Episode 311 | March 28, 2023

Can Self-Help Induce Anxiety? With Orion Talmay

A Personal Note From Orion

Welcome to this month’s solo episode of the Stellar Life podcast! I am so grateful you’re tuning in today to join me on this exciting personal growth and development journey. Our topic may come as a surprise to some: Can self-development induce anxiety? 

We all know that self-development can be a wild ride, filled with twists and turns that can be both exhilarating and intimidating. However, fear not, my friends! In this episode, we will unpack all of the ways in which self-development can induce anxiety. We provide you with the tools and techniques you need to overcome those challenges and stay on track toward your personal growth goals.

Whether you’re a seasoned self-improvement pro or just dipping your toes into the waters of personal growth, this episode is packed with invaluable insights to benefit everyone. So if you’re ready to learn how to separate the method from the guru and find joy in your journey of self-discovery, then let’s get started!

In This Episode

  • [00:58] – Orion cautions us about the misleading image that self-development gurus may present on social media.
  • [09:20] – What defines true leadership?
  • [10:10] – Orion outlines the potential consequences of following the wrong leader.
  • [10:37] – Orion highlights key strategies for avoiding anxiety when pursuing self-development.
  • [16:16] – What are effective methods for managing anxiety and stress?
  • [17:04] – Orion explores ways to activate our senses as a means of coping with anxiety.

Jump to Links and Resources

About Today’s Show

Hi, and welcome to Stellar Life podcast. This is your host, Orion. Thank you so much for being here, listening to the podcast app or on YouTube. I’m very, very grateful that you’re here. 

Today, I’m going to talk about a topic that is taboo or maybe an oxymoron: can self-development induce anxiety? I am very big on self-development. I’ve done so much self-development throughout my life. I’ve traveled to over 40 countries, studied from the greatest leaders and luminaries of our time, did a million, bazillion, and gazillion seminars, retreats, and masterminds, and rubbed shoulders with the best. 

Sometimes, you must separate the method from the guru.

I learned that sometimes you must separate the method from the guru. Sometimes, when going to the inner circles of self-development gurus, you see things you don’t necessarily want to see. Because I’ve done so much, I wanted to share some of my greatest tips on not having anxiety because you’re going on a self-development journey. 

One of the things that can induce anxiety is that many people on guru status are very different in their personal life from the person you see on social media and the beautiful Instagram images. You don’t see them when they’re angry. You don’t see them when the cameras and the fancy outfits are on. You don’t see them. 

But everybody is human. If you’re trying to compare yourself to any of those fancy images, it will—without you even knowing—produce some sort of anxiety and discomfort, and it might be subconscious. 

Exploring the depths of our minds leads to incredible growth and positive change. With the right guidance and support, we overcome challenges and emerge stronger. Click To Tweet

You go on Facebook, see all those beautiful posts, don’t feel so great about yourself, and don’t even know why. Maybe somewhere inside, the little child that is you, or the inner child, feels less than compared to all those images. 

Take the pressure off, and remember never to put anyone on a pedestal. That’s a mistake that I’ve made. Never put anyone that looks amazing, looks so spiritual, or has the right outfits on a pedestal, even those that communicate with angels and sound so incredible, or maybe they wear this rope or whatever it is. 

Your journey is unique to you, which makes it special.

Don’t compare yourself to others. Your journey is your journey. Even those who say they never had a bad day because they have the tools to handle that have bad days and lose their cool. We’re all human. 

I had an experience recently with an up-and-coming breathwork guru. Never heard of him, saw him on social media, and saw the videos. It sounded amazing. I’ve done intense breathwork in the past, and I thought, “oh, what a lovely opportunity to go there and manifest.”

Deep breathwork is a beautiful space to heal your wounds as a child, connect to the Divine, connect with source energy, and get answers.

I went there, I met a girlfriend, and we had a good time. We found the right spot on the floor. I brought myself pillows and blankets and felt comfortable and ready to go. We went deep into breathwork. 

Now, when you do deep breathwork, it’s very similar to being on psychedelics. I think you activate the DMT molecule in your brain. You can see visions and get into altered states. That’s a beautiful space to heal your wounds as a child, connect to the Divine, connect with source energy, get answers, and all that. 

