Life Mastery & Transformation with Kurek Ashley

A Personal Note From Orion

After losing five close friends in a single terrible accident, Kurek Ashley sank into depression and alcoholism. On today’s Stellar Life podcast, he shares his testimony on how he not just survived it but was able to use his story to help others transform their lives as well.

Kurek, aka the Transformer, is one of the most in-demand first-class speakers and success coaches globally. He is the #1 international bestselling author of How Would Love Respond? Kurek is recognized as one of the premier experts in personal and professional development, self-discovery, and peak performance.

After listening to this extraordinary conversation, it will tell you a thing or two about how life isn’t always picture-perfect. It’s a lot messier, more complicated, and challenging, but that’s okay. What matters most is what we make of it, whether good or bad at the end of the day. Without further ado, on with the show!

In this Episode

[1:08] – Orion introduces Kurek Ashley, a transformation coach who’s recognized as one of the premier experts in personal and professional development, self-discovery, and peak performance.
[05:20] – Orion and Kurek discuss what to do about creating a better quality of life despite it being unfair most of the time.
[10:01] – Kurek shares the pivotal moment he had a breakthrough that transformed him to live a better life.
[16:03] – Kurek explains the impact of the law of cause and effect on people who strive for success.
[19:56] – How to expect happiness from yourself and how to ask the right questions to yourself?
[24:58] – Kurek points out the law of polarity and how you can use it to your advantage.
[30:12] – Kurek talks about the healthy relationship he built with his son through effective communication and shares how he did it.
[38:31] – How does Kurek connect with the spiritual source?
[42:32] – Orion and Kurek talk about having faith is what’s important when it comes to loving yourself and others.
[45:22] – Follow Kurek Ashley on his social media accounts and visit his website KurekAshley.com to learn more about transforming your life forever.

Jump to Links and Resources

About Today’s Show

Hey Kurek, and welcome to Stellar Life podcast. Thank you so much for being here and allowing us to learn from your wisdom.

I’m honored and just amazed with the technology, how we’re talking to each other from the other sides of the globe, and make it so easy.

Yeah, you’re in Australia right now; I’m close to Tel Aviv right now in Israel. Here we are. Before we begin our conversation, can you share a bit of yourself, your passion, and life story? How did you get to where you are today?

Sure. Yes, I live in Australia, but I certainly don’t have an Australian accent. I was born and raised in Chicago. Since I was 12 years old, I was a professional actor. I left for Hollywood when I was 18 years old and wound up doing 38 films. In 1989, I was doing a movie called Lock Up with Sylvester Stallone. From there, I went on to do Delta Force 2 with Chuck Norris. When I was doing the movie Delta Force 2, we were in the Philippines. A lot of my best friends were on the show, including my very best friend, Mike Graham was the key grip, and Don Marshall, the lighting director, and Geoff Brewer, one of the stunt guys. It was great doing this movie.

I was involved in a helicopter crash, where five of my friends died. Mike died in my arms on a fire, and he was 29 years old. For the next two and a half years, every night, I had a gun in my mouth, drugs up my nose, and smoking cigarettes, dope, and stuff. I wasn’t partying; I was just trying to kill myself. Luckily, I’m not a success at everything in life.

Then my journey to finding myself again and healing myself became my passion. I had already been really into political development before then, but this was a whole new ballgame. And then also started the Exodus for me and Hollywood; I just had enough. I mean, I still spend the number of years in it, but it was just time to leave.

Life has never been fair. It never turns out the way it should be. What makes it worthwhile is what you do with it. Click To Tweet

I came to Australia in 1997. The company brought me here, actually left me stranded, and didn’t pay me, and left me homeless in two countries at the same time because I couldn’t fly home to be homeless. In that, I started doing some free seminars. I met this woman in one of them, her name is Natalie Cook, and she was a bronze medalist from the ‘96 Atlanta Olympics for beach volleyball. She asked me to work with her. For the next two and a half years, I worked with her, and we won the gold medals at the Sydney 2000 Olympics and have been ever since.

Wow, that’s just an extraordinary story. And sometimes, yes, it’s really special. When I experienced trauma, I was in an abusive relationship and ended up in the hospital. I had to go through my own healing. I would drink, I had zero self-esteem, and I hated myself. I had to go through my own journey of healing and gaining my confidence back. Looking back, it was probably one of my greatest gifts. Because sometimes we get those gifts and we don’t see the gift in it. It’s almost like we need to experience the pain to go through the melting pot to get the gold out, get our new purpose, get our new work in the world, and work that will touch and change the hearts and lives of so many people.

