A Personal Note from Orion

With Valentine’s day just around the corner, you’re probably already being barraged with reminders everywhere: big red balloons, candy boxes at the store, online ads for flower delivery etc. Love is on everybody’s mind, so even if you don’t have a Valentine just yet, it’s a perfect time to find one!

In order to find him, consider re-imagining who you want to be. Many women often focus on who they want their partner to be, without putting much thought into who they have to become in order to attract him. Because your perfect person is out there dreaming of you – so don’t you want to find out what exactly he’s dreaming of?

Luckily, I have an incredible guest today who is widely considered as a love expert by everyone from  Victoria’s Secret to Bravo TV. Lauren Frances joins me with useful tips on how to re-imagine yourself so you are ready to receive the man of your dreams. We even go over the best online dating tips – so it’s not too late to find a match before Valentine’s Day!

About Today’s Show

Welcome to Stellar Life podcast. This is Orion. How are you doing? Today I have a special guest. You are going to love this show. She is fascinating. Today is about one of my favorite topics ever. It’s all about love, sweet love, especially now that Valentine’s Day is around the corner. A lot of people are thinking about love. I brought in somebody to help you. Lauren Frances has been called The Flirt Fairy by Victoria’s Secret and The Manwhisperer. On Extra, Lauren is also an internationally acclaimed expert in the art of romance. She authored Dating, Mating, and Manhandling: The Ornithological Guide to Men. Her advice has been featured on shows like Bravo, The Real Housewives of OC, and many, many more. She’s also the creator of Lovescript Bath & Body. Those are some products that will increase your passion and the love sensation in your love life. And now, without further ado, on to the show. Hey, Lauren, and welcome to Stellar Life Podcast. It’s great to have you here.

Thank you so much, Orion.

I’m fascinated with what you do because it’s also part of what I do. You’ve been creating a really great name for yourself and you’re pretty well-known. Obviously, you have very high success rates. Today, we’re going to learn just a little bit about your secrets on love, dating, and romance.

Fantastic.

Before we start, why don’t you share a little bit about yourself?

Thank you. First of all, I’m delighted to be on your podcast. I am a love and relationships expert that really focuses on supporting single women. That’s my primary practice, although I do some couples work. I work with primarily single women who are really interested in getting what I call a romantic reboot and restarting their love lives. I am an expert in digital romance and helping women really kind of create love online. I have amazing podcast programs. I actually have a live teleclass that’s starting in February called Get in “The Ring”. I also have virtual learning programs. I think I kind of made a big name for myself doing what I call Romantic Rebrands.

I do something called The Man Magnet Makeover which is a 4-day luxury event. Women are flying from all over the world and we go shopping and do kind of a physical wardrobe makeover. They come out with amazing photographs, dating wardrobe, and kind of really revision who it is that they want to be in their romantic lives. I work with a lot of badass professional women, corporate women, etc., but really kind of reimagining who you want to be in the romantic part of your life takes some doing. One is actually coming up the last weekend of February.

I do them about three times a year. Then I do private magnets. We kind of write their profiles and really support them in creating a new vision of love, then finding love in cyberspace which I call The Giant Man Catalog in the Sky. Then I help women through the dating process as a private one-on-one coach as well. Oh my God, it sounds like I’m doing so much work.

It sounds like you’re doing great work. I love your language with all of this. I love it. It sounds fascinating. What I really like about what you just said and I very much resonate with it is, reimagining who you want to be. For single women, many times they are focusing on who their partner should be, and they leave themselves out of the photo. It’s like, “I’m good enough. If he wants, he will accept me just the way I am.”

It’s so funny that you said that. I often say this when I speak or when I’m working with clients is that the man that you are dreaming of is also dreaming of a woman that he wants to be with. If you want to be with the man that you’re dreaming of, you need to become the woman he is also dreaming of. Sometimes, women kind of say, “Well, my photos are fine.