We’re in it, and it’s going well. It’s wonderful. I’m breathing, pushing through, seeing things, and feeling things. Everything is just awesome. Suddenly, it felt like the air was sucked out of the room, and all this high vibrational energy just collapsed to the floor. I’m still in a trance state. I got up and saw that people were going and looking around, and there was tension in the air. 

There is a woman in the back—a very big space, maybe two hundred to three hundred people—having seizures, and medical assistance is coming. I don’t know what this leader was thinking. I’m sure he was thinking, “oh my God, this is very scary.” He was worried about the woman and was also having an oh-my-God-I’m-going-to-be-sued freakout moment because nobody knew what was going on, if she was going through a heart attack or what was happening there. 

He came and said, “Okay, guys, I have some exercises for you online. Just journal for five minutes and leave the room.” I was very, very disoriented. Everybody around me was extremely disoriented. As a hypnotherapist and somebody who puts people into a trance state, I understand how delicate the state is and how damaging it is to get someone out of that state so rapidly without holding space for them. 

Connect to your heart and trust your intuition as you embark on your spiritual journey, so you'll discover the most fulfilling and enriching path forward. Click To Tweet

This woman had a problem, and he needed to care for her. What about the other 300 people dealing with a traumatic memory, probably? It can be a memory of abuse. It can be a memory of God knows what, and you just let them out of this trance state and say, “Okay, everybody, just clear the room.” I thought that was not the right thing to do. 

I saw a girl near me. She came very happy and left like there was darkness on her face. Everybody looked very, very loopy. I was thinking to myself, “wow, what if something like that happened in one of my seminars?” Which was a good way to look at it. 

I understand he freaked out, and I disagree with how he held the space. I don’t think he stepped into leadership at that moment. It was a very poor choice to let everybody go as if out of a trance state.

Believe that everything in life is happening for your highest good.

I also understand that he probably didn’t know what to do, but if this was my seminar, what I would have done is emotionally, physically, and mentally prepare for God forbid something like that happened. Have a medical assistant in the room—somebody who knows what to do—or have a protocol of what to do when something like this happens. Maybe take people away from the medical team, bring them to the front of the room, keep working with them for at least ten to fifteen more minutes, and gently get them out of their state because you can’t just lose your responsibility. 

You don’t know what people come up with if they have a mental illness or are suicidal. In my eyes, snapping them out of a trance like that was very irresponsible. Plus, there was no discussion about it afterward. I never got an email of, “oh, I’m so sorry you experienced that. Here’s another course for free, a partial refund, or an invitation for another breathwork so you will have a better holistic experience.” There was nothing like that. 

A leader has responsibility for everyone.

If you take the role of a guru and a leader, when something like that happens, you follow up with your people and make sure everybody’s okay, not just that one person in the room. At the end of the day, that person in the room had a history of seizures, and she was okay. Thank God for that. Nobody wants to see anyone hurt, and a leader has responsibility for everyone. 

I think you can see leadership. Leadership is not what you see on Instagram. If somebody stands the right way, looks the right way, dresses up the right way, and has the right smile, that’s not leadership. Leadership is how a leader shows up in an emergency when bad things happen. This is where you see leadership. This is where you see a spiritual guru.

Don’t be fooled by beautiful videos online or all the social media, and trust your gut instinct. 

In that case, I am very happy that I had a background in breathwork and everything and could put myself together. It took me about two to three days to assemble myself after that experience. Thinking about it, someone that did not have my experience, I don’t know where they are right now with this. 

You are enough. Stop comparing yourself to others.

This type of self-development can induce anxiety if you’re with the wrong leader, so always ensure you know who you are involved with. Even if you’re involved with somebody who everybody says, “oh, this person is 100%,” even then, prepare to deal with their humanity. We all make mistakes.

I’m sure that guy had good intentions, but he made a major mistake handling these people. As always, trust yourself when you choose a leader and don’t be so disappointed when a leader fails you. Take what you need from that interaction, learn from it, and throw away the rest.

