Episode 280 | March 15, 2022

Tell Yourself a Better Lie with Marisa Peer

A Personal Note From Orion

A lot of people self-sabotage themselves because of negative talk they have about themselves to the point where these thoughts can manifest in the body. In today’s Stellar Life Podcast episode, I am joined by Marisa Peer as she talks about how to change our belief system so that we can overcome our bad habits and patterns in life.

Marisa is the founder and creator of RTT®—a new and exciting, multi-award-winning therapy taking the world by storm. She has spent over three decades treating a client list that includes international superstars, CEOs, Royalty, and Olympic athletes. A best-selling author of five books, she has been heralded as “one of the most powerful transformers of human behavior,” and “one of the few women in history to have a profound impact on the field of hypnotherapy.” Known as an expert therapist on many high-profile US and UK television networks, Marisa is also an acknowledged and inspirational speaker—from TEDx and Condé Nast to the Royal Society of Medicine.

Tune in as we talk more about RTT® and how it can help you!

In this Episode

  • [00:52] – Orion introduces Marisa Peer, the founder and creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy®. She is also an acknowledged and inspirational speaker.
  • [07:25] – Orion asks Marisa about the beginnings of becoming the most incredible therapist in the world and her drive to help people.
  • [11:37] – Marisa explains Rapid Transformation Therapy and its difference from other therapies.
  • [15:56] – Marisa tells how she gets to see clients who give her the stories in her new book.
  • [18:33] – Marisa shares the new book that is coming up, Tell Yourself a Better Lie and explains the meaning of its title.
  • [20:48] – Orion inquires about the connection between the gut, the brain, what we think, and the healing process.
  • [28:16] – Orion narrates his experience from being a shadow of herself to strengthening herself and believing in the power of the mind.
  • [32:30] – Marisa talks about identifying and listening to what we say to ourselves and shares the way of starting to meet the needs.
  • [41:59] – Orion and Marisa discuss little children’s emotions, feelings, and logic before age five and tips on handling them.
  • [48:14] – Orion wants to know Marisa’s secret of being productive, having plenty of courses, traveling a lot and helping numerous people.
  • [53:15] -Marisa enumerates her three tips for living a stellar life.
  • [57:05] – Check out Marisa Peer’s website to know more about her and gain free audio access to love, health, and wealth. You may also visit the Rapid Transformational Therapy’s website to learn how to train with her.

Jump to Links and Resources

About Today’s Show

Hey, Marisa. Welcome to Stellar Life podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I am super excited to have you. Thank you for coming.

Thank you so much for inviting me. I’m super excited to be here. It’s a great honor.

I’m one of your biggest fans. I have taken your training. I love your method. You got so many awards for being one of the most incredible therapists in the world. I want to know, how did you even become a therapist? What was your drive to want to help people in that way?

I had an amazing mentor. My father was quite a guy. He was an amazing headteacher. His mission was to make every child feel important. He used to say to me, every child that I meet, I want to imagine they’ve got a sign on their forehead saying, please make me feel important. Really, that was his motto that he lived by. 

He showed me every day that helping people was what life was all about, and he really went a distance to help people. He showed me every day that his whole fulfillment came from helping people, so I was very influenced by him. My mother, on the other hand, was very unfulfilled, very beautiful, very unhappy, and very frustrated, so I saw the difference. 

My father had a job that engrossed, fulfilled, and gave him everything. At a very early age, I picked up that you need a fantastic career. You need a career that’s rewarding, fulfilling, and gives you meaning and purpose because that allows you to cope with all the slings and arrows of life. He influenced me the very most. 

I wanted to be a child psychologist, but that wasn’t for me. Then, I thought I might be a teacher of small children, but I realized actually that being a therapist was for me. I realized that when I left college and went to work for Jane Fonda, which was phenomenal and fun.

You need a rewarding, fulfilling career that gives you meaning and purpose.

Jane and indeed so many people in the workout industry in the late ’80s all had eating disorders—bulimia, anorexia, orthorexia which is all about clean eating, body compulsive disorder, and compulsive exercising. I realized that this was a mental illness being trapped with let’s work out, let’s live on celery juice, let’s fast.

I was fascinated by how many people in my classes with Jane were just obsessed with what they looked like on the outside, not the inside. That led me to a life-long study of human behavior, which my father had kind of begun in me anyway.

Primarily, I was looking at why overeating is an emotion. You can’t fix it with working out and forcing yourself on a diet. In fact, I’ve always been amazed that the whole diet industry is based on self-hatred—hate your body, do a punishing workout, force yourself, and deny yourself. The only way to have the body you love is actually to love the body you have so much that you treat it with respect.

I came from this self-hatred we have. The media certainly contributes to that. That was my beginning.

Today, nine-year-olds have body image issues. It’s really sad.

Yeah. You ask them what they want and they go, I’m going on a diet, I’m fat. What we’ve done to each generation in terms of body image is just horrific. I think one day, we will look back and just be absolutely shocked that we body-shamed people like that on an epic scale.

That was my beginning. But then I realized that people would ring me and go, ‘hey, I know you work with weight loss. My neighbor’s lost 100 pounds. My friends stopped eating sugar, but I’ve got a fear of elevators’ Fine, sure.

I realized that the diversity was so fulfilling, working with everything from infertility, to phobias, to panic attacks, as well as eating issues. Then, I began to work with a lot of children and schools, and it’s really rewarding. I love the fact that I no longer niche. I see people for everything. It’s been the most rewarding job in the world. I will never ever retire. I love it as much today as I did 30 odd years ago when I began.

