A Personal Note from Orion

Can sexuality, consciousness and personal development be connected? This week we talked about the rise of the feminine and the expression of the masculine in today’s world, how to awaken more passion, and how to make your relationship hotter and more connected.

Destin Gerek is a highly sought after transformational empowerment coach who is on this week’s episode, giving us a juicy insight into understanding the male/female dynamics within us and how to parlay this into different aspects of our lives, in particular our sex lives.

 

 

In this Episode

• [03:03] – Destin shares a bit about himself, explaining how he got involved in his field. He then goes on to talk about his spiritual awakening.
• [07:17] – We learn more about Destin’s purpose and mission, which involves healing a false schism between sexuality and spirituality.
• [09:58] – Destin talks about his creative methods of dealing with negativity from the people around him.
• [11:33] – What does Destin see happening on the planet when it comes to masculine and feminine energy? He speaks to the two poles of men’s reactions to the way women are becoming increasingly empowered.
• [15:36] – Destin explores the ideology of men on the misogynistic end of the spectrum. He then discusses some of the challenges facing men today.
• [18:06] – Orion steps in for a moment to talk about the polarization surrounding the Women’s March.
• [20:27] – At the root of things, Destin is a big fan of feminism, he explains.
• [23:12] – Destin talks more about helping men evolve their masculine.
• [25:55] – We hear what the second and third major areas in the journey on which he leads men. In the process, he explains that men (not only women) can have multiple orgasms.
• [28:19] – Destin discusses the questions of how to meet and match a partner. He goes on to talk about the importance of confronting old wounds in the masculine and feminine.
• [33:56] – Using a quote from an Ani DiFranco song, Destin clarifies how he thinks about the masculine and feminine within each of us.
• [35:35] – We all want the hottest lover we’ve ever had and a best friend all in one person. Destin talks about how we can get that.
• [37:15] – In long-term relationships, how do we ignite and maintain sexual desire and passion?
• [38:26] – Orion and Destin talk about Jaiya, who was an early guest on each of their podcasts. Destin then talks about “sexploration.”
• [42:40] – Where do Destin and his fiancee get their ideas for their sexploration sessions?
• [44:07] – Destin shares his three tips for living a stellar life: 1. Stop compromising. Be in the practice of following your truth. 2. Integrity. Get clear on what your principles and values are, and live by them. 3. Never stop exploring
• [46:14] – Destin gives two gifts to Stellar Life listeners. The first is the Evolved Masculine Blueprint, and the second is at enticingdesire.com, where you can learn the “one thing that separates the man she remembers forever from all the men that she forgets.”

About Today’s Show

‏‏Hello and welcome to Stellar Life podcast. I am your host, Orion, founder of Orion’s Method. My guest today is Destin Gerek. He’s an internationally recognized leading voice in masculinity, sexuality, consciousness, and personal development. He’s dedicated to redefining masculinity for the 21stcentury and referred to by the press as Tantra meets Tony Robbins. Destin has reached people with his message on six continents empowering individuals, couples, and groups worldwide. In this episode, we talked about the rise of the feminine in today’s world, the empowerment of the masculine, polarity in relationships, and how to awaken more passion and bring your relationship to life. It is my great pleasure to introduce to you Destin Gerek. Hi Destin and welcome to Stellar Life Podcast! How are you doing today?

‏‏I am fantastic. I’m really looking forward to this. It’s been years since we’ve been able to connect.

‏‏I know. Oh my god, it’s so exciting. I’m so excited about this podcast because you are like one of my juicier guests.

‏‏I will not let you down.

‏‏I get lots of people in the areas of business, relationships but you have that sensuality, sexuality, masculinity, essence to you in what you do. You bring to the surface some things that not too many people talk about openly. You bring upon their revolution of feeling free and owning who you are and your sexuality, sensuality, mastering yourself and destiny. You combine spirituality with sexuality. I love everything that you do. You’re awesome.

‏‏Thank you. I think you nailed me pretty well with that.

‏‏How about you share a little bit about what you do from your perspective.

‏‏Yes, sure. It’s been 20 years now since I first started my education training around sexuality as a college student at NYU doing my initial trainings to be a pure sexual health advocate at NYU where I learned to lead workshops for the students on campus around safer sex, STDs, sexual assaults, LGBT issues, sex toys, and orgasms.

‏‏I like orgasms.

