Love is in The Stars with Carol Allen

A Personal Note From Orion

When it comes to popular astrology, you’ve probably read that Scorpio’s are too intense and Cancers are super sensitive. And whether subconsciously or consciously, these stereotypes of your “sun sign” have probably influenced your dating decisions – like rationalizing that a guy didn’t work out because his Leo sign means he was too self-centered.

But what if I told you that compatibility has nothing to do with those signs – in fact, it has everything to do with your moon sign, your date of birth, and the destiny which the universe has outlined for you. I say outlined, because even though you may have some sort of destiny, it’s up to you to make decisions and take actions that will lead you to the partner that was meant for you.

When coaching my relationship clients, I stress the importance of being active in your quest for love, not just waiting around for the stars to align. We have to put in the work and remember that life happens for us, not to us. To understand these concepts better, I am excited to have Carol Allen on my show today, a Vedic astrologer and relationship coach whose mission is to empower women to enjoy a truly out of this world love life.

About Today’s Show

Hello and welcome to Stellar Life Podcast. This episode is literally stellar! It’s about your star signs. It’s about astrology, and how astrology can help you find love. My guest Carol Allen is a Vedic astrologer and relationship coach whose mission is to empower women to enjoy a truly out of this world love life. Carol has been featured on E!, Bridezillas, EXTRA, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers and many more. She is the author of Love is in the Stars and The Wise Woman’s Astrological Guide to Men. And now without further ado, on to the show.

Hey, Carol and welcome to Stellar Life podcast. It’s so good to have you here.

Hi, Orion. Thank you so much. I’m so happy to be here. I love your name, can I have it?

We can share it.

Thank you.

Awesome. Can we start by sharing your passion and your mission?

Absolutely. I am a Vedic Astrologer and a Relationship coach. My passion is helping women understand the intersection of astrology and love, and all the ways with which astrology is impacting them, whether they believe it or not, whether they know about it or not. And helping them know what part of their love lives they can control and influence, what is out of their hands, what is bigger than their will or their understanding so that they can have more peace of mind, more confidence, and make the most of their love lives.

What brought you to astrology?

I think those of us that help people are always our own first customers. My own miserable choices and poor decisions. I think the first thing that brought me to astrology was my sister. My sister was much more into it than I was and still to this day.

I found astrology the way most of us do, which is looking at horoscopes and reading Linda Goodman. Linda Goodman is a legend in the world of astrology. She wrote the only New York Times Best Selling Books ever on astrology and they are charming, funny, smart, and well-written.

Unfortunately, they’ve done a lot of damage. They brought a lot of people to astrology but they’ve done a lot of damage because they’re all about like sun sign astrology and they make everyone think, “If I could just find an Aquarius then my life would be perfect.” I wish it was that simple but it’s a really great, fun introduction.

I was 12 reading Linda Goodman and running around asking every boy I like what his sign was, which isn’t necessarily the best strategy for finding love, but it was fun.

That’s what I know about astrology—the signs, how they match—and the astrology column in the local newspaper, “Your week is going to be blah, blah, blah.” Usually, it’s wrong. I look at it just because I’m curious and I’m going to be like, “Whatever.”

That’s really what I call pop astrology. Astrology is as deep and rich in nuance as psychology and physics. I mean it is so complicated when you study it. It’s ridiculously complicated. Think of it like you had a really intense health issue. You just went to a magazine and look up a couple of symptoms, then diagnosed yourself, and gave yourself your protocol of what you should do for a very serious health issue. It’s like a paragraph in a newspaper, or magazine, about your symptoms.

That’s what horoscopes are like. I actually call them horrorscopes and I tell everybody to read all 12 and pick the one with the best news and that’s your horoscope. We just have to take all of that with a grain of salt.

When it comes to love, people should do their part, remove their blocks, and make an effort, because destiny only ever shows up when you show up for yourself. Click To Tweet

How I really came to this path is I met an astrologer at a party and a friend of mine has worked with him for 12 years. She said, “Carol, it is so powerful. It will blow your mind.” I had a reading and it answered all of my big life questions. It gave me so much insight into my past and absolutely nailed my personality, my talents, my interests, and my weaknesses. It just gave me so much peace of mind and I had to study it.

I was so fortunate because at the time, this was like a really long time ago. This was back when the earth cooled, as my husband used to say. This was before the internet, this was before I even owned a computer, and I just went to a woman’s back garage, six blocks from where I was living and it turned out it was the only school in America for the kind of astrology that I do at the time.

I do Indian Astrology called Vedic Astrology, it’s one of the first systems of astrology. It’s much older than that horoscope stuff we see in the newspapers. It’s actually incredible especially for relationships because, in India, 90% are still arranged marriages. If you’re going to get married to somebody you’ve only met once or twice, who your parents only met his parents once or twice, you want some sort of hacking system to enable you to see if this is going to work. Especially when divorce is frowned upon and almost nobody ever remarries. You’ve got one shot, you better not blow it, and you need some kind of guarantee.

