A Personal Note from Orion

Our sex lives are usually a hushed up topic, but the conversations are important to our well being.  Why?  According to Lawrence Lanoff, our creativity, success in business, and even the capability to love ourselves and in turn love others, comes from accepting and embracing our sexuality. 

Embracing your sexuality is so much more than the act of sex, it is learning to deal with past sexual trauma, it is getting to know and love your body, it is even giving more hugs and benefiting from the power of touch. 

 

About Today’s Show

‏‏Hello and welcome to Stellar Life! Today we are going to talk about sex. My awesome guest is Lawrence Lanoff, he is an award winning sex educator, who teaches the art of radical self acceptance around the world. He leads people into new paradigms of expended freedom and pleasure, while deprogramming them from the limitations of cultural repression and suppression. The bestselling author of A Course in Freedom, Lawrence has helped thousands of people embrace radical self acceptance in their daily lives. Lawrence is also a recipient of the United Nations Global 500 Award, for his work on the documentary We Can Make a Difference, which focused on young people helping the environment. Hi Lawrence, welcome!

‏‏Well, hello! Good to be here, good to be here!

‏‏Good to have you! I know that this is going to be an eye opener for a lot of us, including me.

‏‏Good! We love that.

‏‏Yeah! But, before we start, please tell me a little bit about yourself. How did you become a sex educator? That’s not a common profession.

‏‏It’s funny because, I think growing up in New York City, which is where I grew up, I realized that all roads lead-they pass through, and oftentimes lead to sex. Growing up in that city where you see just everything, I mean that city is this kind of pulsation of sexuality. An urban environment, lots of people, and creativity, and you know there’s this thing that is happening that I call the pulse of life. I saw that thread in everything that I did-from the film industry; I spent a brief time in the music industry; I’ve spent time on stage; I’ve been an actor myself, I’ve been in films; I’ve directed a ton; I’m a writer; I lead workshops now-I just realized, you know, at the end of the day, the thing that people are in the most pain about, the thing that they are most confused about, the thing that leads them really in these very difficult directions, are these issues around sexuality. That’s kind of how I came to teach about it. I think, from my perspective, I had so many bad teachers, and when I say bad I don’t mean morally bad, I mean like teachers who did not understand sexual energy. I just realized that if I was actually going to help people in a tangible way, I needed to start teaching about sex. You are not going to arrive at true happiness unless you have movement and spaciousness in your sexuality and your sexual expression. If you don’t, it’s impossible, it’s like trying to climb a slippery ice filled slope uphill, it’s really hard. That’s kind of how I came to teach about that.

You are not going to arrive at true happiness unless you have movement and spaciousness in your sexuality and your sexual expression. Share on X

‏‏Yeah, and you started when you were 10, or 12?

‏‏I started meditating when I was 10. Again, I grew up in New York City, so this isn’t that uncommon. I was asking a lot of questions, and so my mom and I actually lead a meditation group on a weekly basis, and we would just focus on a different aspect of meditation every time. When I was 12, I had the good fortune of meeting a crazy tantra master from South America, and tantra is the study of sexual energy. He, catching me at age 12-this was before puberty, before understanding what sex and orgasms, and those kinds of things were-I was cultivating this very, very powerful energy. That’s how I came to really learn about sex, because at 12, before I even knew what an orgasm was, I had already gained mastery over this energy. By the time I was actually having sex, I really had a mastery of my sexual energy. I was already on this kind of rare playing field, almost immedately.

‏‏That’s pretty rare, for a young boy to know what he’s doing.

‏‏Yeah! For sure, right? I mean, it was a very strange-

‏‏I bet you were very popular!

‏‏Oh, yeah. I was, actually. Right? The girls would be like “Oh, this guy knows what he’s doing!”

‏‏And you treated them with respect, and you care.

‏‏Totally.

‏‏Wow, that’s amazing.

‏‏It was amazing.

‏‏And I agree with you, I lived in New York for a decade. There is something about the juiciness and creativity, there is this sexual, sensual energy through the whole city. I feel that people in New York are a little more open to sexuality, to sensuality, and everything else-business. How does having a great sex life affect your creativity, or affect your success in business?

