Episode 132 | September 4, 2018

Sexual Freedom For Women with Kristina Campbell

 

One in three women have experienced either domestic violence or sexual abuse, and sometimes they go together. A lot of us have some kind of sexual trauma from the past. Regardless of where you are right now, there is always a way for you to have more pleasure. There is always a place for you to heal, let go and embrace the past as a gift rather than punishment. Whatever you’ve experienced in the past, you can heal it and move on. Kristina Campbell is an empowerment and pleasure guide. She’s inspired to help women cultivate their sexual freedom and authentic sexuality as a means to healing, wholeness, and connection with spirit. Kristina shares how she has healed her own sexual childhood traumas through a multidisciplinary approach, including therapy, energy work, and sacred sexual practices.

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Welcome to a steamy, hot, juicy, sexy, Stellar Life episode. We’re going to talk about sex. If you’re here right now reading, that means that you are, my dear, a brave soul. You are open, willing and receptive to learn more about your own pleasure, how you can generate more pleasure, have more pleasure in your life and with your partner, how you can heal the past traumas. One in three women have experienced either domestic violence or sexual abuse and sometimes they go together. A lot of us have some kind of sexual trauma from the past. I know that I have and I had to work on it. If you do too, then this is a great episode for you because regardless of where you are right now, there is always a way for you to have more pleasure. There is always a way for you to live a life with higher standards for yourself. There is always a place for you to heal, let go and embrace the past as a gift rather than punishment. Whatever you’ve experienced in the past, you can heal it and move on. When it comes to sex, you can have so much pleasure because you deserve bliss. You deserve all the pleasure that you can have because ecstasy is your birthright.

My guest is Kristina Campbell. She’s an empowerment and pleasure guide inspired to help women cultivate their authentic sexuality as a means to healing, wholeness and connection with spirit. She has healed her own sexual childhood traumas through a multidisciplinary approach including therapy, energy work and sacred sexual practices. I don’t know what sacred sexual practices are but maybe I’ve indulged in some myself in the past. She is a very cool person and our conversation was so much fun. It was like two ladies on the beach sipping margaritas and talking about sex. I loved it. I’m sure you’re going to love it too. Without further ado, on to the show.

Kristina, welcome to Stellar Life podcast.

Thank you so much for having me, Orion.

I’m so excited to have you here. I am excited to be talking to you. You sound like a wonderful, genuine, lovely person and a terrific coach. I watched a few of your videos online and I was like, “She’s awesome. I have to have her on the show. She’s so cool.”

Thank you.

Why don’t you start by sharing a little bit about yourself?

My story starts with me coming from a rough childhood. I experienced sexual trauma, toxic marriages and a lot of chaos. I ended up becoming sexually shut down. There was a long road of having this deep desire and this deep knowing that my personal healing and my journey on this planet had to do with my sexuality. I knew that was it for me. That led me on to this beautiful path of figuring myself out and becoming deeply connected to my partner, which prior, we’d have this vast chasm of disconnect and miscommunication. It’s been my greatest path to healing and I decided that I wanted to help women do that same thing, women that have that deep longing like I did to help support them. I love to help women uncover what’s holding them back from their full sexual expression and then guide them to embodying that expression that they desire and becoming whole and balanced in all areas of their lives.

I love to help women uncover what’s holding them back from their full sexual expression.

 

It takes a lot of courage to do what you do because when a woman steps into the light and talks about sexuality and embracing sexuality, people can judge. People can be mean. People can be blocked or they can reflect their own blocks onto you. Have you ever experienced something like that, where people are like, “Why is she talking about sex? She’s this and that.”

You mean personal people or people on the internet ethers?

On those levels because I’m sure that even family members can raise their eyebrows. They’re like, “Why are you talking about sex, orgasms and all that?”

My father was in the porn industry when I was growing up, so sex was always around. It was always a topic.

It is not a family problem.