The system is astonishing for compatibility, for love timing, for showing things like, “Can somebody partner fully?” You might be really compatible but maybe they can’t partner. Maybe they have addictions, maybe they have too much anger, maybe they’re too independent, maybe they can’t be monogamous, it gets very complicated. If you’re going along just, “Wooh! I’m an Aquarius. He’s a Gemini. We’re set.” You’re screwed.

You know what’s so funny, Orion? My clients are telling me that just this year, the big dating sites are revealing what everybody sign is to each other, which sounds like a great idea but my concern is that people are going to discount and disregard one another or pursue each other with that as a factor. Honestly, that shouldn’t be a factor, it really shouldn’t. Just because you’ve met a couple of difficult Scorpios doesn’t mean they’re all difficult.

What I learned in Vedic Astrology is it’s not really your sun signs that are important in terms of compatibility, it’s your moon signs. Most people don’t even know their moon sign. In the system I practice, the calculations are different anyway and most people aren’t the sign they think they are from one system to the next. So, I just want everybody to relax and calm down, see if you like somebody first, and then check with your astrologer.

That’s a great tip. I bet some people have misconceptions when they come to signs. Don’t judge a book by its sign.

Exactly.

In Vedic Astrology, sun signs are not as important as moon signs in partner compatibility.

Great. So I know that there are a few ways to check compatibility in Vedic Astrology. Can we dive into that?

Absolutely, yes. When we think of compatibility, we think, “Oh, we like each other. We get along. It’s fun to be with them. There’s crackling chemistry.” Those are all aspects of compatibility. But the technique that’s used to arrange marriages in India that have been used forever, actually is 15 steps and it’s not just about, “Do you like each other? Can you get along?” It’s really about, “Can you join your lives? Do you have a shared destiny? Will circumstances support your union?” That is way beyond do you like each other.

Here in the west, Orion, what’s so great is that we all have a lot of feelings of self-determination and we’re really raised to think you can be anything, do anything, make anything happen, and even our version of spirituality, for so many of us here in the west, is very self-determined. You have to pray, you have to set your intention, you have to use the law of attraction, you got to get your mind right, you got to get the mindset.

I love all that stuff to a point because there’s a point with which things are not up to you and there’s a larger destiny that’s playing out. All of us have the free will to go to the high end of our destiny or the low. We’re all working within a spectrum but expecting everything to be up to you. Like, right now, I’m sitting here in Los Angeles in a rainstorm which is not that common in Los Angeles. Now, is it my fault that it’s raining? Did I think too much about rain? Did I intend for it to rain? No. First of all, it’s the season, it’s the time of the year. Second of all, they’re saying, “We’re in an El Niño year,” and that’s when it’s a rain year. None of these are my fault, I have to work within that, I have to bring an umbrella, I have to plan my driving, I have to wear a raincoat, that part is my part. I could go outside without an umbrella, without a raincoat, without a hat, and I’m going to get wet. I could plan a picnic and it’s going to be awful. Or I can work with the larger story unfolding around me. That’s how our free will is.

When it comes to love, yes, I want people to do their part, remove their blocks, and make the effort. But we’ve all known those people, Orion, who’ve had tons of therapy, they’ve Internet-dated like crazy, they’ve gone on setups, they flirted with strangers, and nothing really sticks. Then, we know that a woman who somebody rings their doorbell and it becomes her husband. Why is that? It’s because of the larger destiny.

On the one hand, sometimes people think I’m saying, “Don’t do anything. Wait for somebody to ring your doorbell.” No. Your larger destiny might be to meet them online, or to meet them through friends, or to meet them because you flirted with a stranger somewhere. You have to do your part but at the same time, not everything is your fault.

Back to the compatibility technique, what I love is that we’ve all had the experience. I mean, I don’t know about you, but most of us still have experienced of really loving someone and we couldn’t make it work. Love was not the problem, the chemistry was not the problem, laughing at their jokes was not the problem. It was trying to join your lives, it was trying to get them to get what you wanted, it was some version of the larger story.

This compatibility technique, what’s so exciting is that you can feel all the magic with someone and have it be as though you just short circuited all the time. I like to say relationships are like getting into a vehicle. There’s you, there’s the other person, and then there’s the vehicle that is the relationship itself. Sometimes it’s a Mercedes and sometimes it’s a Pinto with that exploding Pinto problem. I don’t know if you remember Pintos but I have been around since the earth cooled so I remember Pintos. What’s so amazing is astrology tells you what is your part and what can you do something about, what can you do nothing about.

When I think about destiny and free will, the way I see it in my mind as a visual, it’s almost like a flexible maze where there are some points that you’ll have to hit no matter what, but you’ll have many choices in the way and every choice will make your life a little bit harder or a little bit more difficult. There’s free will within this maze and there’s also like a higher plan of where you’re going to go.

Beautiful.

Compatibility is the ability to join lives together and sharing one destiny. Click To Tweet

I also think that even if you did not meet the love of your life and you met somebody who hurt you, somebody that you had a great relationship but didn’t lead to anything. I think every player has a part in the bigger picture, in the bigger maze. You don’t have to mourn any decision even if it was hard. For me, I survived an abusive relationship and that was my calling for change, my calling to do the beautiful work that I do in the world today and helping thousands of women.