‏‏Wow, I mean, how doesn’t it? So, let’s start there. Think about this: if you wake up in the morning, and your energy is turned on, your creativity is present, you’re sexual energy, your orgasmic energy, your desire, passion, aliveness is in full throttle, that is the energy of life; that is the energy of creation and creativity; that is the energy of motivation. The challenge that I see with my coaching students, for example, is we’ve been taught that the secret to life, the secret to happiness, is marriage. Or, get a good stable job, make ten million dollars, and then you’ll be happy. Of course, this is the big joke, because marriage obviously doesn’t mean happiness by any stretch of the imagination, but this is the fairy tale that people are sold. In business, it’s the same thing, it’s like, just do this business and then all the fairy dust will come out of the unicorns nostrils, everybody will be happy. Sex energy is a tangible thing, sex is something that we experience every day. When I say we experience-when you’re alive, and you’re a human, the desire for touch and closeness, the desire to move your energy, and to feel alive-this is the most natural thing that there is. That’s why happiness is so directly tied to sexuality, and and fulfillment in business is tied to sexual energy and sexuality. Let’s say that you have all the money in the world-money can’t “buy you happiness”. It can buy you stuff, it can buy you experiences, but sex and sex energy-this is free. It’s available as a resource, right here, right now. That is the true power, it is here, it’s a resource right now.

‏‏How is it available right now?

‏‏That is what we are as humans. That is what we are-sex is life, and life is sex. You can’t-it’s available because even as I am speaking to you right now, we can become aware of our own bodies. We can become aware of our experience, and become aware of our own bodies and our own experience, and we can tap into that life force energy. That is right here, that’s the beauty, it’s not like you have to dream about it, or think about it. It’s right here. You can feel your sex as a tangible thing, you don’t have to believe in it, you don’t have to have faith in it.

‏‏Right. As you speak, I feel excited, like a little girl, like “Oh yeah, I’m feeling my body!”

‏‏Exactly! Orion, this is what we don’t give ourselves. This is really the issue, this is why I do the kind-this is why I teach on this subject. If you learn to cultivate your own energy, it’s not dependent on anything else or anyone else. It can be accentuated by somebody else, but if you are already valuing it and cultivating it, it’s right there. That is the power of what we are talking about.

‏‏I feel that so many people are deprived, or depleted, or blocked when it comes to sex, being connected to their body, or their sexual energy, that I feel even what you’ve said so far can trigger them, make them feel less than, or “I can never have that”, “I can never get that”. What can you tell them?

‏‏It’s interesting that you say that. It’s not, in my experience, that people go “Oh, I can’t ever have that”, my experience is more of this, it’s typically a moral framework that says “I shouldn’t have that”. There is a huge difference. You can have it, literally, right now. Even somebody who, maybe even being very, very disabled, can still experience sexual energy in their body. I remember one time, I was teaching a class, I had one man who was T4, so he did not have use of any of this limbs, and basically felt nothing from the neck down. He came into one of my classes, and had a full body orgasm.

‏‏Wow!

‏‏I just remember him saying, like, “I have never experienced anything like that!” Because that energy is full body. We can have that, we can learn to cultivate that. We can have physical experiences right now, but we are taught to be afraid of it. If you are a female bodied person, the likelihood that you’ve been taught that since the time you were born is very high. This is why people don’t experience that, because they are afraid.

‏‏They are afraid that they shouldn’t have-you shouldn’t enjoy what you really want. Your desires are wrong.

‏‏Exactly.

‏‏All that good stuff.

‏‏All that good stuff! In fact, I was just talking to a student of mine, and she’s relatively new to my work, and so she came and was sharing with me a little bit about her past. I said to her, and I don’t mean this in any way other than I’ve done this for so long, I said that I already know your past. I know already, and I basically just said to not tell me anymore, I am going to tell you. I basically just laid out a few scenarios, and she looked at me as if I was psychic.

‏‏You probably were in a way.

‏‏Well, in a way, in a way. I also recognize very much what it is like to have a female body in a culture that is very afraid of female sexuality specifically, and is afraid of sexual energy in general.

‏‏And feeling all of those feelings that you feel, you sense people, you sense their energy, you can read them, you’ve done it since you were 12 years old.

‏‏Exactly.

‏‏Can that be, sometimes, in your way, or overwhelming, or too much for you? How do you set boundaries?

‏‏I set boundaries very simply. If there are any healers listening to this podcast, this is my boundary. It’s called write a check. If you are writing a check, I will give you my full super powers. If you’re not writing a check, we’re just hanging out. I had to make that distinction, because it’s none of my business, it’s not my business to tell people how to live their lives, right? But, if they come to me, and they say “Hey! I want your help! This is where I am feeling stuck and this is what I am afraid of..” and I want an accelerant, which is what sexual energy is, it’s an accelerant, putting gasoline on fire, then yes, I am the perfect person to talk to. But, I am not-I was recently speaking with somebody and she said something to me like “I’m scared” and I said that there is nothing to be scared of. If somebody is afraid of their energy, I’m not going to be like, oh, well, let me tell you all about it and how stupid that is. There is no way. You have to be at a certain maturity level to engage in this kind of, look at the world. You have to have more of an adult framework.