My wardrobe is fine. I don’t want to have to change to be with somebody,” but if you’re trying to date, if you’re not getting what I call Romantic Traction, if you’re just kind of walking around in the world trying to meet people and you’re not getting noticed, if you are online or on dating apps and you’re not connecting with the kinds of people that you want to, then you do have a branding issue. It would be kind of like if you wanted to sell chocolate, but he wasn’t buying it. He would want to look at the packaging, look at the marketing.

As a matter of fact, I love false lashes, and Ardell Demi Wispies, just a little beauty tip for anybody out there, is my favorite false eyelashes. Now, I will tell you that they just recently completely repackaged their product and It is now kind of leaping off of the shelves where it was blending into everything else. So if you’re not leaping off the screen and into his arms… Your photos, your wardrobe, the way you are writing to men, I have a lot of deep knowledge and intel about what the male genpop thinks when they look at your profile, and what makes them want to reach out.

The good news is that men aren’t necessarily looking for women just to have sex with. They can do that with anybody. But there are a lot of men who are really looking for real long-term relationships. That’s what you’re looking for. There are specific ways to talk to and present yourself to men.

Yes. Let’s talk about online dating. What is the biggest confusion and why do you think women get so lost in the world of online dating?

That is a great question. Okay. The biggest mistake most women make is that they don’t take their photographs seriously enough and men are visual, but so are women. If you sit down and start scrolling through people you’re like, “Oh, oh, oh,” that’s also what men do. Because of dating apps on the phone, everybody’s pictures are much bigger than they used to be when you were just on online computer dating. If you look at Match.com for example, or eHarmony, or PlentyOfFish or something, there is a section now where you can see photos on your computer and they’re huge.

That was the joy of Tinder and Bumble. All the sudden, everybody’s photographs got really big. Your wardrobe, your styling, your clothing, just how white are your teeth, are you smiling at the camera, that’s the instant impression. It is a series of calculation that we make very quickly internally. People just look at a photo and they go yes or no within a matter of seconds. That is the most important thing that women need to focus on. If you’re getting a kind of attention that you don’t like, men are just sexualizing you. Sometimes, it’s the photos because men are just kind of ignoring you. It’s often just the photos, but men also read the profiles.

The biggest mistake most women make is that they don’t take their photographs seriously enough and men are visual.

What? Men read? Just kidding. Of course, they do.

Not only do they read, but they also look at your photos and then they’ll go back and read the profile. One of the things that I always suggest that women do is if you’re looking for marriage, or if you’re looking for an exclusive commitment, or if you want to create a family, I always have my clients put what their romantic intentions are in the profile.

That’s great. Women are not aware of or disconnected from their romantic intentions. They go with the flow and whatever will be, will be. Just like in business, we are so intentional. We need to do the same in our love life, in our relationships. What do I want to get, and keep reminding ourselves where we want to go because if not if you don’t put any destination on the GPS, you don’t know where you’re going to end up.

Exactly. I call it The Guy Positioning System which is usually lying down. My brother is really funny. He’s married. Both my brothers are beautifully married, but my brother, Matthew, would come home, got four kids, got a big job, and his wife calling and say, “Listen, can you blah, blah, blah,” and he puts up his hand and goes, “Stop. Just write a list down and put it on the refrigerator.” It’s just like, “I’ll take care of it, just write it down. Don’t tell me what you want, just write it down.” The great thing about online dating and app dating is, I call it creating a love letter to the universe. You can put out whatever your highest intention is.

Unfortunately, a lot of women and men use online and app dating as laundry lists, or dear diaries, or they talk to people. My other no-no is don’t say, “We will be having a romantic dinner together and exciting…” Don’t talk to the person as if they’re already with you because it just makes you sound crazy. You just want to talk about how you enjoy your life and your time. I’ll have a lot of women who say, “I love to read.” And I say, “Well, that’s not something that’s interesting in a profile.” You can write down what you’re reading, “Love thumbing through the pages of Victorian novels, I love reading Victorian novels in the bathtub.” That could be a fun thing to write because of the image, the visual of reading Victorian novels in a bubble bath.