I love watching you speak about helping people. It’s so amazing. Just by experiencing your training, I’m in such awe and I have so much respect for what you created. You created Rapid Transformation Therapy. How did you come up with that? What is the difference between RTT and other therapies?

First of all, I never want to diminish other therapies. I think all therapies have a great heart and a real calling to help people, but I was always amazed that therapy is the only healing modality. It says, bring me your pain and over a long period of time, we’ll build a relationship, and then we’ll try and help you.

Tell Yourself a Better Lie by Marisa Peer

If you turn up at the emergency room, the dentist, or the chiropractor going, I’m in terrible pain here. They don’t say, well, we need to build up trust over a long time, and then we can begin to help you. They say you’re in pain. ‘Let me get you out of pain. Let’s get out that infected tooth. Let’s set that broken arm. Let me look at your back and see what’s out of alignment.’

I always thought therapy should be the same. It should offer an almost immediate release of pain. That doesn’t mean the client doesn’t come back. If someone comes to me and says, ‘I’m having panic attacks, I’m addicted to cake, I can’t find love, I’m cripplingly shy,’ or ‘I have insomnia that’s ruining my life, I shout at my children, and it’s just terrible,’ I begin immediately in the first session. It’s almost like a recipe. I look at what happened, I start to interrupt the client’s belief system, I start to interpret with them what’s gone on, and then I become rather like a coder.

RTT is a very good formula. You begin like a detective, gathering information on what’s gone on here. No one is born unable to eat cookies. No one is born fearing attention. After all, a baby’s first experience is being observed, looked at, and assessed. They never look like, don’t look at me, I got no clothes on, and I got these really fat thighs.

We investigate what happened, we interpret how that’s led to the current day issue, and then we interrupt the belief system, which is very powerful. Clients actually love that. Then, like a coder, we start installing better software.

If your computer had a bug and you got in an IT, they would go, this has a bug, let me upgrade it, update it, and then it’d be all fast and new. Many clients have a bug in their thinking that they’re not even aware of. It’s the same thing. Let’s remove that bug and install better software so you can be the amazing person you’re always meant to be.

I find that many clients’ issues come from the lies they tell themselves. ‘My dad left when I was one, therefore I’m not lovable.’ ‘My mother wanted a boy, therefore I’m a disappointment.’ ‘I didn’t have a college education, so I’m never going to amount to anything.’ ‘I don’t look like those models in the magazine, so therefore I’m not enough.’

The lies that other people tell us are hurtful, but the lies we tell ourselves are so damaging. We don’t even realize that when we say, I’m exhausted, my kid makes me want to die, this commute will be the death of me, or if I look at a cake, I get fat. One of the rules of the mind is that every thought you think, the body starts to manifest. After all, if you feel embarrassed, you blush. If you watch a movie, your eyes can fill up with tears for something that isn’t real. If you think of food, your stomach will rumble. If you think of sex, you can feel very aroused. 

We know that every day, we think a thought and we make that thought real, which is fine when you’re thinking about eating or sex, but not fine when you’re thinking about not being good enough. If only we knew that every word we speak and every thought we think is a blueprint that our mind, body, and psyche work to make real—if we knew that and we’re taught of that—we would start to change that blueprint all the time because it’s such an easy change to make.

The only way to have the body you love is to love the body you have so much that you treat it with respect. Click To Tweet

When somebody comes to you or an RTT therapist, do you still get other clients?

I don’t see many clients. I’ve trained 11,000 people in my method. Some of the people I’ve trained are just extraordinary. They’re every bit as good as me, maybe even better than me. I’m now very lucky that I can refer people who contact me all over the world.

I do see people occasionally if it’s a very interesting case, a very compelling case, or a very worthy case, I will still see clients. I’m currently creating a whole weight loss program for coaches. At the moment, I’m working with three or four different people. I’m filming all of that for my new program.

I do see clients and I love seeing clients. Of course, clients give me my stories. My new book is full of 10 client stories, which I collected over the last few years. My next book is going to be about 10 children, adolescent stories, so I’m still seeing people because they are the material for my current book and indeed my next one.

Many of us have been through some stressful times in the last couple of years. I know I have. And I am very grateful for my coaches and for the hypnotherapy sessions that I took that helped me, and I want to extend this to you as well. If you want to feel unstuck, breakthrough some limiting beliefs, maybe you want to lose weight or attract the love of your life, maybe you just want to step into your power, then do yourself a favor and book an RTT session with me. RTT stands for Rapid Transformation Therapy. And it is indeed very rapid, most people get their breakthroughs within one to three sessions. And then they just step into the person they want to be and they changed their lives. They changed their health, they changed their identity. I love you, I’m here for you, and I want to help you. And as my podcast listener, you are getting 25% off your first RTT session. So go to speakwithorion.com and book a 15-minute call with me, and we’ll take it from there. And now back to the show.

Your new book that is coming up is Tell Yourself a Better Lie.

Yeah, I’m going to show it to you. Here it is. Tell Yourself a Better Lie. A lot of people don’t like that title, but I think the title makes you stop and think, what does that even mean?

I love this title.

Yeah, I love it. I think it’s the right title because it says, if you’re prepared to lie to yourself—’my kids are killing me. My husband is driving me crazy. My boss is a boss from hell. I just can’t lose weight no matter what I do. I’m unable to function without a drink. I’m the size of a horse. I could eat a horse. I’ve been drinking for 24 hours non-stop,’ which clearly can’t be true. I’m imagining, at some stage, you pee, you wait, and you probably had a little nap too.

If you’re prepared to lie to yourself, at least tell yourself a better lie.

