Own Your Feminine Power to Attract Success and Happiness Into Your Life with Pamela Reaves

A Personal Note from Orion

About a year ago, I attended a Speaking Empire event in Florida to receive my very first speaking award. When I got there, I noticed this ‘diva’ right away. Pamela Reaves, in all her beautiful and ageless glory, stood out in the crowd. And to go along with her beautiful aura, she had a magnetic, warm personality, with the presence of a glamorous star: you feel more beautiful just being in her presence.

I just loved the way she carried herself. Many women feel the need to act like men when in the business world, but not Pamela. She owns her feminine power and is the leading lady in the boardrooms. On this episode, she’ll teach you how to voice who you are through fashion tips, mindset tips, and more. Our interview was fun, funny, and full of great advice and wisdom.

In this Episode

[01:08] – Orion introduces Pamela Reaves, an image consultant, relationship coach, author, speaker, columnist, entrepreneur, and CEO.
[06:00] – Pamela interprets how you can work on your image and maintain balance at the same time.
[12:00] – How being flexible in presenting yourself, and finding what is appropriate for the industry to wear will make you look multidimensional.
[17:23] – What are ways of making yourself unique and stand out from the crowd?
[23:52] – Pamela elaborates on why some women are jealous of other women.
[30:27] – Pamela shares how she does her image coaching and consulting, specifically helping women be beautiful inside and out.
[35:56] – Pamela differentiates Alone vs. Lonely.
[42:34] – How do you change your external image to attract an ideal partner?
[48:36] – Pamela talks about the things that make her happy and brings joy to her life.
[42:27] – Visit Pamela Reaves’ website pamreaves.com, to learn more about how you can be the best version of yourself.

Jump to Links and Resources

About Today’s Show

‏‏Hi, and welcome to another stellar episode! I’m your host, Orion. Today, I have with me the absolutely exquisite, Pamela Reaves. Pamela Reaves is an image consultant, a relationship expert, a published author, a certified professional coach, a columnist, a professional speaker, a developer and owner of a line of skincare products, creator of the annual Power of Love Gala, and the founder and CEO of NELLA. Hey, Pam!

‏‏Hey, Orion! It’s good to be here with you!

‏‏So good to be here with you. I’m so happy to have you on the show. Welcome, welcome! Why don’t you start with telling us a little bit about yourself?

‏‏Okay, my name is Pam Reaves. I am a published author, a relationship coach, and an image consultant. I wear a lot of hats. I also own a skincare line called Essentially Good. It’s my feeling that if you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good, you look good so I’m one of those people who can help you do both. I think that we should be forever beautiful and I am proud to say that I’m 58-years-old and I am still a diva.

‏‏You are so beautiful. I would never, ever, ever imagine that your 58! Seriously!

‏‏Yes, I am!

‏‏Wow, you look about 20 years younger, that’s pretty amazing. Wow!

‏‏Well, anyone can do it if they work at it.

‏‏Yeah, and also, it’s not only your stunning external appearance, it’s also your vibe. Your vibe is so young.

‏‏And that makes the difference, Orion, because if the inside isn’t beautiful, it will eventually tarnish the outside so it has to be, and I always say, I work from the inside out.

‏‏So, we met at Speaking Empire Mastermind. How long? Three months ago, was it?

‏‏That was in July, I think.

‏‏Yeah.

‏‏Yeah, that was back in July.

‏‏Okay, cool! The moment I saw you I was amazed. I was like, there’s something about her-she looks so interesting and so special. There’s something about her and I have to talk to her. Then, we connected and it was a blessing since you helped me with my image. You’re such a wonderful person. I mean, beyond how smart and how fun it is to listen to you, you’re just a lovely, giving person, and I really appreciate you!

‏‏Well, I appreciate you too. You reached out to me as soon as we had the conversation. I knew that we were kindred spirits and that’s the wonderful thing about when kindred spirits see each other, there’s something that draws them. Being beautiful is fine exterior but I deal in the spirit realm. I love to keep people close to me who are like-minded people and you are like that. You are a very powerful woman and you do extremely well in life but yet, there’s this humility about you that reaches out.

‏‏Thank you. I’ll take it in. Why is an image so important?