So it’s not what you write, it’s how you write it. You want to write in a language that is colorful, textile, and sensual.

Exactly. Visual. Men feel like they’re kind of peeking over your shoulder and seeing into a world of exotic romance which is you. It doesn’t need to be sexual but sight, smell, sound, taste, touch, smell all of those senses are… When I work with women, when they come to my Man Magnets, I got a program called Cyber Flirt Reboot which if anybody’s dating on apps or online, I strongly urge you to join me. They give you a little template on how to fill these things out.

It makes such a huge difference. I have women who have said, “Before I took the Man Magnet, everybody was short, fat, old, and broke. Now, they’re tall, handsome, and wealthy.” It’s literally the way that you market to people and what you’re putting out. You don’t have to be authentic. That’s the other thing that women often think. They don’t have to be themselves. It’s just how are you authentic, what is true for you, and true about you?

What are some key things that every online profile must have?

Well, you must have an amazing profile photo that is current, that’s you smiling and looking at the camera, and then you have to have a current body shot where men can see the entire dessert platter. They want to see your body. I would say if you have three great photos, that’s actually enough. I would also suggest not having photos with other people in them because you want to be the star of your show. They’re not looking at your profile to see who else they might be dating if they hook up with you.

Do not put photos of your children in there. I wouldn’t really even put pictures of you with your pets unless you’re a breeder of pets, or unless you do dressage, or a major horse rider, horsewoman. Really, the whole point is it’s you. The thing that you do want to put down is obviously your romantic intentions. Men, if they’re looking for something kind of cheap and cheerful, they’ll just move on to the next girl that doesn’t show, “I want to create a beautiful family.”

Actually, women do that. They do you a favor because you don’t waste your time with somebody who has the wrong intentions.

Exactly. Interestingly on Bumble, the site has room for political views, for income, religious information, etc. Bumble has adopted an opt-in where you can have that as a display. It really does take some of the guesswork out of it. It’s interesting what dating apps did for single people is they made it much easier to connect, which was time-saving, but then it also takes so much more time on the backend to figure out who you’re talking to and they want. That feature is definitely helpful. The other thing is, dating apps are not just for younger people, and they’re not just hook-up sites. I have clients ranging in ages from—I’m not kidding—20 to 87.

Oh my God. I would love to meet her.

Man Magnet and she is dating her little fanny off. She is having a ball. She’s on Bumble. They’re definitely the plus 60 category, plus 70 category. Now, plus 80 category is alive and well.

I love that.

This is a tip for the gals that are on Tinder. Here’s the thing. Tinder is actually the best app for international dating because it’s got the largest number of people that are on that platform. It’s much better to use than any of the match.com, or JDate, or ChristianMingle, because the immediacy of it is unbelievable. One of my magnets is now going around the world in six months. It’s around the world in 180 days. She’s on a cruise ship and she’s going into all of these different ports. What I suggest that women do is to get on Tinder and set your search preferences for within 10 miles when you’re traveling internationally.

You’re not going to want to meet people that are 50 miles away. I actually spoke at an adjunct forum to join the World Economic Forum in Davos that’s actually in Dynamics last year. It was for another forum that was happening around the World Economic Forum in Switzerland and I took two clients with me. I had them set their search parameters to 20 miles so that when they landed, they were connecting with men in Zurich. But then we were staying at Klosters. Just for the immediacy of dating, that’s definitely really important. Then you can meet men at the airport.

Tinder is actually the best app for international dating because it’s got the largest number of people that are on that platform.

That’s wonderful. That’s a great idea. We talked about profile. We talked about what to do when you travel. Let’s say you met. Finally, you’re meeting that super cute guy. What are some do’s and don’ts for the first date?

