Episode 120 | June 12, 2018

Sexual Therapy with Kongit Farrell

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Mission #120

On Board: Kongit Farrell
Mission: Sexual Therapy

One of the best gifts of being a therapist is seeing a side of life that most people never get to see: the reality of people’s lives and not the show they put on for the world. Underneath their masks, everybody is struggling with something, regardless of how much money they have or how perfect they seem. This is true of their sex lives and relationships, too. Even that picture-perfect couple you might envy has conflict within their relationship, and has had to navigate various sexual challenges.

My incredible guest and partner in this conversation about sex is Kongit Farrell, a licensed marriage, family, and sex therapist who specializes in helping people get the healthy lives, lasting love, and great sex they deserve. Kongit originally focused on helping women have the best possible lives and relationships before she transitioned to sex therapy. Whether or not you’re currently in a relationship, this episode is packed with good information that you need to know.

Connect With Kongit:

Kongit Farrell
@KongitFarrell on Twitter
Kongit Farrell on Instagram
@KongitFarrell on Facebook

The Mission Log:

  • [03:18] – Kongit talks about sex therapy, explaining that it’s very normal and not taboo.
  • [04:11] – How did Kongit get into sex therapy?
  • [05:40] – We hear about some of the most common complaints that people share with Kongit.
  • [07:55] – Kongit talks about when couples decide they need sexual therapy, and what it generally looks like.
  • [10:26] – Does Kongit believe that the majority of sexual pleasure is in the mind?
  • [15:45] – Kongit responds to what Orion has been saying about Jaiya’s blueprints.
  • [18:51] – Kongit shares a story of where the things she and Orion have been talking about have saved a relationship.
  • [22:47] – We hear Kongit’s response to Orion’s journey to discovering her feminine, sensual self.
  • [25:07] – How does Kongit help her clients connect to their own sensual selves?
  • [27:19] – In Cuba, women feel very desirable regardless of age or weight, Orion points out.
  • [28:56] – Kongit points out one of the great gifts of being a therapist: you see a side of life that most people don’t see.
  • [31:27] – Kongit adds a couple of points to what Orion was saying about women in Cuba a moment earlier.
  • [34:17] – How would Kongit approach an older woman who feels less sensual or desirable than she used to be?
  • [36:54] – Orion shifts the conversation to the more physical side of things.
  • [40:31] – Kongit reiterates something she mentioned earlier: there are solutions for almost any sexual struggle now.
  • [41:28] – How can people voice their desires more?
  • [47:07] – Kongit points out that someone sharing their fantasy with you is incredibly intimate and means that they trust you deeply.
  • [47:57] – What advice does Kongit have for igniting passion in a relationship?
  • [49:13] – What are Kongit’s three top tips for living a stellar life? #1. Live with intentionality. #2. Live with compassion. #3. Be ethical and have integrity with how you treat people.
  • [50:35] – Kongit talks about where listeners can find her online.

Links and Resources:

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

✓ Don’t be ashamed of or hide from your sexuality. You deserve pleasure in whichever way you desire.

✓ Be more open to taking sex therapy especially if you’ve experienced sexual trauma in the past.

✓ Observe your sexual behaviors and responses to determine if you need to change something. You can fix pain during intercourse, difficulty in orgasming, and more.

✓ Communicate openly with your partner. Let them know your likes and dislikes and what turns you on.

✓ Know your partner’s likes and dislikes. Another form of pleasure is giving pleasure back.  

✓ Curate your environment so that it can be an inviting place for sex. You can add some lighting or music but make sure it suits both of your moods for lovemaking.

✓ Reach out for help if you are struggling. There’s always someone who will understand you and help you learn more about your intimate self.

✓ Find things and activities that make you feel beautiful. Achieving pleasure is a combination of stimulating the body and the mind.  

✓ Don’t be envious of couples or women you see on the media. Realize that what the media portrays about sex is far from real life.  

✓ Know your self-worth. If you are in a bad place in your relationship, have the courage to change your situation so that you can make way for positivity in your life.

Transcript:

O: Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that maybe. Let’s talk about sex. Yes, today we’re going to talk about sex. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. We’re going to talk about taboos. We’re going to open up this whole topic that sometimes people are shy of talking about. When it comes to couples, things are not always smooth. Sometimes, people have problems with their own sexuality. Sometimes, they have problems with mismatching with their partner’s sexuality, so how do we bridge this? How do we heal this? How do we have more fun, get better orgasms, get better connection, and all that good stuff? I’m going to talk about all of that today with a very special lady. Her name is Kongit Farrell. She’s a licensed marriage family and sex therapist who specializes in helping people get their healthy lives, lasting love, and great sex they deserve. Yes, you too deserve great sex. Whether or not you are currently in a relationship, it doesn’t really matter because this is something you need to know. There’s a lot of good information in this episode. At the end of the day, after people are having some drinks, everybody ends up talking about sex. Why? Because this is what everybody loves to talk about, sex, but not everybody shares about the difficulty or the challenges. We’re going to talk about the challenges. We’re going to talk about how to overcome the challenges, so you can have more pleasure in your life. Now, without further ado, on to the show.

O: Hello, Kongit and welcome to Stellar Life Podcast.

K: Thank you for having me, Orion. I’m so happy to be here today.

O: Yeah. I’m excited to be talking to you. We’re going to talk about something that people consider as taboo or they don’t talk about enough, which is sexual therapy.

K: I’m so glad that we’re talking about this and you’re exactly right. So many people think sex therapy is taboo. It’s not taboo. It’s very, very normal and it’s something that a lot of people get help with. It can just be so transformational for a relationship that I certainly want to help debunk the tabooness of what sex therapy is, so that more couples can feel good about coming in and getting treatment. If you’re struggling in your relationship with intimacy, you really don’t have struggle anymore. This is not therapy of 1971. There’s solutions for whatever’s going on and sex therapy can help for sure.

O: How did you get into that?

K: I started my practice, my goal was trying to help women have the best possible lives and relationships. What kind of came under that umbrella was dating, support with healthy dating, healthy mate selection, learning relationship skills, couples counseling, and then sex therapy.

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