Now looking back, it was like a gift with a bow and the bottom. Only years later, I was able to look back and say, okay, now that I experienced this pain, I know how to connect with people on a deeper level, not as shallow as I would connect before, especially with my clients. I can understand, I can empathize more, I can give more of myself. Going through that journey gave me those tools to give to other people. Because the way I see myself is I’m now the person that is reaching out and giving a helping hand to someone just the way when I was in pain and in need, somebody else was helping me. I think it’s a never-ending cycle, where we are helping and being helped throughout our lives.

We’re always getting what we ask for, and it rarely comes in the package that you thought it was supposed to show up in. The life that I live now is really who I always wanted to be. It was even when I was in the movies. Because I thought if I got famous somebody would want to hear me speak about how you fulfill your dreams and live your quality of life. But life’s not fair, and it has never been fair, and never will be fair. It’s a waste of time trying to make it fairer. It doesn’t turn out the way that it should; it turns out the way that it does. It comes down to what you do with it that creates the experience of life that you get. Working on yourself, personally developing yourself, it does give you a better quality of life.

Yes, you fulfill your dreams, and you achieve goals and all those things. To think that life’s not going to hit you hard or some kind of catastrophe, we all go through the same stuff, we all go through heartache, heartbreak, and people ripping you off, and whatever, it’s life. COVID, how’s that, it’s a global thing.

The key distinction between successful people, I mean not just people who make money but holistically successful, and average people is that we all go through the same stuff. But successful people, we learn how to manage it differently. We manage how we think and feel differently. When you think and feel differently, you’re going to act differently, and that’s going to produce different results.

When you were in the depth of your trauma, you just had that horrible crash, and your friend died in your arms. You try to numb your sorrow with drugs and almost like being suicidal.

Oh no, I was suicidal. I had a gun on my head every night.

Healing is a long-term commitment as soon as you embark on that journey.

So it’s literally? Oh my God. That’s painful. What made you not pull the trigger? What was your catalyst for change?

Orion, the thing is that many nights I tried to pull that trigger. I counted myself down from three, two, one nightly. I would try to squeeze that trigger with all my might. For some reason, I just couldn’t. Then one day, I woke up and realized that your life is not your own, that there are people who love you and look up to you. Some people you don’t even know about, the person in the grocery store that you’re nice to, that you changed their life or something. There’s a responsibility for that. I couldn’t let my life be just another statistic of a person who had promised and then threw it away. I realized that one of the reasons I lived through the helicopter crash when five of my friends died was that there’s still a purpose for me to be here, and I might want to start living it.

Wow, that’s big.

I unscrewed a broom, pulled out a broom, and I held it over my head like a samurai warrior in Los Angeles. I cut a line in the sand in my backyard, and I said, “Once I step over this line, I’m done. I’m done being depressed. I’m done.” I put the drugs, and I’m done. Because in life you have to get to that place, where you go, I’m done, I’m done being fat, I’m done being lonely, I’m done being poor. Because until we get to that place, we’re complacent, we’re accepting it. We have to go; I’m done. That night I gave up cocaine, I gave up cigarettes, I gave up alcohol abuse, I gave up all my guns away, not to just people down the street, I gave them away.

People don’t understand that I’m still dealing with the crash; I’m still dealing with the loss of my friends. That’s what I just really got into working on myself. My intention was to get a little bit better that day, just a little bit, and a little bit better the next day, and a little bit. Pretty soon, you start to feel okay, and then pretty soon, you start to feel good, and then all of a sudden you’re feeling amazing, and then you’re back to full speed. It’s like Michelangelo; he’s got a piece of granite in front of him. He didn’t hit it with one hammer, and then all of a sudden, the statue of David comes out. It was all the little chips, but he always knew the masterpiece was in there. It’s the same thing with working on yourself; it’s all the little pieces that create the masterpiece.

It is profoundly powerful, and it was a game-changer. It’s what I call the cable effect. It’s all these little things that when you put them together, they bind, and they become stronger than solid steel itself, like the Golden Gate Bridge is held up by cables. If you see what it’s made out of, it’s all these little wires that become a cable, and then those cables are bound together to create another cable, and all that’s creating the bigger cable. The entire bridge has been replaced, piece by piece since its beginning, except for the cables. Because they say, that’s stronger than solid steel itself. It’s all these little things in our life that when they bind together, they become profoundly powerful.

