Find Your Purpose with Carin Rockind

A Personal Note From Orion

Life has its fair share of twists and turns, but everything eventually falls into place. If you’re feeling like you’re still figuring it all out or haven’t discovered your calling yet, join me on today’s Stellar Life podcast. My guest, Carin Rockind, is a beacon of positivity. Her life story will amaze you. She’s a testimony that life isn’t a race. You discover your strengths and gifts at your own pace.

Carin is a positive-psychology expert, powerful motivational speaker, and caring coach who empowers people to pursue their dreams and bring their best selves to work and life. She helps people find meaning and inspiration in their work so that they maximize their potential. For an inspirational conversation that will leave you with some excellent life advice, don’t miss out! Without further ado, on with the show.

In this Episode

[01:16] – Orion introduces Carin Rockind, a positive psychology expert, powerful motivational speaker, and caring coach who empowers people to pursue their dreams and bring their best selves to work and life.
[05:01] – Carin tells a story of her early days empowering a group of high school girls.
[10:15] – How did Carin start helping women?
[16:04] – Carin describes how she overcomes her fear of rejection.
[21:43] – Orion shares a recent experience of receiving criticism and then accepting it as a gift.
[26:07] – Carin explains what pain to purpose means in her life and how you can apply it.
[29:41] – Carin enumerates the three steps in finding your purpose; being, doing, impacting.
[33:31] – Carin talks about her incredible journey in embracing motherhood in her forties.
[40:03] – Carin shares how she wants her son to see how women can be powerful in their own way.
[42:12] – Visit Carn Rockind’s website at purposegirl.com to learn more about her, listen to her podcast, and know more about how to love your purpose.

Jump to Links and Resources

About Today’s Show

Hey Carin, and welcome to Stellar Life podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I’m super excited to have you on the show because I just love what you do.

I’m so happy to be here, Orion. Thank you for having me.

Thank you. Before we begin, can you share a little bit about your life’s journey and how you found your purpose and passion?

Sure. I was probably like a lot of people listening to this or like the majority of the people where I had no idea what my purpose was. When I was young, my parents have been married since they were 21 for 55 years. My grandparents—may they rest in peace—have been married 68 years and all I wanted was to get married. He should be a doctor or a lawyer. We would have a nice house in the suburbs, everything would be great, and that would be life. I would be happy.

In college, I actually found my husband. He was tall, 6’2”, dark hair. He was going to be a lawyer. We were going to have the life. I had that, and we were 24 years old. We moved into a big suburban housing, this huge yard that was like a football field. We had a golden retriever. We made Thanksgiving dinner. Everything looked perfect. For some reason, Orion, I was so unhappy. I would cry all the time.

Wow.

All the time. My husband would be like, “What’s wrong with you? We have everything. This was everything that we wanted. We had season football tickets, beer in the fridge. We have friends.” I really thought something was wrong with me because I felt so ungrateful. What is wrong with me? I ended up getting divorced at 26. I did not feel like I was in the right life. I went on this journey to say, well, if that didn’t make me happy like what Cosmopolitan Magazine said would make me happy, then what would?

What kept coming to me was the word “purpose.”

What kept coming to me was the word “purpose.” I didn’t even know what my purpose was. I just felt like I’m here for something. I want to make a difference. I want to do something. But the journey to figure out my purpose was convoluted. I couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t have a mentor. This was 20 years ago. It was a long time ago. I don’t even know where to start. One of the first things I did was I started volunteering with high school girls. Not to find my purpose but just have something to do because I was divorced then.

A lot of our friends were married to each other. When working with these high school girls, I was working with a Jewish youth group that I actually had been in when I was a kid. These teenage girls were so excited about life, and many of them are so hard on themselves. They felt they weren’t smart enough. They were perfectionists. “Am I going to get into the right college?” “I didn’t get the right grade.” They had anxiety disorders, eating disorders, hated their bodies. I was looking at them and all I could see, Orion, was how beautiful and perfect they were, every single one of them.

In each one of them, I could see how special and unique they were. I’m like, “No, don’t you see, Orion? You’re so creative and everybody wants to make the posters for the event.” I could just see them. I felt this excitement in my body that I hadn’t felt maybe in my whole life or in many, many years.

At the same time, I started messaging online with other divorced women because all my friends were married or getting married and starting to have babies. The next thing you know they made me the leader of the group in this online message board thing because I was constantly telling everybody, we’re going to be great, we can do this, we got this, we’re going to be awesome.

