Episode 177 | July 16, 2019

Inner Strength and Courage with Abby Wynne


A Personal Note From Orion

It was not that long ago that the concept of self-care and inner energies was considered ‘new age’, something that only hippies practiced. Nowadays, it’s considered essential to practice self-care, listen to our intuition, and follow healthy boundaries when it comes to the people and things we let into our lives. And when it comes to reaching a point of fulfillment, I’ll let you in on a little secret: everything that you need is within you. Society doesn’t define you, another individual doesn’t define you, you alone are the person who decides, consciously, what you will make of your life, and how you will live through all the ups and downs that are part of our human existence. 

I teach the importance of self-love to my clients as one of the foundational elements that they must have before they are able to receive their soulmate. You simply cannot sustain loving another person if you don’t first acknowledge, appreciate, and remind yourself that you are enough in this world and that although you love someone else with all your heart, they do not validate your worth. 

I loved getting into that “woo-woo” zone with Abby Wynne, a spiritual healer who has a scientific background to back up all of her teachings. What we uncovered in this episode may be exactly what you need to hear today to remind you that you are worthy of a life full of love and happiness.

 

 

About Today’s Show

It seems like science is now proving that things that seemed crazy in the past, like meditation, is actually good for you and it can rewire your brain and affect your brain chemistry. And I think that in some aspects, things that are considered woo-woo are actually more advanced than today’s science. It’s almost like our scientists are catching up to prove a point of something that exists and was known to awaken people for thousands and thousands of years. 

Heal your Inner Wounds by Abby Wynne

What I like about my guest today, Abby Wynne, is that she combines the best of both worlds. She’s a best selling author and one of the world’s leading lights in the field of shamanism and energy healing, but also psychotherapy and I love this combination. her newest book is Heal Your Inner Wounds and this is something that we all have and we all are working on constantly to become bigger and better, and to feel whole. 

And sometimes it’s not an easy journey and sometimes it takes years. And sometimes it will take us the rest of our lives. But if everyday we’ll become better and better and if everyday we’ll become more healed, then our whole life will be more extraordinary and more beautiful than ever. Abby’s powerful teaching empowers you to do your inner work with strength and courage, while creating a structure and a foundation to guide you. And now, without further ado, on to the show.

Hello, Abby. Welcome to Stellar Life Podcast. It’s great to have you here.

It’s great to be here. Thank you very much for asking me.

Before we start, why don’t you share a little bit about yourself?

About myself, what I do? It’s changed over the years but we’re all growing and changing. I studied shamanism. When you become a shaman, it awakens you up. When I was in my classes, it awakened me. At the same time, I was taking a degree in psychotherapy. I discovered, working with clients, that you can’t really put the mind in one box and the soul in the other box, and the emotions in the other and only work with one, it’s bringing them all together. For me, it was a huge wake-up call to be able to integrate spirituality, shamanism, I’m also a reiki master, bringing in the healing with the psychotherapy. When your brain understands what’s going on for you then you can do something about it energetically.

Before I even did that, I was a course designer. I worked in adult literacy. I’ve been able to take my adult literacy, teaching skills, course design skills, and bring them into the spiritual arena. So that I can take these complex, difficult, spiritual things, break them down and make them simple, and marry them with psychotherapy – how you’re thinking, how you’re acting. It’s kind of unique, it’s the mind and how I think, but it seems to be really resonating with people who are waking up and are missing something, people who’ve been in therapy for years and haven’t moved on, and people who just feel strange and knows stuff and doesn’t know how to handle it. There’s a lot of shifting and wakening going on, and my work seems to be very popular at the moment. That’s a bit about what I do.

This is great. I like your left-brained brain integration. It’s so necessary because when I read your bio, you also studied Science. It’s almost like you developed yourself in both hemispheres, which is so powerful. Many times, people that are very left-brained can be detached from their creativity or emotions. People that are very right-brained are a little bit woah, and now they’re disconnected from earthly life.

I completely agree. I have a master’s degree in Science and I worked as a Research Biologist in Australia. Would you believe that? I was diving in Australia and being paid. The passion for me wasn’t there. It’s like, what is wrong with me? Why am I not loving this as much as I thought? I will be going back to the laboratory. With science, you have this elaborate way. You have to dye, stain and treat them, and then you look at them under the microscope. Sometimes, the dyeing technique would take 12-24 hours and everyone is running around, so excited, staying up until two in the morning and I was bored. I had a feeling that maybe I’ve run out of steam with this particular topic. 

But what was interesting to me is the electron microscope. What you do is you take something and you treat it with different layers of metal and then you put it in this electron microscope and you can see the smallest of the small, but there was a lot of mess going on in there. They would give their pictures and I learned Photoshop and how to tidy them up. I also got a real appreciation for the teeny, tiny things which is actually fascinating to me. I go in and remove a piece of dust and they could blow up their picture to poster size and explain everything that they’ve done.

I have that way of thinking, that scientific way. When people say something, I can go into the research and I know where to get the information from. I have a really good idea of how research works, how science works, and I can bring that also in the spiritual realms, which is why my work is a little bit different. A lot of the spiritual teachers come and tell you what you need to do but they don’t show and tell you how. What I do is, I don’t tell you what you need to do, but I make a suggestion as to what the ideal could be. But then I give the road map to get to the how and then bringing on my adult literacy skills and say, “Here’s a simple step by step way that you can get from one place to another place.” I’m actually working on my ninth book now.