The very first tip that I’m going to give everyone is a safety tip. I’m an online dating safety expert. I have been on HLM talking about this. I intend to be on HSN with my bath and beauty line Lovescript, which I just launched. However, one of the most important things that women need to do is to get a burner phone number. You don’t need to get a whole new phone, but there’s Google Voice. I’m not affiliated with any of these companies, but there’s something called Burner which is a burner app. It gives you an untraceable phone number for you to use for the purposes of dating. This is why you want to do that.

You have no idea who you’re talking to. Match just recently changed the way that it’s allowing you to display your name and is asking everyone now to use their first name because they’re trying to compete with Tinder and Bumble. A lot of men are now using fake first names. One of the things about online dating and app dating is that there’s a level of anonymity that makes people feel more comfortable until they actually are sure that they haven’t attracted a wing nut, a crazy person, or somebody that they don’t want to ever hear from again or speak to again.

The first thing you want to do is download a burner app. I also suggest that you don’t necessarily feel obligated to use your real first name, you can use a nickname and then reveal who you are after you meet if you feel comfortable, but you should never ever meet until you have a phone call with them first. A lot of women and men are just texting each other on dating apps and then agreeing to meet up. This is not something you should ever do because it is one of the big problems that my clients have before they work with me.

Let’s say if somebody comes to me and they’re single, and they’re just like, “How do I do this?” or, “I’m not getting the kinds of men that I want to date in my queue,” they’ll come to me, we’ll do the makeover, the Man Magnet Makeover, they’ll have amazing photos, beautiful profile, and then I teach them how to text and flirt effectively. What happens is all of a sudden they go from zero to feeling like they’re Gisele Bundchen. They’re getting more opportunities to connect than they ever had in their lives. Data flow is one of the biggest problems that people have.

It’s like going from starvation to attending a feast. People can overeat and can hurt themselves.

And it’s a random feast because you’re getting a Twinkie or…

Yeah, you don’t know what you’re getting. I love what you’re saying about safety online because not a lot of dating coaches talk about it and it’s so important. I think for a woman in general, we need to protect ourselves, especially in the dating world where you don’t know who the person really is on the other side. If they’re crazy if they have some tendencies that you don’t like. So you always want to make sure that you are safe first.

Exactly. Also, men want to make sure that they’re safe. A lot of men have a lot of wealth, reputation, so they want to protect themselves too. These phone calls are very important because we can tell, there’s like a 2D representation of someone and then there’s the texting kind of communication, but when people hear your voice, they can intuit things. You get the feeling for somebody through the voice. Just like through your voice, I can feel your energy.

Same here. I like your energy very much.

I like you too. What happens is that if you go right to a meeting, then you’re missing a whole huge layer of the ability to screen. From someone’s voice, in the way that they speak, the words that they choose, and the tone that they take with you, you can intuit an enormous amount of information about that person. Their education level, their intelligence, are they funny, is there communication flow? Are they respectful? And then what topics do they choose to talk about with you? I always coach women into saying, “Perhaps a chat on the phone would be fun,” if a man is really pursuing. You do that phone call and then after you’ve been on the phone with them for a little while, if you like them, the best way to set up a date is to just say, “Well, I’m having so much fun talking to you. I think I feel really comfortable meeting you in person.”

I love that because you take the power and you’re telling him like, “You have to make sure that I’m safe and protected.” You’re also telling them, “I’m a person of value myself and I need to feel safe and protected before I even meet you. I am not needy. I don’t need to meet you just because I want to date someone. I take care of myself first,” and men respect that.

Yes, because sometimes men will go on and on with my clients and they’re like, “Oh my God. I got to get this guy off the phone, but he’s fun.” That’s the way to kind of just say, “Okay, you passed my test,” and you’re now saying, “I’d like to meet you for a drink,” which is putting you in the masculine. It’s just saying, “I’m having so much fun talking together. I think I feel really comfortable meeting up in person,” and then the man gets to ask you out on a date.