It’s not on that side but it was also a source of my trauma being overexposed to pornography. I used to feel that I had such a different upbringing than most. What I’ve realized over the past multiple years is that now I have a more similar upbringing to a lot of the Millennials who were exposed to hardcore pornography and stuff at an early age. When I was growing up in the ’80s or even in the ’70s, but prior to that when kids stumbled upon their parents’ nudie magazines, they were classy images. I went on this vacation. We’ve got a vacation rental and this guy had all of these leather-bound copies. They do them for libraries. He’d obviously had access to libraries to all these leather-bound copies of Playboy. They were all from the 1970s. I was flipping through them and they were these gorgeous women who were celebrating the female form. It was classy and that’s not what young people stumble across on the internet these days. I have more of that kind of upbringing where I was overexposed to what you might consider raunchy sexual content at a young age.

What was the youngest age that you remember?

As a toddler. It’s not like there were videos around but magazine covers and video covers. My father didn’t think that we would remember. He didn’t think we’d know what it was and he just didn’t realize. It wasn’t malicious in any way, that kind of exposure, but I was exposed. I started to act out on those sexually at a young age as well. I wrote a blog post for somebody that’s not published yet. When I was an elementary school kid, I ended up getting a lot of young children to do sexual things with me because I was playing out what I had seen. I was playing out oral sex and all sorts of stuff trying to have penetrative sex even though there were no hard penises or anything. You can imagine a nine-year-old trying to do that.

For a long time, I struggled with this feeling that I was the perpetrator, that I had done things that had made other kids feel abused or molested. I didn’t know that was their experience but I suffered for a long time feeling like I had been an abuser. I did a lot of work around that in my early twenties. I did a lot of therapy. I worked one-on-one with a woman for multiple years. I’m into NLP. I went and did a session of NLP with this woman where we did a lifetime integration. I mentioned this image that was coming up and it was about these childhood experiences that I had enticed. We talked about that early exposure and she said, “Your sexual energy was turned on really young.” Suddenly, it was this flip. This switch flipped in me where it was like, “I didn’t lose my childhood and experience all these things that I shouldn’t have or I don’t have.” I used to always think that all my sexuality and my desire to experience sexual experiences were somehow rooted in trauma. I had this complete shift where I was like, “This is me. It just got turned on really young.” It liberated this perception of who I am, where I’ve come from, and the trajectory of my experience with sexuality.

It was turned on very young. Then at some point, you felt a lot of guilt and shame and you shut yourself down?

As an adolescent, I shut down. I used to wear a lot of baggy clothing, men’s clothing. I shopped at the thrift store for men’s slacks and polo shirts and covered my body. Then I had an experience in college where this group of girls was like, “You’re so beautiful. Why do you dress like a boy?” They dressed me up. I realized that I could be feminine, that I had this feminine side. It wasn’t soon after that that I ended up becoming a stripper, which was my path with my father’s business. I ended up doing that for seven years. Through the process of dancing, I came to embody this sexual goddess of sensual dance and movement, of being the center of attention in that way of expressing my sexual goddess for the eyes and the pleasure of others. I learned a lot about my own sexual expression and also about the wound of male sexuality in our culture.

Weren’t you sometimes treated badly? Did your sexuality got hurt because people look at you as an object and dealing with rejection and all that?

Yes. There were so many different sides to it. Our culture goes through different things that we think our society deems as beautiful. In the ’80s, it was the blonde, tan, big boobs, small butt. Then the big butt comes in. Then the brunette and the darker skin, like the Kardashians. There’s a trend in what is beautiful and what’s desirable. That started to shift when I was dancing. It started to shift from the buxom blonde, which was me, to the darker skinned and darker hair. There would be all these images online and they would book a girl. I did bachelor parties in-home. It didn’t matter what girl they booked, they were sending me. I had to go to the door. I wasn’t Asian, I wasn’t Latin and I wasn’t African-American. They were like, “We didn’t book you.” There was definitely dealing with a lot of rejection and dangerous situations.

Any expression of your sexuality is normal. Click To Tweet

How did you deal with all that?