Many people lately are into micro-dosing and psychedelic experiences, not for partying or going on a rave but to connect to higher realms and do some healing. Psychedelics have a lot of power in healing people. When you go, you go with a shaman.

A leader’s response in times of emergency or adversity demonstrates true leadership. Click To Tweet

I remember, especially in that breathwork, I was waiting for the valet parking, which took forever. It was just a horrible way to live that experience. People lined up for the valet, and the MDs and the fire truck were there. There were big lights and lots of noise. This is the worst way to wake up from this type of experience. It was very, very disorienting. 

In line, I was talking to some young people, and one of them said, “yes, I’m going to this gentleman. I’m going to do ayahuasca.” I asked him, “do you know anything about him?” “No.” “Do you know if he’s a real shaman? Do you know the history?”

Shamanism, in some places, becomes a money-making machine where foreigners can come, spend a few days, and suddenly, they’re a shaman. It’s very different from a shaman that came from his tribe or a shaman that went to a tribe and learned with them for years and years on end. They have a real tradition and real learning over the years.

If you’re going on an ayahuasca shamanic exploration or micro-dosing, always do it with somebody you are 100% sure is a good person. I’m not saying we all can’t make mistakes. Make sure you’re going with a person you think or feel is best for you. 

Never do things out of frustration or fear.

Every time we go deep into the mind, a lot of good things can happen. If it’s not facilitated correctly, some bad things can happen too. Also, know yourself because not everyone can handle micro-dosing. Some people have very addictive personalities. If you don’t feel like this is right for you, never go on a trip like that because it’s cool or popular. Never do it out of frustration or fear.

If you go on a journey like that, sometimes, it will take you a year or two to decide that this is the right thing for you. Take your time. Don’t rush into things. Ask yourself. Connect to intuition. Sometimes, we get misguided, so ask yourself repeatedly, is this right for me? Is this the right thing for my current health and current mindset? Do I need to wait longer? Do I need to go with somebody else? Ask critical questions, so you will get the best result out of your spiritual exploration. Always connect your heart, take a moment, take a deep breath, and connect to your intuition.

A nice way I like to connect to my intuition was in my first episode on the Stellar Life podcast with Bill Donius. He talks about non-dominant handwriting. When you write with your non-dominant hand, you activate a different brain atmosphere connected to creativity. It doesn’t matter if you’re a righty or a lefty. When you switch the way you write, you get different answers.

So if you’re interested in learning non-dominant handwriting and how to get answers this way, go to the Bill Donius episode. It’s Stellar Life, episode number one. 

You’re in the right place at the right time, and God the Creator, the great spirit, is always with you.

When you have anxiety, whether it is from self-development, comparing yourself to somebody else, or being with somebody who thinks he’s spiritual and puts you down because he knows better than you are, or maybe you feel like you need to sit in meditation like this person or look like that person, it all stems from I’m not enough. 

Let me tell you. You are enough. Your spiritual path is enough, more than enough, great, and fantabulous. You’re in the right place at the right time, always on your path, and God the Creator, the big spirit, is always with you, so stop comparing yourself and make sure you’re studying from the right people.

Self-development is not a stress but a joy. Honestly, it’s not always a joy. When you do self-development, you go into inner child work and deal with your darkness. It’s not always a joy, but it doesn’t have to be anxiety-producing.

If you have anxiety, here are some steps to deal with anxiety. Tapping. There are many videos online on YouTube about tapping. You tap on certain points in your face, head, and arms. It’s very simple. It activates meridian points that will calm you down. 

When anxious, it’s almost like our soul leaves the body. We are not grounded. We are up there thinking, worrying, and stressing out, affecting our bodies negatively. By tapping, you’re grounding yourself and activating calmness and ease.

By tapping, you’re grounding yourself and activating calmness and ease.

Another way to pull yourself down to your body is mindfulness meditation. You don’t need to go and learn mindfulness meditation. It’s very easy. You just sit here and use your physical senses. 

I’m now sitting here and feeling my feet on the ground. I’m now standing here and feel my tush on the chair. I smell the room. I feel the temperature in the room, the temperature on my skin, and the taste in my mouth. I listen to my breathing, and I’m here. 