‏‏That’s good. Me too, as well. I like having them. I love providing them, helping create them, whatever words you want for it. It just never stops. It’s been a windy path when I was initially really starting that path at 18, 19 years old. People would ask me, “What are you planning on doing with these?” I was like, “I have absolutely no idea.” It took me years, many years, to really figure out how to properly monetize this, to really hone my message and my work and particularly, I’ve been so committed to this path and so committed to not do anything in my life that wasn’t in alignment with what I felt I was here to do. Honestly, it took years of walking life at the line of poverty before I went to the multiple six figures. It kind of went like that. From $25,000 a year to $100,000 plus.

‏‏This really inspired me. Wow.

‏‏It really came from following my heart, following my passion, not giving up for anything, having my own spiritual awakening which is why that’s woven in so deeply into my work. When that spiritual awakening occurred, it was very natural to me to be asking how does my sexuality fit in with this new found spiritual connection because it was my path. Then, tons of people started flooding into my life and I started finding myself rising up to those ranks. Speaking at conferences around Tantra, sexuality and consciousness and ultimately being the master of ceremonies in 2011. It was the 11th Annual International Conference on Sexuality and Consciousness in Sedona where I was able to introduce Mantak Chia, a Keynote speaker. For those who are familiar with him, he’s a big deal. Since then, I’ve had the honor, privilege, pleasure, of being flown all over this world, whether speaking at different conferences or just being paid extraordinary well to help dive in with people one on one and help them restructure their lives. When it comes to people that I work with at that level, I’d like to work with men who have already created a high level of success in this material world with their business. Basically, discovering their capacity to have an impact, to create resources, to have influence and yet they are also called on a deeper personal, spiritual developmental path. They’re at that point where they recognize that something is really off in regards to their sexuality, their relationships to women, their sense of self as a man. And that offness has hit a boiling point where it’s starting to affect everything else or recognizing that this part of their life is just not measuring up to the extraordinariness that they’ve created in all the other areas of their life.

‏‏Wow. What’s your purpose and why do you think you kept going regardless of not making enough money, regardless—probably you had many naysayers and trolls, and people that are talking down on you.

‏‏Many.

‏‏How do you deal with all that? Two part question. One, what’s your purpose and why? Two, how did you have your purpose tide the way regardless of the naysayers?

‏‏These are big questions. I’ll do my best.

‏‏And go!

‏‏I relate to my sense of mission and purpose. It’s something that I had relationship to before I had a concept of such things. Like I said, at 18, 19 years old, I felt like I was following something. I didn’t know what it was. There’s a feeling of passion. It just seemed to keep pulling me in this direction or that direction. I just followed it. It wasn’t until much later that concepts of spiritual purpose came into my lexicon. When I think of why I’m here on this planet and what kind of legacy I want to leave behind, what’s my sense of being and purpose, it’s primarily two parts. I would say that one big part of it is to help with the rebalancing of masculine and feminine energies that are happening on this planet, healing that what I call falsescism between our sexuality and our spirituality. Most of us are raised to believe that these two things, our sex and our spirit, are completely separate spheres and not only separate but opposing one another. If you want to dive into one, it’s going to be at the expense of the other. You have to turn off the other. I don’t believe that that needs to be the case nor I believe that “it’s supposed to be the case”. But really, if we are looking for it there, the divine can be found anywhere in anything and everything. Our sexuality is such a potent force, it’s that which creates life even. It is arguably the creative force of the universe, is that not what God is? Really exploring those intricacies, those connections, releasing all semblance of shame, guilt, and fear that so many of us have had pushed into us from such a young age so that we can come to that place of true celebration, true flow so that our sexuality is neither something that’s repressed or suppressed nor is it something that’s controlling us.

Most of us are raised to believe that these two things, our sex and our spirit, are completely separate spheres and not only separate but opposing one another. Click To Tweet

‏‏Beautiful.

‏‏Yeah, fixing that.

‏‏That’s amazing.

‏‏That’s part one.

‏‏Part two, how did you deal with those naysay? There is this inner voice that probably told you, “What the hell are you doing? You’re not making the money.” There are so many naysayers and unkind people in this world that are telling you that what you’re doing is wrong or just looking at you weird. How did you deal with all that?

‏‏Tell them to fuck off. I created a label or folder in my Gmail account, which I still have, labelled Haterz. Whenever I would get hate mail or some form, whatever it is, I would read it, smile, and put it in that folder. I feel like I learned a lot through some of the cultural aspects that come out of the African American community around dealing with haters. There’s this great video by Katt Williams who, when it comes to my particular work in the world, sexuality and relationships to women, he’s extremely problematic but this 30-second or minute piece that you can find, if you look at Katt Williams Haters, he does an incredible bit about the value of having haters. If you don’t have haters, you’re not doing anything. Your job is to go out and create haters. That’s how you know that you’re doing something of value. I really took that in and took it as positive reinforcements. Though in all honesty, I don’t really get a whole lot of it anymore. I used to get much more of it.