If you’re prepared to lie to yourself, at least tell yourself a better lie. That’s as simple as my memory is like a sieve and I forget everything to I have a phenomenal memory. I can’t lose weight no matter what I do. I have an incredible metabolic rate. My boss is a nightmare. Well, my boss is a challenge to everyone, but I’ve got amazing skills and I’m an asset to this company. 

Most of it’s not true, neither is the fact that you could eat a horse, so it doesn’t have to be true. you just look at the lies you tell yourself—my head is killing me. I’m dying of stress. I’m exhausted. I’m chronically tired. Just change that. I’m a little dehydrated. I do need a bit more sleep. 

If we could only be aware of the word we use to describe ourselves, we would have such a wake-up call. Because while you can choose to be negative or positive, it is up to you. What you can’t choose is what you do to your body when you say this is killing me, this will be the death of me, or the end of my rope. I’m falling apart. This is a nightmare.

If you could look in your body and see the cortisol or the inflammation you create by being negative, you would actually really put a brake on negative thinking. That’s always been my mission.

I totally believe that. I had a lot of stress in the last few months and I have created a gut problem. I can totally see the connection between the gut, the brain, what we think, and the healing process.

Can I share?

Yes, please.

Not long ago, somebody wrote to me and said, “I’ve got terrible diarrhea.” It all happened in the last year. It’s come out of nowhere. I just don’t understand it. I’m always in the bathroom. It’s ruining my life. I can’t go to meetings.

When I spoke to him, I noticed what he said all the time. I’m losing it. It’s such a stupid lie. Nobody would leave the house if that was really true. You wouldn’t go into a meeting. You wouldn’t go on a date. You wouldn’t go on a train or an airplane., you’d be mortified. And yet we say these things.

Somebody said to me, “It’s so bizarre because I listen to you speaking, I’ve never met you. I’ve had very painful feet. My foot arches collapsed and it’s been really painful. I noticed that the one thing I say every day is I just can’t stand it. I can’t stand it. My kids don’t put the jars back in the bin. I can’t stand the fact that my husband doesn’t rinse out the sink after he shaved. I can’t stand the fact that my house is a mess. I was really aware of, wow, how much do I say it?

I stopped saying it. I said, ‘I can deal with this.’ You wouldn’t believe it, within 10 days, my foot arches actually started to go back and I’ve had no more foot pain since the day I stopped saying I can’t stand it.”

The bigger a person you get, the more challenges you have.

When you repeat something over and over again, it actually becomes an imprint that stays with you. When you say no matter what I do, I can’t sleep, it’s just a nightmare, I’m up all night watching the clock, and I can’t go to sleep, that’s a lie because when you get into bed, where are you going? You’ve got into bed to not go anywhere.

We’re only born with two fears, one of them is falling and the other is loud noise. Every other fear is acquired. If one of our predominant fears is falling and you say, I must fall asleep, I can’t fall asleep, it’s very confusing to your mind. Just say this instead, when I get into bed, sleep comes to me. It descends upon me like a mist. It covers me like a wonderful warm weighted blanket and I enjoy a beautiful sleep until my required wakeup time.

You might go, that’s not true. But neither is I can’t fall asleep. It’s just a question of looking at your words and going, ‘hey, these are my words, why don’t I update, upgrade, and change them?’

There’s a wonderful person in my book called Tara who had lost two babies at birth and has two existing children, one had a heart defect. She said, I’m just numb. I can’t feel. But what she was telling herself was I can’t feel. If I feel, I will fall apart. My heart has been broken so much. I don’t even want it to mend because it will just break again.

When I said, but you have a very functional heart it just knows how to keep repairing itself. She actually was so transformed by realizing that in telling herself I’ve got to be numb, I got to shut down, and that’s how I cope, she wasn’t coping. She was numb. It was a terrible experience for her two boys to see their shutdown mother. She said, I never cry. In that instance, she cried and it was so cathartic for her.

The lies that other people tell us are hurtful, but the lies we tell ourselves are so damaging. Click To Tweet

Every story in that book is fascinating. There is somebody with OCD, somebody with alcoholism, and somebody with bulimia. I remember talking to the person with alcoholism. I said, darling, I know you think you’re broken, but you’re not broken. You had broken parents and broken parenting experiences, but you are not broken. You’re wonderful. You’re lovable. It’s a choice to go on.

No one’s going to love me. I’m unlovable. My dad left when I was one and never even paid child support. That’s true, but it doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of anything. Or you could say, it’s a shame about my dad, but I only came through him, not from him. I’m deeply lovable, magnetically lovable, and I can find love.

One of the things that makes me feel so great the most is approval. I started to go magnetically lovable. Love is available to me. Would you believe it? This guy told me in a store, no one’s ever done that. Someone said to me, my next-door neighbor, I hadn’t even noticed him. When I began to say I’m lovable, he suddenly spoke to me over the fence and said, there’s something about you. I have to talk to you. I got to get to know you.

Did you change your hair?

He said, “I don’t know what it is but you have this magnetic.” She said, “I’ve been saying I’m magnetically lovable.” He said, “You have this magnetic presence.” She was like, “Isn’t that funny? I’ve never seen him, he’d never seen me. But when I began to say I’m magnetically lovable, he locked on to me and said, ‘I’ve got to get to know you. We’re still together. I’m very happy.’”

It’s a choice. You’re going to say, no one loves me, or I’m lovable.

It’s a choice. You’re going to say, no one loves me or I’m lovable. I’m stupid or I’m smart. I can’t get things to last. I have an amazing ability to make everything I touch works out because it is a choice.

In fact, on Christmas Eve, my husband and I were flying to Texas and we had a very challenging morning. He said to me, “I really marvel at your ability to not get stressed.” I said, “Well, it’s a choice. I can go, ‘oh my God, this is a nightmare. What a day, a disaster.’ Or I could go, ‘well, it’s a challenge but the bigger a person you get, the more challenges you have.’”

