The Alpha Goddess Method: Reclaiming Your Power After Abuse with Orion Talmay

In this Episode

• [01:26]Orion explains her career transitions from personal training to life and love coaching, attributing her resilience and clarity to the challenges faced during her divorces. She also shares her first and second marriage, and the emotional toll of the abusive relationship that led her to seek solace in self-development.
• [08:07]Orion discusses the isolation experienced during her recovery period, emphasizing the importance of regaining connections and seeking support.
• [16:09] Orion developed Orion’s Method, focusing on the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit, aiming to help individuals achieve their potential and attract love.
• [19:28]Orion highlights her work with Alpha women, assisting them in becoming Alpha Goddesses while maintaining their drive and achievements.
• [26:22]Orion shares her spiritual beliefs and practices, emphasizing the role of divine guidance and synchronicity in her life.
• [36:08]Orion recounts reaching out to her former abusive partner for forgiveness, recognizing her own accountability in the relationship.

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About Today’s Show

Orion, welcome to Life Lafter Divorce podcast. 

Thank you. I’m happy to be here.

Wonderful to have you here. I’m excited to learn more about you and all of the wonderful things that you’ve been doing. From what I understand, you have been married before and have been divorced twice. 

Yes, I was. 

Okay, we’re in the same club on that one. You started going into your business after your divorce. Is that right?

Yes, pretty much. We’re talking about my second divorce. I was initially doing more personal training, and later transitioned into life coaching and love coaching.

It sounds like your career has transitioned, where maybe you were within your life cycle of divorce. 

Something like that. I’m gonna go deeper into that. Looking back, I think it was one of my greatest gifts. We know what we want through contrast, and I had a lot of contrast. Through experiencing darkness, I understood what light was, and I learned how to appreciate it, which helped me clarify what I wanted to do. 

After you have gone through so much pain and hardship, other emotions may surface, such as anger. Anger was at the beginning of it. I know you go from sadness to anger, and that feels a little bit better. They go into sadness again. But then you get angry, and then, slowly, you build up on the emotional ladder until you’re fine. 

Anger was a fuel, and I used it for good. It launched me to where I am today, starting with anger and ending in bliss.

But for me, I think anger was a fuel, and I used it for good, and it launched me to where I am today, starting with anger and ending in bliss—from anger to bliss.

You went in the right direction, for sure. 

It wasn’t a straight line, right?

I guess we should probably start a little bit more at the beginning to get an idea of who you are and to give our listeners a little bit of background. You were married twice in your first marriage. Were they back-to-back? Or did you have some space? Would you like to provide us with some information on that?

I was from Israel, and I got married very early on. We both met in the army in the IDF, and we fell in love. This was a very young love, and as everyone predicted, it lasted for two years. We were just young. We didn’t really know what we really wanted from life or from each other, and that was it. 

The second time I got married was when I actually lived in New York City. I met an American guy. He was super jacked. He did jiu-jitsu and used to fly planes. Super cool. Fell in love head over heels and got married to him very quickly, within a few months. I didn’t even know who he was. I thought I did. I was blinded by, I guess, love and lust. 

I guess there were signs in the beginning, but because I so wanted the love and to be in love, there is a reason why they say “blinded by love.” I did not love. People around me noticed, but nobody told me anything, because everyone wanted to be politically correct and didn’t want to ruin my excitement. 

I got into this relationship very, very quickly, and it turned out to be day by day, more and more, first, verbally abusive. I was trying to push it down, and I was trying not to see it. The more dominant or aggressive he became, the smaller and submissive I became to please him, and the more I did, the more aggressive he became, because this is the dynamic way the predator works. 

The first day he became violent, I ended up in the hospital. I cut the relationship, and that was it. We met for a few months, we were married for a few months, but that was enough time for me to be completely brainwashed to think that I am not good enough. I’m bad. I’m ugly. I’m fat, whatever horrible nickname comes to mind, you name it. I’ve been told that, and I believed that. I was completely broken. 

When we met, I was really free-flowing, wild, and bubbly, with no cares in the world. Then that was a very different Orion, having been brainwashed for so long, simply because I was longing for love, and I wanted to keep it alive. 