I was constantly telling everybody that we’re going to be great.

My whole life became girls’ and women’s empowerment without knowing that it was a thing. I felt so alive. I felt so excited. I’m like this is purpose. This is the deep happiness, not just the frivolous happiness, but this is deep joy that I felt. I then realize, okay, this is my purpose. But actually then turning that into a career, I didn’t know how. People would say you want to be Oprah. I’m like, I do want to be Oprah. I want to be Oprah a little bit, but how do we become Oprah?

Back then, there were no podcasts. There was no YouTube, what is this? I couldn’t figure out the path and so I actually became depressed. I gave up. I went back to bigger and bigger jobs in corporate. I went back to men that were just like my first husband, another lawyer, another BMW. Another golf shirt, totally the wrong guy. I was so depressed.

One day, I was walking home from a bad blind date and I was living in Cleveland, Ohio at the time. It was night and I was talking to my sister on the phone. We were laughing about this guy I had been on a date with and how awful it was. She lived in California. I go to put my key in the condominium door. I suddenly felt a hot breath on my neck.

I turned around and this really young man, a kid really, was standing basically on top of me. I looked him in the eyes. He had these really big black eyes and I said are you going inside? I thought maybe he had a friend or an aunt who lived in the building. He looked into my eyes, Orion, and then he looked down at my belly and he pulled a gun.

Wow.

You owe it yourself to keep loving yourself and living your purpose no matter what. That is the key to happiness. Click To Tweet

I screamed. I fell to the floor, hands are now over my head. I’m like, please don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me. I look up and now the gun is pointed at my left temple. I’m thinking, this is it, I’m going to die. Moments in my life flash in front of me. My bat mitzvah with my grandparents smiling at me. Then I realize, I’m going to die and never pursue that dream of empowering women. I said, “Okay God, it’s been a good life. Tell my parents thank you.” Some other voice came over me, it’s what I now know as the goddess. She said, “Oh no. You were put on this earth to empower women and they need you.”

I promised myself at that moment, I said, if I live, I promise I will pursue my purpose no matter what. Just at that moment, Orion, the man took my purse and he ran.

Wow.

I survived that day. I survived so that anyone listening to this and anyone who listens to my podcasters in my community, you do not have to be robbed at gunpoint in order to finally say, “I’m going to go for it.” Because what happened after that was I just said, I don’t know how this is going to happen, but I’m going to take one step.

For me that was you know what, I had been in corporate marketing. I had been a vice president of marketing making six figures—the whole thing—and I wanted some sort of education to be able to empower women. I found positive psychology, the scientific study of happiness and human flourishing.

I saw that there was a master’s degree program at the University of Pennsylvania. I applied. By the grace of the goddess, I got in. I got a master’s degree in happiness from an Ivy League university. It still cracks me up. It’s like getting a degree in candy. I left that six-figure job and that vice president title and became a grad student again at 36 years old.

It turned out to be the best decision of my life.

That’s brave.

It was amazing. My dad said to me that was the stupidest decision I’ve ever heard at the time. I was crying and almost like, “Oh my God, I can’t do it. I’m so stupid. Why am I doing this? But the goddess has spoken. It’s like, “No, you have to do this.” It turned out to be the best decision of my life. From there, I have basically just decided every time my inner knowing knows I need to do something, whether it’s to start my own podcast, to say to SiriusXM Radio you should give me my own show, or to put a book out in the world, I need to do it.

Even when I’m scared, we’re still going to do it. We’re just going to #dothedamnthing. That’s just my life right now and what I’m here to teach women to do. Love yourself and live your purpose no matter what.

Wow. How did you start helping women?

I’ve been in graduate school and I decided I want to teach. I looked up who was teaching the undergrad class in positive psychology. I hunted her down and I offered to be her TA. She’s like, “I don’t even know if we’re allowed TA’s.” I’m like, “You don’t have to pay me. I will get your coffee. I will do all your slides. I will do anything that you want me to do. I just want to do it.” She’s like, all right.

Usually, that class at Penn is taught by a Ph.D. professor. That professor that normally taught it was on sabbatical that year. It turns out that they had put a postdoc student who didn’t know positive psychology while teaching it. She let me teach half the classes myself, and I immediately now was a professor at Penn, which was a crazy thing.

If you feel like you’re not meant to be where you are, know that your calling is still out there waiting for you.