I just finished taking a workshop here in Israel. In Hebrew, there’s an American lady who created it; it’s called The Artist’s Way. Today, we spoke about perfectionism. I just heard that example of Michelangelo’s statue of David half an hour ago. That’s such beautiful synchronicity, as just like our conversation now, it’s almost like an extension of the conversation I just finished. It’s really beautiful.

There are ever no accidents.

No accidents. We’re talking about synchronicity; what are some of the synchronicities that happen to you along the way that helped you move forward?

I’ve always been a person who has been a bit delusional, but being delusional isn’t a fault; it’s a wonderful quality. Because we were visionaries, we see crazy stuff in our heads that we believe can come true; we start moving in that direction. For example, in 1976, I saw Rocky’s movie, and I said, I know that guy; I relate with it.

The darkest hour of your life is what forces you to search for the light. No matter how small, a spark can become a wildfire. Click To Tweet

Nice.

Since I was 18 years old, I’ve been friends with Sylvester Stallone, who’s always been a wonderful mentor to me. I met him through his very best friend; they were roommates in college together at the University of Miami; his name is John Herzfeld. John, I met him at the gym where I was working, and I was training him. They became my Mr. Miyagi, from The Karate Kid. He raised me and forced me to look at vocabulary words, and he’s a movie director. Through that, I met another guy that I saw Saturday Night Fever 16 times in Greece, 18 times, and I was with John Travolta, and I said, “I know this guy; I feel connected to him.” John and I have been friends since 1983. I read a guy’s book in 1984 that used to put 20 people in his house for seminars in those days. His name’s Anthony Robbins, and I spent five years on the road teaching at Tony’s seminars.

Really, wow. I did all of Tony’s seminars.

How Would Love Respond by Kurek Ashley

I knew Tony when he used to put like 400 people in the seats in the early 90s. He’s the first testimonial in my book; I have a number one international bestseller called How Would Love Respond. Tony doesn’t give out testimonials, but he gave me mine unsolicited. It says, “Cure the embodiment of the word, outstanding.” I’m very honored by that.

My point being is that you get to see yourself out there. By the way, I use those people as examples because if you talk to them and how they got to where they are in life, they’ll tell you the exact same story. That’s life in his darkest hour, and when he had no money and had to sell his dog at 7Eleven for $25, that’s like a family member to him. He still saw himself as a movie star. His purpose was so strong that the power to do it starts to show up. You’re open to it. Same with John Travolta, he’ll tell you that he always knew that his job was that he’s a movie star, not an actor, movie star.

The reason I know this is because whenever I’m around people like that, I’m always asking questions to see what their story is because then you see there are consistencies, there are certain things that are the same in everybody story, not the ins and outs of the story but the formula of it. That’s why I love what I teach to people because it’s based on the laws of cause and effect, which is science. Everybody has equal potential; everybody can do it, not everybody will. For the people I work with and all the crazy results that I’ve produced with people, it’s because I see that winner in them, that hunger even though they’ve been down and outers been hard, that they go, I’m still doing it anyway. That’s what successful people say. They say, “I don’t know how I’m going to do this; I’m gonna do it anyway.” Did you see? There’s that decision in there.

It’s beautiful that you see for them what they don’t see in them; it’s just beautiful. It’s just like Michelangelo, where he saw the statue of David. It wasn’t somebody else who saw it.

You got to see the masterpiece inside, and it would start with looking in the mirror. Listening to that inner voice, it’s kind of like the Matrix where you know something’s out there, and you just don’t know what it is, but you know it’s out there.

Exactly like the Matrix.

Yes, it’s like saying, “Hey, you know what? I’m going to go for that.” People always asked me, “Hey, what’s the purpose of your life?” I go, “It’s to be happy, to enjoy it.” You do that; you win. It is your purpose because whatever you’re filled with, you’re going to spread. If you’re filled with happiness, joy, and love, you spread that to everybody around you. If you’re filled with misery, scarcity, and pain, you spread that around. It’s one of the most spiritual things you can do is fill yourself with love and happiness, and then you’ll spread it to everybody around you.

If you’re not enjoying this life, what’s the point? You’re working hard; you’re not spending time with your family and your kids, or whatever. For what purpose? To enjoy it. I have a 9-year-old son, and he’s my life. I want to spend time with him. During the COVID times, I loved the homeschooling time because when do you get to do that? Parents who come around us afterward are always saying, “Man, I’m going to go home and be different with my kid.” I’ve never seen anybody so present with their child before. Because I know it’s going to be over, I know life is going to be over, I’m making sure every moment count.