That was my recovery, and it put me on the path of exploring self-development and studying from the greatest leaders and luminaries of our time about how to improve my mindset. 

But, you know, we talked about anger. It started with me. I was like, “Nobody’s ever gonna hurt me ever again.” I studied martial arts, and I became really physically strong, but then I worked on my mind and I worked on my spirit. 

Now, like I said, I’m looking back, it’s my greatest gift, because if I didn’t suffer the way I suffered, I wouldn’t be so passionate about this journey of actually claiming my power, standing in my power, owning who I am, and figuring out who I was as a person, as an individual, as a woman, as a partner, and where my place is in the world, what my mission is in the world.

When you think back to where your journey started with this, you know, after you made the active decision to leave, where did you go for your main support? Where did you find that originally? 

With predators, if you analyze the behavior, and it’s interestingly enough, a similar behavior in most relationships, with a narcissist or with somebody with some kind of this type of behavior, abusive behavior, is that they isolate you. 

I was really isolated. I lost contact with my friends. I did not want to call my family on the other side of the world and share with them what I was going through, because I didn’t want to bother them. I didn’t want them to worry.

I think for the first two months, the depth of loneliness and pain that I felt was beyond, and it was physical pain, it was emotional pain, and I was met alone on the Upper East Side in New York in my little studio apartment, and feeling like the world was just super dark. 

I knew that there was a light within me, and if I tapped into it and just allowed my light to shine, I could light up my life. I always saw myself as the phoenix rising from the ashes. I did. 

It started with small actions, such as watching YouTube and finding motivational clips, and then creating my own, as well as things that made me smile—reading books and consuming information that helped me. I also went and volunteered to help other women in my position. I learned what I had to figure out and understand what was happening, as this was a new situation for me. 

That’s why I went to training, where I learned about predatory behavior, what it entails, and what I was doing as a volunteer. It was when I was in the hospital that there was a volunteer from SAVI, a sexual assault and domestic violence organization. She came, and she was like, “Hey, we can help you.” It was nice to have somebody to talk to. 

I volunteered for that same organization where I’ll get the call at 3 AM, and I’ll run to the hospital to be with another survivor. But I didn’t do it for a long time because I was not completely healed at that time. It was a part of my healing journey. But then, going to the hospital and seeing the women after God forbid, raped or badly abused, it was too much on my heart, it was too much on my soul. I didn’t do it for too long, but it was super helpful to understand where I was. 

We can treat our bodies, but then have a crappy mindset. Alternatively, we can cultivate a great mindset and expect something positive to happen in our lives.

I was reading a lot of books, and then I went to a psychologist for a little bit. Then she told me, “Well, you’re very depressed. We have to put you on medications.” Even though I know that psychotropic medication might be good for some people, for me, because I had that belief of, ‘I’m the Phoenix, and I can conquer’, I was like, “Well, thank you so much, but I’m gonna skip it.” 

I was trying to deal with it on my own. I improved my nutrition, my physical state, and my psychology. I underwent extensive healing work, including release work, trauma work, and EMDR, all of which I worked on myself because I wanted to be better. 

Wow, that’s a lot. When you were in New York, and you worked with one organization for a while, and I know you mentioned you started reading books and things of that nature, when was it that you decided that you were going to become a coach?

Transitioning to become a coach, after I felt like I was pretty healed. At the time, I was still doing personal training, and it was quite interesting because every technique I learned, I would try on my patients, just as I would. I was a good trainer. I knew a lot about the physical body and how to train it, but before that relationship, the idea of our subconscious mind, the power of the law of attraction, the power of how we can heal our bodies, and the idea of influencing our mindset were something that I was always curious about. That was more of a catalyst to go deeper into that. 

I used to still train my clients, but every once in a while, I’ll put them on the table. Well, when I was touching them, I put them in a trance state, and I put all sorts of embedded commands into their vulnerable minds. You are beautiful, you are strong, you eat healthy, you love your body. I also made them aware of their language and what they say during training. 