Wow.

I started telling all the students that I was a life coach, even though I wasn’t yet a life coach. I always tell people, “Tell people the job you want to have, not the job that you currently have.” If you’re out there and you’re like, right now I’m an accountant but I’m becoming a speaker or I’m starting an Etsy store. You tell people the thing you’re working toward, not the current thing.

At the end of class, one of the students came up to me. She said, “I want you to be my coach.” She was my first client and she stayed with me for five years. Through her, I started saying who else do you know who needs this? Then I reached out. I had a really good network in corporate. I reached out back to my old corporate contacts and I said this is what I can speak on now. One of them hired me and then I just kept in touch until another one hired me.

I once spoke at Progressive Insurance because I knew corporate people there. After the first time I spoke, buzz went around all of Progressive Insurance, you have to listen to this woman speak. Then they brought me back five more times. Like I said, once I was robbed at gunpoint, I just decided I’m doing this thing.

I started telling everybody I want to be on the radio.

I got this idea one day. You know what, I’m supposed to be on the radio. I want to be on the radio. This was before podcasts existed, or maybe they existed but I didn’t know about them yet. I was living in New York at the time and I started telling everybody I want to be on the radio. I’m going to be on the radio.

Normally, in the past, I would not have told people because I would have been afraid. I’m going to tell people my dream and they’re going to check in on me like, “How’d that radio thing go?” I’m going to have to tell them I’m a loser and didn’t end up on it. But once being robbed at gunpoint, I just change my tune. I tell everybody my dreams. Most people are like, “That’s cool. You’d be awesome.” Until one person said, “I know someone you should talk to.”

She connected me with someone at SiriusXM Radio, who I hunted down. Finally she said. “Okay. I’ll meet with you for coffee.” I said to this woman, “I should have my own show, and here’s why. I have my master’s degree in happiness from Penn. There are only 250 of us in the world who have it. I’m going to bring on all these experts.”

This woman looked at me and she said, “Carin, you’re a nobody.” Literally, that’s what she said.

Nice.

“Well, I’m not Howard Stern. I don’t have a big following. I had no following.” I said, “but I promise I can give you really good content.” It had been like a year of me hunting her down. Finally she said, “All right. I’ll put you on my morning show as a guest and we’ll just see how you do.” I went to this woman’s morning show on Stars Radio on SiriusXM. After the first half-hour on that show, the host of the show, Taylor Strecker said, “Do you want to come back next month?” I’m like, “Absolutely.”

The word purpose, to me, isn't a noun. It is an action word that drives you to your path of awakening. It is a calling to live your life the way you want it to be. Click To Tweet

I said, “Can I come back next month?” Every single month, I was there for I think five years until the show was canceled.

It seems like you have this chutzpah, this daring personality. You’re not afraid of rejection.

Here’s the thing, Orion, I’m terrified of rejection. I am terrified of rejection. It is the thing that held me back for so many years. From the time that I figured out I’m here to empower women until the time that I took the leap and went to grad school was eight years.

Wow, okay.

Eight years. All of that was because I was so scared of rejection. I was so scared that people would think I was stupid and that nobody would want to listen to me.

The following day I taught at the university while I was pooping my pants because I was so afraid that I would fail, look stupid, and be rejected. I would love to tell people that 10 years later and after being on national radio, the whole thing, I no longer have that fear. I would be lying, I’m still totally afraid of rejection. I’m still afraid people won’t like me. I still had that experience when I was in fifth grade.

I was so scared that people would think I was stupid and that nobody would want to listen to me.

How do you deal with that? I guess feel the fear and do it anyway, but how?

Number one is self-compassion. I’ve really taken to finding a way to tell myself it’s normal. It’s okay to be afraid. You can cry and to love myself and hug myself, which is so much easier said than done. But I do a lot of talking to the little girl inside of me, which ends up that I do a lot of coaching on that as well. Just really like, I know little Carin, I know you’re afraid.

I even will do exercises where I will have a two-minute temper tantrum. As adults, we don’t have temper tantrums anymore but I will get the fear out. I will shake it out. I will scream to the point where we had new neighbors move in next door and they knocked on the door thinking that my husband was abusing me.

He said to the new neighbor, “No, no, no, this is just a thing my wife does.” I really work it through my body. Then I pull out a mindset like, okay, what if it does fail? What’s the worst that’s going to happen? If that happens, what’s the worst? If that happens, can I handle it? Then, I talk myself up. Okay, what are other reasons that it will work or that it will be okay? I’ve had failures. You probably have failures too doing this.