‏‏Right. Have you been criticized, ever, for what you’re doing?

‏‏You know, I mean, most people don’t have the cojones to say something to my face, but I’m sure that privately, they have said all kinds of things.

‏‏You’re dealing with a lot of taboos.

‏‏Oh, all the time.

‏‏And the way you carry yourself in the world, I’ve never met anyone who leaks this sexual energy, like everything that you do-your gaze, your tone of voice-it’s all around you, in your field, in your aura. That can be intimidating for some people, for sure.

‏‏Well, I think it is, but it’s not intended, I’m not-

‏‏I know, it’s just who you are. You’re so in it, you’re so elevated in that part and connected to that spiritual, sexual energy, that people are like whoa! They are either like, I want to have that, or this is too much.

‏‏Exactly. And, this is a really important distinction, Orion, I do that for me. That’s for me. I’ve lived long enough at this point, I’ve lived for other people, I’ve spent entire decades living for other people. There comes a point where you draw a line, and you say enough is enough. That, what you feel, is just because that is what I cultivate in my being, because it makes me feel good, and the fact that it scares some people, that’s not my intention. I’m not intentionally scaring people.

‏‏No, you’re a very loving person.

‏‏I am!

‏‏You’re very loving and caring, I know that.

‏‏Totally! But, will some people be scared and intimidated? And right now, mostly, I fly under the radar, people don’t even-

‏‏Uh, I don’t think you can.

‏‏I try!

‏‏It’s a hallucination!

‏‏Yeah, it is.

‏‏How can we heal sexual trauma?

‏‏Well, sexual trauma-the first thing is to realize that we all, if you’re in human form, you have sexual trauma. That’s the first step, to just realize that we all have sexual trauma.

‏‏What does it look like?

‏‏Sexual trauma is like, I mean, wow.

‏‏It’s a deep, heavy subject, but who cares. Let’s talk about it.

‏‏Okay, so here’s the thing. I am going to talk about female-bodied humans for a second. As a female-bodied human, you have these shapes, right? You have this body, you have this thing that is just, just being it’s natural self, and people freak out about that. A lot of the female programming out there, I can summarize as take this penny, put it between your legs, and hold it there as tight as you can for the rest of your life. Only let go of that penny for your husband, and only let go of that penny for your husband on your back, in missionary style. This is how, honestly, you cannot image how many people live with this kind of construct. This is why I say that everybody has sexual shame. That is not a human construct. Missionary position, with only occasional sex only to procreate, is kind of what the big mythology is out there, the big story-that’s not a human story. That’s like talking about Santa Claus or something, or the fairy godmother. Because it’s not a human story, that is why we all have sexual shame. The second you want to do anything outside of that, the church, the spiritual practice oftentimes, the religious leader will say shame on you. Shame on you for wanting that.

‏‏I find that in society, it’s pretty obvious that it looks like the societies that repress sex the most problems.

‏‏Of course.

‏‏So many horrible rape cases.

‏‏Exactly! Rape is an issue, it’s an issue in American culture, it’s an issue around the world, it’s just that rape is used in different ways, but fundamentally it’s all about the fact that we are being asked-how do I say this? It’s like the more suppressed the discussion is, the more supressed the people are, the more ashamed they are of the basic desires, the more that comes out as range and anger.

‏‏Yeah, wow.

‏‏Yeah, and that happens, sadly, that happens to turn against women because in essence, woman is the call to life. Woman is like-the female form, the shapes, the life force, the energy-it’s the call to life. I mean, humans are the call to life, but specially, that female form is like whoa! That’s why there is so much art, it’s this very energizing force. When people are suppressed and repressed, and they feel that force, then they just experience rage and hatred, and want to destroy it and kill it, and control it, and that’s really what we’re seeing. Of course, that’s a much bigger discussion, and I want to say a disclaimer, I’m talking on like a 3,000 foot level. Because I have a very close friend of mine who we were just talking this morning about her having been raped, and we talked extensively about that and on a personal level, it’s a very real thing. One of the reasons she came to me, she said “Can you help me understand this? What happened?” That’s part of what we talked about, just the dynamics that are in play. Without her understanding any of the dynamics, it’s very easy-culture says well, what were you wearing-which is basically what the cops asked her, you know, what were you wearing, what did you do to bring that on? That’s kind of the culture that we live in.