You live and you learn. In the very beginning, I used to drink and I did drugs. I had a driver. I had someone who would drive me around. Then I shifted and started to use it as a business. I wasn’t drinking and partying when I was working. I was making as much money as I could. I stopped using a driver because what would happen is there would be all this machismo, masculine energy that was fighting against each other. The driver would end up creating more tension with the party than if I didn’t have him there. He was like, “I’m the one that’s in control. You give me the money. I decide what’s going to happen.” I started to go by myself. It was empowering to be able to control a crowd of drunk men in my early twenties. You do it with your power as a woman, fully stepping into your leadership and telling them what’s going to happen and what’s not going happen.

Most men are good men. Most of the men are great. This is like a ritual of the culture to have a bachelor party and they’re all there to have a good time. Most of them do not want to treat you poorly. The only time that that would happen is when the most powerful player in a group of men was misogynistic and was going to treat you poorly and try to get his kudos from his friends by doing that. Some of them, almost 100% of the time, there would be men coming up to me and apologizing at the end if something poor had happened. Most men are good men, even when they fall into the trap of trying to be cool for their buddies.

You felt empowered and you felt like a goddess. You were able to control a room of hungry men. What did you learn about your sexuality and how did that translate into your private life?

I realized that I couldn’t do that in my private life. I didn’t know how to be that goddess when it mattered, when the person I was with loved me. There was a lot at stake because we were in a long-term relationship. I completely shut down sexually. I had all these valid and great excuses, which was like, “I’m over touched. I’m putting out so much sexual energy in my work that I don’t have it when I’m at home. I just want to rest and relax and have downtime.” What ended up happening was I started to blame him for not giving to me what I needed in order to open up.

I bet it’s because you gave so much of yourself. When you got home, you were like, “I am depleted. You give me everything because I’m done.”

It’s very similar when becoming a mother.

A mother, a business or any type of super stressful environment or high demand on a woman can shut down her sexuality.

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

That’s why I so often coach women about spontaneous desire and responsive desire. I love this book, Come as You Are, by Emily Nagoski, which was amazing. Every woman should read it because you realize that you’re normal. Any expression of your sexuality is normal. Anything that you desire to create in your life is totally possible with the right intentions, the right environment and communication.

As long as you don’t hurt others.

Absolutely, with consent.

I guess you can hurt them with consent.

On the next level of understanding ourselves sexually, the kinky side. We’re groomed in our culture around sexuality that the best and most amazing sex is when it’s spontaneous and that you and your partner should desire each other at the same level, at the same time. That’s when there are fireworks of explosive pleasure.

Then you have to come together.

I’ve realized that’s a lie and it’s a lie that hurts people. It hurts couples all day, every day, all the time. It’s disentangling yourself from that. The truth is that you have to create time and intention. You have to feed your sexual relationship. You have to be committed to it and recommit to it when it falls apart and you start to distance from each other. It’s another way that we care for ourselves. It’s like eating healthy or going to the gym. You’re not going to eat one great salad and be healthy. You’re not going to the gym for a week and be fit. It’s the same with sex. It’s the same with your sexual relationship with yourself and with your partner. You have to recommit. Your body’s constantly changing. If you get an injury at the gym, you’re going to reassess and start doing a different kind of work out. It’s the same with your sex life. If you have a baby and things change, it’s time to renegotiate what the terms are about your sex life, how you come together and how you feel with each other.

Can you talk more about that? What happens if one person has less desire or if a woman is experiencing birth or there is a situation that she’s overstressed or there are some hormonal problems or some old trauma? How can someone heal that, renegotiate those conditions and create a better communication with her partner?

This is all about communication and connecting to yourself and the truth of where you are at in your life and not expecting yourself to be anywhere that you’re not. We have this culture specifically around birth. We’re always seeing these newspaper covers with a celebrity who’s four months out from having a baby and she’s all crazy fit again. We hold our self up to that idea that we should have the same body, the same sexual desire and the same sexual responsiveness after we’ve gone through a huge change in our life.