Now you have a sweet husband.

Yeah, and a wonderful husband. I bless the fact that I have a wonderful husband just the way I bless the fact that I experienced this painful relationship because without it, I wouldn’t launch into the right path.

Maybe, when you look at clairvoyant or the bigger picture, I had to experience whatever I experience in order to get to my destiny. I do believe in the power of the law of attraction and our intentions because it will open different paths within the maze or maybe shorten some of the time that we need to experience in order to get to our destiny.

The truth of it is, none of us really knows how the universe works. It’s funny because I’m an astrologer, people often think I’m the spokesperson for the universe. They often give me way too much credit. They’ll say, “What is karma about? How does it really work, Carol? What about our spirit guides and our chakras?”

Honestly, I don’t know anything about any of that and I don’t pretend to be a spokesperson for the universe. But I will say that the women that I see having the most success, they trust themselves, they believe in that inner desire. I do really believe that the inner dream that we have that release from a pure place, whether it’s for love, whether it’s for a child, whether it’s for creative expression, whatever your true desires are, I think those are a reflection of your destiny.

I don’t believe human desires can’t be fulfilled if they’re really from a pure place. I think our ego often will lie to us and say, “You’re supposed to do that thing.” We’ll have ego desires. Maybe we have desires that really were instilled by our mother, she wants that thing for us more than we do.

It’s in our genetics and our DNA.

Who knows? We can make ourselves crazy. The women that have the most success, they do exactly what the Bible of India says, the ancient book of India which is called Bhagavad Gita. It says do your part, do your work, the best that you can and let go of results. Like trust, what you just said, that life is happening for you, not to you.

That abusive relationship, that guy, was like a Buddha in disguise. He was a gift that looked like a curse. He was a bad guy that ended up being so valuable to your journey. I like to think that it’s always like that. It doesn’t mean evil isn’t out in the world and bad things don’t happen, it would’ve been much better if that hadn’t happened.

We have to take responsibility for making informed choices, getting support, asking for help when we need it and all of that. I really do believe life is happening for us, not to us. That’s the other thing, women that have that winner outlook of, “Oh, life is happening for me. What’s the gift in this?” That point of view where you always look for the gift and you always try to use experiences for your own growth.

Live as honestly as you can and the right people and opportunities will follow.

I think there’s a step before the gift. Because when you’re in a very dark space, when you’re in a dark tunnel, it’s quite hard to see the light, it’s hard to see the gift. I think you have to see the light first to see the light in you. If you cannot see the light in you, you have to trust with all your heart that it is there and it is going to guide you. After you reveal the light within you, then you could look back. After you healed, you healed some, you can look back and see the gift. I think it’s a process.

Definitely for sure. My main message I want your listeners to get today is that everything isn’t their fault. Within that, I want people to take their dreams both more seriously and less seriously. I want you to be more proactive because the women that really believe in destiny can err on the side of not taking enough actions because they think, “If it’s destiny that means it’s going to be easy.” That means it’s going to happen magically with all this serendipity and maybe it’s still going to be hard. Maybe you’re still going to knock yourself out. Take a lot of action but again, let go of results and try to just enjoy the whole process of it.

There is a saying in Judaism—I’m going to loosely translate—it says, “Open all the sides of a needle’s head and I’ll open you an opening in the size of the big gate.” It’s almost like God is talking to you and he’s saying, “I will be there and I’ll help you but you have to take the first steps.” Because we are physical beings like Wayne Dyer said. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. As we experience our humanity, one of the laws of the universe beyond, there are so many laws, people talk about the law of attraction but there’s also the law of action. You don’t take action, it will not work.

The Law of GOYA which is Get Off Your Ass. I think I stole that from Bob Proctor.

What’s so great about astrology is that it helps us understand the timeline of our life, the schedule with which things happen and it also helps us understand what our strengths are, what our weaknesses are. It helps us understand who we’re working with because back to relationships, one of the things that I see people really struggle with is not understanding the capacity of the partner that they’re dealing with or the capacity of the people that they date.

Then again, being westerners, we take everything too personally like, “If he really loves me, he wouldn’t work so hard. If he really loves me, he wants to see me more. If he really loves me, he’d be more successful, or he’d be more sexual, or he’d be more verbal.” Maybe it has nothing to do with you, maybe that’s how he would be with anyone. Maybe that’s all in his chart. It’s really powerful using this ancient technology to understand who we are, who other people are, and where we are in our journey with it all.

I know there are a few stages of compatibility that you work on, what are they?

Stages of relationships, that’s really another thing that’s really valuable to understand. The first stage is just the, “Does this person live up to my fantasy stage?” Maybe you’re texting with somebody you met online, or maybe you meet somebody out in the world for a few moments, or maybe you talked to them at a party for a while and you have this idea of who you think they are.

The very beginning of getting to know someone is just to see if they match that idea. If someone doesn’t call you back or doesn’t see you again, all it means is you didn’t match their idea, that’s all it means. It’s really none of your business why they don’t want to see you again.