‏‏Yeah, and that sucks.

‏‏It sucks, of course. It sucks for everybody.

‏‏In the US, 29% of women and 10% of men are sexually abused, and I think this statistic is so low because a lot of people don’t even talk about it. It’s really one on three. It’s crazy.

‏‏It is crazy, it’s really crazy. If we really broke it down, you would see probably even higher, because there are a lot of things that people get away with in the name of spirituality and religion that are very, very abusive, sexually abusive, because they are spiritual leaders, they hide behind that mask and nobody questions them.

‏‏What can one do to heal that trauma, and to connect better to their sensual essence and freedom? What is the journey like?

‏‏I think part of it is recognizing that it’s not your fault, whatever has happened to you is not your fault. That’s the first piece, but the second thing is to realize that sexuality, human sexuality specifically, is very complicated. We’re complicated creatures, and there are people who are going to be listening to this podcast who have secret fetishes and desires. I remember a very close friend of mine who was like super into boots, right? This was a trauma his whole life, because he was like, I can only actually ejaculate when there is a boot involved, or a shoe of some kind. Healing trauma is starting to have open discussions about the things that make us feel good, and turn us on, and it doesn’t matter how strange it may seem to somebody else, we’re among consenting adults.

Realize that sexuality, human sexuality specifically, is very complicated. We’re complicated creatures. Share on X

‏‏You told me before we started the interview that this is the most common question that you get-are my desires okay? Am I okay, and I normal?

‏‏Am I normal? This is the big question, and the crazy part is-

‏‏What is normal?

‏‏Well, there’s that. But, the issue is, we say normal, and most people, when they say normal, what they are really saying is moral.

‏‏Wow.

‏‏That’s why people are so confused about this. My definition of, if it’s physically possible to do, then it’s normal. Culturally, it just comes within the confines of the culture. The more sexually repressed the culture is, the more pretty much everything but this one flavor is abnormal. Honestly, the more conservative religion somebody comes from, the more stuff is just not acceptable and the more sexual shame and repression that there is. The first thing is to recognize that if it’s possible, if it’s physically possible, then it’s normal. That’s the thing, if you just start there, and it doesn’t matter how “bizarre” it is to somebody else, but it is for society, and the society that you’re in, that’s where the decide what is moral within our society. We work both of those terms together, and when people say what is normal, we’re really saying what is moral. Then, if it’s not moral, what I like, then what is wrong with me? It’s a different paradigm. What I’m saying is, if it’s possible, and it’s among consenting adults, then it’s normal. That’s your starting point.

‏‏What type of cultural repression did you come across? What is your most interesting or unique cases, and what was the shift there?

‏‏The worst I think, the most despicable, is the repression, suppression, and abuse, from people who claim they are doing the opposite.

‏‏That is such a big thing. A lot of times, with abusers, there is this term, crazy making.

‏‏Exactly. That’s exactly right. And crazy making, that is really the big thing. Unfortunately, I see that everywhere. For me, what really-like, when I experience rage, the rage of indignation-it’s when I see somebody hiding behind spiritual garb while they, themselves, are claiming one thing, but fundamentally if you did not see their spiritual garb, you would just see a human being who is acting like every other human being when it comes to sex and desire. They are pretending that they’re not, and that’s the mental abuse that I think is horrifying. That is where I have seen people go mad, and sadly, I find female-bodied humans have to deal with this far more than men or male-bodied humans. Male-bodied humans, their abuse is equally destructive, but just in a whole different area. That’s what gets me about this. When a woman, who is just being her flowy, juicy self, walks into some spiritual place where she thinks some people are going to love her and help her make sense of her energy, her body, and her life, and the confusion that she has had around sexuality for her whole life, and she comes into a place where they go “Yes, we are going to help you with all that!” What they really do is, they end up just shaming, blaming, guilting her, destroying her, and mind screwing her to the point where she just becomes another programmed drone doing whatever the wishes are of the leaders of that organization while they hide behind their spiritual values. That drives me insane, and I see it everywhere. Everywhere.

‏‏It’s so common in institutions even that are not spiritual. It can be a motivation speaker, a mentor, or all of the above. Those people that are so enlightened, or know everything, they can definitely-and sometimes it’s not even the physical, but it can be energetically, right?

‏‏Energetically, and psychological. Believe it or not, I would take physical abuse, because physical abuse is reparable, but psychological abuse, in other words being abused psychologically while you’re being told that’s not happening, that’s destructive on a whole other level.

‏‏I’m speechless. I went somewhere with that. I was thinking about a lot of things.

‏‏Sure, sure.