‏‏You’re on a different vibration.

‏‏Yeah, I guess so. It happens every now and then but whatever.

‏‏So interesting. Destin, what do you see happening on the planet when it comes to masculine-feminine energy the confusion and the way people show up. I ask little questions. All, little questions.

‏‏It’s a very complex tapestry of things that are going on. But one of the big pieces, particularly in the west, in the Unites States I’ll speak primarily to right now, women have been rising up over the past few decades, particularly past four. Claiming their power, stepping into positions of leadership, I mean look at yourself, owning their voices, even owning their sexuality and desires like never before, like in ways that your grandmother never would have been able to dream of.

‏‏I did like that visual. My grandma desires, oh no, no.

‏‏Well, it is my hope that your grandchildren, your granddaughter will be able to have a very different vantage points because her grandmother, you, will simply be much more of that whole integrated individual through her, that’s what she knows.

‏‏The way we show up, whether it’s in sexuality or in any other area in life is a way to either stay where we are, go back, or break the chain and change the lineage of all the women or men that will come after us.

‏‏Yeah. There’s a lot of confusion amongst men right now around what do we do with this? What do we do with this new kind of woman? What is our role anymore? I noticed that there are two major ways that men are reacting or responding. When I say this, I want to make it clear, this is a generalization, I’m speaking of the two poles. People tend to live on spectrums but I’ll speak to the poles. On one side, there is a set of men who are responding with anger, resentment. They’re kind of pissed off, feeling like the feminists are trying to take something away from them.

‏‏Therefore we should grab them by the—

‏‏Yes, exactly. And basically put you back in your place which truth be told, is really what you want from us anyway. That’s one pole. The other side of the spectrum is men who are collapsing in the phase of these empowered women, who are so afraid of being that guy, of coming across as a creep, or making her uncomfortable, that he is that perpetual nice guy. He is really sweet. You can really enjoy being around him but he has emasculated himself, he’s nurtured himself.

‏‏My god, you just gave me goosebumps. So sad.

‏‏He’s disconnected from his own power, his own truth, and his own desires. Most of the men that I work with fall more on this side.

‏‏Okay. Because the moment that they’re in anger and high testosterone, they think they don’t need to be fixed.

‏‏There’s a whole segment of the internet known as the nanosphere that is filled with these, with the whole MRAs or Men’s Rights Activists which on a surface with that name, I could stand behind but much of where it comes from and with the culture that has reasoned around this, I cannot stand behind at all. They call themselves the Red Pill community.

‏‏Never heard of it.

‏‏You are really well-off. When I started exploring this little rabbit hole, any time I dip in, I felt it would ruin my day. It would really affect me emotionally. At the same time, there is this desire in me, how can I help these men?

‏‏What is their ideology?

‏‏Essentially, like I started exploring, it’s dripping with misogyny. It’s a lot of victimhood. It’s about how we, as men, are the true victims of society today in this feminized culture that we’re living in.

‏‏Really?

‏‏Yes. Feminism equals evil. There are some truths that you come out here and there within this. We are living in a time period right now where we are having a certain crisis of masculinity and manhood. With this shift, I view crisis as a great thing, personally, because it is in times of crisis that true transformation can occur. I view these sorts of problems very differently and I view the solution very, very differently. As solution, I feel that one of the big things that we need right now—before I get there—

‏‏I know. There’s so much knowledge. You’re a fountain of knowledge.

‏‏We have this old paradigm perspective of masculinity or masculine expression which is still very dominant in our world today. We have a caricature of it in the White House right now. That is very much about dominance, domineering, being in control of others. It’s a sense of power that’s largely defined by power over others and conquest. There’s a large segment of the population that are recognizing that that’s not working. This is not working, we need something else. We need an ever increasingly vocal backlash against this expression of masculinity. Last year, there was a huge surge in this conversation around “toxic masculinity”.

‏‏I never heard of that either.

‏‏Wow. This is the thing about our echo chambers. My world and social media world is filled with these conversations. Even this is limited. I do think that’s fantastic on one level that as women are rising in power, they’re drawing a line in the sand and saying that there are things that we have tolerated far too long that we’re not going to continue to tolerate. That is fantastic. At the same time, what we need more of is inspiring possibilities for men. We need new models of masculinity. It’s not just what’s wrong and what not do but hear this instead.