I’ve been trying to write one book for the last three years. You’re on your ninth? I’m so jealous. How do you do it?

How to Be Well by Abby Wynne

They all have different flavors and they’re all hitting different subject matters. The big book would be How To Be Well, which is basically saying, “How to be well?” You’re in your day today and you’re not feeling great, and everything gets on top of you. This is about how to commit a balance with your day to day life, how to make good boundaries, how to look after your energy, how to look after your thinking, and how to bring the thinking and the energy together so you organize yourself.

This is where I think the science bit can come in. When you organize yourself in a healthier way, you free yourself up to be clearer, to connect into stuff and to receive information. But also to be able to go to that psychotherapeutic process where you’re able to say “no” with love in your heart, not be afraid, not be guilty, and to stabilize and balance your life. When you’ve done that, you’ve got my newest book which is called Heal Your Inner Wounds. It’s funny because I said at the beginning of Heal Your Inner Wounds, if you’re not stable and balanced, then you can’t go in and heal your inner wounds because you need to have a platform off which to go into the deep.

I feel like your ninth book is your first book. Because, many times when I work with clients, I feel like those inner wounds and trauma are going back. Addressing that, it’s almost like for many people, the first step. Sometimes, when you do all this energy work, affirmation, and all that, and then there is something inside that is not resolved, it will always come to the surface.

That’s when you allow yourself to absorb what it is. It’s interesting that you said the book I’m working on is my first book because it’s a different flavor for me, I’m actually feeling that myself. It’s like it exists somewhere in the ether and it’s not like anything I’ve ever written before. I think with How to be Well and Heal Your Inner Wounds, I’ve covered most of what I want to cover. It’s going to be either one book or the other book that somebody is going to find something. What I want to do is bring in more subtle energies and more magic into people’s lives.

It’s about the bursting open of the flower, and all the petals and the joy coming in. I was just saying to somebody about how the more we allow ourselves to be ourselves, the more we can expand, and the more we let ourselves be, the more we can connect to the things that are here and the less we need to go and do and see.

I also agree with you that the healing process or the quest for joy or awakening, it’s not a linear process. You can have a step one to seven, but when you meet people, with some people you have to start with step six, with some people you have to start with step three, and you meet them where they are. Sometimes, one step leads to the other, at least to others. People do want to have one, two, three, four, five, which is very linear and this is how we do it. But there’s so many ways and paths to solve one problem and to attracting abundance, wellness and healing.

I completely agree with you. That’s why the way that I’ve written those books are they’re done in layers. You will get what you want to get out of it now and you keep the book, and come back, and read it in a year and it will be different.

The more we allow ourselves to be ourselves, the more we can expand and connect with others. Click To Tweet

Because you’re different.

You read it again and it will be different because you’re different. To open and reveal allows yourself to feel safer with yourself so that those things you say are coming to the surface because you have a better relationship with yourself. You can hold yourself as these difficult and uncomfortable things rise up and then you can support yourself as you work through them.

I think the biggest problem with everyone is the patience, tolerance, and kindness that we have towards ourselves. I think when people are nasty, rude, jealous, and everything is because they’re not showing themselves that kindness and compassion. That’s lacking in them. It’s easy to point the finger and blame everybody else for all the problems. But once you release yourself from that and realize we’re all doing the best that we can and there’s no, “Except for me,” there isn’t that. I get people who come to me and say, “They all deserve to be happy, but I don’t.” “What makes you so special that you don’t deserve to be happy too?” Obviously, meeting someone face to face, I’m able to connect into them exactly where they are or what’s going on for them.

When you’re writing a book, you have to write for the general and the sleeping. I speak to my readers specifically. I’ll say to them, “You are where you are. Some of you might need support going through this together with somebody else. Some of you might be able to go straight to Chapter 4 but read Chapter 1 to 5 before you go to 4 to make sure that you’re happy that you’ve done that stuff.” It’s a very different way. I get this because I was a course designer. I’m able to fill in those gaps and then allow the reader to jump into where they want to go. Even in one of my books I say, let the book open to a page and it can act as an article for you and maybe it’ll give you something that you need today. You didn’t even know you needed.

I love doing that. I have my totem animal card and my goddess cards. I actually use my goddess cards a lot. I love those messages because sometimes those are freaking spot on. If I’m aligned, I feel like the messages are more spot on. If I just take a moment to really focus and let go of whatever is going and be in the moment, I really get the pure messages. 

Absolutely. Even if you were not with your angel cards or animal totem cards, you just cleared your mind and gone to a line where you could ask. If you’re familiar with the deck, you can ask, “What card do I need right now?” And bang, the first one that flashes in your head, is the equivalent of you actually sitting down and doing a reading for yourself. Our human mind, we feel like we need support, tools, and help, but we have it all within us already.

I’m very physical. I like to touch and look at the cards. I like to go to that process. I don’t know, it helps me. I do ask questions in my mind all the time. Lately, I feel like I’m even more connected to my intuition and I trust it more, but there’s something magical about the ceremonial part of it and of opening a deck and looking at it. It’s really fun.