We tend to tell ourselves so many negative stories. Our human brains are so impacted still by the primal caveman part of us. I love that Wayne Dyer’s quote that you said we’re spiritual beings having a human experience. We’re spiritual beings with this real caveman noisy, primal, medulla oblongata, the base of our skull is really driving the sh*t and the base of your skull all it cares about is that you survive, that is it. It’s the part of you that regulates heartbeat, breathing, digestion, and your reflexes like if a truck is coming and you have to leap out of the way, you do that without thinking. You don’t have to stop. That’s all thanks to this part of your brain, it’s called the lizard brain because every lizard has one. Every ant has one. It’s all the stuff you don’t have to think about.

Attraction lives in that part of your brain. The people you’re attracted to, the reason we call it primal when we’re really attracted to somebody when we’re really hot for somebody, when sex is really hot we say it’s an animal thing because it is. This is an animal part of us. That part of us that’s trying to survive is extremely negative. It’s hypervigilant, it’s worried about everything that could go wrong. It tends to focus more on all the past hurts so that we don’t recreate them. It tends to focus on all the things we’ve done wrong in the past so that we don’t do them again.

You have this really loud voice in your head that is way too negative and way too worried about your survival. Survival is not the same as thrival. Surviving is not the same as thriving. I don’t think there’s such a word as thrival, I just made it up.

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It’s a great word.

It should be.

We make words all the time.

Okay, good. Sometimes, we turn to something like astrology because we’re really afraid and it can dial down your fear. That guy you mentioned—we’ve all dated that guy, that super hot guy—treat you right and you couldn’t seem to stay away from him. It’s because your cavewoman’s brain was really hot for him and it was in charge of those moments. That’s when it’s hard for the spiritual part of us to get a word in. That’s when the spiritual side of us, our intuition doesn’t scream at us. It’s quieter than our primal part. That’s where we have to do things like meditate, write ourselves letters, pray. We dial up the volume on the spiritual voice with spiritual practices.

Even when you think about spiritual practices, if it’s not like laughing yoga or maybe ecstatic music or whatever, usually the spiritual practices that allow us to listen to our intuitions are pretty quiet because we need to tune in and like you said, connect to the more spiritual part of ourselves. When there is strong, primal drums that are beating super loud, and there is this crazy attraction, and your blood is boiling, it’s really hard to listen beyond.

It’s terrible when it has a different point of view, when it’s like, “No, don’t you do this.” We don’t want to listen and so we’re going to go with the stronger impulse and mother nature is always going to win that battle. Mother nature just wants you to procreate. Mother nature isn’t worried about you thriving.

This is where astrology can kind of keep us awake, keep us aware, and keep us sane. I just absolutely love providing these tools for people and being a facilitator of this understanding for people. It’s such a relief to people to go, “Oh, I’m not crazy.” Because there’s the flip side, Orion, which is the part of our brain that’s very logical and rational, the part of our brain that’s very human. If that human part that comes up with lists, the list of the dream guy, the perfect woman, when things are going to happen, by what date, that’s your human brain talking which is not your lizard brain.

The bummer is that you can meet the guy that’s everything on paper and he might fulfill the list. He might exactly be the checkmarks that you’re looking for, but maybe you’re not attracted to him. Maybe that drumming as you called it—I love that—maybe that drumbeat of attraction and that boiling blood you were mentioning—hubba hubba—maybe it doesn’t work with this perfect guy on paper.

I have a lot of people come to me and they think that’s their fault. They’ll say things like, “I’m going to work on being hotter for my boyfriend. I’m going to work on being more in love with my husband.” It’s like, “Really? Can you work on that? Can you manufacture that? Can you conjure that?” If he doesn’t do it for you, he doesn’t do it for you. You have to say no to the perfect list if there’s no shazam because life is long and you can’t live a life with no shazam. What you need is a guy that’s the balance of the list and the shazam. That might require saying no to the guy that’s all shazam but no list and the guy that’s all list but no shazam.

So, when somebody comes to you and you do your magic, how do you do magic? Like how long does it take and what do you see? How do you guide your clients?

The initial challenge—I’ve run into this with nice women from Israel—is you have to know your birth information. You have to know your birthday, your birth time, and your birth location. If you’re looking at just your own chart, that will tell you when love will come, that will tell you your strengths and your weaknesses, that will tell you what’s called your astrological archetype of love which is way beyond your sign.

A lot can be revealed about your history and destiny based on your birth story.

There are five archetypes of love. By the way, I’m going to share with your people the report that allows them to run their own charts and diagnose their archetype because your archetype brings with it all your strengths and weaknesses that either make you more attractive or that push people away. It’s very helpful to understand your archetype.

When you get a reading of just your own chart, it tells you what’s going on with you, that’s a gift in love and a curse. It tells you if you’re more prone to pick the bad boys and to lose yourself once there is a romantic connection. It tells you if you believe love is hard so you’re only going to go for the hard guys. It tells you if you’re too sensitive so you need more self-care, you need to really listen to your intuitions because it’s always right. It tells you if you’re a career woman who is likely too busy for love and needs to create more space and needs to stop talking about work on the day. It tells you if you want to call the lady in the tower, if you’re the best-kept secret, if you get shy around potential mates, if you hole up at home, if you seem disinterested when you’re out at the world, if you see a cute guy and you looked away and walked away, and then you look back and go, “Where did he go?”