Even just explaining this to you made me more grounded and more here. I am here right now in my full creative expression. Therefore, going from anxiety to your body through tapping, mindfulness, and breathing. 

You’re in a parasympathetic nervous system when you take short breaths in anxiety. When you take deep, long breaths, you calm yourself down into the parasympathetic nervous system. You can do deep breathing or use box breathing—inhaling for four, holding for four, and exhaling for four. You can do it with a count of four, six, seven, and eight, inhaling, holding, exhaling, and holding with the same number and counting each time.

When you take deep, long breaths, you calm yourself down into the parasympathetic nervous system.

There are many awesome breathing apps. You can just breathe with the app. There are so many resources for you to calm down. This podcast is just one of them. Your best resource is resourcefulness. You are resourceful. 

If you’re dealing with anxiety right now, if you just look for a solution instead of focusing on why am I here? This is scary, and focus on the light and how to find a solution, you will find a solution. If you’re listening to this right here right now, it’s for a reason, and something you heard here today will help you along the way.

Of course, in the physical realm, you need to hydrate. Did you drink enough water today? If you are dehydrated, it can create anxiety, brain fog, and dizziness. Just by hydrating and eating proper nutrition, you can release anxiety. Your body is just as important as your mind, so take care of it.

Your body is as important as your mind, so take care of it.

A good night’s sleep. I don’t like to sleep early and have been forcing myself to sleep early because the next day just feels so much better. I discovered that I’m not superhuman and need to sleep. If you’re a night owl like me, stop it. Get enough sleep. It will help you with everything. It’s like the chicken and the egg. You don’t get enough sleep, so you’re getting anxious and can’t sleep. You don’t get enough sleep, which induces more anxiety, and so on. Sleep and take the time to sleep. Sleep is good.

Those were my thoughts about self-development and anxiety. Never let anyone make you feel less than others. This is also good if you made a mistake, chose the wrong person, or had a bad experience. It’s also for your growth. Everything is for your highest and best good, even the most traumatic events.

I know it sounds insensitive, but as someone who experienced a lot of trauma in their life, I have to tell you that everything I’ve been through made me who I am today. It’s what you do with your experiences. 

Embrace your mistakes, bad experiences, and even the most traumatic events as opportunities for growth and self-development. Click To Tweet

In Kabbalah, they call it the Tikkune, soul correction. It’s your correction. If you get some lessons and correct them, it’s like in Super Mario or video games. You just step into the next level. Not always that you have to go through suffering to get to the next level, but everyone I know had to go through some suffering to get to the next level. This too shall pass, and this too is for your highest and greatest good.

Thank you so much for listening. If you think this episode was helpful, please share it with your friends. Contact me and write a review. I would love to hear from you. I would love to get feedback. If you’re listening on YouTube, comment below and let me know. This is Orion. Until next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓}Be patient with yourself. Do not rush the process of your self-development. Instead, dedicate your time to making small, consistent progress.

{✓}Focus on your own unique journey and progress. Comparing yourself to others creates unnecessary anxiety and discomfort.

{✓}Cultivate a sense of accountability as a leader.  If you take on the role of a leader, you have a responsibility to ensure the safety and needs of others.

{✓}Focus on positive outcomes and actively seek out solutions. Trust that helpful information will present itself when it’s needed.   

{✓}Choose a leader or mentor who shares your values and goals, and conduct thorough research before committing. Recognize that even the most excellent leaders are not infallible.

{✓}Critically evaluate the information you receive and trust your instincts. Then, use your intuition to make judgments.  

{✓}Relieve your anxiety through the tapping technique. Activate your meridian points by tapping certain points of your face, head, and arms to reduce stress. 

{✓}Take breaks when needed. It’s important to pause momentarily to avoid burnout and engage in activities that bring you joy.

{✓}Celebrate your progress and achievements, no matter how small they may seem. 

{✓}To access the latest podcast episodes, visit Orion’s website, and join the Stellar Life: A Community of Extraordinary Women Facebook group to become a part of a supportive community of exceptional women.

Links and Resources

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