Episode 307 | February 28, 2023

How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Orion Talmay

A Personal Note From Orion

Welcome to another Stellar Life solo podcast episode. I want to discuss a topic crucial for any healthy relationship, whether with yourself or others — boundaries.

We often hear about the importance of setting boundaries, but what does that really mean? Healthy boundaries can help us improve our mental and emotional well-being and ultimately lead to a more fulfilling life. 

In this episode, we will explore physical, emotional, and digital boundaries and why it’s important to have them in place. We will also dive into practical methods for establishing boundaries, from communication strategies to assertiveness techniques. 

So whether you’re new to the concept of boundaries or looking for tips to improve your existing boundaries, this episode has something for you. Let’s dive in!



In This Episode

  • [01:20] – Orion discusses the boundaries she grew up with.
  • [02:57] – What types of boundaries do you need to set?
  • [07:20] – Orion emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries.
  • [11:52] – What are the boundaries of self-talk, and why is it important in our self-growth?
  • [15:11] – Why should we set boundaries with what we consume on social media and TV?
  • [19:11] – How do we assertively put boundaries?
  • [23:20] – Orion shares an exercise she learned to protect yourself energetically— soul retrieval.
  • [25:24] – What is codependency, and how can we detach from it?

Jump to Links and Resources

About Today’s Show

Hi, welcome to the Stellar Life podcast. Thank you so much for being here, listening to the podcast or watching on YouTube. Today we will talk about boundaries: the importance, types of boundaries and useful methods of setting boundaries for yourself. 

Before we start, what are your cultural boundaries? What boundaries did you grow up with? I grew up in Israel, where people get involved in each other’s business. We talk close to each other and are very straightforward. This is the type of interaction that I grew up with. 

Then when I moved to Japan, I noticed the culture was so different; where people are much more introverted and when they speak, there is a bigger distance between them. They are more polite and not showing their emotions expressively. 

In Israel or New York, expressing emotions means you’re a very strong person. But in Japan, when you show emotions, you look like you’re not the wisest person in the room.

I learned to navigate boundaries with other people, even physical boundaries, body-wise, distance-wise, and in many different ways. I had to maneuver those behaviors since I was born in Israel, lived in Japan for three and a half  years, then moved to New York, which is very energetic, and then LA.

I’m very interested in the boundaries you grew up with, the interactions with your family and friends, your role in an intimate relationship, and what was allowed and not in your relationships. 

If you have high self-worth and you want to focus on your health and growth, you need to impose some healthy boundaries.

It’s very interesting for you to look back and analyze how far away you are from what you’ve witness. You witness where you are today, and you ponder the factors that programmed you regarding boundaries, what you are willing to tolerate, and where to draw a line in the sand to avoid getting hurt. Boundaries are really important. 

Boundaries are very important for your self-worth. A person with high self-worth will push boundaries with those surrounding him or her. They won’t allow them into their intimate space when it’s uncomfortable. They will put boundaries with friends, co-workers, and employees because they have self-worth. Usually, the people-pleasers have lower self-worth and will let people step on them. 

Also, it can sabotage your self-growth when you don’t set boundaries and allow people to pull you in different directions or decide what’s good for you. So it’s really good to take what they say with a grain of salt and do whatever feels true in your heart. 

If you have high self-worth and you want to focus on your health and growth, you need to impose some healthy boundaries. If you don’t set energetic boundaries, sometimes you can get a psychic attack, which is an energetic attack. I believe people can influence other people, even from far away. 

Boundaries are really important for your self-worth, your growth, and for your health.

Just like remote viewing and in quantum physics, when we can change our reality by looking at that. I feel like other people’s energy can—if you don’t have the right boundaries—affect your energetic field and can infiltrate your heart or mind. So those boundaries are really important for your self-worth, your growth, and for your health. 

What happens when you don’t set boundaries? Maybe you want to be a good friend, wife, little girl, or boy, and you don’t want to set those boundaries. What happens to you eventually? Eventually, it can eat you from the inside. Eventually, it can hurt and sabotage relationships. Sometimes we don’t set boundaries and we keep allowing people in, and then it hurts us and our relationships. 

It can also hurt your health if you stop being seen, lack assertiveness, and accumulate negative emotions like sadness, anger, or even subconsciously feel so low without knowing why. It can be because you don’t put enough boundaries. Then you can come into a place where you see yourself as a victim because nothing good happens.

It’s only when you truly take responsibility for your life that you have the power to change it. If you don’t assert yourself, if you don’t set boundaries, and you see yourself as a victim, you can see how it snowballs into a very negative outcome. 

Everything that you see impacts you and colors your perspective.

I was brainstorming and thinking about the types of boundaries. There are energetic boundaries, boundaries with families, boundaries within intimate relationships, and also boundaries with yourself. 