What we need more of is inspiring possibilities for men. We need new models of masculinity. It’s not just what’s wrong and what not do but hear this instead. Click To Tweet

‏‏You know when the Women’s March happened, it’s like the world was so polarized for the people that are for the march and the people that were against the march. Then, there were people like me who were in the middle, in the gray zone. The way I saw it, it was like, “Yes, it’s wonderful. Yes, it’s wonderful to raise awareness for women. Look at this movement, create a shift. It’s awesome.” What I did not like about it is that there was so much hate, there was so much anger. It’s just like beautiful and ugly at the same time, for me. It was amazing and there were parts of it that I saw, some speeches, it didn’t feel good. It wasn’t a message of, “Let’s change the world.” Maybe I’m naïve, but it wasn’t a message of, “Let’s change the world from a more elevated place, from a more loving place.” It was more of like, “Let’s fight, conquer, and destroy.” This is exactly the same terminology that the people that they are against are using.

‏‏There’s a lot of anger and much of the anger is with good reason. On the personal level, their anger has its place but we also get stuck in anger.

‏‏It’s like stuck in a thought. It’s like a loop where people don’t see beyond the loop and don’t take the time to see the bigger picture. It doesn’t matter what person it is or what situation it is and I think that you are the type of person that really see the 50 Shades of Grey, literally. It looks like when you look at the misogynists, you see that there are some things that they are right. Not everything that they are saying is completely wrong. When you look at the feminists, not everything that they’re saying is right. I guess that’s what you preach, is finding that dance, finding that balance of how to empower the masculine in a way that is more elevated, in a way that they’re more spiritual, in a way that will bring more good into the world rather than more polarity, contrast, and fighting.

‏‏You’re bringing up something that’s interesting to me. I like talking about things that I haven’t talked about before. Here we go. This gets a little tricky for me sometimes because at the root of things, I am a big fan of feminism. When I look at its whole history, and getting us to where we are, it’s been so important, so incredibly important. There’s so much that’s going on right now that is so incredibly important.

‏‏There is a place for fighting and anger but sometimes it’s just, I don’t know, it’s very confusing to me sometimes.

‏‏I would like to find an easier time or some place to be able to have those more constructive conversations. Part of this, about more than just feminism, it’s the whole left of the political spectrum that on one hand, I love and in ways I identified with and in other ways, I have major critiques of. I would like to see us to hold more of a mirror up to ourselves and be more self-reflective but there’s so much tendency on whether again we’re talking about feminism or whether we’re talking about the progressive left or whether we’re talking about the right. With misogynists it doesn’t really matter. There are so much pointing fingers. Let me look at what you’re doing wrong and what you should be doing differently. From a spiritual perspective, that’s not where answers really lie. We need to start here. We need to start internally. From that internal process, find those places for compassion for yourself, for compassion for the ways in which you are making mistakes, the ways in which you’re getting it wrong and places to learn and grow, and a trust in your own inherent goodness in that process. I believe that when we are able to find that for ourselves within, it’s easy to engage with another human being from the same type of place where at least there’s a possibility for us to find where can we find our harmony, where’s a place of overlap. But I get very concerned with the state of me and everyone else, very concerned about the state of the US today and how much anger, how much division, how we don’t even seem to be treating each other like human beings anymore.

‏‏Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. How can we change our own world? You worked with men and you have them evolved their masculine. What is evolving their masculine means to you and how do you work with them? What do you help them grow into?

‏‏I run a six-month men’s programs called the Evolved Masculine Path and then of course I have my Top Level 101 work which is very elite in particular.

‏‏Yeah, you work with celebrities and talk the talk.

‏‏Yeah, Silicon Valley CEO types, folks who are already making a difference or cultural influences of some sort. I feel like that’s where I can maximize my impact. But then I created this six-month group program for something that would be more accessible to more people. I take them through a journey covering three main areas. One is what I call Deep Masculine Empowerment. That’s who are you as a man. What does it mean to you to be a man? What’s your relationship to your masculinity? What does that word even mean to you? What are the aspects of masculinity that you want to move away from? What are the aspects that you want to bring more into you? What really inspires you? From there also, we cultivate a vision of your own evolved masculine arc type or your vision of if you are free of all your crap and all your limiting beliefs, and all of the social pressures and all that and really could have a vision of your own possibility, of your evolved masculine expression, that had limitless possibility, who would he be? We really detail out that vision and I’ve developed a really incredible visualization that I’ve developed over many years to help you meet that version of yourself. See him, hear him, feel him, experience him and have a conversation with him and then to use a certain NLP in your linguistic programming tools that anchor him into your body and make him accessible to you at any point.