You’re talking about the masculine which is something that I’m very passionate about, masculine-feminine energies and how to really embrace our feminine energy, our goddess energy. It really helps with attracting love. It also helps in business and helps you feel better by yourself because you’re not so tight. Life is not so hard. You don’t need to compete. You’re like a magnet. You become an attractor rather than a hunter. I love what you said. I love that language of, “I’m comfortable to meet you.” You said something like that. What are some masculine language patterns that women use? Because you work with the very strong, powerful, high-powered women, and they probably have a pretty masculine way speaking to the guys.

Very good question. A lot of women are out-earning men. I think more women are graduating from college than men are. We are a huge part of the workforce and a lot of women are bosses. Not only bosses at work but bosses of their children at home, their pets, and the plants. You can be in CEO mode and not know how to kind of transition into being in your feminine energy. The thing is, is that most women that I work with are straight women.

These aren’t for lesbian women because of the different power dynamic. But then there is usually kind of somebody that’s more of the femme and more the masculine. In gay relationships, some people are more bottom or the top. Whatever that looks like for whoever’s listening to this podcast, there is somebody that usually wants to be in the more receptive feminine role and someone that wants to be in the more giving, in the more masculine role.

Most of the women that I work with, no matter how successful they are, rich they are, powerful they are, how many Grammys, Emmys, Oscars, I actually coach them on their own strengths. Women who have lives, just women who are even not superpowered A-type personalities. Most women want to be with a masculine energy partner that is somebody that they can count on, somebody that they can be in their empowered feminine selves with. To transition into a kind of language that encourages men to want to be that kind of man for you is important. It’s kind of like, there can’t be two kings in the room. There can’t be two kings, but there could be a king and a queen.

There can be an Aphrodite and there could be an Adonis. Just so it doesn’t sound so retro, I really have a different opinion about languaging. I think there’s a misperception about alpha women and beta women. I like to say that just because you’re an alpha woman doesn’t mean that you’re masculine. It just means that you’ve got a lot of juice.

To transition into a kind of language that encourages men to want to be that kind of man for you is important.

I love that.

Just because you’re a beta woman doesn’t mean that you’re feminine. It just means that you are more passive. Just because someone’s an alpha man, doesn’t mean that he’s super masculine. There’s a whole archetype of these super alpha men that love dominatrix and get spanked. It’s more dimensional and more complex than that languaging. With that being said, with women that are in the work-a-day world, the corporate world, etc., I often say that it’s good to consciously transition out of work mode and going into man mode.

I have women that do a lot of work. When you’re with a man, you don’t want to have to keep doing a lot of work. You would like the man to be doing his part of the relationship. Most women want men that call, that make dates, that are initiators, that are leaders. The woman gets really anxious when they’re in a dating interaction. It’s usually because the man is being inconsistent about their communication and is not being the leader in their communication, or their courtship. So the woman is left uncertain about what the man’s intentions are. At the end of the day, biologically, women really do create a kind of security. Can I explain what I’m talking about here?

Yes, you can.

I call it the oatmeal and the bowl. In the polarity and the energetics between men and women, I describe men as the bowl and women as the oatmeal. The feminine energy is the more gooey, tasty, yummy, fragrant kind of component, and the man really creates the structure that holds the oatmeal. The thing is, men have different-sized bowls which are basically an analogy for their capacity to create the container or the structure for the relationship.

This is especially true at the beginning of courtships. Women have different amounts of oatmeal. Some women are hard and lumpy. Some women have nuts, a lot of nuts in there. Some women have fruit and berries, fragrant, warm, and made with buttermilk. It’s kind of Goldilocks. What you want to find is a man who’s got a big enough bowl for the amount of oatmeal that you have.

I love that. That’s a great metaphor.

Thank you. Sometimes, men want women to be the bowl, and they want to be the oatmeal. They’re more the emotional, energetic feminine, so that’s when you go through these role reversals in relationships. That is the kind of thing that unless the woman really is the leader, the masculine energy partner in the relationship, she’s going to get really pissed off.

It works in some relationships, but if in general, more women are more feminine in their essence, and they do want to have somebody who can contain them.

