on the right, you talked it’s a goddess. I would use the word divine as one word. If you put two words together, you delude them a little bit, right?

Divine is one word because see, what do you mean by divine? Do you see how we need to go into that word? If you put them together, it’s not as punchy as it doesn’t pop as much. So you put down divine, you put feminine, you put self-love, you put self-acceptance. So those are words, right? You can actually see how, in writing about that, speaking about that, you go into each of those words. So what does it mean to be self-accepting? Does it mean we say, “Well, that’s the way I am. If you don’t like it, tough.” No, I bet you have a better way to describe that, right? What do we mean by self-love? What if we don’t like things about it? Do you see how you go deep into each word? Now, let’s come up with the title. I’m going to tell you a 62nd story. Well, with those word banks in the book Pop!, I have 25 different ways with those words. You don’t repeat a cliche, you reverse a cliche. We actually alphabetize it, like Tong Fu!. I will use a different technique for you, because you use the word juicy. And I think this is going to come up with something juicy. Ready? Yes, okay, 62nd story. Then we’re going to do it for you. So a career counselor named Julie Jansen came to me years ago, and she wanted to write a book about careers and jobs. She said, “Sam, all the good titles are taken, like Take This Job and Love It, etc. And I said, “Julie, tell me, what do people say to you when they come into your office? What do you hear all the time that’s said with much emotional vehemence?” She thought about it for a moment.

She said, “You know what they all say? I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Know It’s Not This.” Boom, that’s the title of her book. That book has been selling for 20 years. Think about how to get a better job. Infobesity. No, I don’t know what I want, but I know it’s not this. People go, “That’s how I feel.” Okay, back to you. When talking about being an inner goddess, I want you to start thinking about things you say about it, feel about it, or think about it with an exclamation mark. Now just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, go.

So it’s about embracing your body and your sensuality. For yourself, it’s about being connected.

Nope, you’re talking about it. I want you to say something about how you feel when you’re in your inner goddess. 

I feel alive. 

I am sexy. Want to be sexy? Want to feel alive? Keep going. 

Attractive. 

I feel attractive. 

Connected. 

I feel connected. Now, tell me about a situation recently where you were tapped into your inner goddess, put me in the scene. Where were you? 

Well, I was actually in a retreat in Puerto Rico, and I was dancing. I felt amazing.

Okay, now, what were you dancing? Were you dancing salsa? 

I was pole dancing. I was pole dancing in a very beautiful, sexy, leather outfit.

Okay, you see, go there. You talked about being vulnerable, right? Now, how are you willing to say the specifics of the situation? You are being a little bit rawer and a little bit more vulnerable. Did it change the whole conversation we just got out of our heads? I feel blank. No. It’s no juice there.

Let me give you the context. So I studied with Sheila Kelley, a guest here on the show twice, and I went to one of the retreats in Puerto Rico. You try different outfit, you embody things, you release shame, and you release all sh*t, and you just feel really connecting to your body and your juiciness. 

When I started that dance, I wanted to find an emotion that would get me into the dance. So I know there was some red light reflecting on the wall, and I just was like, I saw another lady dancing. I was like, “Wow, I still look so good in that light.” I went and leaned against the wall, and I let that light hold me, and I felt really beautiful. But then I used to get that feeling of using my senses and connecting to my body. 

I did something I had never done before, because we were in a nice hotel, they gave us some water, lemon, tea and whatever. So I took a piece of lime and had it in my mouth, and I bit into that lime, and that sour sensation was overwhelming. I even bit into that, and the bitterness did something to my body. It felt electrified, and I was loose. I felt naughty and powerful, and it was just like I was owning the room, and I just felt amazing. I spat it in front of everybody because it was too bitter.

Okay, folks, listen to the difference. Just two minutes ago, we were talking about our inner goddess, and it was a word that elicited no emotion in us because it was neck up. It was a word with no sensory experience or feeling behind it. We couldn’t see it, we couldn’t feel it. And in other words, we didn’t relate to it because it was just a word. 