Getting real with what you’re experiencing in your life and then communicating it to your partner is huge. What we so often do is run away from it. We’re just, “I don’t want to deal with it.” You think that you should be in a different place. There’s a lot of self-judgment. You know that your partner wants it and you feel like you should be giving it to them. Creating that environment of communication with your partner, asking them what they need and what you need is absolutely paramount. If we don’t talk about sex outside of the bedroom or outside of the moment when someone is initiating, that’s when the stakes are high. That’s when someone is like, “We’ve got to talk about it outside the bedroom in order to be able to have a functional, sexual relationship.” So many people don’t.

I’ve talked to women or helped women who’ve been in 30 or 40-year-long relationships and they’ve never talked about sex outside the bedroom. I’ve worked with women, specifically, who have brought it up to their partner one time ten or twenty years ago. It was so devastating to their partner that they’ve never brought it up again. They suffer not experiencing the pleasure that they desire because it wounded their partner’s ego so deeply. Often that comes from this idea that men are truly men when they can please a woman. They should know how to do it right out the gate without the woman having to tell them or anything and feel crushed if they realize that they haven’t. It can also come from how we are communicating about what we desire.

You have to feed your sexual relationship. You have to be committed to it and recommit to it when it falls apart. Click To Tweet

Give me an example of a healthy communication where both partners are open and ego is not involved. I feel like when it comes to sex, especially in the male part, there are a lot of egos. You have to sugarcoat so he won’t get hurt. What’s a good technique for communication outside of the bedroom?

All that sugarcoating works.

I don’t like sugarcoating it. In my culture, we don’t sugarcoat at all.

I don’t like sugarcoating either but what I found when I told my partner, “I don’t like that,” it shuts him down.

That means I have to be a nice person and it’s hard.

In every single opportunity that is a challenge for us in our lives, that’s where we grow and that’s where we become better. Each journey, each challenge that each one of us has been given in this life is because that is the challenge that we specifically need to grow. I am not always the best at this communication either. If my partner is going down on me and I don’t like any of it sometimes, I will accidentally revert, like we all do, and say, “That hurt.” It’s best to say, “I love what you’re doing.” There’s always something that’s great like, “I love that we’re spending this time together. I love that you have your hand on my butt and I love it when you do this.”

It’s so hard to do. It sounds so good like, “I appreciate the way that you’re here, you’re looking at me, and everything’s awesome. Can you please not do this?”

It's so important to talk about sex outside of the bedroom because the stakes are so high when you're in the sexual moment. Click To Tweet

This is why it’s so important to talk about sex outside of the bedroom because the stakes are so high when you’re in the sexual moment. If you do say something not so perfect, your partner could get shut down. Then it’s a lot more work to get the energy and the connection back.

I also think it’s not that fair. We talked about Jaiya and I interviewed her who was a sexologist on the show. It’s episode three, one of my first episodes. She talks about blueprints and how we all have different blueprints. Most males, not all of them, have a sexual blueprint, where it’s easier for them to be pleased than for them to please us. It’s almost like a diagram of how a man works and how a woman works. A man is like a box with one button and a woman is like a box with a million buttons that you have to know how to press. It’s like we have an unfair advantage when it comes to sex as women where we can please them more easily. Whereas for a woman, unless her dominant blueprint is sexual, and some women have that, it’s harder because they are more sensual, kinkier or that they need something else. They need this extra something. Even when I look at the penis and the vagina, the penis is so much easier. It’s like a stick and you can do whatever. The vaginas have those curves and they are way more complicated.

It’s all about returning to that place when you were an adolescent and you weren’t having sex and you were just exploring your body and how much pleasure you could experience from being on the journey of touching each other. When you have a partner that is sexual, my partner totally is and I’m energetic, that’s why it is so important to know what you need sexually and to be able to communicate it effectively so your partner does want to see you in pleasure. I don’t care if he’s sexual. Even if he wants to go straight to penetration, he wants to see you in pleasure. He will withhold his own experience of pleasure later in order to make sure that you are in pleasure. Most men do. There are not that many men who just want to have sex and come and don’t care if you had an orgasm or not. They do.