We want a man to be like they are in rom-coms, see us across that crowd of room, be so brave, bold, and masculine, that they need no encouragement, no opening, and no invitation. Behaviors that we hate in most men but we want in the guy.

The truth is, 85% of relationships are started by the women making it clear that it’s okay to approach. You got to think like olden times. You got to drop the hanky in front of the guy. You got to give a signal, you got to give a cue, and this is why most men are just Internet dating now.

It’s very different. Women are like, “Should I make the first move? Should I not make the first move?” It’s not about what you do, it’s about how you do it because women approach the guy in a very aggressive way. I’ve read a research somewhere that it really repels them and it actually creates anxiety in them.

Well, it feels like pressure and it’s going against all of nature. In all of nature, it’s the male that pursues. I think except for a black widow or something.

I know. That’s what came to my mind. We are not like black widows.

We don’t want to be like that.

But like you said, I liked it. I liked the handkerchief, like a little wink or eye contact, like opening your body language or even approaching with a very light question that has nothing to do with relationship, very gentle, you just want to create an opening.

You want to talk first, you want to comment on the weather, pay them a compliment, ask them a question, ask for their help, anything. Truthfully, what women don’t know and don’t realize is that men are so lonely in western civilization.

In western civilization, men are not allowed to touch each other. Men, often, are so busy working, they don’t have any real friends. The friends they do have are just like an acquaintance or like hangout share activities friends. They don’t really talk to each other and I’m speaking, of course in sweeping generalization, so forgive me. There’s a lot of great enlightened men with real, deep, rich relationships.

It is still true. Even if the person is enlightened. We live in a very demanding time. It seems like they need to work harder and even if it’s a generalization, I think there’s a lot of truth to it.

Absolutely. Men are really lonely and they’re so happy when you just say hello. That saying, “Never talk to strangers.” You need to flip it, you need to always talk to strangers and it just women have gotten burned in the past from doing that. Men have gotten the wrong idea, they’ve got more attention that they didn’t want.

I went to this fancy supermarket near my house and I was in a really good mood and there was a guy coming toward me. I smiled at him, not because I was hitting on him, just because I was in a good mood. I just looked at him and smiled. He was so surprised and I was like, “Okay.” It’s just a little interaction. Sometimes, girls are playing it too hard to get and they don’t open themselves to all the possibilities.

Do your part and do your work the best that you can. Let go of results and trust that everyone's destinies have something great in store for them. Click To Tweet

Right. And when you’re really attractive like you are, when you’re friendly with everyone, you get the attention you don’t want and so what happens with really beautiful women is they completely shut down and they may intimidate the man. If you’re a really attractive woman and you’re not sending any cues, men are going to be scared of you. They’re not going to approach, they’re going to approach your less attractive friend who’s smiling and talking.

It’s a blessing and a curse. A lot of times when I was in my dating years, it’s like a wealthy man. Is she with me because of my wealth and connection or because she likes me? Is he with me just because I’m a nice decoration or I look sexy? Or because he likes who I am and he’s very serious with me?

It’s true. Very good point. I want everyone to talk to everybody and you can do that if you know how to handle whatever happens next. If a guy is not friendly back, who cares? There are 10 behind him. If a guy has a girlfriend, who cares? All you did was comment on the weather or compliment his shoes. If a guy comes on too strong, if you know how to set boundaries and say no. Maybe go get self-defense training so you feel safer out in the world because let’s be honest, women are smaller and not as strong and be careful who we are friendly with, right?

Women tend to let their fear lead the way, “Oh, I’m afraid of embarrassing myself.” Who cares if you embarrass yourself? Why is it embarrassing? It’s like we tell ourselves stories that are not true. Again, it is that cavewoman brain that really has the bigger say over how you are behaving out in the world than the human brain.

You really want to be more conscious, awake, and aware. If you are really concerned, when you said how do I work with people, well the good news is I have all these ways of working with people where they don’t ever have to contact me directly. I have all these reports. I have this awesome compatibility report which I can take no credit for. One of my mentors wrote it and we call it the Right Man Report. It uses that 15 steps technique from India and it tells you, is this a vehicle that you can drive down the road. It describes your relationship and it explains how you both going to feel if this relationship will bring out your insecurity.

We’ve all had that experience where you’re really confident with one guy and neurotic mess with another. The same person, why did that happen? Or you fight like crazy with one guy and you never fight with another. Why is that? All of that is in this report and it’s so fantastic. It’s just $19, it’s awesome and I’ve worked with people directly.

I give workshops, which is my all-time favorite, spend two days with a circle of women helping them become masterful partners and masterful man handlers as my friend, Lorran Francis, would say. It’s so rewarding and it’s so satisfying, and that is the work I love the most where I see the most change and impact to all of those women I give readings to.