It’s a meditation, it really is. For someone else, making a cup of tea can have the same effect. You can be reverent and you can be in contemplation. You can have a quiet mind as you prepare the water, put the tea in and have a tea ceremony. Even just sitting with the flower and appreciating it.

I had a tea ceremony when I lived in Japan. That was pretty magical.  I did the whole thing. I was wearing the 12-layer kimono, two women dressed me up. I lived in Japan for three and a half years so I really absorbed the culture. There was something really beautiful about their spiritual side. For example, at the beginning of the year, you walk to a temple. It’s a long walk on little pebbles, just the sounds of the pebbles are very calming. You go there and there’s a beautiful ceremony or stuff like tea ceremonies, there’s so much magic there. I love rituals. What are some of your favorite rituals?

I don’t do set rituals or set ceremonies. For me, this is personal, if it’s too set then I lose the connection with it because I’m just going through the emotions of doing something. For me, I like to be in the moment, stillness and peace, and I’m looking and feeling what’s around me. It reminds me of diving. There are two different ways you can go scuba diving; you can go faster, deeper, longer or you can just go down and sit and let the light just show up around you. Enjoy being part of it, it’s almost like you dissolve away and you’re not there anymore. For me, that would be something that I consider that fills me up.

I was speaking to people all the time about how you’re consumed by your job, by your family, by other people’s needs, and making the time to fill yourself up. Your energy is actually being consumed by these things. For me, to get in my car, to put on clearing music or a healing chant and to drive without thinking what’s worrying me to a place in nature where I can sit in contemplation, that would be something that fills me up. It’s different every time, I would do it often. Of course, in Ireland, we don’t get the guaranteed weather, so you have to have a raincoat and boots in the car all the time.

I want to go to Ireland. It sounds like fun. It’s so beautiful.

We have some nice views, we really do. I’m sitting here in my office and I can see the bees and the flowers, it’s the beginning of summer now. We have gray days, but above the clouds is the sun, I mean, that’s a metaphor for life. You can always connect to the light even when the light is not shining in your face. It’s just to be able to find that stillness within then you can find it everywhere else. That’s the difficult part for many people.

You cannot heal your inner wounds unless you’re stable and you find your balance.

I saw a video of yours where you’re talking about your daily rituals where you go to a park by your house and you just sit there, for however long you sit there, and you connect.

That’s what’s beautiful about spirituality. You don’t need to go to a temple or a church. You’ve got that direct connection when you’re in a supermarket if you are open to it. You can make your heart the church. I’m hearing as I’m saying this, all of the empaths who are listening to this podcast going, “Oh my god, I can never open in a supermarket because I just picked up everybody else’s emotional stuff.” But there’s an opening. You can choose to have strong energetic boundaries and you’re not going to pick someone else’s stuff up, but you’re connecting into a source of healing that’s going to flow right from you, to change and enhance the whole experience.

I agree with that. I also find that places like synagogues, churches and holy places, I feel like the idea that many people come together in one place to share their fears and tears, creates some kind of a vortex. I just feel like there’s a special opening in those places because of the history and all the energies of the people there that are connected to the divine or God at that place that makes it really powerful. I’m not talking about a certain religion. I’m just talking about any place that is a source for pure meditation. It creates an opening. Yes, we can meditate in a supermarket, everywhere. Also, when you go to those places, I feel like there’s special energy that was created from the people that came before.

I would be a bit more discerning at that because I’ve been to many churches that have depressive energy. For me, it depends on your sensitivities and how much of that you feel. But the hierarchical system that’s within the religion that is enclosing these spaces. For some places, I’ve felt that freedom, beauty, and joy. In other places, I haven’t. I would say, just listen to your gut and trust that. Trust that absolutely.

I went to Egypt a year ago. I went to the Valley of the Kings and I visited many tombs. There is a beautiful remote temple, it is called The Temple of Dendur. Not too many people go there but it’s a beautiful temple and Dendur is the goddess of song, dance, and wine. The whole group was inside the lower level of the temple and I just went by myself and walked around. The temple was mine, it was just me there. The energy was so amazing. I was like, “Wow! I feel ancestral energy here. This is freaking amazing. This is beautiful.” I soaked it in. It was one of my favorite experiences of all times.

When I went to the Valley of the Kings, I visited those amazing tombs and I visited the Tomb of Nefertari, which in the past, was only open for celebrities, kings, government officials. Now, Egyptians are having a financial crisis, you can pay $200 and go in. We went in and it was like an Indiana Jones movie where they open the big safe door in the middle of the desert and they go in. It’s a very beautiful preserved tomb, and I felt really strong energy there, but it was weird. I felt like tingles in my body. It was a very visceral experience. I told my husband about it and he was like, “You know baby, maybe you should close your energy because you don’t know what’s going on there.” You don’t know because there’s a lot of dark and ancient spells and whatever goes on in those ancient walls. I had to be discerning.

You can be naive. I went to Glastonbury and I felt like I wanted to vomit. It was really interesting because I was driving a car with my husband who’s not into all the spiritual stuff. We’re driving from London, heading to Glastonbury. It was a beautiful day, we were driving away, no problem. Gorgeous landscape, enjoying the countryside. Suddenly, I felt like I had just driven into a tidal wave. I couldn’t breathe, I was totally ungrounded, and I felt all this anxiety. You couldn’t see, there was no boundary or borderline, but I had actually driven into the surrounds of Glastonbury and I had to pull over. It took me two hours to climatize, I had to do a lot of clearing and ended up that it was the energy of Glastonbury that was very heavy for me. Because whatever frequency that I connect into, it was as if all of the therapists were working on all of the tourists, and they just left all of these big huge mountains of emotional pain just sitting there, I didn’t clear it. I just walk straight into it and I couldn’t breathe.