Yeah. It’s like that’s when women say, “Just want to rock. Just want to come home and sit on daddy’s lap. Just want a big hug.” Been battling at work all day, but when I come home, I want somebody who’s really solid, and really there, and not stressing you out, in terms of whether or not he wants to be there. That’s why it’s interesting in courtship rituals that men get down on their knees to women to propose. It’s not the other way around.

Women don’t say, “Please marry me.” The man gets down on his knee, he decides to pledge allegiance to the woman’s flag and gets down on his knee, and he’s there at the altar first, the woman meets him there. There’s something about that energetically which just feels correct about what the typical dynamic between men and women need to be when we’re in courtship.

Yeah. I used to take pole dancing with Sheila Kelley, who really mentored me on feminine energy that I had to learn, dive into, figure it out, and awaken her. The way she explained it— another cute metaphor—is that the pole—I’m not talking about the spinning poles, I’m talking about just the pole that doesn’t move—is representative of the masculine. The energy, the feminine, is the free flow energy that just flies around him. She can fly around him and dance around him with all kinds of emotions. From joy to rage, to bliss, and is still going to be there strong, centered, be her support.

Right, which is why men get so pissed off because sometimes they feel like they do that for the women but the women don’t really respect it. But that’s a whole different conversation.

We can talk about so many topics. I love that. How does it look like in dating? The untrained female who doesn’t know how to not be in her masculine energy when she’s dating, what does that look like?

A woman who is dating in her masculine is going to be doing the pursuing and not the receiving. I always say that you can always ask men out on a first date, like my famous line about this is, “We should get tea sometime.” It’s not a drink, it’s not a cup of coffee, they’ll be like, “What?” Even in Victorian times, women invited men for tea in their parlor.

I like that. I really want to do that. I want to do a bubble bath and I need a recommendation for one of your romantic books.

Dating, Mating and Manhandling – The Ornithological Guide to Men

I have a lot of love scripts. I wrote a book called Dating, Mating, and Manhandling: The Ornithological Guide to Men. It’s been translated into, I think, eight languages now. I toured with Victoria’s Secret with it around the country. It’s now an eBook and it’s also an MP3, so you can even listen to me read the entire book. I have a lot of love scripts about how to kind of flirt and ask men certain questions, all kinds of things about dating, mating, and manhandling.

I always say that women can ask men out once, but once a man’s got your phone number, he needs to call you after that, because is he interested? After the first date, a lot of women think that they’re supposed to thank men for the day. You never need to thank a man for the day after the date, but you do need to thank a man for the date during the day. If a man is taking you out to a beautiful dinner, you can say at the end of the day, “What a beautiful time I had with you,” or “I had such an amazing time. It was really delightful.” Then the guy will go, “Thank you and likewise,” and that’s his cue to say, “Well, I would love to see you again.”

If you don’t hear from him, if you thanked him on the date, or expressed how happy you were on the date, or if you kissed him on the date even, and you don’t hear from him again, he’s not interested. He’s not interested and truthfully, there are so many options now for people. You want to see if the man is interested and is making room for you in his queue. This is the last thing that I’ll share about that. I talked about in my book, The Male String Theory OF Dating.

They said that men were learning much more than baseball when they were in the little league. They learned the value of rotating the talent. There’s first string girls, the second string girls, and then their romantic replacements which are waiting for them on the bench, or in their queue on Tinder and Bumble. The only way you can really tell someone’s intentions if they contact you. Even after you start having sex with men, I think it’s a really good idea. I have girlfriends who are married and are in a relationship right now. I have a girlfriend, Carol, who’s an amazing Vedic Astrologer and a relationships expert.

She never calls her husband, he calls her all the time. She picks up the phone and she always takes his call, but she’s not initiating that contact because men are busy during the day. Especially when you’re dating somebody who’s powerful and he’s got a lot on, you don’t want to interrupt men when they’re not going to be present for you and are going to be gruff. You want to speak to them when they’re receptive and open. Unless of course you’re in an act of intimate relationship and you need him to pick up some milk.