More than two at least.

For sure, right?

Don’t be afraid to ask yourself tough questions that lead you to answers and the right path.

All the time, yes.

All the time. The first time I had a group program, do you know how many people signed up?

How many?

Zero. I ran to bed—at the time I was still living in New York in this 200 square foot apartment—I pulled the covers over my head. I didn’t want to come out for two days. I ate a lot of Ben and Jerry’s. I was just beating myself up, telling myself what a loser I was. This is why I love purpose so much. I took a deep breath, and I’m like, why are you doing this? Why are you doing this?

I believe I have something that women need. I want to make a difference in women’s lives. I would come back to that bigger purpose, and I came back to prove to myself that I can do it. I want to know that I at least tried. I put myself back together and the next time I ran a group program, do you know many people signed up?

How many?

Zero again. I had to go through the same process all over again and just keep going okay, this is for a purpose. You can handle it. It’s like learning that I can put myself out there. I can be rejected and I’m not going to die.

There's always that fear of what people might say. But is that more important than what you really feel? Click To Tweet

Nice. For me, rejection is the biggest thing in the world. When I get rejected, I would crawl into a ball and just keep in that Ben and Jerry’s. it’s hard for me to bounce back. It seems like you made friends with your inner little girl. You’ve become your best friend. You really speak kindly to yourself.

I am working on it all the time. I am a master beat-myself-upper and have been my whole life. I’m a recovering beat-myself-upper. I, just this week, made a mistake. I was beating myself up like it was the world’s biggest mistake even though it was nothing. Then I had to go through the whole process again.

We can’t wait for all that to go away in order to pursue our purpose because especially right now, I just feel like it’s never a time like this. The world we’ve all been living through this pandemic. We’ve lived through a time of really imbalanced, distorted, toxic, masculine leadership.

It still is.

Women are needed right now. I mean if ever women’s purpose was needed, it’s now. We have to be the ones to keep coming back. It’s also why I do a lot of sisterhood. At the end of the summer, thank God, things are opening up. Safely I can hold a retreat, which I haven’t been able to hold in a long time.

We’ve lived through a time of really imbalanced, distorted, toxic, masculine leadership.

Where are you going to hold it?

Are you ready, Orion?

Yes.

Are you sitting down?

Yes.

The Versace Mansion.

What? Wow.

Nothing makes you feel like a goddess like being in the Versace Mansion.

Wow.

Yeah.

That’s in Italy?

It’s in Miami Beach.

In Miami Beach? We just moved to Florida, to Miami.

You did?

We did.

Where are you?

The critique will always be part of your inner dialogue but remember to always go back into a kind and compassionate space.

I’m right now in Aventura. I’m in Miami. Basically, my ad was in Miami. We live in this really nice place. It’s on the lake and we see wild birds.

Oh my gosh, you and I have to talk totally offline because we’ve spent seven weeks in Miami this winter and we’re like, all right, we need to move here. We were in Miami Beach and we don’t know what neighborhood to move into because Miami Beach, the schools aren’t great, but I saw Aventura has great schools.

Yes. Wow.

We could have a conversation.

Back to the show.

Oh my gosh. I cannot wait to talk to you more.

Thank you for being patient, our listeners. We’re just really excited. It happens like that when you find somebody who’s so aligned and so cool you just want to connect with them.

I’m so excited to connect with you more. I’m like, oh my goddess. This is so perfect.

I like that you say, “oh my goddess.” That’s really cool.

Pebbles in the Pond (Wave Three) by Christine Klose

You have the same thing around rejection but look at you, you keep putting yourself out with the podcast.

Yesterday, I had to deal with rejection. I’m doing this mastermind with this world-famous vocal coach. He worked with the best of the best, all the familiar Hollywood Grammy Award winners. He knows all of them, He worked with all of them. He is a really cool guy and his opinion is really important to me. We were working on a script, I was struggling, and then I wrote something and he wrote a criticism back. I didn’t show it in the mastermind and I didn’t tell anybody but I was crying.

When I got his criticism, I was crying. My husband had to come and calm me. I just cried because that’s what happens when you really admire someone. You really want their input. You really care about what they say. I wanted to send an email saying, can I not participate today?