Especially if you’re with somebody who loves you. 

That’s why it’s so important for women to explore their own bodies. Our bodies are changing all throughout our lives, all throughout our cycles each month but if you explore your own body and you know the kind of touch that you like, then you can communicate that and ask for it. It’s so important.

If you explore your own body and you know the kind of touch that you like, then you can communicate that and ask for it.

 

Did you have any major breakthrough where it was like an a-ha moment or like, “Now I get it, this is the way I experience pleasure?” Have you ever experienced levels of pleasure that you never thought possible?

Absolutely to both of those things. The first one was the whole beginning of changing how my partner and I had sex and how we communicate about sex. It was through the process of doing OM, Orgasmic Meditation.

I’ve tried that. What’s her name? 

Nicole Daedone from OneTaste. My partner was resistant until I kept saying, “I want to do this,” and finally, he gave in to doing it.

Why don’t you explain a little bit about what it is for somebody who doesn’t know what OM is?

OM-ing is a fifteen-minute practice where you set an environment as a ritual, sacred environment that is only used for this meditative practice. You set it up together in the beginning and you put everything away together at the end. It’s completely separate from having sex or engaging. You can have sex afterward and you can engage in another sexual activity afterward, but you completely separate it from your actual sex life. It is just a practice that you’re doing together. It’s a practice where the man is touching the woman’s clitoris in a very specific way for fifteen minutes. The woman lays on the ground with pillows propping her legs. The man sits on the right side of her and their legs are slightly intertwined. He uses a lubricant and it is all about communication.

He’s fully dressed and she’s got her shirt on, right?

Yes, she’s got a shirt and exposed from the waist down. You use a timer and if you like any music, then you have music on. He has a timer and it’s all about communication. It’s like, “I’m going to start and I’m going to touch you. Is that okay?” “Yes, that’s okay.” He takes a moment to gaze at her genitals and say, “Your genitals are slightly pink and your left labia is a little bit longer than the other.” It can be vulnerable but it’s so intimate to just be seen and have your partner tell you what he sees. It is a practice of saying, “A little bit lighter, a little bit higher, slightly over to the left or I like that,” and he’s just following your body. He’s following your cues.

I began to experience an unbelievable amount of pleasure that I had never experienced before. It’s not that I wasn’t capable of experiencing that from the kind of touch that he was giving me, but for me, it was from the container of knowing that we weren’t going anywhere else. I could completely detach from my mind. I didn’t have to think, “I like this touch right now. Is he going to stop and start touching my breasts because that’s what he normally does and I’m not ready for that,” which is going to totally take me out of the moment. I know that he’s just staying right there and he’s doing everything that I am asking from him.

There were times where I did not experience pleasure. All I experienced the whole time was irritation and frustration. Even through that communication, separating it completely from our sex life, this is a practice of touching and communicating. I used to feel like the whole world was collapsing and maybe we weren’t supposed to be together, “If I wasn’t experiencing pleasure, maybe this wasn’t right. We shouldn’t have kids and maybe we should get a divorce.” Inside this container, when I realized that he was trying his best to provide a pleasurable touch and I was doing my best to communicate what would be pleasurable, if I didn’t experience pleasure, I just didn’t experience the pleasure that day.

It took all this pressure off of it, all of this, “What does it mean if I didn’t experience pleasure? He is not good enough. I’m not good enough.” It was such a liberation in understanding my own body and my own response. It allowed me to be in the moment, to accept my body, to accept my partner, to know deeply that he loved me and that he was capable of holding this safe container. Afterward, whether it was pleasurable or it wasn’t, we would communicate about it. Then we would deeply embrace and almost always experience lovemaking afterward. Whether I had experienced the amazing pleasure in the orgasmic meditation practice or not, that lovemaking was amazing because we became so deeply connected through the process.