Energetic boundaries with friends. Sometimes friends don’t intend to hurt you or be unkind; it’s just that their boundaries, set of rules, the way they handle life and your set of rules for life is different. Maybe their state is different from yours. Sometimes you feel exhausted, but you are willing to do that for your friend because you love them and put others first. 

In this case, I believe that you should put yourself first and kindly put the boundaries on your friends and say, “Hey, I cannot do this. I can’t interact with you today or do this just so that you will feel whole and have a place of self-care.” 

Small actions taken to set healthy boundaries can accumulate and significantly shape one's identity. Share on X

Boundaries with your family. That’s something that I have been working on. It is about not taking on other people’s suffering and pain to a place where it brings you down. Sometimes, we fall into patterns where you’re the big sister, but you act as the adviser, the supporter, or as this. You take on too many roles. 

In some families where the parents are divorced, sometimes subconsciously, the son takes the father’s role, or the daughter takes the mother’s role. So we get into very interesting psychological patterns, and when we are in those patterns, we don’t even notice the level of weight weighing us down. 

Unless we look into it, we can sometimes go on for years and even decades without noticing an unhealthy dynamic.

When you dig deep within yourself and say, “hey, I’m your daughter, and this is my role, no more, no less, and I’ll be there for you as your daughter, or I’ll be there for you as your brother, no more no less,” then you set healthy boundaries and not let energy drain from the relationship. Unless we look into it, we can sometimes go on for years and even decades without noticing an unhealthy dynamic. 

Boundaries within your intimate relationship. This is a whole topic. A relationship is very beautiful and probably one of the most challenging things you will ever do in your life, whether it’s a relationship with anybody, especially your intimate relationship, where you must set boundaries. 

For example, with my husband, sometimes I have to set boundaries and say, “hey, this is your time to watch our son because I need some time for myself. I need to breathe, and I need to take care of myself.” 

After a very long time of not giving myself that time, I felt exhausted and frustrated. I wasn’t showing up the way I wanted to show up. Then slowly, as you grow together as a couple, you create those healthy boundaries like saying, “Okay, I need you to help with this and that. I am not willing to do this and that.” 

It’s much healthier, and you feel more fulfilled when you have those healthy boundaries in a relationship.

There are no misunderstandings and hard feelings when there are clear boundaries. Each person knows where they are in the relationship. It’s much healthier, and you feel more fulfilled when you have those healthy boundaries in a relationship. 

The most important boundaries of all are the boundaries with yourself which consist of two levels. One is the way you treat yourself and your body. The second one is what you consume online. Boundaries with yourself are, of course, what do I eat right now? Does this make me feel like the person I want to be? What is the reason for me eating? Am I eating because I want to fulfill a void? If so, how can I fulfill it differently? 

Boundaries of self-talk. If you hear yourself talking to yourself unkindly, you put a boundary to that. You put a stop to that. You draw a line in the sand and decide never to treat yourself like that. 

If you heard my podcast, I would talk a lot about loving that little girl, or little boy, embracing her, and never treating her badly. When you speak kindly to yourself, you also speak kindly to your inner child. So if your boundaries are like, “I’m not going to be abusive to my inner child, and that’s a boundary,” you will grow immensely from that decision. 

It’s about putting the intention and decision, drawing that line on the sand and saying I will not be unkind to myself. I’m going to love, care and respect myself. I will see myself as a person who needs to be respected. 

The energy of others affects your energetic field and can infiltrate your heart and mind if you lack boundaries. Share on X

Therefore, I will talk to myself kindly and nicely. I will find the time to move my body and exercise. I will find the time to cook healthy meals or shop for healthy groceries. 

Even if it’s just a little thing, even if it’s one exercise a week- a kind word, a home-cooked meal, time to put your feet in nature and meditate or anything that you can give yourself- those little things accumulate and eventually will become a huge part of who you are. So it’s not going to be so difficult. 

When you speak kindly to yourself, you also speak kindly to your inner child.

You will create momentum as soon as you start moving your bodies, going to the gym and being surrounded by like-minded people. When we are around like-minded people, our brains rewire differently. So we want to be more like them and start thinking like them. 

Tony Robbins says, “you’re the average of the five people you hang out with the most.” So if you hang out around people that are fitness-oriented, health-oriented, or great-mindset-oriented, they will help you. 

There is always a solution for you to not be a victim and take ownership of your life, body, and health.

Sometimes, some people around you might not be as happy-go-lucky, but you can find more people you want to hang out with. If you say, “I don’t know where to find them,” you can find them online, at conferences, meet-ups, and social clubs around you. 