‏‏That sounds so beautiful. It’s pretty much what I do with women, where I help them awaken their inner goddess.

‏‏Wonderful.

‏‏That’s the exploration. What is a goddess? What do you think is a goddess? How do you show up as a goddess? If you are a goddess, would you act this way, speak this way? It’s very powerful. I love what you do with men today because it’s so important to remind women their powers as women and to remind men their power as being men, as showing up powerfully in this world. What is the difference between somebody who starts working with you where they’re masculine identity and sexuality is very dim to what happens when they own their evolved masculine?

‏‏I will answer that. I’d like to finish that with the two other major areas in the journey that we use. We have the Deep Masculine Empowerment. The second area is what I call Sexual Self-Mastery. This is about mastering your own sexuality, connecting to your sexual energy as an energy rather than this urge. This can lead to fun, marketable things like being able to last as long as you want, having full body orgasms versus just genitally based sneezes, separating out ejaculation from orgasm which can lead to experiencing non-ejaculatory energetic orgasms and even “holy grail” of male multiple orgasms which are things that our society doesn’t even recognize as possible but they are.

‏‏Yeah. It’s like this is only for women usually. That’s how we perceive it. Multiple body orgasms are for women. But you say no.

‏‏Nope. By being able to tap into that as a man yourself, it basically allows you to go on those as well as take care on those wave after wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure together versus feeling like you need to be thinking about baseball statistics or grandma again, in order to separate from your situation, to decrease your turn on which is the exact opposite of what I teach there. Anyway, the third area is what I call Understanding and Gratifying Women, particularly this new kind of women which you are a great representation of, this woman on her own evolutionary path.

‏‏I don’t get no satisfaction but I try and I try. Sorry.

‏‏I’ve been listening to Rolling Stones a lot recently which I never did previous in my life. It’s funny that you did. You’re welcome to speak to. The major refrain that I hear from these women all the time is how difficult it is for them to find a man. You can truly meet them.

‏‏I’m lucky enough to meet a man who’s freaking amazing, to meet and marry and have him with me every day. But yeah, it was a long journey looking for him and finding him. Speak more, talk more about that. It’s important.

‏‏How you meet this woman sexually, emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually, what is it that she’s wanting and looking for? How do you navigate the intensity of a woman’s emotions without getting knocked on your ass whether we’re talking about her anger and rage, whether we’re talking about her tears and sadness, whether we’re talking about her ecstasy and orgasm? Those two things are the surest way to knock a man off center yet, there are tools to help you be able to remain centered, remain grounded in the midst of that intensity.

‏‏So powerful.

‏‏It’s been so huge in my own journey which is what I make a point of.

‏‏Because women as women, we have been told, I’m generalizing right now, by our fellow men that we are too crazy, too big, too emotional especially you’re too emotional but our greatest gift is to be emotional and to feel everything and to actually guide our men to feel more and connect more with that aspect of themselves.

‏‏I believe that we’re here really to help each other become more whole in and of ourselves as well. Are you familiar with David Deida’s work? Does your audience here about it?

‏‏Yeah I do.

‏‏In the circles that I travel, he’s kind of a big figure. There are aspects of his work that I highly appreciate and there are places of divergence of course.

‏‏Like with every other guru.

‏‏Like with myself last week. I always agree with me, let alone anybody else. He puts a lot of emphasis on playing with polarity, particularly, masculine and feminine polarity, and using that to build attraction and create powerful sexual experiences and even that it’s a portal for spiritual development. I think in our society today, where there’s been so much masculinisation of women and so much feminisation of men, there’s a lot of value there in learning to reconnect to our “core essences”, men connecting more deeply again to our masculine and connecting and healing relationships to their feminine. And I also believe that we’re whole beings and we have access to the all.

‏‏Amen. I do agree with that.

‏‏There’s value to be found in the all. Like you, Orion. Your feminine really comes through on our interactions. You glow, you have a radiance about you that comes through your face, your eyes, your body.

‏‏Keep talking.

‏‏I’m sure your listeners are already very aware. No doubt it’s one of the alluring pieces of listening to you.

‏‏Stop. Continue. Stop. Continue.