‏‏What can women do to put up boundaries?

‏‏I think it’s a different question. Here’s what I think the question is, Orion. How do you be your fully expressed self?

‏‏Thank you! Yes, that’s the question.

‏‏How do you be your fully expressed self?

‏‏Fully expressed, juicy, sexy, alive, sensual, sexual, vibrant self, in a world that just puts women down, criticizes them for showing their legs, or their cleavage, or their-I don’t know, it’s so crazy!

‏‏It’s crazy.

‏‏How-I don’t know, it’s hard being a woman, honestly.

‏‏I’m with you, you’re preaching to the choir.

‏‏Help me here, what can we do? What can I do?

‏‏The first thing is, this is kind of what you said to me, you were like look, you radiate this energy. But really, I didn’t always, I was hiding for the longest time, it’s just that now, I just don’t care. The way that women are controlled, and there are five thousand different ways that women are controlled, and female sexuality is controlled. The first thing is I think, number one, is just think dirty. Just think dirty. When it comes to female sexuality, if you assume that the reason that people are shaming you and blaming you, saying stuff about you, and criticizing you is because they are actually-they don’t know what to do with the feelings that they are feeling in their body. If you understand that, then you can avoid taking it personally. The first thing that you have to do is realize that I am a zebra. Once you realize that you are a zebra, you just own that. You’re like, I’m a zebra. You’re no longer-you’re not trying to be the rhinoceros, you understand, you’re just like, that’s insane.

‏‏Can I be a lioness?

‏‏You can be a lioness, of course. The lioness cannot be the chimpanzee. It doesn’t matter if all of culture is screaming at you to be a chimpanzee, if you are a lioness, you are a lioness. That really is where you start to turn this around. You become unapologetic for what and who you are, you just own it. You understand that there are people who will kill you for owning it. That’s the crazy part. You have to own it, but you have to own it in kind of a, almost-how do I describe this? It’s kind of like wearing a cloak of invisibility. What I mean by that is, you are your juicy self, but people are pretty stupid, honestly, they are really easy to distract, so you can put the tiniest little thing, like you could have all the bust and cleavage in the world, but you could put a cross around your neck, and people would be like oh my god, she is so spiritual. You know what I mean? You can kind of mask who you are, but still be who you are. That is where I feel like, that’s where the work is. If you go out into the world and you’re like, F everybody, I am just going to be myself, that’s not going to end well.

‏‏Yeah, you’re gonna-so, there are two ways to confront. There is the MMA, mixed-martial arts way, where you just butt heads, punch and kick, or there is the Aikido way where you just drift in the energy. I study Aikido, but in life I’m sometimes a little too much MMA. This is who I am, this is what I think.

‏‏I get it, and that’s going to have it’s own problems. You’re meeting people with that force, so what I try to do in coaching, if I were taking you out in the world, I’d say, well, let’s look at who you are, right? The things that we’d do is, we would look at these symbols of how you carry yourself, your energy. When you own your energy, like when you own who you are, and you’re really walking through the world saying I am okay, I am okay with all the kinky, I am just saying for myself-I love the kinky parts of myself. I don’t even use the word kink, because I love them. It’s not kinky for me, I just love these parts of myself. And people go-you know, most humans would say that that’s not spiritual, right? But to me, that’s absurd. It’s like, it doesn’t even make sense to me.

‏‏Well, what is spirituality?

‏‏Exactly!

‏‏What is it? Is it like, wearing white clothes and meditating on top of a mountain? Is that spirituality, is that helping other people? Is that embracing your sexuality, and being everything that you are? What is spirituality? It’s just an idea, there’s so many-it’s just a word! Everybody has a different meaning for the same word, and people use them as a weapon.

‏‏That’s it. That is exactly the question. Who is to decide what is spiritual, and what is not? That’s part of adulthood, it’s part of owning it. I am going to decide what’s right for me. I think one of the reasons why I have remained an outsider is in the “realm of spirituality” is because I am not talking about oh, just stay in your heart chakra. I’m saying no, own your genitals, own your passion, own your desire, move towards them, utilize that energy, get to know your body. There are women-adult women-who have never even looked at their vulva. They have never even seen their vulva. They’re like, “Oh, no. I don’t do that.” I’ve met adult men who are married, and they have never seen their partners vulva.

‏‏No way, wow.

‏‏Yeah, they are just like, “No, no, no. We don’t do that.” You know, sex with the lights out. It’s crazy!

‏‏I don’t mean to laugh, I mean, sorry if you are one of those people.