Do they say “I can” or do they say “I can’t”? Like Henry Ford says, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re always right.” I have them understand the power of their words and what it means when I talk about the power of words. It’s not only about what you tell other people, like, “Oh, but I’m also so silly,” so funny to say that it’s not funny, because those words go into your subconscious mind. 

Own yourself and your feminine power.

Your subconscious mind, unfortunately, does not understand humor, and it always wants to be right. I told them about the words that they say out loud, but also the internal conversation. What you say to yourself when nobody’s listening is key to your success. That’s how I transitioned. 

Eventually, I decided to leave because I had a personal turn in business. I had private clients, and then I would like to run around the Upper East Side and Upper West Side in Manhattan, training the rich and famous. But I was more curious about mindset, and then I started coaching. I also took courses and began attending seminars. 

As I mentioned, I have traveled to over 37 countries and studied with notable leaders and luminaries, learning something valuable from each one of them. That’s what I bring into my life and into my practice.

That’s a lot you’ve done. You’ve been doing a lot of work, and so in the process. So you were a physical trainer for some time, and then you transitioned into life coaching, right? 

Right.

And as I was seeing, you focus on wellness, obviously, which would be a great fit, coming from a physical trainer and relationship and love, right?

I have a method. It’s called Orion’s Method, and it’s about the mind, body, and spirit, because it’s all connected. We can just treat our bodies, but then have a crappy mindset. We can just have a great mindset and expect something to happen in our lives. 

Orion’s Method is my way of coaching, and I transitioned from more of the life coaching into more like now, I help alpha women awaken their inner goddess and attract love. I attracted my own love, and I have my own love story. I’ve been married for a year now to the most remarkable man on the planet for me. 

The system is about ORION, which is an acronym. O is (always) open your heart. R is releasing the past and returning to love. I – ignite your passion. O is own yourself and your feminine power. They work primarily with women and some cool men. N is nourish your body, mind, and spirit. 

It’s everything, and those steps are not a linear process, because everybody comes and everybody has something that is missing, not necessarily missing is something that is more in the dark. I just shed light on the missing puzzle piece, and then we will work on it. Everybody needs a different step, or a combination of a few of them.

When people approach you for coaching, where are they in their cycle? Typically, are these people who are in the midst of a divorce? Are these people who’ve had bad relationships or are in between relationships? Where are they in life? 

Typically, the women that I work with are the women who did some healing around their divorce, but they are missing the tools to move forward with owning their power and truly finding love and truly understanding polarity, feminine-masculine polarity, and understanding their part in a relationship as a woman. 

I don’t really work with people who just got divorced, and they’re in the midst of all the chaos. It’s almost like they come to me more when they are ready. They’re like, “I’m good, I’m ready to blossom.”

Got it.  It’s often hard to coach someone who’s in the middle of a crisis. 

I think this is more of a job of a psychologist, or I know there are specific coaches that will coach you to that specific, super painful time, but my area of genius is really like I said, help them blossom and attract love and shine their true, amazing inner beauty.

I have a question. I noticed that on your website, and even when talking to you, you’ve mentioned the “alpha female”. Could you tell me a little bit about this? I want to hear more. 

My mission in life is to light people up, and when the switch is off, to turn it on.

It’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s that alpha-type driven. She’s got her own business. In the corporate world, she’s this alpha type. She’s an achiever. She goes after her dreams, and she gets them. What I do with the women is I turn them into alpha goddesses. Not only alpha like this is, without losing all those traits that made them super kick ass and successful and adorable, I make them even more adorable.

When a woman, let’s say, is looking for a coach and wants to tap into this information. What if they’re nowhere near being alpha at this point? What if they may have recovered from a relationship? 

But, you know, I think, as I know from hearing your story too, and I totally get it, there’s that place where you feel like someone flipped that light off in you, and you have to flip it back on. Is that something that’s going through your divorce coaching, or not your divorce coaching, but your coaching with the Orion’s Method? Is that where we can find a place to flip that light back on and to get those qualities back?