‏‏That alone is very feminine. Stop. Continue. Stop. Continue. Those are incredibly interesting aspects of your feminine but your masculine is also a clear part of this. Your drive, that’s linear single-pointed aspect of what you are doing with your podcast. You are directive with it. You have created something that you are driving in a particular direction. That comes from the masculine energy. If you didn’t have access to any of that, we would not be experiencing this with you.

‏‏Yeah, for sure.

‏‏We need both of it in us and have the capacity to access and that is one of the beautiful aspects of our time, is that more and more of us do have the capacity to pull from these range of energies within us and just about everybody, if not everybody, has wounds around their feminine. Everybody has wounds around their masculine. Whether you’re a man, both of those are true. Whether you’re a woman, both of those are true.

‏‏So profound.

‏‏How do we go in and really, eyes open, confront those wounds around each so that when we’re showing up in the world it’s not like, “This is just who you are because well actually, this is how you’re showing up as a result from these old wounds that you built up defense mechanisms around and so you’re learning this way towards your feminine, and this way because you have wounds around your masculine or you’re leading this way to express this way because your wounds are around your feminine.” What would be your true and authentic expression? I feel the only way to really know that is to confront those old wounds.

‏‏The way I see it is, we’re yin and yang, dark and light. We are everything. Some of us are more feminine in our core. Some of us are more masculine in our core. It’s really good to strengthen the muscles of the feminine and the masculine and dance with it throughout the day and know what times of the day or in what areas of my life do I want to use that masculine traits like when I drive my business, my podcast, when I’m alone at night and I have to put on a guard and make sure that I’m safe and then when do I choose to connect more to my feminine essence when I’m playful and I’m fun, and I’m flowing and who do I do it with.

‏‏At like 19, 20 years old, I got introduced to Ani DiFranco, old folk music, singer-songwriter. She had a phrase in this song, Overlap, which I really liked, where she said, “I know there are strengths in the differences between us and I know there’s comfort where we overlap.”

‏‏Oh, beautiful.

‏‏That is really how I think about the masculine-feminine within us in relationship, is that our polarity, my masculine and your feminine, that is where the deeper parts of attraction are created. If you take two ends, the north and south end of magnets and the way they’ll pull towards one another, that’s really important as well as hot in relating.

‏‏Getting hot as we speak. A little more air. Whoo, somebody open the window!

‏‏Then my feminine helps me connect and understand you. Your masculine helps you connect and understand me. These are our places of overlap. These are our ways of comfort, of connection. It’s own type of ease. Both are highly valuable. Too many of us can end up focusing for comfort or for pure attraction. What if we instead focus on the cultivation of both of these goals? Because that’s what we all really want in a relationship, isn’t it? We want both the hottest lover we’ve ever had and a best friend.

‏‏How do we do that?

‏‏When we have to decide to do it, like with anything else, it starts with a decision. From that decision, making a commitment that you’re focusing on. Where we focus attention, it’s where consciousness grows. If you decide that that is where you want to focus on, you want that and you will have it, you’ll learn, you’ll seek answers, answers will solve themselves, things will pop up.Suddenly, you notice things that you never noticed before. That’s always a starting place. It doesn’t really matter what you’re doing. One, contact me. That’s a great, great, great place to start. When it comes to long-term relationships, I don’t really know the demographics of your audience but those who are married for example, the attraction piece tends to be a part that tends to lessen over time as they move more towards the best friend, the partner, the focus on family component of things and it is that polarity that needs to be cultivated.

‏‏That’s awesome. Okay, let’s talk about sex.

‏‏Okay. I’m happy to talk about sex with you, Orion.

‏‏Long-term relationships, how do we ignite that? How do we create more polarity? How do we create more fire and passion? I know you have a term. You call it becoming a sex artist.

‏‏I do?

‏‏You have it on your website. You probably wrote it, I mean you’ve been teaching it for 18 years.

‏‏Yeah. I used to define myself as an erotic artist. I had a seven year-period where I went by Moniker, the erotic rockstar. In many ways, this that I’m touching upon is where I found a lot of those answers. How do you cultivate it? Again, you make it a priority. When I spent seven years as the self-described erotic rockstar, my sexuality and artistic expression were my top priority. Because they were my top priority, they grew and grew and grew. Unfortunately, for so many people say, we’re so overwhelmed with work, with family, with the kids, with a never-ending to-do list, that our sexuality, well that combine with the various types of sexual shame, guilt and fury that we’re programmed with. Sexuality ends up falling so low in the list because there’s always something that needs to be done. How are you prioritizing this?