I had a similar experience in Japan. In the Temple of Akasaka, which was in the middle of Tokyo. It’s very popular, tons of tourists go there. There’s a little market, you go through the market and then you get to this beautiful temple. I was facing this temple and all of a sudden, it was terrible. It was a terrible experience. It was almost like I was sucked into a different time, there was  fire and the smell of burning bodies. It made me sick, and then boom, I was back. When I went back and looked at the history, apparently, this temple was destroyed in the Second World War and there was bombing and fire and it was renovated to its original state. I don’t get those intuitions or I don’t know what to call it.

It could also be an echo. When I was in Rome, we went on a tour and everything was lovely until we went on this one square where there is no church. Apparently, every square in Rome has a church, except for this particular one which is where they used to burn the heretics. I walked in there and I just wanted to cry. It’s just a feeling that this place had suffered, it had stories to tell and it needed somebody to witness. Maybe you were given a taste of the burning for all the people who just needed a witness to say what really happened. It was really horrendous and unacceptable, I see you and I bless you.

You're always going to feel all the emotions, it's what you do with them that counts. Click To Tweet

That’s why it’s important whether you’re a healer or not, these types of experiences are real experiences. Sometimes you lose a part of yourself through that experience or you bring back a part that’s not you. To ask someone to help you, to clear that, is really important. To have your support team around you. If you work with energy, you should always be open to having a tag team, like a friend, who can check you or you can check them.

I always do that. My mom does reiki and healing. I’ll go and I’ll do acupuncture. There’s a place nearby, it’s called Ekam Yoga and they do something that is called harmonium which is kabbalah-based. I really believe in those energies. I feel like every man who takes care of people, every healer, and teacher needs to be taken care of as well. You have to fill your cup before you assist others; you can’t be depleted and assist others because everything is going to go wrong.

Definitely. It goes back to being resentful, upset and intolerant because you don’t have the space or compassion for the other person because you’re depleted. It is really important to take time out. What’s interesting about what we’re going through now as a collective, humanity, with all of these changes and the energies, it’s like we’re all becoming more energetic and more psychic.

I think the invention of the internet has connected us in such a way. It’s like a psychic network, only it’s real in this reality. You can think about somebody and then they send you a message or you make some posts on Facebook. You know that somebody has replied, you go and check and there it is. It just kind of heightens the awareness of the interconnectivity that we all have with each other that we need to start clearing in deeper and different levels as well to make sure that spiritual and energetic hygiene. Because we’d be washing our bodies if somebody threw slime on us, but if we have energetic slime on us, we need to clean that off too.

More people are waking up to this, and more people are realizing that they’re allowed to be happy. I like to see us creating a model for vibrant health instead of having all of these models for ill-health. We have to start somewhere. I say to somebody, “Who will be your role model for someone in vibrant health?” We have to create that in ourselves. The healthy person archetype, which doesn’t seem to exist. We have our archetypes, we’ve got patterns for all the disorders and all the illnesses, but nothing for a really healthy, balanced and stable person which can exist. I think we’re allowing ourselves to invite that in now which is just beautiful.

Usually, we teach what we had to learn throughout our lives. When you look back on your life, what did you need to learn for yourself or overcome to be the person that you are today?

It goes back to tolerance, space, and kindness to myself. I wouldn’t be teaching about improving the relationship that you have with yourself as the first and most important relationship that you have with everyone because you’re always alone with yourself. That was one of the things that I needed to consolidate and learn how to just be at peace.

I’ve had a very interesting life, most of which I don’t speak about in the public because what I find with social media and the internet is that people don’t understand keeping sacred things sacred. I have four children now, I’ve been married for nearly 20 years. My eldest is 18 and my youngest is 10, and I would never share pictures of them on the internet. People are like, “Oh my God, you got children. You never speak of them. We never see their pictures.” It’s because I give them that privacy and that sacred space to grow. What I find is by doing and talking about that people are grateful because they think they always have to be exposing themselves and be giving everything away and they don’t.

In my development I’ve always had a yearning to write which is something that I do. I always wanted to learn. I’ve always got a question or something that I’m working on and I get the answers right quickly, so I find it a very interesting journey in my life to see what’s going to happen next and what’s going to happen today. To be able to take the attitude when you wake up in the morning, what is today going to bring? How can I be of service? To be kind of open and let the universe work and co-create with me, as opposed to saying, “Oh, no. It’s another day. Dear, it’s going to bring all these horrible things,” which is what I was doing when I was in a job and when I felt I didn’t have control of my life.

You have to fill your cup before you assist others. You can’t be depleted and assist others because everything will go wrong.

Where I’m going now is to enable people to create jobs that don’t exist at the moment based on their skill base, and bringing people from self-doubt and self-criticism into supporting themselves so that they can create something that’s new. A lot of the jobs that exist now didn’t exist 10 years ago. In 10 years’ time, there’s going to be jobs that don’t exist now. To bring people through that stage to say, “I’ll never find the right job, my dream job, so I’m going to go create it.” I like making something out of nothing. 