There is always a solution for you to not be a victim and take ownership of your life, body, and health. Put in that boundary. I am going to treat myself better. I’m going to be kind to myself and my body. 

The second boundary that is very important in this day and age is the boundary with what you consume, not only about food. I’m also talking about what you consume online, on social media, on TV, and even with the music you listen to. For example, do you listen to some dark rap with a lot of violence, anger, or heavy metal? Those vibrations affect your brain and state of mind. 

If you’re not even noticing, those words can become part of your subconscious mind, the way you see the world. When you listen to a very low-vibration song, you will suddenly feel a little uncomfortable and don’t understand why. You will feel on edge because of listening to four songs about range, cheating, and whatever. The music and vibration you consume are very important.

The music and vibration you consume are important as they can affect your subconscious mind.

Especially in social media, Facebook and Instagram, this is something I’m working on with myself. All these TikTok videos are meant to reward your brain for increasing dopamine. It’s a physical addiction of the brain that you must take yourself out of if you heavily consume social media. 

Some brain research said that heavy social media consumption creates poor cognitive performance and shrinks part of the brain associated with maintaining concentration. It can cause mental health issues and increase depression. It rewards narcissistic behaviors. It creates more narcissists or brings to light more of the narcissist. They just keep bombarding you with their ego-driven TikTok videos. Everything that you see affects and programs you. 

Do social media and TV detox. I’m not even watching Netflix anymore. Sometimes I watch cool movies or old movies because some new movies are disturbing. The teenage fantasy movies with references to cannibalism and dark magic are really disturbing. It’s so dark with murders. It normalizes things that should not be normalized, and I don’t think murder should become mainstream. 

You have to be careful. I, too, am very careful with what I let my son watch. Of course, he’s tiny, but still, I monitor every little thing he watches and limit his screen time to around 10 or 30 minutes, and on some days when I’m really busy, it might reach an hour. So I try to limit and know what he is watching because it’s very important to me what happens to his little brain. When they are so young, their brain is open to influence. 

Putting boundaries on your social media is a very healthy thing for you to do.

Don’t think that because you’re older, watching these things doesn’t affect your brain and mindset, it does. So putting boundaries on your social media is a very healthy thing for you to do. 

How do you put boundaries in an assertive way that does not hurt your relationship? It is very easy to be right and to get into arguments like saying, “I’m better than you,” “it’s my way,” or “I’m right, you’re wrong,” et cetera. 

If you simply communicate by saying, “I feel this heaviness in my chest, and I feel sad or angry,” you simplify it. You don’t talk about something arguable. You’re talking about your feelings. Nobody can argue with you that you are feeling sad, upset, envious, or whatever. Simple basic emotions. 

You communicate the location of that sensation in your body, and then you communicate your emotion. So instead of saying, “you’re wrong, you’re bad, you’re this or that,” just say, “this is what I want and need. Can we work with this?” 

How I feel, where I feel it, how I feel, and this is what I want. This is more of an assertive way to create boundaries without creating a rift in the relationship or getting into an argument. You state your feelings, where they are, and what you want, and that’s it. Then you work from there. 

Our spiritual abilities consistently impact our reality.

Sometimes, with some people, on an energetic level, you might want to try cord cutting. Imagine that you are with somebody and you feel their energy. Sometimes when I imagine if I need to do a cord cutting on someone in my life, I look at both of us and see where the energy lines are located in my body, whether it’s throat to throat, from the chest, or even in the groin area, wherever it is in the body. Then I just imagine that I cut them in my mind. 

My energy goes to me, and their energy goes to them. Whatever belongs to them goes to them. Whatever belongs to me goes to me. Everything I gave or was taken without my permission energetically is coming back to fill me and my energy field. If I, by mistake, take anything from them, I give it back to them. I give everything that is theirs back to them. I keep everything that is mine just for me. 

I build a new cord of a heart-to-heart where it’s just light, love, and nothing else. All the negativity is gone.

With some people, you have to completely cut and let them be, but a lot of the time, what I do is I build a new cord of a heart-to-heart where it’s just white, beautiful, brightly colored with flowers on it. It’s just light, love, and nothing else. All the negativity is gone. 

Sometimes after this cord cutting, people that pretty much suck on your energy will all of a sudden lose their sole source of energy because they don’t believe they are their source of energy (which they are) and will try to come back and take more from you and attempt it again. 

Sometimes you have to do it repeatedly, and you can also imagine an energetic shield of love, of bright, beautiful angel light surrounding you like a bubble, and on the outer edges is a mirror. Every time they come to take your energy, they see themselves in their reflections. It just bounces out of you. So that’s another way to protect yourself energetically. 

Soul retrieval is another exercise I’ve learned; sometimes, I use it for traumatic events. It’s deep work, but you can try it anyway. It can’t hurt. We leave soul fragments in the place of the traumatic event. 