There are so many wonderful astrologers in the world and all you need is your birthday, birth time and birth city. If you want to look up how you are with someone else, you do need to try to get that out of them. Now, I will tell you the trick on how to do that, Orion. If somebody knows their birth time would you be surprised? A lot of people do, a lot of people have that mother that tells them that story every year like, “I was so hungry for breakfast and they would not feed me because you would not come and you finally came at lunchtime.” So many people have an idea or they have their mom that calls them every year at the moment of their birth, super cute.

A trick if your on a date with a guy you could really like or a guy you’re seeing, the trick is to say, “You know, I read the craziest article and it says if you’re born in the morning, you will be a morning person and if you’re born at night, you will be a night person. You know that totally doesn’t work for me or that totally does work for me.” Then, you offer up your side of it, “Well, I was born at dinner time and I love dinner.” Then, you say, “Does that work for you?” and you see what they say.

Now in Los Angeles, where you and I live, a lot of women run around and ask guys their birth time and a lot of guys are hip to it. A lot of guys ask women for their birth time, it’s awesome. We tend to be into that woo-woo stuff here in California, but a lot of guys will simply offer it up. They will say, “Oh, well you know I was born right after midnight and I go to bed early. That article is stupid. Where did you see it?” And then, you have to go, “Oh, I don’t know. Moving on,” but you want to remember what he says, you want to remember.

Do you need to have the exact time? Or does it have to be after midnight?

As exact as you can but it’s tricky. This technique enables you to see these 15 steps that show if you’re a Pinto or Mercedes, it only changes between two people once a day. One way you can do it is if they know they are born between midnight and five in the morning. You can run the report twice. You can run it from midnight and you can run it again at five in the morning. Odds are you’re going to get the same report for both and then you can ask for a refund from one of them. Then you can go by the information because it’s going to be accurate.

Anyway, that is just one of my options. I have this amazing capacity report and it tells you is this guy as good as he seems? What is wrong with him? What’s his weak link? Part of why, Orion, you were with that bad guy you were with, that abusive guy, is he was not abusive on the first date.

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Oh, no, he usually is. I mean, this is the case with most abusive guys, just to make clear to relieve judgment or misconception around women who are getting into abusive relationships. Usually the predators—I studied that thing—are very charming, super eloquent, very nice, they will put you on a pedestal, they will make you feel like a goddess. It’s like the metaphor of the frog in boiling water. If you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump right out, but if you put it in cold water and you slowly turn up the heat, it must not notice it until it dies.

It will boil to death.

Yes, it’s the same with the abusive relationship. It does not start with mean comments because everybody who has common sense will just run away. It starts with a lot of seducing, it starts with a lot of many compliments and beautiful love letters and even beautiful gifts. That, plus the drumming and the sexual attraction, you really think that you are with the most perfect prince charming.

Abuse starts like a little drop. It starts with one unkind comment, after the other, after the other and you don’t notice it because you are still under the illusion. It’s hard for you to even comprehend because that guy is so nice. It can’t be that he just said that, so you just put it aside. You start ignoring the red flags and then, all of a sudden you’re in it.

From Prince Charming to Prince Harming by Karen Salmansohn

You’re in it once, you’ve got all bonded and invested. Then, it’s really hard to get out, it’s really hard to get out. They come on like prince charming and then they turn into prince harming. Women are so surprised. I think there is a book called From Prince Charming to Prince Harming. So, you want to be careful of the ultra-romantic, ultra sure of “you knocking themselves out” guys. You want a guy to be a little more relaxed in that, but you don’t want him to be so relaxed, right?

Yes and I’ll tell you a story. When I met my husband, we were at an event and I prayed for him to show up. He showed up 48 hours after I prayed for him to show up. I did the spiritual work, but then we were in that event for six days. We were kind of like fully open and we were shutting all the mass. So, when we met, we were very pure and very open. We said I love you to each other within 24 hours and he proposed to me 9 days after we met in a hot air balloon in Vegas. And I said no.

Good.

But nine months later, I said yes.

Great.

He was coming on really strong. That’s why I was worried. I was like, “Wow, he really loves me. Maybe he’s crazy.”

It does not mean you have to. I love that story because you did exactly the right thing. It does not mean every guy that comes on like that is going to be a serial killer or a serial heartbreaker. It just means that you don’t go with it, you did not go with it. I love that story. I hear that a lot from men that when they find the one, they know right away.

We give women intuition a lot of credit but men have, in a way, better intuition because they don’t talk themselves out of what they know. They don’t doubt what they know. We really doubt what we know. We want so badly for connection and we go against our intuition all the time. Men are better at listening to what they know so I’ve had a lot of men say, “Oh, my God. I knew the minute I heard her name. I knew when I saw the back of her neck. I knew when I heard her voice. I knew the minute we met that the jig was up.”

It doesn’t mean run from those men. It means just keep them and slow them down because it’s too much pressure on a brand new relationship. You said yes at the right time, it takes nine months to three years to really know you can trust somebody. A minimum of nine months. So I love that you said, “Hold your horses buddy.”