‏‏Image is important because it’s the manifestation of what’s inside of us. When someone meets you initially, the only thing they have to go on is appearance. Now, image is much more than appearance but we should never discount appearance. As I’ve said, when someone first meets us, they know little to nothing about us and the only thing that they have to go on is our appearance. Generally, our appearance reflects what we are feeling inside. If we feel good about ourselves then that is manifested in our appearance, we’re neat. Let’s say, if we wear bold colors, that says something about out personality-that we are not afraid of colors, we are not afraid to color life. The external says so much about the internal. That’s why I never discount appearance. Now, the image is much more than that. It is your confidence, it’s the way you speak, and it is your brand because we are our own brands and so, that’s what I actually tell to clients. Do the entire thing. We should be well-rounded people. We should never just focus on one aspect of an image because when you do that, there is an imbalance there. Balance, normally, causes everything to tumble so when we are working on the image, work on your appearance, work on your confidence, and work on your communication. It doesn’t have to be elaborate-it can be just basic communication-but we should work on all aspects of that so that we maintain a balance.

Image is important because it’s the manifestation of what’s inside of us. Click To Tweet

‏‏Absolutely! Have you seen somebody who was powerfully dressed but talks like this-very shy?

‏‏Yes, yes! Or, if they’re insecure, we can pick up on that, and then, that may cause you to pause or to step away from the person. When we are confident, people are attracted to that because they can count on you to deliver whatever they are expecting out of you.

‏‏Right, I feel inspired already!

‏‏Yes! So, when you walk into a room and let’s say you have on a powerful, red dress. I know you like red dresses!

‏‏I do!

‏‏Well, that says to you, it speaks to power but if it’s a fierce, fierce dress, they start to get excited because they know that this woman loves herself-so, she’s probably going to entrust whatever I give to her with the same love and the same attention so that’s one of the reasons why. Another one of the reasons why we should not discount appearance is because it’s everything. Like I said, it speaks to who you are inside and that’s what I try to convey. When I walk into a room, you know I’m there without having to say a lot.

‏‏Absolutely!

‏‏And that’s another powerful thing about image-that you can be so attractive in the way of intelligence and poise that you don’t have to say much. People can tell a lot about you but once they approach you, you should have a good, positive, and loving conversation so that they stay interested in you. If you’re beautiful and you’re poised but you don’t hold a good conversation or your conversation is negative, then people lose interest because notwithstanding life’s challenges, we all want to feel good so we should welcome people with positive conversation.

You can be so attractive in the way of intelligence and poise that you don’t have to say much.

‏‏Mm-hmm. I’m thinking about, you know, I feel like Madonna. I changed so many images throughout my life. I had short, platinum hair. I had short, red hair. I was into heavy metal and wore all-black. I was a hippie for a part of my life. I lived in Japan and I really like Harajuku-style. Actually, when I came to the US, I wanted to fit the box and dress like everybody else and pretty much in New York, most people, unless they are in the business world, dress down so I kind of lost my flair and my color. Then, I got more into a connection to my femininity and I started embracing more color, it shifts so much throughout the years.

‏‏But you know what? I think that is absolutely wonderful because I have done the same thing. That just means that we evolve with changes because if you are inflexible, you, at some point, become disconnected so the fact that you’ve been willing to do all of these changes, you’ve been exploring. You’ve been many things. We’re all multi-dimensional so I, personally, think that’s absolutely wonderful. I’ve had blonde hair. I’ve had jet black hair. I’ve had very short hair. I’ve had long hair. Now, the one thing is, I’ve always been a glamour girl but I changed my look. You know, I love to wear hats and I have a collection of hats. I think it’s wonderful when a woman changes as she wants to because that’s of certain boldness, not always fitting into the box but having your own style. When you are an entrepreneur, you need to do everything that will set you apart from your competitors or others in the same industry so that’s a wonderful thing. I think you should always find something that’s a little bit different than everybody else. I just think that’s wonderful when a woman is bold enough to change and to try different looks.

‏‏Mm-hmm. Right now, me, personally, I’m going through that conflict of, should I look more corporate or should I look more easy and flowy. Even today, I don’t feel like I have this ‘one style’. I have a few styles and when I come to present my brand, I’m still indecisive of exactly how to…

‏‏Well, this is what I think you should d‏‏I think you should explore different looks. I go to my photographer maybe every three months and I always take two to three outfits-some are more casual, some are more provocative, and then there are some that are very business-wise so it depends on what event I’m going to. There have been some upcoming events, there’s one in September-no, October-and it’s called, Emancipating Me. It’s more, I would say, a conservative setting so the photo that I sent the program host was me in a white suit. Now, if I’m going to something else that’s a little bit more provocative or sexy, let’s say, then that’s the type of photo that I use to present myself. People do know that I am flexible and there is one more than one dimension to me. I say, just stick with what’s industry-appropriate. If you go into a business meeting, let’s say, with a corporation and you want to coach their employees. Well, the first meeting, even if it’s not a very formal suit but just to be on the safe side, put on a suit, and then in the meeting, you’ll get an idea as to what their culture is like, and then you have an idea of how to present yourself the next time. I think you should be flexible and just present yourself in a way that people will see that you are multi-dimensional. There’s nothing wrong with that so I don’t think that you should be in conflict. What you should do is, reach out to someone like me so that I can go and find photos and say, “Orion, girl, you will look absolutely fierce in this so let’s try this!” When I saw your photographs, they were beautiful and when I responded to you, you see how I actually could actually speak to what I thought was going on with you-well, one was celebrating; one just looked like you were a natural element and that you were just flowing; another was a great one for a headshot. That’s great! Always have alternatives and don’t just stick to one look. You’ll be more interesting that way.