I consider myself very lucky that my father was super positive. My mother was probably the most negative person you could meet. They were both my teachers. I knew I had a choice. I could be like her or I could be like him. My mother was a wonderful, loving person, but unhappy and negative. I realized very early on I was going to go my father’s way, which is to look at life differently.

In fact, they both died very closely. My father said, I’ve had a wonderful life. I’ve had a wonderful career. He was so happy even as he was passing. My mother was very unhappy. I thought, wow, it even affects the way you die. It affects the way you live, but it also affects the way you die. He had quite a beautiful death in many ways because he had no regrets, not a single one. Imagine going through your life with no regrets, I love that.

Yeah, I want that too.

It’s also a choice. I made a mistake, but I learned something. I dated an idiot, but thank God they left me because I’m here with my beautiful partner. If my first person wasn’t an idiot, a narcissist, or mean, I wouldn’t be with my wonderful husband or wife now. Even that is a choice. 

I can relate. I was with an abusive narcissist, and I was completely crushed. But I knew that I was such a shadow of myself. I couldn’t even walk down the street and look people in the eye. I was totally scared of everything. I drank. I was just horrible.

I went to a psychologist who wanted to send me to a psychiatrist. He wanted to put me on medication. Even though those can be good for some people, I knew that I had a little light in me and I can hold on to those lights because I’ve done it in the past. I can rise like the phoenix. Then I started really conditioning my mind every day to feel better. I did pages and pages of affirmations. I did mirror work from Louise Hay.

Every word we speak and every thought we think is a blueprint that our mind, body, and psyche work to make real. Click To Tweet

The first few times I did that, I couldn’t do it. I started crying every time I did that because I couldn’t say I love you to myself. It was too painful because I hated myself. Then, I knew the power of laughter so I went on YouTube and started to look at some cat videos. Then, I studied martial arts. I studied MMA and Aikido because I said, nobody ever is going to hurt me again physically.

I really strengthened myself and I really believed in the power of the mind. I am really grateful for my mom because when I was a teenager, she gave me two books. She gave me Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life, and she gave me the Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy.

Those are two amazing books.

Yeah, those are two amazing books. That gave me the understanding that no matter what, we can connect to a higher power. We can change our conversations.

I was in a place where that guy was telling me many lies about myself. He would put me down like every part of my body was ugly. I was ugly, fat, and all kinds of really, really bad words. When you hear it enough times, what do predators do, they isolate. If you hear it so many times, you take on the lies. You tell yourself that lie, you keep telling yourself that, and then you got to break the pattern.

You’re so right. The lie he told you was bad but then you continue to lie. People say, my parents said I would never amount to anything. No one in our family has ever done that. You can’t have that, that’s too much.

When someone else tells you a lie, they have an agenda.

When someone else tells you a lie, they have an agenda. People like your ex want to diminish you—a critical person. It’s a bit like if this was a seesaw, here’s you and here’s a critical person. But you see, in the critical person’s mind, you’re actually elevated and they’re diminished and they only have two choices to make this happen. They must diminish you or elevate themselves. 

Narcissists will say, nobody will love you. You’re not good enough. Who’s going to take you on? Or they might go, well, I’m smarter than you. I’ve got a better education. I’ve got more money. But each thing is designed to make this go to this.

We have a choice to not let that in. Unhappy people criticize. Critical people, without question, have the most criticism for themselves. When you come across a critic, the best thing to go is, ‘oh, this is an unhappy person.’ Nobody goes, wow, my life’s amazing. Who can I troll today? I’m so happy and fulfilled. Who can I go online and diminish and hurt? It just doesn’t happen.

Critical people need to be critical so they can feel equal in their misery, whereas happy people of all people tend to praise. They tend to say wonderful things like, ‘darling, it doesn’t matter that you didn’t get that job. You’ll get another one.’ ‘I’m so sorry your husband left, but he’s an idiot.’ Who could leave you? Better than, of course, he left. You’ve got cellulite, your breast is sagging, and you got three kids, what have you got to offer the world? A friend would never say that, but we say those things.

And we say terrible things to ourselves even when we know better.

If we spoke to our friends the way we speak to ourselves, they’d be long gone. We have to identify and listen to what we say to ourselves. Last year, I was lying on the sofa and my husband says, I’m chronically tired. I went, no, I’m not chronically tired. I’m probably dehydrated. I need to take a nap, but I still was surprised that I said that word chronic. I immediately reversed it because it doesn’t matter if you say it, it’s how fast you change it. I’m falling apart. No, I’m just challenged.

Unhappy people criticize. Critical people, without question, have the most criticism for themselves.

This commute is a nightmare. This line in the store is hell. There is no hell lining up in a store to buy groceries. Hell is not having any money to buy groceries and going to a store somewhere where there aren’t any groceries to buy even if you have the money.

We really have to understand there’s no hell on the freeway. There is no hell in your local supermarket, and you need to change those words. It’s not hell to have people in your life that you’re buying food for, going home, and cooking for that love you and you love them. Reframing is very important.

You had a narcissistic partner, I had a super negative mother. But I just learned very early on, I didn’t want to be like that. She was a teacher, of course, and just the way successful people leave clues, unhappy people leave clues. I say this, they’re all going to go wrong. This will all end in tears. I knew this wouldn’t work out. It’s all ruined now. The plane is late, so the holiday is ruined. I couldn’t get one ingredient so the dinner is ruined. 

No, it’s not. It’s all a choice. You have to just start choosing to understand that rather like a rager, let’s say, no one’s going to love you, no one’s going to take you on, you’re not all that, that you have a choice. Do not let it in.