It goes so fast. Kurek, what you’re saying is that you better be delusional. When you see your dream, you better be more of a Pollyanna and see yourself where you want to be because your story shapes your life.

That’s correct. Because most people wish big, but they expect very little. In life, you get what you expect, so raise your expectations on yourself, and you’ll live up to those expectations. That’s where peak performance is, that you expect more out of yourself than anybody else does. If you’re expecting it out of other people, now you’re setting yourself up for pain; we can’t control people. But expect it out of yourself. I expect energy, and I expect to be in shape. I’m just about if I celebrated time, I would be hitting 60 soon.

Really? You look young.

Thank you, and I’ve got abs.

Whether it’s your skills, self-confidence, spirituality, or health, ensure you continuously grow and learn as you go.

You’re welcome.

I train in martial arts three times a week.

Which ones? What do you train?

Aikido.

I did Aikido in the past; I did MMA and Aikido.

People in the dojo go, “Man, you get thrown hard, and you come up smiling; there’s something wrong with you.” and I go, “Because you’re not going to beat me mentally. I expect a lot of it myself. But because of that, you live that life. Other people go, “Well, when you’re 50, you get older, and you lose your mojo, and you start getting fat.” And since that’s what they expect, that’s what they get.

When you expect stuff from yourself, sometimes it can be debilitating stress instead of a motivator. How do you not cross the line where it gives you joy and passion rather than, “Oh my God, I expect myself so much, and that I’m overwhelmed, and I can’t move forward.”

I also expect to be happy, and I expect to be peaceful about it; I also expect to work on myself. It’s a holistic view; it’s not about I have to get there no matter what. The thing is that if you ask more specific questions, you get more specific answers. It’s biblical, ask and you’ll be given. I’m not a religious person; my mom was Jewish, my dad was Christian, and I was really confused.

The thing is that whatever questions we asked, the quality of our life is determined by the quality of our communication. First, how we communicate with ourselves and then how we communicate with others, but you won’t communicate differently with others if you’re not communicating differently with yourself first. Then the quality of our communication is determined by the quality of questions that we ask. Anything that we want to figure out, or analyze, or try to make sense of our life, comes through a question. People are asking poor questions, why am I such an idiot? Why does this always happen to me? First, ‘why‘ is always a disempowered question because it’s only going to make you feel bad.

Instead, ask for the outcome that you want. With that expectancy, as an example, instead of just saying, “Well, how can I achieve my goals?” I ask myself, “How can I achieve this goal while living within the context of my values?” Which means spending time with my son and being peaceful and enjoying it. By the way, I live on a beautiful 14-acre farm here on the Sunshine Coast of Australia. Well, I don’t live in a beautiful place so that I never get to see it, because I’m always on the road and all the rest of stuff. I enjoy where I am because I travel all over the world. I make it home because if I die there, I want to die home.

I’ve been all over the world, so I instantly say, “Well, this is my home now until I go back to my farm, if I make it back there.” I just ask more specific questions. How can I do this peacefully? How can I enjoy myself? Because that’s my values. I want to make sure I’m always enjoying it. When you get those answers, they’ll be more specific strategies, not just strategies.

Did you have times in your life where the goal was not aligned with your values?

Yes. When I was a kid and growing up, and certainly when I started my acting career, I wanted to be Elvis; I wanted to be famous. Luckily having very successful movie star friends, plus I used to manage a band called Nelson, which are the twin sons of Ricky Nelson, rock and roller. I was here on stage a couple years ago with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Being around very successful people at that level, I got to see what that fame life is like, to realize I don’t want that at all.

Everybody can do it, but not everybody will. That is why some people become more successful than others. Click To Tweet

What didn’t you like?

For instance, John Travolta, he’s an Italian boy, you eat with him privately, and he eats, he shoves pasta in his face like any other Italian boy. Then you go out to eat with him at dinner and he takes his little bird bites of food and I’m like, “John, what are you doing?” Well, every two seconds somebody’s walking up to the table and they always started with, “I don’t mean to bother you but.” And it’s literally a non-stop parade of people coming in.

Oh, wow.

John’s very gracious and loving to everybody. The reason he’s taking little bites is so that he doesn’t have a mouth full of food when somebody catches him at the table, because he trained himself. Stallone eats when he’s in town, when he’s at home. Every Saturday he eats at the same restaurant with the same group of guys, and I’ve been there with him, many times. When he gets out there’s fans because they know he’s going to be there. Arnold is there with him quite a bit and they come out and they’re very gracious with the fans. But they’re always there and people don’t understand that they’re there 24 hours a day. Brad Pitt, when he leaves his house, he walks across the street to the paparazzi and says, “Hey guys, I’m going to so and so restaurant, drive safe, I’ll see you there.” He manages it.