I didn’t say no, I said not yet. We were both in tears in descending with the hot air balloon but we got it and he got it. He was very disappointed because the hot air balloon operator told him that he never had a failed proposal on a hot air balloon. I destroyed it for them.

But you know what is so beautiful about that story, too? You got to see that he mature enough to handle that. Could he put your feelings ahead of his own, right?

This is one of the tests, ladies, on how to tell if a guy is a good guy. Does he maturely handle it when you say no to him about anything? When you say, “No, I’m not free this weekend. No, I’m not ready to be exclusive. No, your buddies can’t come along on our trip. No—whatever, no it is.”

Whenever you have a disagreement or you can’t give a guy what he wants, watch and see what he does next because the broken guys are going to fall apart. They’re going to get angry, they’re going to shut down, they’re going to pull away, they’re going to tell you’re wrong, but a grown-up healthy man will say, “Darling, I’ll wait until the end of time.”

That sounds perfect and is there anything in-between, where the guy is mad at you but is not completely broken, and he might still be the right person?

Well, mad at you, I don’t like, but the in-between would be for a guy to say, “Well, I’m really hurt and disappointed.” Or, “Gosh, I feel kind of embarrassed. I hurt this hot air balloon guy.”

I like the distinction.

For him to show his vulnerability as supposed to for him to be angry with you. You want to run from men that are angry with you when it’s just your feelings. Now, we all get angry with each other when we’re not careful with each other, we’re not loving or we feel a boundary has been crossed. But for your story, you just simply said, “Look, I’m not ready. I have not known you long enough. This is the biggest decision of both our lives. I really want to be sure that I can be the person you need.” You didn’t just say no for your sake, you said no for his sake, too. If he was going to be angry I would have told you to run like a bunny but instead, you both cried.

I had another weird proposal happened to me earlier on. I had a guy stalk me, send me flowers to work with no note which is literally freaky. Then, I called the flower shop. I was like, “I don’t know who this guy is. Please tell him not to send me anymore flowers because I’m not interested.” So, the next day I got a fruit basket. He didn’t send flowers, but he sent a fruit basket.

Eventually, I figured out who he was and he really wants to meet me. We met at a diner, I have never dated him before. I met him once and he was on his knee with a diamond ring. That was like, you can see that he’s mentally unstable. That was not a beautiful proposal. That was freaky and super uncomfortable. Then, he looked at me and he was like, “But I spent all this money on the ring.” I was like, “Return it and buy your family something good.” I don’t know. I don’t remember what I said but it was so uncomfortable. There are a lot of weirdos out there.

There are, it’s true.

When people do the astrology with you, when women do it, what are some incredible discoveries that you had women find about themselves or about their relationship, maybe something that saved them from a really bad relationship?

One of my favorite things to do is to help highly sensitive women understand that they’re highly sensitive because the world is really hard on highly sensitive people. Our culture tells people with really deep, intense emotions to get over it, and that they shouldn’t feel the way they feel.

Those of you listening to that really do need the temperature to be right, the lighting to be right, the music to be the right volume, and the cologne to be washed off, this isn’t your fault, this is the way you’re designed, this is in your chart, and this is in your genes. That’s one of my favorite things is to take the shame off of people for thinking they should be different from what they are.

I could tell you stories all day long. I’ve had people come to me and they have been in therapy for five years with a partner trying to put the proverbial round, what do we say it? Round stick into the square hole—whatever. I’m saying it wrong.

Square something, yeah. I know what you mean, try to fit even if it doesn’t fit. It’s almost like Cinderella shoes, it doesn’t fit, but you see all the ladies in the movie like, “No, it’s going to fit, it’s going to fit.”

They’re trying to mix oil and water or they are trying to understand, “Why didn’t that guy want me? Why did that guy reject me?” It’s such a relief to help people understand. People tell me it’s like getting 10 years of therapy in an hour and it’s the forgiveness that can come.

And then my favorite. This happened to me is being able to predict when they will meet the one. I was told by that first reading I had, with that astrologer through that friend, I was told exactly when I would get married and it was seven years in advance. I was like, “No, I’m going to get married before that.” Screw you.

I played a little game called Beat the Planets and I could not do it. I could not win, they were bigger. I tried everything. I dated like crazy, I went on a million setups, I did the law of attraction, I wrote my list, I had my affirmations, I said my mantras, and he still showed up right on schedule within three days of the window I had been told.

It’s really fun to be able to tell women when they’re in a blocked time. I have a report on that. I have a little report that tells people when they’re blocked because it lifts all that noise off of them, “Well, you’re doing it wrong. You’re not attractive enough. God doesn’t love you.” Whatever their story is and you’re only getting older, it’s going to get harder.

Statistically, there is less opportunity but it’s exactly the same whether you’re 8 or 88, are you in the season of love or not? If you’re not, it’s not going to happen and if you are, it is. So, all of that is my favorite.

I have been doing this for 26 years so I have file folders full of emails, letters, and cards from women going, “Oh my God. It all went exactly the way you said.” I got a text this morning from a client saying, “I just listened to your readings from two years ago, I cannot believe how accurate.” Literally, while I’m saying this, I just got a text from a woman saying, “Your magic is real.”