‏‏No! It’s sad! This is somebody who thinks that they are doing what God wants-what the moral God wants. What the spiritual God wants, or whatever the moral thing is.

‏‏Is that true that God wants you to experience-like, what Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say, we are spiritual beings having a human experience and we need to-I bet God wants us to live our life to the fullest. That is also including experiencing our sensuality and sexuality to the fullest and loving and respecting our bodies, exploring our bodies, and knowing what gives us pleasure.

‏‏I’m signing up for your universe, Orion. I’m with you. That God I am happy talking to.

‏‏When I say God, I mean God the creator, the Holy Spirit, the energy-whatever power energy out there that one believes in.

‏‏Yep, that sounds good to me, I’m with you on that.

‏‏Right. So, how can we connect to our bodies more?

‏‏The easiest way is to cultivate a practice. For female bodied humans, you’ll want to cultivate a regular self-pleasure practice. I think, it’s not just a body-a body without genitals is not a body. Bodies have genitals, and we act like they shouldn’t, which is insane.

‏‏If we don’t look at it, it won’t be there.

‏‏Right! Exactly!

‏‏And therein is the problem, there is so much abuse. We are pretending that something isn’t even there that is so there, that’s the big joke. You start by realizing that no, it’s not what your yoga teacher told you that we must transcend our sexuality and desires, it’s not-all of these things, we are obsessed with one of these most common mythologies, which is that we are supposed to transcend. A lot of us just operate from that, so if you want to take back your pleasure, you have to learn what your pleasure is. You have to start by realizing that human beings have genitals. If we don’t have genitals, we don’t exist. Every human has them, and with genitals, comes desire. Because desire is infinite in expression, which would make sense, your desires are normal. The thing is, the caveat I say, is just among consenting adults. You cultivate your sexuality, you cultivate your desire, you walk around and you-I said this in Mexico but I have an exercise, it’s called The Smiling Vulva. Everybody is like, “Have a smile on your face!” and I’m like no, have a smile on your vulva. Let her smile and just be like “Ahh!” The world is a happy place. Smiling vulva’s are happy people. If we start learning to “meditate” on things that actually add value and make you feel good, I think the quality of the world changes. I will say this, Orion, if you have really great orgasmic, mind-blowing, cosmic, make-love-to-the-universe depth and sex-

‏‏I can’t breathe, I need to take a second-say it again..

‏‏Exactly! If you have that experience, you don’t want to let go. You don’t want to blow people up, you want to just love them.

‏‏Blow myself up into little pieces all over the cosmos and the universe, and reach the stars and the galaxies all over, instead of the other thing that you said.

‏‏That’s my point. The word truly does shift if we just own our genitals, or desires, and we acknowledge humans as sexual, instead of sexual in an abnormal way. That one mistake in our interpretation of reality sets the world off in this crazy direction, that we live in the effect of right now. We are in a sex negative world, and a woman hating world, we hate women. Pretty much everything in the world tells you that women are evil, and to be hated, to be burned and stoned, you know? Some guy rapes you, and you get accused of causing him to do that. This is insane that we live in that world, it’s insane.

‏‏Living in that crazy world, some of it is amazing and some of it needs some improvement, what can we do to accept ourselves better?

‏‏I think the first thing to do is try on this new definition of what is normal. It’s normal if you can do it. If it’s physically possible, you want to do it, and it’s with consenting adults or yourself, go for it.

‏‏What about body acceptance? That’s a problem-a challenge, with many, many, women.

‏‏Sure, but body acceptance is a different issue. Body acceptance is because we have shame at the core of who we are. That’s what religion says, right? The common spiritual doctrine is that you should be ashamed of who you are. I think Catholic doctrine is that you’re evil, and Christian doctrine is that you’re evil, but Jesus died for you. Every religion has it’s own version of, the body is evil and dirty, sex is evil and dirty, women are evil and dirty. In the Old Testament, women were essentially called “The Pollution”.

‏‏Really?

‏‏Yes! Yes, so when you think about it like that, you realize that body image isn’t coming from all of the things-yeah, sure, blame Madison Avenue or whatever-but really, at the core of all of this, is shame. If you weren’t ashamed, why would there be any body image? Whether you’re big or small, big chested or flat chested, big ass or no ass-who cares? You are what you are. We don’t look at trees and go “That tree should be ashamed of itself because it’s a skinny tree!” or “That tree has a big trunk, so it should be ashamed of itself for being a big, fat tree!” We don’t have any of that. But, in a culture that is ashamed for being who it is, body shame is a symptom, not a cause.

‏‏Do you have any daily practices for daily love and acceptance?