Oh, wow.

Imagine, you’re going to 7Eleven because you just feel like a candy bar in the middle of night or whatever, and there’s 50 people snapping pictures of you. Writing stories about you that aren’t even necessarily true, and taking pictures of your kids, which these days with predators and opportunists, and people want to kidnap your kids, all this danger that’s out there.

Oh, my God.

Alec Baldwin asked the photographer not to take a picture of his newborn child because it’s dangerous. The guy purposely shot pictures. Alec Baldwin punched him in the mouth and smashed his camera, and then obviously wound up getting sued, and charges pressed against him. But see, he’s just being a protective dad. There’s things that come along with fame, like everything else, there’s a law of polarity, there’s two sides to it. There’s perks to it, and there’s the other side to it. The other side of it to me was just too much of a cost. I like my privacy. I don’t take photos of my son, certainly in his school uniform and stuff, so people can’t see where he is and track him down. You have to be protective.

I don’t post photos of my son on Facebook at all, even though he’s so cute. I restrict, because it’s dangerous out there.

I mean, the world always has been. Again, I’m not being negative. The law of polarity which is a law of physics, says that both sides have to exist in order for it to be there. You can’t have a top without a bottom, or left without a right, and that means good and evil always will have to be in the world. Matter of fact, it also means that any disease that’s on the planet, there’s got to be a plant that heals you, nature will take care of it. Because if there is a disease there’s got to be a cure, if there’s a problem there’s got to be a solution. To go ahead, I want to fix the world, make sure that it’s perfect. It is perfect, it may not be the way you think you wanted to be but there’s always gonna be their side to it. That’s why one of the things I study in martial arts is that I don’t plan on ever being in a fight again, but I’m definitely prepared if there is one that happens, or if there’s danger. It’s better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in the war.

Yeah. I heard that before. I love that quote, it’s beautiful. Wow, I want to go back to martial arts. Now, I don’t feel like a warrior at all. I feel like a worrier like I worry a lot, since I’m a mom.

Your thoughts become actions. Keep a strong mindset and an open heart amidst challenges.

That’s part of it. I mean nobody tells you that when you become a parent you’re going to worry more than ever. But it’s also one of the most wonderful things ever—to care about somebody you love, somebody at such a level. There’s stuff you never would have thought about. Matter of fact, my son’s mom had him in the womb, I instantly sold my Harley Davidson that I used to love, because I couldn’t ride it anymore. I just got the shakes because I knew I had to be responsible. When you’re single you do crazy stuff.

Wow, that’s a big shift.

Yes, I gotta do it. I sold it, the guy cried, my bike was so beautiful. He’s like, “Oh my God, why are you selling?” I said, “I can’t ride anymore, I just can’t get on it.” It changes you in a good way. Yes, there are worries, but it’s one of the most wonderful feelings ever to worry and care at that level, but not a worry that stresses you. Again, you have to manage how you think and feel. Like you’re going to be worried about predators with your kids.

My son does Aikido with me because I now teach. Since having my black belt stuff, I teach the kids classes, a lot of them at the dojo. But also teach him about stranger-danger and all those things. Not to worry him, but so he’s prepared. Because of all that, you can limit the risks but there are no guarantees in this lifetime. That’s why for him and I, the way I’ve taught him is to enjoy all the moments, don’t let kids in school who want to be mean to you call you names or whatever. Don’t let them ruin your day, just let them be miserable by themselves. Go find kids who want to be nice to you, and want to have fun with you, and make everyday the best ever. By the way, if you want to get even with those kids who are being nasty to you, be happy, because the best revenge is happiness and success. Kill them with kindness.

My son is still at home with me. Once or twice a week, I take him to this place where it’s like a kindergarten but with the parents, only for a few hours. He always finds this kid who’s, I don’t know, trying to punch, he’s only a year and a half. Trying to yell at him, one time he made him cry by yelling at him. How can you teach a baby, a toddler so small to not get hurt or protect themselves?

I’ll answer that with a question, Orion. It’s a son you have?

Yeah.

Have you noticed that your son’s been able to play you since he’s been like a couple months old? Like he knows exactly how to turn on cute when he wants something.

Oh yeah.

He knows how to give you the look when he wants something.