Who are your greatest mentors and teachers?

I’ve never had one. I’ve never followed one. I’ve enjoyed working bits and pieces from lots and lots of different people. I’ve worked with Carol Lemez, I’ve worked with Alberto Villoldo, and now being a Hay House author, it’s wonderful to have peer access to people I’ve been inspired by. I seem to get myself out of the way and ask the question, and then I find the answers in many different things, and then I formulate them and put them together.

I spend a lot of time reading books as well, but I prefer to read fantasy novels now than spiritual development because it changes your energy. You make that space, and the answers come. My biggest stem guide would be the universe, God, how I feel and my body. To be able to be in my body and to trust my body and know that it’s going to bring me where I need to go by being connected to how I’m feeling.

Let’s talk about the idea of loneliness. Last month, I was struggling with bronchitis. I had a few good days, but most of the time, I was in bed and feeling miserable. When you’re in bed, you’re alone with yourself and everybody else is busy. I really felt a deep sense of loneliness. Plus, I was miserable, I was coughing, I was in pain, and I wasn’t sleeping for like six or seven nights in a row. When you’re in that physical state, it’s hard to feel spiritual, vibrant and enlightened because you’re physically suffering. How do you deal with that sense of loneliness and physical pain? How do you make yourself feel better?

It’s interesting you ask that because I’ve been very sick this year too. I had about a whole month where I couldn’t function at all. I see it as all of us are going through an upgrade. The energy has come in and your body takes a hit. Maybe your particular body took a hit with the lungs and bronchitis. My body took a hit with my ear and my mind. I was suffering from severe tinnitus which is a very light ringing in the ear. Only my ringing in the ear wasn’t constant ringing, it was an up tone, a down tone, it was a hissing noise that could never settle, so I couldn’t settle it myself, which for me is my worst nightmare. It was horrendously scary and terrifying. If the volume goes from 0-10, for about two weeks, I had 8 or 9 out of 10. That was the most terrifying. It was as if a fire engine came and parked itself in my head with the siren going off. Coming out of that, it’s only now. It’s nearly nine months since it was at its worse. I can see when it started. It’s almost a year since it started.

It’s like a psychotherapeutic saying that, “You put a frog in a saucepan and you put it on the heat. And you turn the heat up very slowly and the frog doesn’t notice until it’s dead because it’s boiling and it’s dead. But if you take a frog and put it in boiling water, it knows right away and it jumps right out.” We’re all that frog in the saucepan under the slow heat that slowly gets burned. You can’t see until after it happened what was going on.

I totally get what you’re saying about not being able to function, but I never felt lonely. I never felt lonely because I have that relationship with myself. There are times, I’ve learned this over long periods, where you’re connected to spirits, to the source, to light coming in, and then, there’s a time when you’re not. Those times are the cocoon times, the gestation times. The caterpillar makes its cocoon and it sits in the darkness. It changes, metamorphosis and grows.

As a person, your physical body is not changing from two arms, two legs into a butterfly changing body. You cannot actually see with your eyes the progress that you’re making. It’s very difficult for us to sit still as human beings. It’s like making a cake and you keep checking it, “Is it cooked yet?” You just don’t know what the finished product’s going to look like and it’s always much longer than you expect. You’re impatient, the impatience of wanting to be better straight away. What I learned during my period of being sick is to be okay with not knowing, is to be patient with my body, is to be patient with the process, and to just keep letting go of the urgency and the need to be somewhere else.

Everything you create is a masterpiece between you and God, the stars, and the universe. Click To Tweet

I’m an Aries, I have no patience. I’m a super active person. I like to go and do things. I like to be active. Being bound to my bed is the worst thing you can do to me. 

I’m an Aries too. My bed is my favorite place.

I don’t know. Maybe I have a little more like a fire sign.

I have that fire sign as a Leo. I’m a double Leo and an Aries, so I have quite a lot of fire in me, but I find that going within to me is much more satisfying than going out and doing stuff. Here’s the thing is, it’s the allowing. I mean, I’ve spoken to a client today who always needs to take action, “I need to be doing something all the time.” I said to her, “Not doing, consciously choosing to not do is actually an action.” It’s not lazy, it’s not procrastination, which is the being of an Aries life, “I’m being lazy, I’m putting this stuff off, I know I am.”

That’s what was going on. I was like, “I have to do so many things. I have to do this because the clock is ticking. I’m still in bed and I can’t do it.” That self-inflicting guilt was driving me nuts. 

The essence is to make the conscious deliberate decision to say, “I am not doing,” and then being with all the resistance that gives you. Going back to what we were saying earlier about the thing that needs to be healed that will work its way through and reveal itself to you, that’s what we’re used to running away from. But as a person who’s done their work, who’s willing to do their work and who’s not afraid to admit that we’re always in the process, to say, “Today, I’m going to deliberately choose to be.” You can say being as a job but to be can be difficult if you’re agitated. Remind yourself why being is an action and a choice.