It’s all about the light. My mission in life is to light people up, and when the switch is off, to turn it on. My target audience is more of the alpha, but I’m willing to talk to any woman, and if we are a good fit, if I feel like I can help her, and she feels like I can help her, then we’re clicking, then, yes, of course, I’m here. 

There are different people; you know, we all have different styles of learning and different people we relate to and click with. But if there is a click, if I see that, that as long as the woman is ready, willing and able to move forward, she’s got a big enough ‘why’ and a big enough desire, we can conquer. 

We can break through. We can excel and awaken the goddess, feel amazing, attract love, attract abundance, and do whatever is, as long as the person is ready, willing, and able. I am here because this is my mission. I’m doing it because when I was in a dark place, I had coaches and mentors that I talked to on the phone, seminars and books, and they helped me rise. 

We can excel and awaken the goddess within, feel amazing, attract love, attract abundance, and do whatever is, as long as you are ready, willing, and able.

I feel like this is why I do what I do, because it’s my time to reach out and help somebody else, and pull her up so she will pull somebody else, and they will pull somebody else, and so the world is a better place.

I’m familiar with what coaching is. I totally get it. I understand. But for people who aren’t in there, like, because you include the body and the mind. Are you working with wellness on a nutritional and physical level with people?

Not quite. I make suggestions, and we work on that if it’s needed. It’s not like we meet one-on-one, and I train them so that I will touch on it to a level where it’s satisfying. But for me, the deeper work is on the subconscious mind. 

They said that 10% of what you experience is in your conscious mind and 90% is in your subconscious mind, where some people say it’s 5 and 95, and so what I like to do is to help them using all kinds of processes and actually speak to the subconscious mind, because you can sometimes speak logically to the subconscious mind. 

The subconscious mind understands metaphors and symbols. Through different processes, we go down. We go into the subconscious mind. We break it down. I like to tell stories because the subconscious mind understands stories. We do processes, we do journaling, we do all kinds of things that help them pop. 

Sometimes it happens super quickly, like I had a woman who came to me to find love. In the first session, I discovered that she’s a heavy smoker, and it bothered me because she’s killing herself. We talked about it, and we did some processes. On her third coaching session, she stopped smoking after 15 years of smoking. 

It’s a tiny subconscious mind shift and awareness. Sometimes a little shift in awareness can go a long way. This is not what I do. I’m not here to help people with addictions, but this is kind of like the side effects of what I do. Everybody gets what they need. 

I also believe I’m very spiritual. I believe that everything is divinely guided. There is a reason why you and I are talking right now and we’re connecting, especially right now at this moment, and the person that is listening right now, there is a reason why he or she is listening right now. I don’t know what it is, but there is a bigger picture. So when a woman comes to me, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I can’t predict the future, but what I know for sure is that she’s gonna live better than she came.

That is a really good feeling. Hearing one of the keywords I’m picking up is a lot of spirituality, and you know, trusting that things are happening in the right place at the right time. Do you have examples of how you found this to be in your own life?

This is a testament from my own experience to the power of surrendering to a higher power, to some people, it’s called God. Some people can call it the Holy Spirit, whatever you call it. 

It’s that force that makes your life beat when you aren’t even conscious of it. It’s that force that makes you breathe. It’s your soul. It’s that force that is between atoms, and this is the force that connects everything and everyone on this planet and other planets. This is the force that we all are able to tap into if we only allow it. 

I went to a Tony Robbins event. It was my second Tony Robbins event. The first one was Unleash the Power Within, which is like the entry level, and the second one is the Date with Destiny. If you go to Netflix, there is a documentary. It’s called Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru. It’s a documentary about Date with Destiny, and all the things Tony does with people there.  I went there to work on my business. 

Back then, I had that training business, and I was like, “Yeah, I just want to make more money.” Then every day is dedicated to a different topic. Then there was their relationship day, and Tony talked and demonstrated what polarity is in a relationship, what masculine energy is, and what feminine energy is. 

I was carrying so much masculine energy in my life, and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t really date anyone for more than two or three months. I look feminine on the exterior, but I couldn’t really date. 