You don’t have to let anything in. You can say, well, thanks for sharing, thank you so much, luckily, I don’t agree, or I just leave that with you. Because if you can just remember the truth, the person criticizing you is unhappy about themselves. As long as you can hold on to that, you’ll be okay.

There are so many things you can do. One of the most important, and I’ve noticed this working with clients for 30 years is that when you’re a child, this is the tragedy of having parents who are not quite up to the job. When you have parents who don’t meet your needs, the child doesn’t stop loving the parent, they immediately stop loving themselves.

My mom’s always crying, it must be my fault. My dad’s always angry, it must be my fault. A child’s needs aren’t met. Here are the needs and they’re very simple. I need to feel loved, I need to feel safe, I need to feel protected, I need to feel significant, I need to feel connected.

If for whatever reason those needs aren’t met, you go through life with a belief that I can’t get these needs met, I’m just going to give them up. No one’s going to love me, so I just live on my own with my cats and not expect love. If we don’t give them up, we give them away. I got to find someone out there.

Reframing is very important.

There must be someone who can love me, make me feel worthy. Can you do it? Oh, fantastic, come into my life, but what if you leave? What if you get sick? I’ve given you the job of making me feel good enough and now I feel as needy as I felt because it’s your job and I still feel not good enough, but there’s a third one—meet the needs yourself.

What’s the third way?

The third way is to meet the needs yourself. If you want someone to go, hey, you’re the best thing in the world, you’re so lovely, you’re so smart, then start to say, I’m smart, I’m kind, I matter, I’m significant. If every child in the world woke up and every day around the breakfast table said, “I matter, I’m significant, I’m lovable, I’m enough, and I’m smart,” bullying would almost cease to exist.

People going for therapy would diminish because the most important words we hear are our words. You might say, well, that’s a lie, my kid isn’t smart, they’re not significant. But when you say that a lot, your mind doesn’t go, who’s saying that? And is it true your mind lets in your words? Most of our issues come from the fact that our needs weren’t met.

Our needs weren’t met as children for so many of us, and now we’ve given the need up, given it away. Don’t do that. Start to meet the needs. Start to say I’m lovable. If you want love, the only thing you have to do to find it is to say, I am lovable.

If you want to lose a ton of weight, stop binging on cakes, and start to say I love my body, it’s an amazing thing, and I’m treating it with respect. If you want a promotion or a pay rise, start to say, I’m smart, I got something to offer the world, and I’m worthy of wealth and success. You may say, I don’t believe it, but you see, the thing with the mind is it doesn’t care or know if what you tell it is right or wrong, useful or useless, or good or bad. It will let it in.

Saying I have an amazing memory as opposed to a terrible memory, I got a super-efficient metabolic rate as opposed to I can’t lose weight. Saying, I’m really smart as opposed to I’m a bit thick, really. It doesn’t matter to your mind. If you think that’s not true, we could do something right now. 

Most of our issues come from the fact that our needs weren’t met.

Close your eyes, everybody watching this. With your eyes closed and your hand in front of your mouth, imagine about a half of a big, fat, juicy lemon and just imagine you have half a lemon in your hand and you’re squeezing it, you’re inhaling that wonderful lemon smell, and now you’re squeezing that lemon. Drops of juice are coming to the surface. Stick out your tongue, lick all those lemon drops onto your tongue, onto your taste buds, and now shove that half a lemon in your mouth and start to eat it.

Start to bite into every segment, swirl that lemon juice around your mouth, suck it, swirl it, chew it, and bite it. Watch your taste buds puckering and swelling as your mind and body start to produce saliva because you’re eating a lemon. You continue eating every lemon segment, chew it, suck it, bite it, swallow it, swirl it around your mouth, and then open your eyes. How many of you noticed that you produced saliva to a thought?

Here’s a question for you, which you can’t get wrong, by the way. Was there a lemon? The answer is yes or no. The answer is no. You’re absolutely right, except, there was a lemon. It was in your mind. If the answer is yes, there was a lemon. You’re also right because it was in your imagination.

Your imagination created saliva to a thought. Was it good or bad or useful? Who cares? It’s neutral. You thought a thought and your body made it real. When you think I’m going to mess that up, I ruined everything by being late, I’m so clumsy, I’m reading these papers, I just can’t take it, and I know I’m going to fail that exam, I invite you to immediately flip that over. 

I’m reading this, it’s all going in. My subconscious mind is like a computer and I’m going to ace that exam. Someone wrote to me and said, my kid was laying on the floor having a breakdown because they couldn’t get to grips with studying. I bought your audio, perfect, studying. I’ve never met you. I listened to it and in 14 days, they went and they aced it and said, I’m going to do it and be amazing. Marisa said on that recording, my mind is a computer. It takes it all in and it’s all there when I sit down to take the exam. As I read the question, a Celine Dion song, It’s All Coming Back To Me Now, and then that’s what happened. 

We have to prepare our minds.

We have to prepare our minds. When I was having a baby until I made myself a recording, birth is so easy, I gave birth to that baby in five hours. I can’t wait to lift the head out. My muscles, the long ones contract around. I wanted to relax and that baby just slides out of my body. I have postnatal euphoria because I also have postnatal depression. I had postnatal euphoria. I was thrilled to have this baby. The birth was easy, I weighed exactly the same a week later. 

I probably sound super annoying now and sickeningly glib, but I told myself, well, my body’s making a baby. It’s a miracle, my body knows how to deliver a baby, it also knows how to go back to a normal weight, and it also knows how to create milk.