Just like a little kid throwing a tantrum, I don’t want to play anymore. I want to just go hide. I had to work through that and not send that email and look at his criticism like, is there a truth in this criticism? What can I learn from that? I don’t want to destroy the relationship.

I’m like, this is the first time I got such harsh criticism and maybe I needed that. I needed to see that this is something valuable. There was a great gift in it with me handling what I perceived as a personal attack or a rejection, which was not but sometimes we have lots of stories in our minds.

I had to go through this whole journey, of course not showing it to the group or even not letting my coach know that this is what I was going through because this was me dealing with my own demons, with my own triggers, with my own insecurities. I had to look inside and be like, okay, in the past, this used to be my reaction a long time ago. Now, I’m a grown-up and I’m going to look at the—like you say, you talk about purpose.

What’s the purpose of this? What’s the intention behind this? How can this affect what I’m giving to the world and make it better? I wrote back. I deleted my first email and I actually sat in the mastermind with a fake smile for a couple of hours until it became real and I was able to communicate. I calmed down.

We just moved to Florida. There’s so much going on in my life right now that this was—I’m from Israel and there’s so much going on in Israel right now and I’m worried about my family. Having all that tension and having that criticism caught me off guard.

It was a great gift because I was, (a) able to cry and release all this pressure that I was holding in my body trying to be strong, which was super helpful, and (b) I learned a lesson. I learned how to elevate my stake. I learned how to deal with this situation better. I took the criticism. I learned how to take criticism. It was a tough day. It wasn’t easy. It was very good for me.

Wonderful You! by Carin Rockind

It’s so beautiful. It’s so inspiring to hear how you worked with that because you can receive criticism and not die.

Yeah.

And even more so, learn from it. Once that group program and I had zero people sign up again, ultimately, I had to say, okay, what’s going on here? I took a step back, and I looked at my newsletter list. At that time I had 30 or 40 people on the newsletter list, which I now know is not enough people to have a group program. In my whole life, I just wanted all. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted other people to think I was perfect.

I’m the youngest of three and I really grew up believing that if I did not do everything right and perfect, my parents wouldn’t love me because they would tell everybody that this is our perfect child. What you’re saying, criticism has been so hard for me too. Just learning I can breathe through it and it actually can become something good for me. I know this is something that you talked about too. You talk about pain and power, and I talk about pain and purpose. The hardest things that we go through actually can become the most purposeful and powerful things in our lives. It’s just not easy to see it at the moment.

Yes, it’s like a gift. You can’t see the gift right now but maybe a day, a week, three weeks, a year, 10 years later, you look at it, find the bow, you open it, and you think to yourself, wow, this was my greatest gift.

Yes. It’s actually something I love to work with women around purpose is really turning any of those experiences into our wisdom. Sometimes we can look back retroactively and see the gift. I have found that it is a massive tool in healing. A lot of people are familiar with post-traumatic stress disorder and fewer people are familiar with something called post-traumatic growth, which is when we experience trauma or any pain, finding the meaning, finding the redemption, finding that gift or that power in it. We now know from psychological research that this is a very real thing that people experience just like post-traumatic stress disorder.

I just wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted other people to think I was perfect.

When I work with women on discovering and living their purpose, a big piece that we do is around, what is the wisdom that you have gained from your hardest moments in life? Did it give you courage? We’ll go incident through incident because I find us women have been through a lot. Most of us have experienced some form of abuse in some way whether it’s verbal, emotional, physical, sexual harassment. Many women have been betrayed or have been stepped on, paid less money, whatever it might be.

If you had a roomful of a thousand women right now we’ll all be nodding and saying, “Yeah, I can relate.”

Exactly. I actually was in a room once like that with one of my mentors, Mama Gena, Regena Thomashauer. She said, if you have been abused in any way, please stand. I was in the front row and I turned around and nearly all 2500 women were standing.

I have many friends who studied with Mama Gena. I actually studied with Sheila Kelley. I went to many retreats with her. She’s amazing.

One of her retreats is totally on my list. She is so to die for.

Yes.

Oh my gosh, Sheila Kelley taught at one of the Mama Gena programs that I took.

Purpose comes down to three things: being, doing, and impacting. Click To Tweet

I went through a whole retreat there. A few of them, maybe five. One of them was in Jamaica. It was the first time where I felt so good about myself. I looked in the mirror, I was in a bathing suit. I looked at my tummy, I looked at my imperfections, and I was like, I love this body and I accept her. I saw perfection in all the imperfections. This is me. Everything here is all beautiful.