‏‏Well, self pleasure. Have a regular self pleasure practice.

‏‏And what is a self pleasure practice?

‏‏Self pleasure practice is, you know that little button you have down there, Orion?

‏‏What button? I don’t have any buttons!

‏‏You rub that little button, and make it feel good. That is the beautiful thing, we live in a world where there are lovely pieces of technology, we have our fingers, we have lubes, we have coconut oils-

‏‏So, does that mean, touching everywhere? Really exploring different ways of touching yourself, or different smells and aromas, or different types of fabrics and texture that will turn you on or off, it’s just a lovely journey of self exploration.

‏‏Yes. However, that little button down there-

‏‏Yes, it all goes back to the little button, but I’m saying-

‏‏You play with that! Because the problem is, that we bypass-

‏‏No, no, no-never bypass. This is just the beginning. We agree.

‏‏I’m just saying, for the listener, this is what the world is telling you to do. That’s what we’re saying, play with those things that you were told that you shouldn’t play with, explore them and get to know them.

‏‏You’re allowed to play with all the toys.

‏‏Exactly! And then, once you start to get familiar with that and you start to move your energy, yes, you explore, you expand, and you realize that your fingertips can be orgasmic.

‏‏Fingertips can be orgasmic? It sounds so good!

‏‏It’s so good! Because that, you can do in public. It’s just about building energy, having the most sensual touches, these are more beautifully advanced practices. When I say advanced, I don’t mean “more enlightened”-but people don’t know what they don’t know. You’ve got to start with basics, and then you can build on those basics. The orgasmic fingertip, this is a beautiful thing to play with, where you are just taking all of your desire and focusing it at one point that is not an erogenous zone.

‏‏That is extraordinary.

‏‏It’s extraordinary, it is. That is how we begin to cultivate an extraordinary life.

‏‏What is freedom for you?

‏‏Well, freedom, honestly, is a mythology. I wish there was a real thing of freedom, but we live in a pretend free world. Freedom is like the one day, maybe someday, in Heaven, but on a fundamental level, and on a practical level, freedom is just having and claiming more and more space to be who you are.

‏‏Claim more space to be who you are.

‏‏Yes. That is freedom, because we just don’t live in a world that has space for people being totally free. We just don’t have that. Even right now, I am actually recording with you in my car, because my car has good acoustics, but even right now, in my car, if I start screaming, going wild, or self pleasuring, or anything, right-there are a number of paths that will end me up in jail for just being “free”. We don’t actually live in a world of freedom, we live in fake freedom in that sense. But within the confines of the fake freedom that we have, we can-

‏‏Take our freedom!

‏‏That’s it, you take it, you claim it, you own it. And don’t do shit that is going to get you in jail. That’s not fun. Don’t do that.

‏‏I won’t!

‏‏There is a lot of space for us to discover freedom, and discover who we are.

‏‏What are your three best tips for living a stellar life?

‏‏Number one is regular self pleasure practice, absolutely. Know your body. There is no woman, or no man, who is going to come in and magically unlock your code, and suddenly your whole universe will open up and you’ll magically be sexually empowered and free and open, that’s fairy tale stuff. And even in the fairy tales, they don’t talk about sex. I’m just saying, cultivate your sexual energy and know who you are. Discover who you are. Live fearlessly around your sexuality. Number two is take time to meditate, but don’t meditate in the traditional ways. People oftentimes-the second most common thing that I hear is “How do I meditate? Meditation is so hard for me, I can’t quiet my mind.” That is just a practice in futility, I honestly just think that is a marketing practice. You give somebody an impossible task that can never be accomplished, and then you just market them endlessly for the rest of their lives.

Cultivate your sexual energy and know who you are. Discover who you are. Live fearlessly around your sexuality. Share on X

‏‏Just study with me, and in eighty years, you’ll get enlightened.

‏‏Yeah. It’s marketing. I get it, as a marketer-hey, here is this impossible thing and one day, in fairy land, you will have that! So, don’t meditate that way, learn to meditate on something simple that you can control, like your breath. Learn to meditate on your sexual energy. Learn to meditate on things that inspire you. For example, Orion, in this moment, you can close your eyes, and our listeners can too, and you can think about something that makes you feel really, really good. And if you take a breath when you focus on that thing that makes you feel really, really good, you can start to feel the benefits of meditation right now. Meditation is about focus, and about relaxation simultaneously. The secret of meditation, is doing a practice that actually creates feeling good in your body. Meditate on that.

‏‏That is profound. I’ve never heard it described that way.