Just as I said to this client of mine, “You can’t decide to run the marathon and then get up and run the marathon. You need to go into training. If you were going to run the marathon and you’ve never run before, you would run five minutes on your first day, you would not run an hour.” You build that up over time. Tomorrow, you’d run six minutes, the next day, you’d run seven minutes. Maybe when you hit 10 minutes, you need to stay at 10 minutes running for a week before you’re ready to do 12 minutes. You have to have the patience to say, “Okay. I’m going to do being and I want to be being, the marathon of being. I haven’t done being before. Really, I haven’t ever deliberately chosen to just be. Today, I’m going to choose to just be for five minutes. I’m going to reassure myself that I’m not being lazy, I’m not procrastinating, I’m not afraid to do my inner work, I’m not putting things off, and I’m going to just be in five minutes and in those five minutes, I’m going to allow myself to rest and replenish my energy reserves because I’m simply being.” You have to come into balance with that and give yourself the time and space for that to become natural. Then you can start to increase it to six minutes, then to seven minutes, and so on. Until you get something that you’re happy with.

For me, that’s my ritual, I suppose. If you want to talk about rituals, I would make sure that I have at least six or seven times during the day where I will just be, and I’m fine when I’m just being. I do get that rush, I do get that energy, but then the best ideas always come in. Then, I get this feeling, “Oh I need to this and I need to do that,” but it’s something that I wouldn’t have a plan for. I go, “Okay. I wrote it down on my list,” because I’m not going to not do it, I’m just not going to do it now. That really brings peace.

Going back to being sick in bed and feeling like you’re lonely. You’re lonely because you think you’re alone but you know you’re not alone. What the feeling really is, is that you’re inside that cocoon and you’re in the darkness and you’re gestating and you’re not ready to hatch out yet. Trust and faith come in and huge amounts to get you through that period. It’s like being in Ireland, in the summer, and looking up in the sky and seeing thick, heavy clouds, and knowing that the sun is there even though you can’t see it. You know that source is there, that God is there, the universe is there, and you’re inside this cocoon and you have to be patient and it’s not about you.

You go into that Buddhism thing about letting go of your attachments, letting go of needing to control, letting go of needing to know the answer, and I think that you’d breakthrough. It’s like you get to a point where you just breakthrough and then, you stop caring, then you can relax, the healing comes in, then you’re allowed to come through, then you hatch out.

For me, it went in waves where there were those moments where I’m trusting and letting go. There’s a sun behind the cloud. There are rainbows and unicorns in the universe. Then the next day I was like, “I hate this, I’m in bed, I can’t stop coughing, this is terrible.” I go back, it was like a roller coaster. I’ve done a lot of spiritual work, been to many workshops, worked with many healers and gurus, and traveled a lot. Still, when it comes to being with myself and handling that, I think my health is one of my greatest tests.

You know what, you’re a human being. You’re not going to be a guru that has a body that doesn’t get sick. I’d like to see when they’re in their bed dying of bronchitis. You never hear about that. My daughter said she doesn’t think very much of Jesus Christ because he was always so good in everything, and I said, “That’s because that’s all you hear about. You never hear about the days he came home and he was pissed off and he threw something across the room because he was angry.”

What we have to do is be human. What you have to do is allow yourself to get angry and frustrated. Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t be angry and frustrated.” Yes, you absolutely should. Instead of giving up, what you say to yourself is, “I am angry and frustrated. How can I support myself while I’m angry and frustrated? What do I need to do so that I have this space to be angry and I’m allowed to be frustrated?” You can say to your husband or your friend, “I’m really angry today. If I give out to you, please excuse me. But this is how I’m feeling right now.” That’s human.

The brighter you shine in your life, the more inspiring you can be for others.

Your authentic relationship with yourself say, “I’m allowed to feel.” That’s where the new age got it wrong. They’re classifying emotions into positive and negative and telling you you’re only allowed to feel the positive ones. We’re not built that way. We feel all the emotions. We’re always going to feel all the emotions, it’s what you do with them that counts. It’s how you manage yourself, organize yourself that counts.

That story I was going to say is, the guy felt sorry for the butterfly in the cocoon. He cut open the cocoon before the butterfly was ready and the butterfly died. There’s a reason why things take as long as they take and we are not the boss of our spiritual development. If you’re going to believe in God, then you have to leave it to God. When you’re feeling frustrated or angry, you can say, “Dear Universe, give me the strength to get through today because I’m really goddamn angry. Show me what I could be doing. How can I get through this?” Do what you need to do. If you need to put on live rock music and sing, if you need to beat up the pillow.

I say to people, “Self-care could be screaming into the wind and throwing stones into the sea.” Self-care isn’t pretty, self-care isn’t pampering, self-care is looking after the self, whatever that looks like. Once you own all of your emotions, you make space to get angry, you make space to cry because that’s who you are and your wholeness. If you cut off a piece of yourself to look good so that you can be this new age idea of love and light, then you’re actually creating more darkness and more resentment in yourself.

I love it, yes. We touched a little bit about social media. How people look pretty on social media or tried to share their lives on social media so other people will appreciate them or to get validation. I love what you’re doing by taking your family out of social media. I don’t think I can do it, but I really think it’s a good idea.

I said to my children, “When you’re old enough, you can go on there. If you do something and achieve something, you can be in a newspaper because you did something or achieved something. But you’re not going to be in the newspaper because you’re my child.”

Are they on social media?