Got me wrapped around his little finger, for sure.

Yeah, when you’re saying how cute he is, he actually gets cuter. They’re very intelligent. To think that they’re not, you have to remember that before coming to you he was with God, he was with the universe, so he knows everything.

Goal setting is key to success but make sure you create goals that are in the context of your values. Click To Tweet

Yeah, it’s beautiful.

Life is just about an awakening to what you already know. That’s why we don’t really learn anything. We always go, “Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” Because it does make sense to us because we already knew it. To communicate to your child, it’s a little person not like it’s somebody that we’re talking down toward that doesn’t get it.

I’ll give you an example, my son when he was three, he’s so cute, all that stuff. He’s doing something, I raise my voice to him, because I never would strike my son. He says, “Dad, I really don’t appreciate when you raise your voice to me because it scares me.” I said, “Well, buddy, the behavior, that behavior can’t do that.” He goes, “Well, you always tell me I’m intelligent, why don’t you just treat me like it. If you just tell me, I won’t do it again.”

Wow.

I go, okay, well, there you go.

Thank you for the lesson.

I just don’t raise my voice to him anymore. A funny thing is because I was not with his mom anymore, we’re good friends and everything. She’s more emotional around him. He says, “Hey, mom yells at me, so I can yell at her back.” They have a whole different relationship than I do with him. I said, “When was the last time you and I fought?” He goes, “Never because you just talk to me.”

Wow, amazing.

They know, they are very smart. We think that they’re not, well, what day are they supposed to get smart?

I know. I was always this mama-bear-feel, that I want to protect him. I want everything to be perfect for him, and I want to raise him in a bubble, but I can’t.

That’s wonderful, at the same time you will have to prepare them for real life.

Yes.

Even in the dojo, we had a guy that was rubbing everybody the wrong way, I mean everybody. He just had this attitude. One day I just realized, he’s the guy that I’m training an Aikido for, to redirect the energy, to connect the blend with it and redirect it. From this point forward, I’m not going to attach to any of his energy anymore, I’m not there to teach him anything, and I’m not there to correct him on anything because that’s not what I do. I’m there to get great at what I do. Because of that, I had a chat with some of the other people in dojo, he just quit. When he wasn’t getting a response anymore, he just quit.

He eliminated himself.

I’ve been going for 13 years now and he’s just another faded memory of another person. Morihei Ueshiba the founder of Aikido said, “Mastery is not fighting because when you kill your opponent, you’re killing a part of yourself. Instead mastery is turning your enemies into your allies, it’s to reap.” It’s a metaphor for life and how I operate. I just don’t take conflicts head-on, I will step to the side but you still got to connect with it, you got to blend with it, you gotta redirect it, and that’s life. Because ‘ai’—Aikido—means to be in harmony with ‘ki’—is energy, and ‘dō’—is the way or the path. It’s to be in harmony with energy as a way of life.

Beautiful.

It’s in the samurai, it’s a descendant of the samurai, it’s the lineage. The best sources were actually Zen Buddhist priests because they didn’t want to fight, because the horrors of war were so ugly that when we came to Zen Buddhist priests, these were the best swordsmen ever. They still practiced their swords because they weren’t going to be abused, if somebody came and tried to take over their temple or whatever. They would rather live in peace, but will prepare.

Nice. I wanted to ask you about your spiritual practices. When we talked about my son you said that he was just with God, and he came here, and he’s got all this ancient knowledge and DNA. He was connected to God. How do you get your connection with God? Do you have any spiritual practices?

I wrote about it for the first time in my book called How Would Love Respond?. It’s something I didn’t really talk about publicly. But it was my first wife that said, “You got to let people know where you get your knowledge because it’s profound, it’s beyond your years.” That is when my best friend Mike Graham died in my arms. He locked himself inside of me, like he didn’t leave, his body did, but he didn’t. For two and a half years, I was getting regular visits by Mike, and he was very insistent that I helped him see his fiance so he could say goodbye because they didn’t get to say goodbye. I had to work out how that happened.

Our imperfectness makes us perfect human beings. Click To Tweet

I will tell you that I thought I was going insane because when you start seeing your dead friend showing up regularly, the hallucinations were so real and vivid, after a while you just got to go with it, because he is not leaving you alone. Then it turns out I wasn’t the only person seeing him. Finally one night, I just said, “Hey, man, go see her in her dreams because she’s not so rational, she’s not so resistant.” The next morning she called me at six in the morning, saying that Mike came and said that I sent him. And she said that he sat on the end of the bed, and they said everything they had to say to each other, and hugged each other goodbye.

