Episode 51 | February 14, 2017

Understanding Men, Women, & The Queen’s Code with Alison Armstrong

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Mission #51

On Board: Alison Armstrong
Mission: Understanding Men, Women, & The Queen’s Code

The Co-Pilot:

In preparation for Valentine’s Day, I had a lovely conversation with Alison Armstrong, who is a world-renowned expert on male/female, masculine/feminine dynamics. Alison is an author and a sought-after speaker in gender differences and dynamics, sexuality, relationships, and more.

In our conversation, she offers beautiful advice about how to better manage these relationships to lead to greater fulfillment for both partners. She emphasizes the importance of truly appreciating your partner in a way that is meaningful to him, and explores the deep benefits of forgiving yourself. She’s here to teach you how to own everything that you are, so you can find love again.  I don’t think I could have had a more perfect guest on this Valentine’s day!

Connect With Alison:

Understand Men on Facebook

The Mission Log:

  • [02:10] – What is the most astonishing discovery that Alison has made about men and women, and they way they connect?
  • [05:02] – Alison has said that we see men as “hairy, misbehaving women.” She talks more about the way the genders interact.
  • [08:20] – Orion points out that men don’t like to report as much as women do; Alison takes it a step further, emphasizing how deeply ingrained it is in men not to expend energy on conversations like this.
  • [10:10] – Alison discusses Orion’s use of the word “obey” in relation to men, and talks about the importance of appreciating people’s good choices.
  • [12:13] – Alison talks about how to view the “part” in “partnership,” how important it is to show appreciation in the other person’s currency, and the “worth it calculation.”
  • [18:43] – What are some ways to find and speak our partner’s love language?
  • [20:02] – Alison offers an example to explain why love languages and appreciation currencies matter. She also talks about the teleclass called The Appreciation Equation on her site.
  • [25:15] – At Alison’s house, she and her husband have something called a “credit tour,” where they point out the things they need to be appreciated for.
  • [25:40] – What makes a woman attractive to a man? Alison’s somewhat surprising answer is that instead of worrying about being attractive, you should show that you’re attracted to him.
  • [30:00] – Orion talks about her Awaken Your Inner Goddess Challenge. She then asks Alison’s advice for what women should do to heal themselves. In her answer, Alison emphasizes the importance of forgiving oneself.
  • [37:09] – When Alison talks about “owning,” is that public or private? And how do we get to a place of owning ourselves and our actions?
  • [40:12] – Alison talks about Valentine’s Day, starting with her aversion to its disempowering history and false beginning.
  • [44:44] – Money is like a man, Allison says, and explains the connection. Again, she emphasizes the need to be impressed and appreciative.
  • [46:42] – Alison offers her advice on healing from betrayal, trusting again, and rediscovering faith in love. Much of this revolves around unspoken expectations on both parts.
  • {[53:02] – What are Alison’s three tips for living a stellar life? 1. Figure out what your shortlist (of things you truly need) is. 2. Make clear to everyone who you care about what your needs are, and ask if they’ll provide it to you. 3. Assess whether the shortlist of what people are able to provide to you matches the shortlist of what you need.

Your Pre-Flight Checklist:

  1. Try to avoid asking a man a relationship question unless you want a literal answer. He’s more likely to try to genuinely answer it than to take any hint you intended with the question.
  2. Don’t take it personally if your guy answers your questions about his day with “good” or “fine.” It’s his hunter instinct to conserve energy showing itself.
  3. Be direct about what you want or need from your partner. You need to provide clarity if you want your partner to provide what you’re asking for.

Links and Resources:

Understand Men on Facebook
The Queen’s Code
Love languages
The Appreciation Equation
Awaken Your Inner Goddess Challenge
A Hero’s Challenge

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