My two eldest, I’ve got two teenagers and they’re on there. What I love is when I put my Instagram stuff up, they’re always the first ones to click like on my stuff. They teach me so much about what’s going on at the moment. You know what’s really interesting, it’s very difficult right now on social media to say how you really feel about something. Have you noticed that? One of the things that my daughter gets really upset about is that, if you make a comment, you get attacked for your opinion. People feel, “I’d rather not say anything and get attacked for it.” People are not saying what they really feel. There’s a distorted view of what people are doing and feeling because people aren’t actually coming out and saying that. It’s difficult.

You know how you look at the window and get an idea of the weather to decide what you’re going to wear? People are looking at social media to get an idea of the culture and how they should be, that’s completely wrong. Social media is not authentic. We have social media influencers where they have their Instagram stories, “Here’s me in my bikini. Here’s me with my makeup on. Here’s me on a sunny day. Here’s me on the yacht.” I’ve had social media influencers in here as clients who are a wreck, a mess, and a disaster. They go straight here’s me with my boyfriend, here’s me where I’m staying, and yet they actually completely different from how they are.

We need to wake up to that. We really need to wake up to that and say, “I’ve had a shit day today. I’m really anxious, my tinnitus is at 7 out of 10. I can’t think, and I’m coming on here to tell you that I’m a human being. I have bad days and I know you guys have bad days and rely upon to have bad days, and it’s okay.”

I love it. This is such an important message.

I like to see lots more people with that message. You’ve got the opposite ones which is mental illness is okay. It’s okay to be bad, which is great, but then just there’s too much of that too. If bringing it into balance to say, “Yes, we are allowed to have bad days, but we are also allowed to have good days.”

Lots of people who come to me who are my clients are like, they have this space created for fear because they’re anticipating being in fear, and they’ve spent their whole life in fear and they’re afraid of feeling fear, but there is no fear. You’re allowed to be at peace. You are allowed to have a good day. You are allowed to sit out and enjoy the day. If the person beside you is not enjoying the day, you are still allowed to enjoy the day. You don’t have to shift into pleasing other people with how you see things. The brighter that you shine your life, the more inspiring you are for people who can’t shine their life that way to say, “Ooh, I can do that.”

Abby, how would you describe the word vibration? How can we raise our vibration when we’re facing unkind things on social media, frightening things, dealing with everyday life and stresses?

Frequency and vibration for me, I would liken it to music. If everybody has a musical note, I think we’re a lot more complicated than that. Let’s say, well talk about being in alignment. Let’s say you have several musical notes and they’re all in harmony, that’s you in alignment. You can be in alignment in a lower frequency. If you imagine a piano with the low notes and the high notes, you can be in alignment, but you can be in the low notes. Does that make sense?

It’s a great metaphor.

If you want to raise your vibration, it would be taking an alignment and moving it up to higher notes. I actually have this on my website if people want to go and see the emotions that are connected to the vibrations. The lower vibrations and emotions would be jealousy, rage, greed, shame, and guilt – all of those things. The higher notes would be bringing you up into peace, love, gratitude, and joy – all of those kinds of things, but we’re whole. It’s like I say, “You’re going to go experiencing low and high, high and low, but you can always be in alignment no matter what you’re experiencing.” That’s my explanation of vibration.

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I focus on raising the vibration. Twice a year, I do an online Bootcamp for 21 days to give people a spiritual practice to help you establish your own practice so that every day you do something. You check-in, ‘What are my notes? What am I playing? How do I come into harmony? How can I shift up into a higher vibration, higher frequency?” We become familiar with our vibration and frequency. Because what raises your vibration is different from what raises mine. You need to experiment, play with it, understand and discover. What’s really interesting is, as you get to higher frequencies, what used to work in the lower ones don’t work anymore. You have to shift and change again to see what works for me now. That makes life more interesting. We’re always in flow, we’re always growing, we’re always changing.

When approaching social media, and you’re talking about vibration and frequency, what I will suggest is to see yourself as separate to the internet. If you wanted to visualize the bubble around you, or if you want to see yourself unplugging from the internet and bringing that plug back into you and say, “I’m not plugging in.” You feel yourself in your wholeness and say, “I’m going to look at what’s going on social media. I’m not going to get drawn in, I’m not going to get pulled in.”

For me, that’s what you’re feeding in to, or an anchor, what you’re anchoring into. People are running to see, “What’s this guy thinking about and what’s that guy doing?” They give away their power to that person and that person has great influence. You say, “I get to choose. I’m anchoring into myself. I’m anchoring into the earth. I’m going to look with discerning eyes to see what they’re doing, and what they’re saying but I get to choose how I respond. I get to choose what I choose. From love, from fear, from anger, or from exhaustion, I get to choose and I’m responsible for my own and own my own choices.” Does that make sense?

That’s wonderful. That’s so cool. You actually approach social media with intention. Who would have thought it?

If you think about it, for anyone who’s listening, we anchor into other people and into opinions. Usually, those things are things we want to please or we want to fit in. If you have anchors in all kinds of different people, anchors and all sort of social media things, just imagine right now that you can pull those anchors out. Pull them out and imagine that the anchors are kind of floating somewhere in outer space because they’re dirty. Whatever they’ve been into, they’re covered in energy. They could come out covered in slime, rust or dust.