I’d also say to my baby, even in the womb, you sleep at night, you’re awake during the day, and we’re so blissfully happy. We were, but you can also go, oh my God. The weight takes four years to go and I can’t get a minute’s peace. You can’t even have a shower once you have a baby, which is kind of bizarre because they sleep so much. Oh, it’s so stressful. I really feel sorry for people having babies because they have so much propaganda that tells them, it ruins the marriage.

My son is two-year-old and everybody’s like, how are you handling the terrible twos? I’m like, well, sometimes he’s emotional, sometimes he wants to just be and express himself. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable for me because he expresses himself in crying, yelling, and throwing a tantrum, but it’s not that terrible.

No, he’s a person. One of the best things to do when you’re raising children is go, this is age-appropriate behavior. This is normal for a two-year-old. This is totally normal for a 14-year-old to go, I hate you, I wish I’d never been born, it’s all age-appropriate. I can’t get my kid out of the bed. He’s not going to be in there when they’re 60 and I promise you.

Yeah, sometimes I even go and I check his books. If some word is wrong, so there was one book where they said, oh, you stupid one, why do you ask me that? And instead of stupid, I deleted it and I wrote silly, funny, silly funny, or something like that, something that doesn’t have that. Even at his age, especially at this stage, their subconscious mind is so open. I think they are in theta for the first year. Their brainwaves are in a very receptive way. They don’t have their critical minds to tell them what is right or wrong.

Before the age of five, children have no logic whatsoever, only feeling, so you can’t use logic. I love the fact that Penelope Cruz took all her little girls’ books. In the end when it said, and she married the handsome prince and lived happily ever after, she changed it and went, he said will you marry me, she said, no, I’m really sorry, I’m going off to be an astronaut.

I have an amazing ability to make everything I touch work out because it is a choice. Click To Tweet

When she met a handsome prince and he asked for her hand, she said, “I’m so sorry, I’m going to be a doctor now. Come back in 10 years.” She said, “I changed all the ending because I wanted my two girls not to think happiness is in marrying a handsome prince and living happily ever after.” I love the fact because it’s all about the stories we tell ourselves and every client I see and indeed you now being an RTT therapist too, you know that a client comes in, and they begin to reveal the story of their life. We have the honor and the absolute joy of making sure that that story now takes a different direction.

I wasn’t loved, I can find love now. I didn’t have a good education, I’m finding one now. I’m not good at stuff. I have an absolute gift. I was told at school that I’d amount to nothing. I’m actually very glad now because it gave me that, I’ll show you, I will show you. I had such an affinity with children who don’t get support and don’t feel love.

When I wrote my book, I’ll show it to you again, with the 10 different stories, each client in here is a story. One believed he was stupid, one had a fear of needles, one lady couldn’t walk or even get connected to anyone. One had bulimia, one had OCD, one had alcoholism, and one was numb because of the death of her children. In each story, I invite the reader to go look, if you identify with Tara here and this is what I did, there’s a section called RTT for me that says you may not even have to go to therapy. You might, but you can take these techniques and do them at home. There’s audio in it. I think there are four audios in it.

Within the book, there are four different audios. One of them is called Installing the Cheerleader. You see, many of us who’ve got a critic going, you can’t do that, that won’t work out. I created something called Installing the Cheerleader. Many other hypnotherapists are using it now, but it shows you how to have a cheerleader in your mind that whoops, cheers, and goes, you’ve got this, you can do this.

What made me immensely happy was last year, more than 500 UK schools took this challenge. Let’s put in a cheerleader in place of the critic, and actually, each school had a prototype for a cheerleader. All the headteachers and class teachers would go, this is incredible. It’s really helping the children’s confidence. It’s really helping their learning.

Imagine if you had a cheerleader in your mind as if you’ve got this, you can do this, you’re amazing. A cheerleader would never go, oh, you’re terrible today, you stank up the place. Oh my God, I don’t know why you’d ever thought you could ever do that, you are rubbish. They’ll go, listen, you did a great job, it wasn’t perfect but next time, you’ll be even more amazing.

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy

I love the fact that we have the power to install a cheerleader in our children, in ourselves that says things like, you can do this, you’re amazing, no one could do this better than you, and even if it’s not perfect, it’s still amazing. I know when I wrote my first book it was a little daunting. I was very aware that I had a choice. I could go, oh my God, this looks terrible, no one’s going to buy it. It’s going to get the worst reviews in the world, it’s going to sink. I knew if I said that, I could never finish it. So I began to go, this book is amazing. Everyone’s going to love this book. I can imagine it in the windows of stores.

I said to my daughter, one day darling, mommy’s books are going to be all in the store window. Actually, that happened. We stood outside and we took photos. It sounds very arrogant, but I had a choice. We always have a choice, rationalize why it’s so awful or talk yourself out of it.

You have a choice in every situation. Rationalize why you feel so bad or talk yourself out of it. I can’t possibly write a book. Who am I, or well, I can. This relationship is never going to work out. I’m amazing. I’m too scared to go to my boss and ask for a promotion. I deserve it.

For me, I put my cheerleader in when I wrote my first book. I remember when I finished that, my agent said, “Where’s the next one?” “Oh, no, I couldn’t write another one. That was it. That was all I’ve got.” Now my seventh book is being released and now I’m going to write one every year because I really love it.

How are you so productive? You have courses, you travel a lot, you help so many people. How can you do everything? How can you do so much? What is your secret?

It’s not really a secret. When you do what you love and love what you do, it doesn’t feel like work. I’ve always believed because I watched my father, again, if you do what you love and you love what you do, you actually feel like you never work a day in your life. I’m very lucky that I love what I do and it gives me so much.