‏‏I was speaking to Jaiya on this podcast.

‏‏I love Jaiya.

‏‏Yeah, I love her. I was also in her MasterMind and she’s amazing and I really like her. Listeners, if you want to listen to Jaiya, it was episode three, one of my very first episodes.

‏‏She was my second guest onto my podcast.

‏‏Oh my god. Woohoo! She was talking about sex labs and she was talking about carving up that time to connect and explore. What would be your approach to igniting the passion?

‏‏First of all that’s great, go for it. Sex labs, as she puts it, are fantastic. Jaiya and I are very close. We’ve known each other for 11 years. We’ve lived together before.

‏‏You’ve lived together?

‏‏Yeah.

‏‏Oh wow.

‏‏I also consider her one of my greatest inspirations in all honesty. I understand her use of that language. Basically, with sex labs, it’s the idea of thinking as your experimental grounds. My fiancé and I use the term sexplorations.

‏‏I like the language around sexploration. Sometimes when I think about labs, it just makes me feel like a rab rat.

‏‏What? That doesn’t turn you on?

‏‏I don’t want to do that. It’s so interesting how language can influence our psyche.

‏‏Totally, totally. Actually tonight is our sexploration night.

‏‏Oh, you’re a lucky man.

‏‏We kind of did it. We tapped already into it this morning.

‏‏What do you do? What do you do with sexploration?

‏‏The main guiding principle is we do that which we don’t do. It’s anything outside of our normal. Within relationships, especially long-term relationships, you can build up your habits and your patterns with sex and with everything. You come to learn about what turns each other on or how to get the other person to orgasm. It’s so easy to default into, “Okay. I know what to do. I just do this. Here’s the pattern. This is the pattern. I touch here. I lick here. I move like this at this speed.” Boom, that’s a sure way to get her to cum or to whatever.  Is there something wrong with it? There are certain fantastic components into it.

‏‏Especially when you don’t have much time.

‏‏Which is too often the case.

‏‏Let’s go, come on. A, B, C, D, we’re done. Woohoo! Let’s go and make some money.

‏‏Sexploration is about setting the time aside. We make a point of having early dinner so that we’re not too tired by the time we get around it.

‏‏Super important, especially for the ladies.

‏‏We give ourselves hours. Again, the main guiding principle is to sexplore, to explore new territories, to do something that we’ve never done before. Whether we’re roleplaying–very recently, we played this little game where we were on kind of like a blind date, maybe it’s more like a Tinder date that we’re going out for our first time.

‏‏“Hello. What’s your name? I’m Justin. Who you are you?” “I’m Fiona.”

‏‏It was fun because again, in my erotic rockstar years, I highly developed my seducer self, let’s put it that way.

‏‏Yes.

‏‏In long-term relationships, they can be a feeling of, “Wait. I miss that.” It allowed me to pull him out because my role there really was to–she was this woman I was meeting for this first time, for this date and I was to seduce her. Now, the fact that she’s my partner of three years, in reality, it still allowed us to really drop into that mentality and those energetic dynamics of it. That’s an example. Sometimes we’ll get a new sex toy and focusing on playing with that.

‏‏Where do you get the ideas from?

‏‏We’re both creative individuals.

‏‏You should have one sheet for your many ideas.

‏‏Thank you. I’ll think about that one. I’ll talk to her about that. But I will tell you, a gift for you and your listeners, it’s a muscle like anything else. You and your partner may start out with the sense of I don’t know what to do. It can be a little different, a little tweak.

‏‏Make it fun and not serious. Allow yourself to fail and allow yourself to be goofy. Don’t judge each other and come with no expectations and see what’s going to come out of it.

‏‏The thing is that, the more that you do it, the more the ideas will come. You put your mind to it. At first it may feel like a little bit of struggle or it might be blank and next thing you know, you’re just being flooded with new ideas.

‏‏Flooded.

‏‏Thank you for that.

‏‏Oh my god. I want to speak with you for hours but we are at the top of the hour so before we go, two quick questions. One, three quick tips to living a stellar life and then, please share with us where can people find you, work with you, and know more about you.

‏‏Okay. First of all, I really enjoyed this interview.

‏‏Thank you. Me too.

‏‏Three tips to living a stellar life. Don’t compromise. Stop compromising. Be in the practice of following your truth. Listen, cultivate that inner voice and learn to listen to it and follow it. That’s my number one. Number two, I’m going to say is integrity. I feel like this is almost a lost art, especially if you live in California.