In every single opportunity that is a challenge for us in our lives, that's where we grow and that's where we become better. Click To Tweet

Pressure and mind chatter are the enemies of good sex and good communication. When you change your expectation for appreciation and you hold your partner with that beautiful embrace, genuinely being grateful for how loving that partner is that he wants to do this for you. Once he invests fifteen full minutes that are all about you and your pleasure and he’s trying and doing his best, it’s a beautiful thing.

I’m so grateful for having that practice come to me. We did get to a place where he was like, “Why is there not OM for men?”

They wanted to invent it. OM-ing for women is so important. I was a part of Jazz Mastermind and what she says is, “A woman should not have sex until her vagina is engorged, until she is fully ready.” Many times, we go into sex like, “I want to please my partner. I want to make him feel good,” or “I’m tired and I want to go to sleep so come on. Let’s get over. Let’s do it. Let’s finish it,” just to make him feel good or because I feel obligated. This is not the best way to approach it.

I totally agree that there’s so much more pleasure to be had sexually when you wait to be fully engorged and that takes communication and learning your body. It takes changing the kind of sex that you have. When I was going through this process with my partner, I was not communicating that well yet. I was like, “We have had the kind of sex that you’ve wanted to have for a decade and now it’s time to have the kind of sex that I want to have.”

It becomes a power struggle. It becomes me or you. It becomes me versus you and I need to get more. Then there is a sense of separation, an emotional pressure and a sexual pressure. Then you go back to horrible sex because you have too much pressure and too much stress between the two of you.

What I did in that moment of saying that to him, I put my foot down. It was like, “I am no longer going to say yes to penetration when I’m not ready.”

You didn’t put your foot down. You put your sexy leather high heels down.

I did because, by that time, I could strip for my partner because it took me years to be able to do that. I put my foot down. It was like, “I’m not going to be pressured.” He didn’t pressure me, it was like I’d always been like, “That’s what we’re supposed to do now. It’s time for penetration. I didn’t get turned on enough but my opportunity for doing that is over,” and so I would just accept the invitation for penetration. I started to not do that anymore. It was like, “I need more time. I need more kissing. I want to kiss you more.” I tried a lot to take out that, “I need,” but the, “I want to be close to you more.” I’d gone to this like, “He’s not giving me pleasure. I’m not going to give him pleasure.” We get into this stalemate of like, “He didn’t go down on me, so I’m not going to go down on him.” I started to reclaim all sorts of sexual interactions, touching, oral sex, kissing and even dancing for him, for myself. I want to give him head. I want to dance for him because he gets my sexual energy going. I want to put on something sexy because it makes me feel sexy. This doesn’t have to be about him but fully shifting it, owning it and empowering myself through it.

I studied pole dancing with Sheila Kelley. Do you know her?

Yes, S Factor.

I went and did retreats with her and I loved it. I had a whole discovery of a whole journey. I’m still on the journey. I don’t think it’s ever going to end. It’s a matter of how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go of, “What does my body like? Does she like fur? Does she like leather? Does she like to be constrained? Does she like to feel free, like experiencing with outfits, experiencing with movement, being in the moment with my body and my movement and dancing for myself, not for everyone else?” Through my erotic dance, I released a lot of trauma. I released a lot of anger. It was okay for me to be that. I have this alter ego and she’s like a crazy dominatrix, super high power. When I wear this outfit, it’s like, “Be careful.” It was okay to express her in her full glory and then take that shadow of sexuality that I was embarrassed. I was always a very sexual person. Many points in my life, people would put me down for being very sexual. I get to a point where I shut myself down with my sexuality and then I had to learn to find her again. 

What I loved about the journey is like, “She’s okay. She’s a part of my deepest desire. It’s okay to be in full power. It’s okay to be angry, wonderful, full of power and full of fire.” It’s also okay to incorporate her into the bedroom. It’s not a bad thing where people have a lot of kinks, for example. People have a lot of assumptions around kink or the movie, 50 Shades of Gray. The guy has to be like this twisted, perverted, horrible childhood for him to enjoy kinky pleasures. Your perceived shadow parts, it’s not necessarily a shadow. That shadow can turn into a bright light when she is not suppressed. When you incorporate that in your life, it can be very healing in many other aspects of your life, with your communication with your partner, your communication with your yourself, your inner dialogue, your communication with everybody around you.