To have a career that’s amazing, you need actually nine things. You need to have connection, significance, diversity. You need to have meaning and purpose. You need to grow, contribute, and make a difference. I’ve forgotten one of them.

Being a therapist and a writer, you get very connected to your audience. You do feel significant. You do have diversity. You do have purpose. You have meaning in your life. You grow and contribute, but also you make a difference. Not only that, it’s not just to other people, it’s to yourself, so when I write books, you’ll write back and say, that book saved my life. That book was the one thing that got me to leave a marriage where I was being beaten up. 

Someone said, that book, I left a marriage where I was being beaten. I went to my supervisor, got my husband out of the house, and he did. I crossed into a student and I said, “Do you have a job?” and they said yes. Every step I took was because of that book. For me, that just brought me to tears. It was so amazing that something I wrote could change someone’s life, but not just her life. There are two kids that watch daddy beat mommy on a regular basis. Their life was changed too.

I love what I do because every need I have, purpose, meaning, connection, significance, diversity, making a difference, and growing, they’re all met every day. I think when you find out what you love or what makes your heart sing, and you have a career of it, I love it. I love being on stage, I love teaching. I teach RTT therapy.

When you do what you love and love what you do, it doesn’t feel like work.

Last year, I was in Berlin, Miami, and Los Angeles. This we’re teaching again in New York, Miami, Los Angeles, London, Berlin, and Amsterdam. It’s such fun. I’m on the road. My sister works for my company, my daughter works for my company, and my husband. We have a great life and every day I think, wow, I’m so lucky.

I really truly love it. Sometimes when I’ve got to do edits and look at thousands of emails, it’s a challenge. But I always wake up and think, I love my life and I’m lucky. I think that’s important. When you wake up and you go, ugh. When I wake up, the first thing I say is I love my life. I love my life, I got a great song. I Love My Life, my friend wrote it, Niraj, I Love My Life.

You see, one of the things about the mind is whatever you focus on, it moves towards. I focus on what I love and how lucky I am. Last year, I must admit, when I went from Los Angeles, to Miami, to Berlin, to Spain, to London, but by the time I got back, I said, “Oh, I’m a little bit tired. It will take two days and I’ll be back. I’ve got one more course and then I’m going to be celebrating.”

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, and it’s very easy to go, this is exhausting, this is so stressful. I’m far too old to do this or to go, wow, I’m so lucky that I’m not retiring. I got a fabulous life. I think having a sense of gratitude is incredibly important. Every day you look for the little things that make you happy. I still get excited about my first tea, my first coffee, waking up, and feeding my cat.

I think when you can train yourself to get pleasure from simple things as sunrise, hearing someone laugh, a phone call with my daughter, or my sister, or my best friend, once you get immense pleasure in little things, every day becomes like Christmas. With that, it’s all a choice. I’m choosing to love where I am, to always look for what’s great about it. Then the other thing that really has always helped me is to remember we can all do this.

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

Your life is someone else’s fantasy, dream come true. They would love a husband who left underpants on the floor. They’d love kids and their peanut butter smears on the fridge. They would love a baby that kept them up all night. Your life is my fantasy and so that really helps you get into perspective.

Yeah, that’s so beautiful. What are your three top tips to living a stellar life?

The first one would always be to join the I Am Enough movement. I’ve worked with thousands and thousands of clients. I’ve been a therapist for 34 years and I can tell you without skipping a beat that they almost all have the same underlying issue, I’m not enough, I’m not worthy enough, lovable enough, smart enough, attractive enough, thin enough.

My top tip is every day say, I am enough. You might notice I wear these I Am Enough bracelets all the time. I have I Am Enough everywhere. Usually, it’s behind me. I have it on cushions, I have it on mirrors.

If you can just say I’m enough every day, that will, I promise you, change your life because when you know you’re enough, you feel able to get what you like. When you think you’re not enough, you need more, more food, more cake, more alcohol, more stuff. My top tip is to know you’re enough.

My second top tip would be to live in an attitude of gratitude. Be really grateful for where you are. My third top tip would be, it’s not important to be right, it’s important to be kind. There are so many top tips, would that be my third? There are so many to choose from. Know that you’re enough, then you’re in a state of gratitude. Actually yeah, it’s not important to be right, it’s important to be kind. 

I work with many suicidal children, especially teenage boys, and they always say the same thing, somebody made me wrong. My dad said I was wrong, my teacher said I was wrong, my girlfriend said I was wrong. When you are always right, you’re making someone else wrong.

I’ve made many, many mistakes in my life and I can’t change them, but I can practice forgiveness for myself and for other people. They’ll be my top tips. If I have another, it would be, be nice to yourself. People say, I don’t know how to love myself, what is self-love?

Self-love is three things. The first is, how do you talk to yourself? You go, I’m just an idiot, look at me, I’ve got rocks for brains, my legs are so fat. That’s not self-love, that’s self-hatred. If you want to practice self-love, say nice things. I got lovely shiny eyes, my arms. I’m at a safe place with my children or grandchildren. I’m a nice person.

It doesn’t matter about the size of your thighs, even your bank account, or labeling your clothes. That’s the wrong question. I’m a good person. How you talk to yourself, how you dialogue with you is the number one indicator of you’re practicing self-love.

The second indicator is, how do you treat yourself? Do you drink water? Do you get enough sleep? Do you eat better food? Or do you live on Diet Coke and Pringles and stay up all night binging on Netflix? Because that’s not love, that’s abuse. So practice self-love in how you dialogue with you, how you treat you.

The third way is, how do other people treat you? Do you let people diminish you and put you down? Do you allow them to hurt you? Do you allow people to use you? When someone says, can I borrow your car, can I borrow money, can I borrow your coat? You have to say, no, sorry, that doesn’t work for me. Don’t say sorry too much. Can you have my kids all weekend? Oh, I’ve got other plans. Don’t let people treat you badly. 