Listen, cultivate that inner voice and learn to listen to it and follow it. Click To Tweet

‏‏Flakiness.

‏‏Yeah. When I speak of integrity, more than anything, get clear on what your principles and values are and live by them. Call yourself out. Until you find yourself fully living in accordance with those values, when you find yourself out of integrity in some way, do whatever you need to do to clean it back up and get back into integrity. The more that you do this, let’s just say it is too rare and people notice-it is the foundation on which I built my reputation, I’m very proud of that. I will say what it does for me and I expect that it would do wonders for you, both on a personal level as well as a professional level. Three, I’m going to say never stop exploring whether we’re talking about your sexuality, your masculinity or your femininity, or life itself. Life is a banquet. There is no end of new experiences to be had, new pleasures to be had. Keep exploring. Keep exploring. Keep exploring. It’s so easy for us to get into ruts again whether we’re talking about your sex life or you’re talking about the–like when somebody hasn’t seen you in a while and asks you how things have been, if your answer is same old, same old, you’re not exploring. There’s too much to this life and this is the one you’ve got. Never stop exploring.

‏‏Yeah, make it stellar.

‏‏Make it stellar.

‏‏Where can people find you?

‏‏I want to give a gift to your listeners.

‏‏Yay! Thank you.

‏‏Ugh, I’m torn, because I have two. I’ll just give you both. You can have them both and you can decide which one you want.

‏‏Thank you.

‏‏One is called the Evolved Masculine Blueprint. There were some questions around what the Evolved Masculine means to me, well I have detailed him out very clearly in a seven-minute audio that will probably something, if not multiple things, and it will really resonate for you. That’s at www.evolvedmasculine.com/blueprint. It’s a quick download, seven-minute audio to help you get clear on what your evolved masculine arc type could look like. The second gift that I want to give you is www.enticingdesire.com. I described this as the one thing in bed that separates the lovers she remembers forever from all the men she quickly forgets. www.enticingdesire.com. Some of you maybe more drawn to one, some of you maybe more drawn to the other so, take your pick.

‏‏Thank you so much. You are awesome. You are amazing. Thank you so much for this conversation and all the beautiful advice and thank you for the amazing gifts.

‏‏Yeah. You’re such a pleasure to engage with. This is a great example though of the power of polarity. I really believe that the dance between our masculine and feminine within this has made it as much as you used the term earlier, a juicier episode.

‏‏Amazing. Thank you, Destin. Thank you.

‏‏Thank you. Take care.

‏‏Thank you.

Your Checklist Actions to Take

✓ Reevaluate my perspective on sexuality and spirituality. If I see them as opposed or mutually exclusive, work on accepting that they can go hand-in-hand.

✓ Release the shame and guilt I may still carry regarding my sexuality. Celebrate my sexuality instead of suppressing or repressing it.

✓ Make an email folder specifically for unpleasant or hate mail. Whenever you get a piece, read it, smile, and move it to that folder.

✓ Identify three cases in which my tendency is to point fingers and tell other people what they’re doing wrong. In each of those cases, figuratively hold a mirror up to myself and be more self-reflective.

✓ Ask myself who I am as a man, what it means to me to be a man, and what my relationship is with my masculinity. Write down my answers to each question for added clarity.

✓ Within my relationship, focus on cultivating both poles; my partner can be both the hottest lover I’ve ever had and my best friend. Make a commitment to focus my attention on this.

✓ Designate a weekly “sexploration” night with my partner, when we turn off distractions and focus only on each other for several hours.

✓ In each sexploration session, try sexual activities that are outside of what I normally do with my partner. Focus on breaking our sexual habits and patterns.

✓ If I’m struggling for ideas for sexploration, don’t give up. Push through the discomfort and struggle; it will become easier with time and practice.

✓ Write down five to ten of my deepest core principles and values. Regularly assess whether my actions line up with these values, and adjust my actions when there’s a discrepancy.

Links and Resources:

About Destin Gerek

Destin Gerek is a transformational empowerment coach who specializes in helping you tap deep into your masculine core, awaken your sexual energy, and harness this newfound power to passionately manifest your biggest visions, and create the life of your dreams. Referred to by the press as Tantra meets Tony Robbins, Destin Gerek is an internationally recognized leading voice in masculinity, sexuality, consciousness, and personal empowerment.  Recognizing the need for new role models for men in these changing times, Destin is dedicated to redefining masculinity for the 21st century.