Much of what you’re speaking to is huge for me and my clients, which is permission to fully accept your sexual expression and everything that is coming through you. When you accept and give yourself permission is when you have the opportunity to fully integrate and to heal, to live your truest and best life both in the bedroom and outside the bedroom.

With your clients, what are some case studies where a woman resolved something in the bedroom and it affected her in different areas of her life? 

I was working with a woman, in her intake sheet, her partner would touch her and she would be irritated and frustrated and everything that he did was wrong. A few months working together, she’s having more sex than they ever had even in their entire relationship, even in the very beginning. She experienced so much more pleasure than she ever even imagined. It’s so amazing to hold space for women in just a few months to go from totally shut down to fully opening up. I have other women who have finally broken up with partners. I would like women to repair their relationships but oftentimes, it’s realizing that it’s not right.

I had a client who told me, “I want to do this internship but I’ll never get it.” I’m like, “What do you mean you’ll never get it? Go and apply for it.” She goes for the internship and does it and gets the internship. It’s finding the confidence in your life. I work with women about sexuality being the missing key. I wrote an email about the spinning wheel. If we are this spinning wheel and we’ve got an area in our life that’s not properly weighted, the entire wheel is going to wobble and you have to work so hard to balance it out. You have to muscle so hard to balance it out on this other area but if you go over to that one spot that is the missing link and you put your time and energy there, then you can balance it out so much more quickly, smoothly and easily. If sexuality is your missing link, don’t run from it. I always talk to women who haven’t had sex with their partner in twenty years. They get on the phone with me and tell me, “It’s okay.”

I don’t think it’s ever okay not to have experienced pleasure. It’s okay if somebody is just feeling like, “It’s okay.” In my heart of hearts, I do not believe that a person is 100% okay with the fact that they did not have pleasure and sex for twenty years with their partner. It does not make sense to me. Maybe I’m naïve.

That is exactly how I feel. Sexuality is our life force energy. This is the cultivation of our life. When we are not cultivating it, we are not living to our fullest capacity. At least in this body, this is our one and only life. I don’t believe that you can be truly your happiest and best self if you are not experiencing sexual pleasure.

Sexuality is our life force energy. When we are not cultivating it, we are not living to our fullest capacity.

 

Let’s talk about orgasms. What are the types of orgasms? What is squirting? Is it the Holy Grail of orgasms? 

A wonderful question to ask me because I experienced squirting one time earlier in my early twenties and I’ve never experienced it since. It is my next level.

Was it amazing? 

No, it was like, “What just happened? Did I just pee?” I was full of anxiety. I remember experiencing the pleasure and feeling like, “That was amazing,” but then immediately, it was self-judgment, not feeling like it was okay and wondering if I peed. That was with a long-ago lover and it was a fluke of a time.

Is it true that women with two dimples on their lower backs can have more chances of squirting? I’ve heard that somewhere. 

I have two dimples on my lower back, so I don’t know.

I have two too but I’ve never squirted.

That does not sound true. The g-spot orgasm is amazing. Cervical orgasms as well are phenomenal to experience. I used to have a lot of pain in my cervix whenever it was knocked. Through touching and doing a lot of de-armoring of my cervix, it has become such a source of pleasure. One of the biggest things that I recommend women do is to connect with their cervix as a source of pleasure and connect with that space. It’s a part of our body. We’re often very disconnected from and there’s so much pleasure to be had. Oftentimes, there’s so much pain and so much trauma and emotion, so many tears to be had by de-armoring of the cervix.

What’s a full body orgasm?