Yeah, of course. I like what you said because flirting and that power dynamic, the little games or that static that he’s in between the two magnets, you never want to lose it. You always want to keep the fire alive. You want to keep the romance alive. You want to keep flirting until you’re 180.

Be in lingerie in the rest home, that’s what I say. That’s the way to go ladies.

Amen. Tell me about flirting.

I think that the best way to flirt with somebody is to notice something that they’re wearing or something that they’re doing. I call it the magical phrase, nice tie. If they go to my website, I got a ton of TV demos, a lot of stuff on TV about this. You can go laurenfrances.com and just download the video, you can watch the videos, but you literally look at something a man is wearing or doing, and just toss them a crumb.

I compare men to birds in my book. It says you don’t want to chase men and have them fly away. You just want to toss them a little bone and go, “Nice sports watch. Cool sneakers,” or whatever. If they’re wearing a plain black t-shirt you can say, “I love that t-shirt.” He’ll look and go, “Ha,” and he’ll start to laugh. That is looking at men and looking away, which is like that eye contact, it only makes you look like you got a tick.

It depends on who’s doing it. Some people know how to do it but many women, yeah.

It’s a slutty thing to do. Sorry to use that word, I don’t want to slut-shame anybody, or even use that word ‘slut’ because it’s very outdated. But the thing about just staring into a man and looking away, most women feel very uncomfortable doing it. It’s actually very forward. It’s much less forward to say to somebody, “I love those pants.” The reason why men are always posting photos about cars, hiking, mountain biking, fishing, etc., men love gizmos and gadgets, they love their very own gizmos and gadgets, and yours too. It’s the best way to talk to men.

Saying, “Cool car,” is not going to ever be thought of as a suck-uppy thing to do. They’re going to be like, “Right, it is a cool car.” And, “What is it about that car that’s so awesome. Why did you pick that car?” and they will go on and on. That is the best way to break the ice with people. Toss them a crumb. You’ll always want to do it while you’re smiling, which is the international language for, ‘I like you.’ That’s why all of your profile pictures should also have you be smiling. I don’t know if you’ve noticed let’s say, Kim Kardashian. Has anybody noticed that ever since she was with Kanye, Kanye told her to stop smiling? Why did he tell her to do that?

Maybe he doesn’t want her to be too attractive?

Right. It was too flirtatious. All of her photos if you noticed, when she was with him, she stopped smiling. It’s also kind of a model face. A lot of miles are experts at looking beautiful while they’re not smiling. Truthfully, most people look more beautiful and more engaging when they are smiling. I looked at a man without smiling and said, “Nice pants.” He will be like, “Oh no, what’s wrong with my pants?” But if I were to look at him and I went, “Nice pants,” he’d look down, stuck in his thumb, pulled out a plum, and said, “What a good boy am I?” Even when you’re on the phone, on that first phone call before you meet people you are getting so much information out of me. “Orion, I’ve got to tell you…” That’s a lot of info.

I believe this is only the tip of the iceberg.

That is true, I have a lot of info. Even on the phone call, I coach my clients to smile when they’re talking because if you can hear me right now, I got a smile in my voice. If I’m talking right now, I don’t and I sound a lot more serious. Even if it’s sultry because I’ve got a low voice, it’s still more serious. We want to smile and it gives you a little sing-song. Even when you’re talking to men and you meet them out in the world, when you meet them for the first date when you meet them on the phone, smile.

Yeah. Beautiful. I loved everything we talked about, but our time is coming to an end, unfortunately. Hopefully, I’ll have you back on the show sometime.

I would be delighted.

Before we finish, what are your three quick tips to living a stellar life? Two, where can people find you?

I’ll tell you where you can find me first and I’ll give you the tip to living a stellar life. People can find me on my website which is laurenfrances.com. You can also follow me on Instagram @LaurenFrancesLove where I’ve got awesome memes and cute things that you’ll find to help your love life. Also at lovescript.com which has free podcasts which you can download.