I was taught how to do an out-of-body experience and I escorted Mike’s soul into the light. When I touched the light, which I was told not to go into because I don’t belong there, but when I gave him that final hug and backed him into it, it was God. It’s not a guy in a robe and a beard, it’s the most powerful force in the universe. By the way even science these days, with science and the belief in God, or a Creator, or the Great Spirit, have always been at odds with each other. Now, science is saying that it’s the laws of physics that govern the universe but that the laws are so perfect there had to be some kind of an intelligence that created it, because they’re too perfect to be an accident.

You see, science and the belief of some great intelligence is now one and the same, which again the law of polarity is at play. Yes, I mean physics says that energy can’t be destroyed or created. It just transforms. That would mean that we’ve been here before, we’ll be here again. Because there’s nowhere to go, just transform, you change forms.

Even the great Big Bang, it doesn’t make sense that all of a sudden nothingness exploded, and all the planets and stars, it doesn’t make any sense. That means science is expanding, our space is expanding, but it’s also slowing down its expansion. Which means that eventually it will start going back to the center. It will come backwards again and then it will Big Bang because it gets compressed into like a dying star and then explodes and becomes a supernova, and life comes out of that.

Physics says that, creation comes out of destruction, something’s got to leave in order for something new to come in, that we’ve done this lifetime over, and over, and over again. You’re going to have the same pitfalls, and problems, and dramas unless you choose different things to do this time.

How do you connect to that source? What do you do every day to connect? Does it come naturally to you? Does it come to you in your sleep? Do you channel when you write? Do you channel when you coach?

Yes is the answer, but the easiest, simplest answer is that it’s all done through self-love. The Bible says, “If you do not know how to love, you do not know God, because God is love.” Being a mom, you can just hear you talk about the love of your child.

By the way, there was a mom in California, she’s walking and a grizzly bear grabbed her 2- or 3-year-old. Grizzly bears are huge and a hunter can shoot a grizzly bear with a 357 Magnum in the head, the round will bounce off his skull and he will kill you, because he’s just angry. The mom, when she saw her child grabbed, ran up and punched the grizzly bear in the head, the grizzly bear dropped her child and ran. I think because that’s the power of love. You gotta imagine what was in that punch. It’s more powerful than a bullet.

If you ever study human beings, you’ll see that love has been our most powerful driving force—the love of our family, the love of our kids, the love of our cars, the love of our country, the love of ourselves. If God is love and you want to connect the source, that would be through self-love, because every issue we have in this lifetime is this self-love issue. Because when you really love yourself, you won’t smoke cigarettes, you won’t abuse drugs, you won’t stay in an abusive relationship.

How do you increase self-love?

Look in the mirror every day and convince that person for 30 seconds, you love that person, say it, convince them. Be kind to yourself, quit criticizing yourself, and acknowledge yourself for everything you’re doing approximately right, and celebrate all the little things you’re doing in life. Because when you do that, all of a sudden you’re having a great hour, great day, a great month, a great year, a great life by just celebrating. But instead, people are so critical of themselves.

But the funny thing is you would not do that to your child, like your child stands up and falls down you’re celebrating, “oh look at the boo boo,” they fall down, “so cute.” And in fact we even celebrated their first poo, “Look at the poo-poo.” You show your friends the poo.

The thing is, when we get to be an adult, we are so cruel to ourselves. Matter of fact, we’re kinder to strangers, we let them get away with more stuff than we do to ourselves. Instead, start being kinder to yourself, be more loving to yourself, be more forgiving. Pat yourself on the back for everything you’ve done approximately right because that will expand. Because the brain is wired to move us towards perceived pleasure and to move us away from perceived pains. If we keep getting acknowledged, rewarded, we’re going to automatically expand on being better.

But to be perfect, probably not going to happen. If you are perfect, expect the grim reaper to show up, because what are you doing here? We’re here to grow, we’re here to experience new things, it’s life. As a spirit we came here to experience all of life, not just a fluffy happy bits, all of it. Why do you think we go to movies that make us cry, and scare the daylights out of us, and all this stuff? It’s because there’s something in us that wants to experience it.

My mom says, “What’s not perfect is perfect as it is.”

Our imperfectness makes us perfect human beings.

Yeah. I guess she says what’s not perfect is perfect. That’s exactly what she says.

Orion, my mom’s maiden name was Feldman, so she was very Jewish. My brothers had Bar Mitzvah and stuff, we just moved away from synagogue. I guess that’s why I still have a child at heart because I’ve never become a man.