Then Tony talked about polarity, and something clicked in me. It was as if our homework was to write a relationship vision, and I couldn’t do it. That night, at 1 AM, which was when the day was over, because the days are super long, I sat by a waterfall outside of the resort, and it was beautiful, a desert sky full of stars, and I was just like praying, and I started to cry and laugh and cry and laugh, and finally I was at peace. I was completely shaken, and I was at peace and able to write my relationship vision. 

When somebody writes their relationship vision, there are two components that are very important, because everybody writes what they want in a partner: a tall, dark, and handsome. ‘He should make this amount of money and have this type of car and a big laundry list of what we desire.’ It is important to give clarity to what you desire. 

The power of surrendering to a higher power is the force that makes your life beat when you aren’t even conscious of it. The force that we all can tap into if we only allow it.

The second component is, ‘Who do I need to become to attract that type of person? Do I need to become sweeter, kinder, a better partner? Do I need to better control my emotions? Do I need to learn how to communicate better? Who do I need to become to attract that person?’ 

I sat and I wrote down those two lists: Who do I want? Who do I need to become to attract that man? Forty-eight hours later, at 1 AM, I met Stephan, my husband. Nine days later, he proposed to me on a hot air balloon in Vegas with a diamond ring and everything. 

We were in this little basket in the sky, and all of a sudden, he’s on one knee with a diamond ring, and the guy who operates the hot air balloon is just standing there with an iPhone, videoing us. I said no because, you know, I had the experience of running and getting married. I was like, “Well, no, you are amazing.” It was really very awkward, 20 minutes descending into Vegas. Yes, I was a captive audience, literally.

This was nine days later. He proposed to you in a hot air balloon where you couldn’t get away. You said no. What happened next? 

What happened next is that he proposed again. It was almost six days of soul shedding in and putting down masks one after the other, and really looking deep into our souls and figuring out and clarifying our vision that we met. When we met, we were in a cleaner and higher vibration. So our connection was cleaner. There were no dating games. There was no way we met, almost on a soul level. Our beginning was from a very high place. 

That’s why with my husband, if we go down with low emotions, it’s really hard for us. We need to make sure that we are mostly in a higher vibration, meaning less angry, kinder, sweeter. I guess it’s right with any relationship, but I just feel like, because of where we started, we have a bar that we need to meet. 

Nine months later, he surprised me by taking me back to the same resort, and I was completely clueless. He proposed to me by the same waterfall, and that time I said yes. 

I don’t know who’s listening, but there is something out there that is listening and guiding.

This is how I guess the power of the universe, the power of surrendering to a higher power, works, and the power of creating clarity around your vision and around your commitment to who you are, because I don’t know who’s listening, but there is something out there that is listening and guiding. 

I always felt like something was guiding my life, even in my darkest moments. Because we cannot see the bigger picture. Sometimes bad things happen. It’s life. We can see the gift in it. It’s almost like a gift with a bow on the bottom. We can open that gift just years later, looking back and then saying, “Okay, this is why I had to experience that, so I can become who I am today, and I can meet this man.” I don’t know why I had to go through all that, but I guess I did. 

You know the boyfriend I talk about all the time. If we had met 5 or 10 years ago, we probably would have looked at each other and been like, “Yeah, right,” because you don’t know what you don’t know, and you don’t know what you need or what you can learn to appreciate. 

I can guarantee you that if I had met Stephan two days, three days, four days, or six days before the day that I met him, we would probably go for coffee, and that was it. We just pass through like two ships in the night, and I would not recognize it, because I couldn’t see that part that needed to be worked on in myself, and that’s what I teach my clients. 

It’s about taking responsibility for who you are, for your emotions, and understanding that nothing is happening to you and the universe is conspiring for you. It’s a better thought, a way to live life.

It certainly is, and knowing that you’re getting exactly what you need to get yourself to the next place. But sometimes we need that extra push, because we’re not doing it on our own.

We need to look at the signs and recognize them. Sometimes we go through the same lesson over and over again because we didn’t get it.

We need to look at the signs and recognize them. Sometimes we go through the same lesson over and over again because we didn’t get it. 