I also have free things on my site that you can download as well. Those are the three places to find me, laurenfrances.com, @LaurenFrancesLove on Instagram, and at lovescript.com. I do free teleclasses once a month which is super fun if you subscribe to my newsletter. You can do that on my website. The tip about living a stellar life. This is what I do want to say is that creating love if you want to lead a stellar life and you are looking for love, I really believe that finding love is like being on a spiritual path and I am liking it to that.

Sometimes, you feel like it’s the dark night of the soul and you’re there alone. Sometimes, you feel like you’re walking alone. Sometimes, you are in a congregation of like-minded people. Sometimes, you feel like this complete union and got kind of list out a connection. What I want to say is that, no matter what your results are, the intention to create love, I think, is one of the most profound things that anybody can do in life. Having love received and given, everybody knows that that’s just like a gift from the gods.

I really believe that no matter where you are in your dating process, your mating process, your manhandling process, that just having the intention and the commitment to create love in and of itself is a magnificent thing. Like any great endeavor, it often takes work, it takes some coaching and some mentorship. If you are not getting the romantic results that you want, just like if you’re not getting the abs that you want, you would go to the gym. A lot of women go into a lot of despair because they’re not finding the one.

But if they really look at how much dating they’re doing, it might not be that much. Or if you’re dating a lot and it’s not working, then you just kind of need to upgrade your tools. We can’t always predict the results, but we can always know the effort that we’re putting into things. I think that the effort is worth it. If you keep at it and keep putting your best stiletto forward, you will find it. I’m happy to help. I’m so grateful that you had me. The world just full of people like you, Orion, to support people in creating more epic love.

Thank you so much. I’m very grateful for you. This was extraordinary.

Thank you.

Thank you very much. Thank you, listeners. Be intentional with your love vision and write a love letter to the universe, because you are love, you deserve to love and to be loved and to have a stellar life. This is Orion, until next time.

Your Checklist of Actions to Take

✓ Determine what type of relationship you’re ready for before you put yourself out there are start dating. When you set clear intentions, the Universe will help you find what you’re looking for.
✓ Present yourself in the way that you want men to perceive you. Take first impressions seriously, especially if your goal is to nurture along-term relationship.
✓ Try online dating and take advantage ofthe platforms that bring people together. Start by creating a profile with photos and a brief description that gives potential suitors pleasant glimpses of what it’s like to be with you.  
✓ Be visual, colorful, and sensual in presenting your hobbies online. Lauren advises that instead of saying “I love to read”, try something like, “I love thumbing through the pages of Victorian novels in the bath.”
✓ Always remember personal safety when you meet people online. Lauren suggests downloading a burner app so that your number is untraceable. Also, never go on a date without talking to the person on the phone first.  
✓ If you want to ask the guy you’re talking to on a date first, just do it. It’s okay for women to ask men out, but once he has your phone number, he needs to call you to prove that he’s interested in you.
✓ Don’t be shy about flirting. It’s a great way to let your crush know that you have your eye on them. One great way to flirt is to notice something they’re wearing or doing.
✓ Aim to be the best version of yourself and become worthy of the relationship you’re dreaming of. If you want to meet the man you deserve, you need to be the type of woman he deserves.
✓ Grab a copy of Lauren Frances’ book, Dating, Mating, and Manhandling: The Ornithological Guide to Men to better understand how men act in the dating world.
✓ Join Lauren’s teleseries event Get in “The Ring” that will help you go from “seriously single” to “loved and committed.” It’s simply perfect for this Valentine’s month!

Links and Resources

About Lauren Frances

Lauren Frances has been called The Flirt Fairy by Victoria’s Secret, The Man-whisperer on Extra, Lauren is also an internationally acclaimed expert in the ‘Art of Romance’. She authored Dating, Mating & Manhandling – The Ornithological Guide to Men. Her advice has been featured on shows like Bravo’s The Real Housewives of O.C., and many more. and is the creator of the Lovescript Bath & Body product that will increase the passion in your love life.