Critical people need to be critical so they can feel equal in their misery, whereas happy people tend to praise. Click To Tweet

The more you practice the first one—dialogue and be better with yourself—the easier it is to practice the second and the third one. That would be another tip. That’s how to practice self-love—how you talk to you, how you treat you, and how you allow others to treat you.

Thank you so much. Where can people find you, connect with you, and get your new book?

I’m going to show it to you one more time. You can get this everywhere—Amazon, Barnes & Noble, everywhere. How can you find me? I’m very lucky. My parents call me Marisa Peer because it’s an unusual name. So marisapeer.com is my website. We give away tons of free audios on love blogs, health blogs, wealth blogs.

Rtt.com is where you can go to learn how to train with me and do what I do. It’s the best job in the world. I’m sure you agree because you do it now too. You can also find a great therapist who I trained, who’s probably every bit as good as me also in rtt.com. If you want some of these bracelets, go to iamenough.com.

If you want to buy this book, and it is a great book, it really will help you be the person you want to be, go to amazon.com. I think for the first week, we’re doing an amazing offer where you can buy the ebook for 99¢, which is amazing because each of the four downloads is worth around $30 each, so it’s a great deal.

Wow, congratulations.

Thank you so much.

I’m very excited to get the book and it’s going to be amazing.

Send me your details. I’ll send you a signed copy. I’d be delighted to.

Thank you. Thank you so much for being here, Marisa. Thank you for sharing all your wisdom

Just before you go, can I just ask you one thing? Tell me what your life is like practicing RTT. I know we’re running out of time, but I’d love to know.

It’s beautiful. I love it. I love the method. I love how it changes people’s lives.

How did it change your life?

It got me back in my purpose, which is helping others and just the community that we have right now. We’re still in touch with the other RTT therapists from the Miami retreat. I’ve created a mastermind, we meet, and we share ideas. Now I have this community of incredible people because you attract really incredible people into your training.

All the RTT therapists are unbelievable. They’re such beautiful souls. It was such a beautiful experience to be there. It definitely moved me forward because there were so many shifts in my life. We went from LA to Israel and then we moved to Florida, and there was so much going on that it got me centered on my focus and going back to my strength and my destiny. 

It just put me on a better path. I’m so grateful that I’m a part of this community, that I stayed with you, and that I got to know you. It’s a really, really blessing in my life.

For a mother, it is such a blessing because you can work entirely around your beautiful two-year-old son and many people just don’t have that luxury. I think as a parent, I always felt blessed that I could be a therapist because I could be with my daughter when she needed me, to be with my clients when they needed me. But I never had to go, oh, my daughter needs me, I got to work.

My client needs me, but I can’t do it, I was always able to balance them both in a really almost seamless way. I think for women, it’s such a great job because you pick your own hours. It gives you so much freedom, but also an immense sense of purpose. I’m glad you love it. That makes my day. Thank you.

I love it. I absolutely love it. I’m so grateful that the stars aligned somehow. It happens when you manifest things. My husband had an interview with you, then he had me listen to that interview, and I was like, wow, I want to learn everything this woman has to offer. She’s unbelievable. I was so touched and impressed. I think it was two years later that I became a therapist.

There you are. You thought you wanted to learn everything I have to offer. Now you’ve learned it and now you offer the same thing as I offer to your clients, which is a wonderful thing, a really beautiful thing.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you, listeners. Remember to say, I am enough every day, believe in an attitude of gratitude, be kind to yourself and to others, and have a stellar life. This is Orion, until next time.


And tell yourself a better lie.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓} Learn to love and respect your body to feel better about who you are. Your body is unique, but your personality, relationships, and values are so much more important than your physical appearance. 

{✓} Challenge limiting beliefs. Your limiting beliefs can cause you to miss out on the things you want most while empowering beliefs can drive you toward the life you want to live.

{✓} Avoid negative self-talk. Focusing on negative thoughts may lead to decreased motivation and greater feelings of helplessness.

{✓} Learn to meet your own needs. Most of your issues come from the fact that your needs weren’t met. When your needs are unmet, emotional hunger can result in you feeling unwanted, alone, unfulfilled, lacking, overwhelmed, and put away. 

{✓} Be your own cheerleader. Keep your spirits up and cheer for yourself even when others belittle what you’re trying to achieve or when you face hostility and setbacks.

{✓} Live in an attitude of gratitude. Look for the little things that make you happy every day. Train yourself to get pleasure from simple things.

{✓} Know that you are enough. Be content and satisfied with who you are. Accept yourself and be a better version of it.

{✓} It’s not important to be right; it’s important to be kind. When you are always right, you’re making someone else wrong.

{✓} Practice forgiveness for yourself and others. People who practice forgiveness have better mental and emotional well-being, more positive attitudes, and healthier relationships.

{✓} Join Marisa Peer’s I Am Enough Online Masterclass to boost your confidence and self-esteem and find your purpose in life.

{✓} Visit Marisa Peer’s website to connect with her and access free audio about love, health, and wealth. Also, check out Rapid Transformational Therapy’s website to learn how to train with her.

Links and Resources

About Marisa Peer

Marisa Peer is the founder and creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®)—a new and exciting, multi-award-winning therapy.
Marisa has spent over three decades treating a client list that includes international superstars, CEOs, Royalty, and Olympic athletes.
Marisa has been seen on many high-profile US and UK television networks, Marisa is also an acknowledged and inspirational speaker—from TEDx and Condé Nast to the Royal Society of Medicine.
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