That was actually going to be my next question for you. Looking back from the beginning of your story of where you started this specific, more spiritual journey with yourself after being in the hospital, not only do you recognize the signs that you missed, but do you also understand why you missed them?

To some degree, I don’t even understand anything. I understand something about it. I can see it looking back and analyzing it, being really analytical about it and psychological about it. There are the things that we know we know, and there are the things that we know we don’t know, and there are the things that we don’t know we don’t know.

Maybe better than an understanding of why you missed them, maybe there’s an acceptance that you did. 

Acceptance and forgiveness, which is for myself.

Forgiving ourselves for the things that we think are our fault, whether they are or not, I think, plays a huge role in our ability to move forward.

Yeah, it’s the first step for many people. Not only did I call my ex and forgive him, but I also called and asked for forgiveness. What went through my brain was, ‘Why do I need to ask for forgiveness?’ Because of this, there is a saying that “When you’re angry about something, if you’re angry at someone, it’s like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die.” 

But it’s more than that, because the moment I ask for forgiveness, I own myself. He’s got no power. I ask for forgiveness because I decided to enjoy the sweet moments with him. I asked for forgiveness because I might have said something that triggered him. I asked for forgiveness, because the moment I asked for forgiveness, I own the fact that everything that happened was my decision. 

It was my decision to meet him. It was my decision to be with him. It was my decision to get into a fight with him. It was my decision to stay for as long as I stayed in the relationship and not see the sign. 

I’m telling you, you know, even though, like, ‘Oh poor me, I’m sure that I’ve done things that triggered him,’ whether it was like something that will trigger a normal person or not in his reality, I did it to him so stepping into his shoes asking forgiveness for my part of it liberates me, and helps me own who I am. From that moment on, after I did it—it was the hardest, most difficult phone call I’ve ever made in my life—I was free.

That is huge. What did that happen for you?

Well, all of a sudden, I started dating here and there, and I had more power. That energy that had gone into a victim mentality was transformed into building myself and moving forward. I stopped living my life. It’s almost like you live your life driving forward, looking in the rearview mirror. I look forward; I stopped looking back.

That’s wonderful. You’ve really come a long way.

Thanks.

Taking responsibility for who you are and for your emotions.

What a beautiful story, what a great experience and journey. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy, but you know, there are lessons that you’ve learned and tremendous growth that has come as a result of it. That’s phenomenal.

I feel that I live a blessed life right now. I have my own podcast. It’s called Stellar Life (now Orion’s World) because I feel like I do live a stellar life. As you said, it has come so far, which is why I enjoy sharing that knowledge and bringing a lot of what I’ve learned to other people, because it can help them live their own stellar life. 

That’s wonderful. 

And none of that would have happened if I hadn’t gone through whatever I had to go through.

That’s right, I wouldn’t be doing this if I hadn’t been married and divorced twice, either, that’s for sure. 

Amen. 

Look at all the good things, lots of good things. I’m so grateful because we’ve become the people that we’ve become.

I’m so curious about the boyfriend and the mom-nonymous.

Sometimes bad things happen. It’s life.

My man of mystery, the boyfriend. He likes to remain anonymous because when we started this, he said, “This is your thing. This is kind of your world that I’m stepping into, and I’m a part of your Life Lafter Divorce, and I want to learn from it, too.” He’s been a part of it. 

Then mom-nonymous is our anonymous blogger, who happens to be a mom going through a divorce, so she also likes to contribute. However, being her thing was coming from a place of having been married for 56 years, actually. She kind of wants to remain anonymous and put her two cents in and just speak from the bigger picture. 

It’s kind of cool because I’m surrounded by people who accept me for who I am at this time in my life and this point in my journey, and are willing to learn and grow from it as I am. It’s been pretty, pretty awesome. 

This has been wonderful talking to you, and I really appreciate you taking the time, especially in the new year, as we look into 2018 with really great things coming on. I really appreciate you sharing the Orion’s Method with us. I think it’s pretty cool, and I loved hearing your story. Thank you so much for sharing. 

Thank you so much for having me. 

Thank you so much, and I wish you all the best in the new year.