That’s beautiful. It’s not about religion. I mean, it’s beautiful to connect to both your religions Christianity and Judaism because they both have beautiful values. But the core of it, religion can be really beautiful. I think direct connection to source and self-love, like you said, is the key. Self-love is the key.

It’s funny, when I was doing seminars, I was coaching the top executives at Kuwait Petroleum. I was doing speaking engagements there as well. People said to me, they said, “Wow, your content comes right out of the Koran.” I go, “I’ve never read the Koran.” The Koran from what I was told, it actually sounds just like the Bible. By the way killing innocent people, the Jihad stuff that’s not even in there. If you kill innocent people, that’s the worst crime ever, and you’re never forgiven for it, ever. All religions have had people who’ve twisted the interpretation of the meaning. There’s Buddhists who recently took over a temple with AK-47s, they took a Buddhist temple, so they could have it.

Oh my God.

Not sure if Siddhartha was really his teachings, there’s always going to be a twisted interpretation. By the way, I live right down the road from a place called Chenrezig, which is the largest Buddhist center in the Southern Hemisphere. It’s only a 20-minute walk from my house, the Dalai Lama stayed there during 2012.

I got to see the Dalai Lama in person when I was in Dharamsala, India. It was magical.

My last wife, one of the last things she did when we were still married is she went with the head monk from Chenrezig, and met the Dalai Lama at his house and had a private meeting with him and stuff. I’ve seen him speak before and he has the most childlike giggle, ever.

Yes.

He’s just so infectious. That’s just the man who’s just enjoying life, but if you think he doesn’t have fear, doubt, and insecurity, of course, he does. Mother Teresa and her own scriptures after she was dead said that, “I have no physical proof that God existed. With all the suffering and pain that I’ve seen in life, I ran on pure faith.” Faith is the ability to see the invisible.

Yes, it’s beautiful. Kurek, thank you so much for this conversation. We went to so many places. It was just wonderful. It was a pleasure to get to know you and learn from you. I really appreciate you sharing everything that you shared with us today.

My pleasure and thank you. Anytime you want me back, I’d be honored.

I would love that. For people to reach you, and connect with you, learn from you, go to your workshops, where will they go?

Kurekashley.com is probably the easiest. I’m on Facebook, obviously on Instagram, and all the rest of the things. If you write to me, I write back. My email is kurek@nullkurekashley.com, it’s pretty easy. I don’t have ESP, so if you don’t write, don’t expect me to write to you first, because I don’t know where to write you.

Thank you so much.

My pleasure. Thank you and love to send you personally a copy of my book if you want to read it, and just make sure I have your postal address.

Yes, sure. Well, thank you. I actually would. I’m lucky, thank you. Thank you listeners. Remember to love yourself, celebrate yourself, be kind to yourself, and be playful like a child, and have a stellar life. This is Orion, until next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓} Develop an innate understanding of what healing and self-work are, realistically. It’s never a short-term cure. It’ll be a long-term commitment as soon as you embark on that journey.
{✓} Make it a priority to keep improving yourself. Whether it’s your skills, self-confidence, spirituality, or health, ensure you continuously grow and learn as you go.
{✓} Manage how you think and feel. Your thoughts become actions. Maintain a strong mindset and an open heart despite challenges.
{✓} Take your healing one step at a time. Don’t rush the process and be kind to yourself. It’s essential to deal with and get through all the pain before considering yourself okay, again.
{✓} Find a mentor, a spiritual teacher, a licensed medical professional, or someone you think can support you best in your healing process. These key people can help you cope and overcome obstacles better.
{✓} Set your standards high and live by example. When you decide to change your life, it’s always for the better. Reach new horizons with nothing but the best in mind for yourself and your loved ones.
{✓} Trust yourself with your entire heart and soul. There will be dark days but have faith that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.
{✓} Create goals that are in alignment with your values. Setting yourself up with unrealistic goals may hurt you more than help you.
{✓} Enjoy life! Take it easy and appreciate the simple things. Life is short, and you’re only here on borrowed time- you might as well make it worthwhile.
{✓} Visit Kurek Ashley’s website to learn more about his incredible story and how he can help you transform your life.

About Kurek Ashley

Kurek Ashley is The Transformer. He’s one of the most in-demand first-class speakers and success coaches in the world. He is the #1 international best-selling author of How would Love respond? Kurek is recognized as one of the premier experts in personal and professional development, self-discovery, and peak performance.