Social media rewards the brain with increasing dopamine that can create a physical addiction. Share on X

I remember in my mind meditating and going back to a traumatic event. I saw an image of myself, and she was in the corner in a fetal position crying. I called her back into me. I strengthened her. I called her to return to events and take fragments and pieces of my soul. I  imagine them coming back and pouring into me, integrating all parts of myself left behind throughout events, timelines, dimensions, and whatever. 

I know it sounds woo-woo because I am a little woo-woo. But I believe the world is more than you can see, feel, or taste.  I believe there is more to life than this. There were mystical experiences that I have experienced, and I saw beyond the veil and beyond the realm of the 1% reality that we live into the 99%. I got a glimpse of other states and dimensions. 

Working on your energetic and spiritual level is very essential to create the reality that you want.

There is so much more that we can do here energetically. Even though we are physical beings, we are very spiritual and powerful magicians. There is a lot of what’s happening in your reality that is spiritual. Even physical pain can be a spiritual or an emotional cause. So working on your energetic level, as well as your spiritual level, I feel, is very very essential to create the reality that you want. 

Many times, if I share this exercise or even when people share this exercise of cord cutting with me, I say, “oh no.” Still, if I do that, I will hurt them, or they depend on me, and my energy will get hurt if I detach from them. It’s not true. 

When trying to overprotect the people you love, even energetically, you rob them of their lessons and growth. Instead, you create an energetic co-dependency. Co-dependency is not good for anyone, not for you, and especially not for the person that is co-dependent with you because they cannot grow. They cannot find their strength because they are so dependent on you. 

It’s almost like if you have little children and do everything for them; they will never learn how to grow. If you always tie their shoes for them, they will never know how to tie them or do anything. If you try to help them walk and hold their hands throughout the years, they will never learn how to walk. When you detach that co-dependency spiritually, you allow them the opportunity to grow. 

When you write, you get clarity and guidance.

Another way of getting clarity around your boundaries is just intuitive writing. When you write, you get clarity. When you write, you almost always get guidance. When you write, you can analyze your thoughts. You don’t even need anyone to coach you around the topic. 

You can coach yourself and ask yourself about your relationship with this person. What am I willing and not willing to tolerate? How does this affect me? What am I willing or not willing to do? How does this affect the other person? 

You just keep writing repeatedly. The answers will come, and you will get more connection from your higher self, source, and God. The answers will come. 

Being in the company of like-minded individuals can rewire our brains and influence our thought patterns. Share on X

I hope this is helpful and that you learn something or are reminded about boundaries and how to create them. I wish you a long, happy, healthy life full of healthy boundaries and a place where you can grow, flourish, succeed, and be the mega-assertive, powerful being you are. I love you very much. I don’t know you personally, but if you are listening to this, we are connected energetically, so thank you so much for listening. 

If you like to leave comments below or subscribe to the YouTube channel, please do. It would be amazing if you could leave a good review on the podcast app if you enjoy the show. Please share with other people because this is the way this show grows. Share the love. I love you very much. Have a stellar life, and have a wonderful day. This is Orion; Till next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓}Define your boundaries. Analyze the factors that contribute to your boundaries. Decide what’s tolerable and where to draw the line. Remember, boundaries are for protection and to grow healthy relationships, not to control or harm others.  

{✓}Be assertive in setting boundaries. This involves taking responsibility for your life, freeing yourself from a victim mentality, and standing firm when your boundaries are challenged.

{✓}Prioritize your needs. Setting boundaries can be stressful — it’s vital to put your needs first. Self-care includes activities that reduce stress, promote relaxation, and increase your overall well-being.

{✓}Recognize your triggers when your boundaries are crossed. These may include physical discomfort, emotional distress, or feeling trapped.

{✓}Be careful with your inner dialogue. Stop yourself immediately when you notice you’re talking to yourself unkindly. Keep your words encouraging and full of positive affirmations. 

{✓}Clearly and directly communicate boundaries. This ensures that your boundaries are respected. Using “I” statements to convey personal needs and limitations without blaming or accusing the other person is important.

{✓}Seek support from like-minded people. They can provide encouragement, guidance, and feedback on setting healthy boundaries.

{✓}Regulate social media and TV consumption. Knowing when to set boundaries of what you consume online. Commit to occasional detoxes to create positive cognitive performance and avoid mental health issues.  

{✓}Avoid codependency to ensure self-growth. People who co-depend on others cannot grow. It’s important to find your own strengths.

{✓}Visit Orion’s website for the latest podcast episodes. Join Orion’s Facebook group, Stellar Life: A Community of Extraordinary Women, to join a strong female community.

Links and Resources

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