For me, full body orgasm comes often through using a lot of breath. I experienced my first full body orgasm through the process of stimulating my breasts. I was so over-touched as a dancer. Men would touch my breasts and I started to have an absolute revulsion at having my breasts touched. It was a trauma response, almost like PTSD. My partner would touch my breasts and I would shut down. I started to do a lot of self-pleasuring where I would pleasure my clitoris and start to touch my breasts. Slowly over time, I started to experience a lot of breast pleasure and fully remove that trauma and that response. I started to work on having a breast orgasm only by playing with my breasts. It’s just a path. It’s rewiring your brain. If you want to have any other kind of orgasm, you use the path of orgasm that you know, if that’s a clitoral orgasm or whatever kind of orgasm that is easiest for you to obtain like the g-spot.

Then you connect it to that area? 

You connect the two of them. You pleasure the clitoris and you start to pleasure your breasts back and forth.

It’s a little bit like NLP techniques. 

The full body orgasm came through incorporating the breath, sound and shaking. Shaking is something that has been used in a lot of different ancient cultures for releasing energy from the body. If you see dogs or animals, they go through something and then they shake. They shake it all off and they’re back to homeostasis. When you use shaking when you are producing sexual pleasure in your body, breath, movement, shaking and pleasure, that’s a full-body orgasm.

When you want something, you have to recommit over and over again. Click To Tweet

I have to have you come back on the show because you are so phenomenal. What are your three quick tips to living a stellar life? Where can people find you? I also know that you have a gift for the audience.

Three tips for creating a stellar life, I would say is recommitting. When you want something, you have to recommit over and over again, always being committed to creating the life that you truly desire. Number one, recommitment. Number two, eating well and getting outside in nature. The food that we put on our body is so important to how we feel in our body. Our emotions and our physical body are deeply intertwined. We need to eat healthy food from the Earth and remove chemicals from our body, getting outside in nature and breath fresh, clean air and get sunshine on our skin. These are so important to be a happy, healthy human being. Number three, laughter. Make your life full of joy. Go to comedy shows, put on comedy TV, laugh with your kids, tickle, play with your partner.

Go to KristinaCampbellCoaching.com and you can sign up for my email list. I send tons of tips about how to live your best life and how to have the most pleasure possible for you. I’ve got a blog on there if you want to read other things. When you sign up, you’ll get sent a lovely interview that I did with someone in the past. She’s amazing.

The free gift is a video series, right? 

It’s a three-part video series.

I’ve watched it and it’s so phenomenal. 

Grab that and that will give you a lot of things to do in your life to up-level your sexuality and set yourself free.

Thank you so much, Kristina. I appreciate you. Thank you for being on the show. 

Thank you, Orion. I look forward to talking to you again in the future.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

✓ Embody and reconnect with your sexual goddess. She’s pure, rich, and powerful and a part of your deepest desire.

✓ Communicate your sexual fears and urges with your partner openly. Have the courage to talk about what you like and don’t like even when outside the bedroom.

✓ Educate yourself about different kinds of orgasms such as G-spot, cervical, breast and full-body orgasm to find out more ways to experience pleasure.

✓ Be open to touching and communicating techniques. Kristina uses OM, orgasmic meditation. It’s a 15-minute meditative practice where a man touches a woman’s clitoris.

✓ Explore your own body without hesitation and limitation. Touch, feel and listen to what your body is telling you.

✓ Confront your sexual struggles with the help of an expert. Reach out to a sex therapist especially when you experienced sexual trauma.

✓ Strive to always commit to the kind of life that you rightfully deserve and desire. Believe that ecstasy is your birthright.

✓ Take care of your body. Develop a healthy eating habit and don’t forget to exercise.

✓ Laugh often. Whoever said that laughter is the best medicine is not kidding. Life is too short to be spent in sadness and regrets.

✓ Check out Kristina’s three-part video series and start exploring your sexual freedom today.

Important Links:

About Kristina Campbell

Kristina Campbell is an empowerment and pleasure guide, inspired to help women cultivate their authentic sexuality as a means to healing, wholeness and connection with spirit. She has healed her own childhood and sexual trauma through a multi-disciplinary approach including therapy, energy work, sacred sexual practices and deep marital communication and she supports others to do the same.

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