That’s beautiful. When I think about what we’re here for, every single one of us, I think purpose, we’ve really confused it to be all about what’s my job? What job am I supposed to have? I really see purpose as coming down to three things: being, doing, and impacting.

The first step is being, and self-love is the first step of really coming to know who you are, what your beautiful superpowers are, what makes you unique, loving your body, seeing everything about you, the challenges that you’ve been through, the things that you don’t like about yourself. Seeing all of that as beautiful and what is, and being your whole self in the world. How much energy we as women frankly waste by hating ourselves so much? It all starts with the being and it’s just beautiful that you could look in the mirror and see that in yourself. That’s not easy.

Not easy at all. No. I had times in my life where I looked in the mirror and I hated my reflection. I couldn’t even look. I looked in the mirror and I started crying. I couldn’t look at her. I didn’t relate. I was mad at her, judged her, even hated her. It was a journey for sure.

Know who you are, what your beautiful superpowers are.

So powerful.

I want to ask you about motherhood. Congratulations.

Thank you.

Tell me a bit about that experience and how it affected you.

I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be a mom. When I was young, I did, and then once I really started on my purpose journey, I was having cocktails, dinner, or something with a bunch of friends who were also in positive psychology and coaches talking about how women are here to mother the world. I said to them, “When I’m 80, I want a million women to say I changed their lives much more than I want anyone human to say that I was his or her mom.” It was a deep knowing like, all right, I don’t even know that I want kids, maybe I don’t.

Fast-forward, I got married to my husband when I was almost 40 and he already had a son. I was like whatever. He has a son who was 13 at that time. We were in Italy on our honeymoon. We had a couple of glasses of wine and went back to our room, started fooling around. We had been using condoms to that point. I was like, what the heck? I got pregnant. I’m 40, I got pregnant, and then I was freaked out. What did I do?

My career is just starting. I just started PurposeGirl. What am I doing? I’m going to ruin my life. Well, then I started to get used to being pregnant and eight weeks later, I miscarried. That then began a five-year journey to become a mom and what that miscarriage gave me was the gift of knowing that I do want to be a mom. I’ve been in early menopause since I was 40. That’s why it’s pretty much a miracle that I got pregnant then. There’s a long story I won’t even get into, but I will thank the goddess for modern medicine. We had a baby when I was 45 last year.

Oh my God. Beautiful. My God. I love you for that. That’s so beautiful.

Thank you. I applied the same thing that I do.

I thank the goddess for modern medicine.

I’d say I admire you because this journey is not easy at all.

No.

Knowing that it’s so difficult. Did the shots, the hormones, and all that?

All of it including ultimately an egg donor. Anyone who’s been through this journey or if you’re curious, you could go on to my podcast and listen to me. I share my journey really openly about it.

I’ve done IVF too and it was so hard.

It’s so hard. We were down to one embryo. We only got one embryo. $40,000 later we only got one embryo using a donor egg, a 26-year old egg. My lining wouldn’t grow. It seemed like we had been through a year of (like you said) the shots and the whole thing. Everything was wrong. They found I had an autoimmune situation. I had two miscarriages and that was five years.

Anyway, there are so many things that went wrong. I was down to this one embryo. I know you’re super into the goddess and the feminine, Orion. What occurred to me is that there is no goddess, there’s no feminine in the fertility process. I can’t speak to your fertility clinic but you go into my fertility clinic and it’s beautiful but it’s very clinical.

It’s very clinical, yes. Yes, it is.

We have to have sex at a certain time. You take these shots.

It’s very mechanical.

It’s very mechanical, that’s a great word for it, and everyone is stressed and unhappy in the waiting room. Of course, because none of us wanted to be there. We thought that we weren’t going to have babies. Basically, they told us when we were 12 that if you open your legs, you’re going to have a baby. None of us expected to be there. It’s an unhappy, mechanical, clinical process. I had this one shot, $40,000 later, we had one embryo, one shot. I said, how do I bring the feminine to this? How do I bring the goddess to it?

What I did was I held a women’s circle at the fertility clinic the morning of my transfer. I asked the clinic, can I have a room for about half an hour beforehand? I invited goddesses into my life and they came and went into this room. My best friend put rose petals all over the ground. They each brought a reading, a poem, or something that they wanted to say to the baby. They huddled around my husband and I, each reading to the baby. We love you, we welcome you. We’re here for you. We are your village. Then, they showered us with rose petals and we danced. Then I went into my transfer and he took. Now, I have a 10-month old. I’m 46 years old.