Now we put people in the scene, and just as you did, we re-enact the scene. When you were talking about it, we were right there with you. And look at the juicy words that showed up. You bit into a lime, and you felt naughty. 

I was so naughty. I was so bad. I felt so bad, like a naughty provocateur in a really good way. Not in a way where I’m degrading or making anybody feel bad. I think it was very captivating and interesting. It was very like, “Yay.”

I get so excited when this happens, because often in a couple of minutes, what we’re saying comes alive. You talked about being lit up. Okay, I’m writing down the word “naughty.” Naughty is a very interesting word, right? I can see a chapter in your book. “Are you willing to be naughty?” And over on the left. Now you would unpack it. You would ask people, “How do you feel about being naughty?” 

“Oh, I can’t be naughty. That’s bad. I was told never to be naughty. Did that shut you down? Did that prevent you from getting in your body and feeling alive, powerful, and electrified? It’s like, “How can you be naughty?” As you said, in a way that doesn’t degrade people. It’s not over on the left, bad. It’s actually essential to tap into your goddess in a way that this is feminine energy that has been shamed and shut down.

It’s inspiring because the moment the woman owns her power, other women rise as well.

Run with that. Why do other people rise when we own our power?

Because we give them permission, it inspires them. “Oh, if she can do it, can I?” Because I’m a very different person in my everyday life, that version of me showed up, that naughty version that showed up and surprised the heck out of everyone. 

You can be everything, and you shoot all your parts and all your emotions, because that’s your power, both your tears and both your naughtiness and your anger, all of it, it’s who you are and when you show up as your authentic self you are an inspiration for everyone around you.

Okay, now everyone who’s listening and watching. What I do now is I write this down, and you’re recording this, so see, you’ve got a transcript, and you don’t have to recreate the wheel you are creating. I don’t even use, want to use the word content, because content, you know, is often, once again, ChatGPT spits out. These words are pouring out of your soul and your gut. They’re a result of your experience and your epiphanies. 

And you’re saying that when we own our power, we give other people permission. Now that’s a phrase that pays. That is a social media post right now: “When we own our power, we give other people permission.” See, it’s one sentence. It’s got alliteration. We kind of want to know more about it. So I hope you put that sentence on like a little visual, an Adobe, a canvas, a slide or something, and you put your name on it, then you see you go over in the left. 

You say, “Are you owning your power or are you shunning your power? Have you been told that if you’re a power, you’re an itch with a B on it? What is preventing you from owning your power?” Now you would shift people over to like, “Do you realize that you don’t own your power in isolation? When you own your power, you are modeling for everyone around you that not only is it okay, but also that doing it is the secret to your success.” 

If you’re thinking at work, “Well, I can’t do that,” then what you’re modeling for your employees is that they can’t do it either. You’re not just shutting yourself down. You’re shutting them down, too. Do you see how when you speak up powerfully and state how you feel or what you want, your daughter goes, “Oh, I didn’t know that was an option. I guess it’s okay. I guess I’m good.” Go ahead, run with that. 

So, what is the title for the presentation? 

Okay, for now, I’d go back into your words. So everything is in context. If you’re speaking just to women, and you’re speaking at a retreat, if you want women in your retreat, if you want women to buy your book, then preliminarily, I would go with, “Are you willing to be naughty?”

I love it. It turns me on. It’s so nice. It challenges me, as a speaker and content creator, who is not ChatGPT. I love that.

Okay, look, you laugh. Do you know how Einstein knew he had a good idea? He laughed out loud. Think about it. That’s the moment. “Oh, hahaha, turtle.” It’s an aha, right? Which means, “Oh, I haven’t heard that before. I want to know more about that. What do you mean by naughty? Am I naughty? Oh, am I afraid to be naughty?” 

Do you see how everyone just goes, “It is juicy.” Now, right after our interview, go to godaddy.com, or whatever and see if you can get areyouwillingtobenaughty.com? Because if you do, you own that. You’ve got a book title, you’ve got a presentation.

If I had known that our conversation would lead me to that dance in Puerto Rico, I would never have in a million years imagined that. It’s crazy. You are amazing. 