‏‏That is why we are here. Let’s see, number three, tell more people you love them, get more hugs, get more touch, find communion with people, because again, we live in a world that is very sex negative, meaning to touch people-”Oh, why are you touching me?” There is a lot of fear, anxiety, and negativity around that, so get more touch. Get more hugs. Connect with people, and share more vulnerably. If you want to be happy, stop with the Facebook updates, stop with the, like, “I’m so amazing!” because that doesn’t give us a chance to be human. That’s the Nazism of think good thoughts, and everything will be fine.

‏‏#annoying, #fake, #messupwithyourhead, hashtag, hashtag, hashtag.

‏‏Yeah, and I think that if we could just stop that game, and just start to connect with people as human beings, and human beings are complicated, everybody who is like I’m perfect-I just have to tell you this because you’ll appreciate this, I was at Bulletproof Coffee-

‏‏Oh, I love it! Bulletproof, I’m so cool!

‏‏Yeah, love it, it’s fun, but I see this woman, and I’m a New Yorker, I am always talking to people, I love to talk to people and so I go, “Hey! How’s your day?” and she goes “Oh my god, I am so awesome, really, the gratitude from my awesomeness of my gratefulness, like I am trying to expand my container of gratitude, so I can be more grateful for the gratitude that I have, of the awesomeness of the expansion that I am in my life right now. That’s how I am!” I was like, “Okay.. have a beautiful day.” This was somebody who was so messed up inside of themselves, that they aren’t even a human at this point, they are just a cartoon character. I think that we have to stop doing that. We’re people.

‏‏Be real. Love. Be with your people. Amazing. What are the transformations that people get working with you?

‏‏First of all, working with me is probably a six month process, in terms of one on one coaching. It takes about that long for me to extract somebody into reality. What I really help people to do is unlearn, and unbelieve, so that they can start to see reality more clearly. That’s my process. It’s really taking off the rose colored glasses, taking off the blindfolds, blowing off all the smoke screen and mirrors that is going on, and just saying, let’s just learn to navigate through reality. When you learn to navigate through reality, life makes sense. You’re never wondering, well, why did that happen? It’s obvious why it happened. That is what working with me is about-really leaning people into reality. As it turns out, that’s a pretty rare group of people. Most people are not asking for that. What most people are asking for is, “Will you please verify my beliefs, tell me that what I believe is right, true, just, and correct?” But, that’s not what I do. I’m not that guy. Our work together will always be stepping you into clarity and reality. If you have those tools, for decades after-for the rest of your life, you’ll be able to navigate reality if you understand how reality works.

‏‏You also have your seminars, your workshops-where can people find you?

‏‏The best place to find me is lawrencelanoff.com. That’s L-A-W-Lawrence and Lanoff is L-A-N-O-F-F. Lawrencelanoff.com is where most of everything is, but you can also find me on all social media. The best free gift that I can tell your listeners, is to jump over to YouTube and subscribe to my channel. Go subscribe now, because I put up videos on a regular basis and I share my deepest thoughts there. I share my tools, my breakthroughs, my ideas about things, that is the place where I update people who are wanting to know more about what I do.

‏‏What is the name of your channel?

‏‏You should be able to find it under my name, or soullight. Really, those two ways, but I also am on all social media. I really love sharing this material because my hope is, and I realize that it’s not for everybody because its a little edgy, but my hope is for one in one hundred, or even one in ten thousand, or even one in a million, that person that says “You are speaking to me!” That’s why I do what I do. I recognize that it’s not for everybody, but for the people that it is for, it’s like the most delicious, cool water just pouring over your body in the sparking of the sun. That’s what I am hoping for, that’s my intention.

‏‏You are incredible.

‏‏Orion, so are you! I truly mean that, you are truly a special human and it was an honor to be on this show with you.

‏‏Thank you, and I was honored to have you. I enjoyed our conversation tremendously. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, listeners! Go subscribe to Lawrence’s YouTube channel, practice radical self love and acceptance, and have a stellar life! I will talk to you next time, bye!

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About Lawrence Lanoff

Lawrence Lanoff is truly and fully enlightened, living in altered states of consciousness, while simultaneously retaining the functionality in this reality and enjoying a juicy life. He is a leading scholar of dismantling mythologies, which are stories, ideas, rules, and cultural values that determine your decisions and choices of action. Through his workshops, Cd’s and books, he smashes illusions from deep inside of you by facilitating your inner transformation. Now, with his groundbreaking book: A Course In Freedom, Lawrence openly shares his spiritual insights from more than forty years of experiences on the path of no path, offering you the opportunity to illuminate your life, and open you to more and more freedom.