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Beautiful.

Thank you and there’s more.

You can’t see me but I’m tearing up, seriously.

It’s so funny, I thought we would talk all about purpose but this is so juicy. At some point, I want to work with fertility clinics because I think that that’s really a missing piece, the feminine.

Wow.

I don’t know what that’s going to look like but it feels like it’s really a missing piece and part of my purpose. I know I’m here to empower women, to live their dreams and some women’s dreams are becoming a mom. If you’re having trouble with it, I do feel like there’s something to bring in the goddess.

Wow, Carin, this is amazing. This is so beautiful.

Thank you. There’s so much more to that. My baby almost died during delivery too, but I’m so happy to tell you he’s healthy and happy. Again, anyone can hear all of that on the PurposeGirl podcast.

It’s amazing. How does it feel being a woman that had a baby with your purpose?

Thank you. That’s great. That’s what you originally asked me and I got off in the story.

No, thank you so much for sharing and being so open and vulnerable with that because it made me feel so happy for you. I still appreciate how open you are with that.

I’m really proud of myself for how I am committed to all the roles of my life.

You could talk too, Orion. You’re so easy to talk to. It’s so beautiful. I feel like we’re totally having a conversation and not being interviewed. I love it. It’s great. When are we meeting for coffee in Aventura? I’m really proud of myself for how I am committed to all the roles of my life. I see purpose not as a noun. I think this is one of the ways that we’ve gotten purpose all screwed up and it has given us something called purpose anxiety, which most people I know have.

That anxiety of like, what is my purpose? Oh, my God. I’m afraid of rejection so I can’t live it. I think it’s because we’ve gotten screwed up that purpose is a noun. We’re trying to think of purpose as is it to be a teacher or is it to be a coach? What is the thing? I see purpose as a verb or series of verbs. For me, it’s to inspire and to empower. For somebody, it might be to teach, to create, and you’ll play many roles in that. Most women I know are multi-passionate and want to do many things.

I’m a coach. I’m a speaker. I just spoke at Amazon’s International Women’s Day Conference. I’m a coach, I’m a speaker, I’m a retreat leader, and I’m a mom, but my purpose is the same in all my roles. My purpose is to inspire and empower. That’s who I am. I’m really proud of how I’m doing. New motherhood, it’s messy and it’s not easy, but I am committed to finishing my workday every day anywhere from 2 PM to 3 PM.

Then the afternoons are my time with my baby. His name is Shay. That’s mama and Shay’s time for us to play, for us to go on walks, for us to go for a run, or to go do things together. We might go to the grocery store, whatever it is, that’s my time. What that means is really ensuring that I have enough support and that I have a village. We have a wonderful nanny who unfortunately is leaving us and she works halftime. It’s not even full-time because I want those afternoons to myself.

For me, it’s to inspire and to empower.

My husband, he walks sometimes with Shay also. He has a couple of mornings and then he can pick up the slack. I had to hire another person to my business, which I’m fortunate that I was able to do. But there is no way that I would be able to be PurposeGirl and be a mom without having more support in my business. There’s a lot of trust. I’m going to be hiring another person in my business because I want to soak him up. I worked so hard to have this baby. I want to soak up every minute I can with him, and I want him to see that mom is a powerful woman.

He can’t understand this at 10 months, but I ultimately want him to see that women can do anything, that women are strong, that women are capable and we deserve to have a seat at the table. I’m the major breadwinner in our family. I want him to see that that is a thing. I want him to be proud of me. I don’t just want to tell him that he can go after his dreams. I want him to see me doing it and model after me.

Beautiful, yes.

It’s so not perfect. It’s messy, it’s ugly.

It’s beautiful.

It’s 100% beautiful. I’m just letting people know it’s 100%, and we’re all figuring it out as we go. Our nanny called in sick today. I’m going to be doing a Facebook Live at 2 PM with him on my lap crying.

I want my baby to see that I’m a powerful woman.

I’m going to watch it.

Do it. It’s on the PurposeGirls’ Facebook group because that’s also real life. We’re doing a retreat in Paris because I want to move to Paris for a month in September. I’m going to do a retreat and he’s going to be there. I always had dreams that my baby would be on my hip while I’m leading a retreat. You know what? We all want that. I think what I notice in my clients is, we want realness and we want all of you.