I’m so glad you like this. I have come up with processes, questions, and frameworks to unpack things. A common word. It’s like even “inner goddess” is a neck-up word. However, what happened is that we looked into your EEE, we started pulling out your word bank from your real life, human stories that are unique to you. We come up with a word and think, “I don’t know if there’s a book on that. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard it speak on that.” 

I think that you have come up with what I call a “lead domino word.” A lead domino word means, when you’re talking about being divine, feminine, and inner goddess, do you see how the word naughty is kind of a gateway, an entryway to that? It’s not everything about it, but it’s a really intriguing entry to it, isn’t it?

An unexamined life is not worth living. – Socrates

Yeah, it’s amazing. Wow. Sam, you’re unbelievable. I have to be respectful of your time. Please come back. I’d love to have you on the show again. Before we say goodbye for now, what are your three top tips for living a stellar life, and where can people find you?

I’m gonna play now. Start playing with leading a naughty life. Stellar is a fine word, right? You could go with stellar and define stellar your definition of it, etc. However, if you want to break out instead of blend in, because, once again, blending in is for Cuisinarts; it’s not for creatives. You will pop out more. You will break out more. You will get attention, and you already have your guardrails or boundaries. You’re not talking about being naughty, being degrading. After this call, write down other things on the left: people’s fears about this and people’s stereotypes about this word. People’s like, “Well, I couldn’t do that.” Why? And over on the right, you have a wholesome, sensual naughtiness. That means the willingness to do things that make us feel juicy, and that’s actually good, right? 

My three tips on how to lead a naughty life, oh, this is fun. Well, number one is do not be content to be common, because naughty is an uncommon word, and it’s already more interesting. I already think there’s a lot more to explore there that I am not currently thinking about or doing, or maybe wasn’t even open to, and now I am because of your Socratic questioning and experiences that helped me Socrates my life. 

Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” That one word naughty will help people examine their beliefs. Where did they get those beliefs? Are those beliefs even true anymore? What if I had a new belief? What would that unleash in me if I embrace this instead of being afraid? So, number one, do not be content to be common. The next tip is to do exactly what you did. 

Start unpacking it with, “Okay, what’s my experience about this? What do I know my expertise about this? What are my epiphanies about this?” Write them down, because you’ll pull out your word bank. You’re going to pull out words you can use, play with, and pop, so unpack your EEE to come up with words that will help you be one of a kind instead of one of many. Number three is to pick out what pops out. That word naughty popped out, and juicy too. 

Although I know people have written about juicy, talked about juicy. It’s not so uncommon, right? But naughty is, so pick out what pops out, and now get the book Pop! and start reading all the ways you can play with that, expand on it, and extend it. When you come up with a phrase, “Come on, it’s going to cost you 12 bucks.” If you think, “Yeah, that would be the title of a book. Yeah, that would be a title of a retreat.” 

Then go to whatever website registrar you visit and see if you can get that phrase. If you can get that phrase, you just have a commercially viable business that lights you up and other people up, and you can wrap a life and a career around that.

Thank you. Wow, Sam, where can people find you and get your business? How many books do you have? 10? 

Yeah.

My goodness. Where can they find them? They’re all treasures.

Well, thank you. It’s really easy to remember. Now, two things. I hope they go to samhorn.com because I put on Clarity Weekends all around the world, where people come in for the weekend and whatever they want clarity on, whether it’s a one-of-a-kind title, or whether it’s like they’re next. “How can I create a future that lights me up? There’s information about our clarity weekend on samhorn.com, and I hope they follow me on LinkedIn, because my life is my lab. When I get an idea, I run with it and write about it. So, on LinkedIn, our real-life stories are examples of what pops out in my world, which may pop out in your world, too. So I hope to reconnect with people there. 

Thank you, Sam. That was incredible. I appreciate you.

Yeah, and it works both ways. I want to see “are you willing to be naughty,” okay? 

Yes. And thank you, listeners. Remember to unpack your experience, expertise, and epiphany. And be one of a kind. Never settle for being common, pick up what pops out, and have a naughty life. This is Orion till next time.