Imagine that the sun is coming out and it’s burning away all the rust and dust and it’s brightening away, and then we can get the rain to rain down on the anchor and clean it up and free it up. All the anchors are all consolidating into one big anchor. Now, you’re going to slowly bring that big anchor into yourself, through your head, into your chest, all the way down into your gut, then it’s going down in your legs and into the earth and say, “I’m here. I’m not right there. I’m not anchored into them.” If you find yourself thinking, “I wonder what they think of me. What are they thinking of me?” Particularly with romantic relationships.

I love that metaphor, but I don’t know, somehow the visual of putting the anchor through my head sounds really painful.

It’s an energetic anchor. You’re not going to smash your head.

It just felt really painful.

What’s really interesting is energetic anchor people do not anchor into their bodies. It can feel heavy, it can feel sore. Even today, somebody was saying they are feeling crushed because their energy wanted to get into their body. For the first time, they felt the weight of themselves. You want to be substantial and present in your life, you bring your substance into your body so that you can be substantial. It’s a difference between walking into a room and people know that you’re there and walking into a room and nobody notices. What you say has weight to it if you’re substantial in your life.

If you always find yourself shouting and nobody is hearing what you’re saying because your substance isn’t present and that’s where you need to bring your substance in. It’s an energetic anchor and it’s actually you. It’s your life force energy that you’re bringing out from all these things that you thought were important, but you needed to invest yourself into to come out and to clear and cleanse it. Bring it back into you so that you invest in you because you’re the one that makes those choices. Everything you choose and Carolyn Hax said, “From the minute you wake up in the morning to the minute you go to bed and even in your sleep, everything you choose has a consequence.” You might not know what the consequences are to the choices that you’re making. But at least if you are aware of those choices, you can be responsible for them. You can learn if you make a mistake and you can try again. Do you know what I mean?

Abby, where can people find you, get your books, do your boot camps?

My website is abby-wynne.com. I’m also on Instagram, I’m on Facebook, and everything is through the website, so I love to hear from you. Come and say hi.

What are your three top tips to live in a stellar life?

Stellar Life, just tell me what you mean by that? Is that like a vibrant life?

It’s so vibrant, it’s stellar. It’s like the best life.

Definitely to be nice to yourself and to expand your heart so you have enough love for yourself and everybody else. And to anchor yourself into yourself, allow yourself to be fully present in your wholeness. It’s really everything we spoke about. You allow yourself to be angry or frustrated because you’re clearing them, you’re move on from it. You’re not going to stay angry at it forever if you process and let it go. To make the space for the joy to come in, to allow yourself to be creative, and not wondering what people are going to think of you. “I can’t paint because I couldn’t take risks.” No, you’re doing it for you. You’re doing it for you and the stars.

Everything you create is a masterpiece between you and God, between you and the stars, between you and the universe. You’re doing it for that, you’re not doing it to leave a great legacy behind; you’re not doing it to teach everybody everything that you know because they all know already. Start living the size that you are, to be big in your life, and not to be afraid of that.

Thank you so much, Abby. This was such a joyful conversation, really powerful, really fun. I appreciate you.

Thank you so much. I had great fun. I think those are probably more than three tips.

Those are great. Thank you, listeners. Remember to be nice to yourself, embrace your emotions, and make space for the joy to come in. Be big in your life and lead a stellar life. This is Orion, until next time!

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

✓ Find your balance before trying to heal your inner wounds. You must begin with a strong mindset when you want to change something within yourself.
✓ Make a conscious, deliberate decision to stop doing what is hurting you. Remind yourself constantly why you’re doing what you’re doing and stay focused on the outcome you want.
✓ Develop patience, tolerance, and kindness within yourself. You deserve to be happy no matter what you’ve been through in the past. 
✓ Keep looking on the bright side even when it’s difficult. Even a tiny spark can ignite a raging fire. 
✓ Open yourself up to divine beliefs and keep nourishing your spirituality. Praying and meditating does wonders for your mental and emotional health.
✓ Ask someone to help you on your healing journey. Like having a gym buddy, it’s nice to have a healing partner who can check on you and vice versa. 
✓ Never serve others with an empty cup. Fill yourself up first and make sure you feel whole before you start giving. 
✓ Trust the process and let go of the urgency. The journey is difficult but it’s worth it. Just keep pushing until you are finally happy with where you are.  
✓ Respect your emotions and let yourself express them as freely as you can. Try not to bottle up what you are feeling inside. 
✓ Grab a copy of Abby Wynne’s book, Heal Your Inner Wounds and start your healing journey today.

Links and Resources

About Abby Wynne

Abby Wynne is a bestselling author and one of the world’s leading lights in the field of Shamanism, Psychotherapy, and Energy Healing.  Her newest book is “Heal your Inner Wounds” published by Llewellyn Worldwide. Abby’s powerful teachings empower you to do your inner work with strength and courage, whilst creating a structure and foundation to guide you.

Disclaimer: The medical, fitness, psychological, mindset, lifestyle, and nutritional information provided on this website and through any materials, downloads, videos, webinars, podcasts, or emails are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical/fitness/nutritional advice, diagnoses, or treatment. Always seek the help of your physician, psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, certified trainer, or dietitian with any questions regarding starting any new programs or treatments or stopping any current programs or treatments. This website is for information purposes only, and the creators and editors, including Orion Talmay, accept no liability for any injury or illness arising out of the use of the material contained herein, and make no warranty, express or implied, with respect to the contents of this website and affiliated materials.

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