We don’t have to pretend that being a mom isn’t part of our purpose. It’s all part of it. I love it when women whip out their boobs and they’re breastfeeding and we’re on a business call. That’s doing life in the feminine and it’s so powerful.

It is. Carin, thank you so much. This was amazing. We are going to keep talking offline because you’re so wonderful. I can’t wait to get to know you more. Before we say goodbye for now, where can people find you, attend your Versace Castle Retreat, read your books, listen to your podcast?

Thank you. All the thanks. Go to purposegirl.com. The best couple things to do there—you will find the PurposeGirl podcast there and find an episode that intrigues you, whether it’s about the baby, about purpose, or how to find your purpose and go from there. Also, sign up for my newsletter. Every single week I’m putting out tips and tricks about how to live your purpose, how to follow your dreams, how to be radiant and alive.

If you want even more, then on Facebook, join the PurposeGirls Facebook group. We’re almost 4000 women strong, and every day I post a prompt on there that you can journal about, you can think about. We do Facebook Live every single week. Just purposegirl.com will get you to everything, and I welcome anyone and everyone from your community, Orion. You and I are having coffee in Aventura soon.

Amen. Thank you so much, Carin. This was awesome, and thank you, listeners. Remember to love yourself, commit to your purpose, and have a stellar life.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓} Lead a more meaningful life with purpose. If you feel like you’re not meant to be where you are, know that your calling is out there waiting for you.
{✓} Hone your self-awareness through deep reflection. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself tough questions that lead you to answers and the right path.
{✓} Talk to yourself with an encouraging voice. Criticism will always be part of your inner dialogue but remember to always go back to a compassionate space.
{✓} Practice self-love on a daily basis. Make it a routine to actively care for yourself at least once a day. Simple acts like morning stretches, long, hot showers, healthy meals, or a nightly skin-care routine can help you feel more you.
{✓} Learn from failures but don’t hold on to them. Don’t be ashamed of who you once were. Make sure to hold yourself accountable. Promise to keep working on yourself as you go.
{✓} Constantly remind yourself that you are human and capable of making mistakes. Be patient with your journey. What matters now is you’re more self-aware of your triggers and patterns. Through time you become better at dealing with them.
{✓} Accept feedback and criticism from people who genuinely care about you. The adage “I don’t care what people think” should be changed to “I welcome opinions that will help me become a better person.”
{✓} Don’t forget to celebrate your wins. No matter how simple they may seem. Acknowledge your blessings and be grateful for what you have in life.
{✓} Inspire and empower others by sharing your message and extending a helping hand as much as you can.
{✓} Visit Carin Rockind’s website to learn more about how to live a life with purpose and gratitude.

About Carin Rockind

Carin Rockind is a positive psychology expert, powerful motivational speaker, and caring coach who empowers people to pursue their dreams and bring their best selves to work and life. She helps people find meaning and inspiration in their work so that they maximize potential. After 15 years in corporate marketing, Carin became tired of seeing people shuffle through their days and lives. She knew she could empower people to thrive, so she traded in her suits to pursue her passion of inspiring people to live and work with purpose. Today, she works with companies like Amazon, Capital One, AVON, Ernst & Young, and Alcoa to teach employees to flourish and organizations to thrive. She is also the founder of Women’s Global Happiness Day, the only not-for-profit effort to eradicate the women’s depression epidemic worldwide. WGHD has held nearly 200 events in more than 25 countries on 6 continents in two years, empowering thousands of women worldwide. Carin is one of the first 250 people in the world with a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, has taught Positive Psychology at UPenn, and currently teaches the Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology through The Flourishing Center. She has been featured on Martha Stewart Radio, Cosmopolitan Radio, CBS, PBS, and in Crain’s and was known as the Happiness Guru on SiriusXM’s WakeUp with Taylor on Stars Radio for 5 years. She was also a columnist for Live Happy magazine, and is currently the host of The PurposeGirl Podcast, which has been ranked top 20 in mental health or self-help in more than 30 countries. She is an Amazon best-selling author for her contribution in Pebbles in the Pond: Wave 3, and she released her compilation quote book, Wonderful YOU! in April 2020. Carin lives in Philadelphia with her husband, Joshua, their son, Shay, and their labradoodle, Charlie.