I love it, wow. Do you also help people when they are in relationships?

Oh my gosh, that’s actually my favorite. My favorite is helping people quit misunderstanding each other, quit resenting, quit blaming, quit expecting what they shouldn’t expect and how to ask for what they should ask for. And understanding what their partner needs from them, what their partner really requires, how can they serve their partner better.

There is how you can serve your relationship better and there is how you can serve the other person better. Then, there is how you can own your needs more and what you really require, because it takes all of that. It takes helping your partner fulfill their purpose. It’s like what is the purpose of relationships, really? Why not just have a great dog and have lots of casual hookups? Why do we need a full relationship? A full relationship is to help you meet your potential and help you fulfill your destiny in this lifetime.

We’re here to grow and we’re here to have a soulmate who’s here to help your soul develop. That’s the point, that’s the purpose. If you’re going to have children, then, of course, there is a whole other beautiful purpose. Your relationship doesn’t just belong to you. It belongs to those kids as well.

Astrology shows what do you require, then their chart is what do they require, and then your compatibility charts show what does the relationship needs. The way they handle the conflict is to ask what does the relationship needs, not to get into what do I need? To think we, not me, right?

This was amazing.

You’re so sweet.

Unbelievable.

I could talk to you all day.

I know, me too. You’re fascinating. I want to know, what are your three top tips to living a Stellar Life?

The Oracle of Delphi says know thyself. Well, the second part of the sentence apparently was because then all things will come to you basically, right? It is some version of when you know yourself that’s when life can really be amazing.

My three top tips are, quit trying to be who you’re not. Honor how you feel, everyday checking with yourself—what do I want, what do I need, and what do I love? Always follow your love. Follow the things you love, be with the people you love, live in the place you love, wear the clothes you love. Every single thing in your life should feed love and should make you feel loved. That is when you will be a love magnet and a love fountain. That is the main one.

If you’re in a relationship, your guiding star should give your partner what they need when they need it, no more no less. What they want when they want it, no more no less. If you’re with the right person, that would be easy. If you’re with the wrong person you won’t be able to do it. That will show you if you’re with the right or the wrong person.

Lastly, if you’re single, just start believing in love and believe in your desires and start talking to everybody. Start showing up for love. Quit waiting for it to be magic and just fall down at your doorstep. I know it might take a long time and you might have to kiss a few frogs, but it’s all part of the fun, so keep going.

Yay. I know that you have a special gift for the listeners. Where can they get it and how can they contact you?

I am so happy to share. As I said, I’m going to share a report on the archetypes, the astrological archetypes of love. With that, comes another report called Shazam Ancient Spiritual Tools to ramp up your love life. These are love mantras, these are love meditations. There is a shamanic ritual to release attachments to people from the past that are no longer serving you, so it is full of all these ancient tricks and tips that really do help heal your heart, clear your energy, and make you really ready for love, and help heal the relationships you’re in by healing your heart and clearing out your energy.

With that, they can get my newsletter, which is really fun. I write a newsletter pretty regularly where I talk about what is going on in the stars, what is going on in the world, what is going on with celebrities, which is super fun as always, it’s everybody’s favorite. And then, my favorite relationship tips. Through that, they can find all my reports.

Beautiful, thank you so much, Carol.

Thank you, Orion, this was really fun.

This was awesome. Thank you, listeners. Remember to honor yourselves and your feelings, follow the things you love, believe in love, believe in your desires, and live a stellar life. This is Orion, until next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

{✓} Find out what your moon sign is. In Vedic Astrology, sun signs are not as important as moon signs in partner compatibility.
{✓} Take time to learn more about yourself on a deeper level. Find out what you want and don’t want by being more open to new ideas and trying new things.
{✓} Resist peer pressure and quit trying to be who someone you’re not. Live as honestly as you can, and the right people and opportunities will follow.
{✓} Balance your spiritual and primal senses in your search for love. Sometimes there can be strong physical energy between partners, but the spiritual part is lacking, or vice versa. This type of relationship won’t last long.
{✓} Research you and your partner’s birth information. Your birth story can reveal a lot about your personality and destiny.
{✓} Discover your partner’s love archetype and how it compliments your own. Knowing how one prefers to be loved can give you more knowledge and understanding on how to treat your partner better.
{✓} Give men cues if you want them to notice you and approach you. According to Carol, 85% of relationships are initiated by women giving the signal that it’s okay to approach.
{✓} Observe whether your partner respects your boundaries. Evaluate his reaction when you say “No” to something.
{✓} Check yourself regularly and honor how you feel. Meditate and give yourself time for contemplation so that you don’t forget to take care of your own well-being.
{✓} Check out Carol Allen’s website if you’re interested in charting your romantic destiny.

Links and Resources

About Carol Allen

Carol Allen is a Vedic astrologer and relationship coach whose mission is to empower women to enjoy truly out of this world love lives. Carol has been featured on E!, Bridezillas, EXTRA, Dr. Drews Lifechangers and in Chicken Soup For The Soul, Woman’s World, and is the author of Love Is In The Stars The Wise Woman’s Astrological Guide To Men.