‏‏Well, that gives me freedom. That’s great! Any tips on how to look younger and slimmer?

‏‏Okay, for younger: I don’t intentionally attempt to look younger. I attempt to look good so you’re age-appropriate. I wouldn’t wear some things that 20-year-olds wear but I still keep it fresh. What I would say is, stick with your age, but look as good as you can. Now, be daring-the bodycon dresses, they are the really slim-fitting dresses. I’m 58 years old and I wear them but I’m selective about the type that I wear. Now, I’ll put on a black one because black makes everybody look more slender so do a black. If you are a slightly-heavy woman, do not be afraid to do A-line. Sometimes, heavy women think they have to wear very wide clothing, you don’t. All you’re doing is looking wider. Try something A-line and put on a belt. Let’s say, if you have a sweater, put a belt because a belt is going to pull the waist in some more, a little. If you are a very thin woman, now they’re wearing what they call the full-circle skirts. Try that with maybe with a crop top that will elongate you and then, of course, put on some stilettos and give yourself some legs-now, that’s really fierce. Be flexible with jeans. If you are a heavy woman, I would say stay with the darker wash because the darker wash is slimming. Once again, when you have on jeans, throw on some stilettos. So, let’s say, if you went to a meeting and it was for a health club, what I would do is put on a pencil-leg, some dark jeans or washed jeans, put on a very bright-colored blazer, and add some stilettos so then you are sort of casual but you show up meaning business so that’s really great and then at your feet, you’re sexy. You can accomplish all of that and still look professional.

‏‏How do you define a well-dressed woman?

‏‏A well-dressed woman is not gaudy. Never overdo it. A well-dressed woman knows what looks good on her because every style is not meant for everybody. Just because it may be the rage right now, if it doesn’t fit your body type, do not do it. The well-dressed woman always sticks with the classics. If I have something on that’s very trendy, I’ll do something like wear pearls with that because pearls are classic and that’s a surprise. The well-dressed woman is not afraid to do something different. I collect hats. I still wear hats and so, that’s a throwback from the age of the 1940’s Hollywood kind of thing. I still do gloves and the well-dressed woman will do something different. She’s not a cookie-cutter. She doesn’t look like everybody else. The well-dressed woman, when she steps into a room, immediately people notices that there’s something different about her.

‏‏Right, can give me examples, beyond pearls, of something that can make us look a little more unique or stand out?

‏‏Okay. Now, you have dark hair. If you’re going to a cocktail party, for instance, I’m seeing you with your hair pulled back severe and have a chignon on it, with a black dress but then, you would offset this with very red lips, and that will get you noticed because the contrast with the black dress, the red lips, and pull the hair back severely because you want the lips to pop-you don’t want that to get lost in your look-so, red lips are very glamorous. Red lips, they pop out. Another thing that, let’s say, if you were going to have on a black suit, I would wear some animal print pumps because that’s surprising. That’s sexy. That’s contrary to the basic, black suit. Don’t be afraid to wear all white, some people are afraid about that. Do all white with some big, chunky, silver jewelry. That’s a really awesome contrast. First of all, you look angelic and actually look sexy at the same time. Who could turn that down? I guarantee you that they will look at you. I’m strutting with heels. Now that I’m an older woman, I can’t wear the heels like I used to but let me tell you this, whenever I arrive, I always arrive in heels-five-inch heels.

‏‏Wow!

‏‏I’m not afraid. Don’t be afraid to make your entrance. See, that’s where confidence comes in. When you walk in, know that you look good, act like you feel good, have a great conversation, and walk straight and tall. People will notice that. It won’t just be beautiful clothes. It will be the spirit of you that’s in their place. Always do something surprising. Sometimes, with the business suit, I will wear a huge flower pen so my business suit may be pinstriped, which is sort of like masculine, but then I’ll do something unexpected like wear this huge, huge flower and my hair is white, I will wear red lipstick because I know that it’s a stark contrast and it will draw attention to me. Don’t be afraid to do the smoky eyes. That’s alluring. Those are the little things that, basically, say, “I’m sensual,” but then your suit says, “I’m serious,” so there’s nothing wrong. I don’t think women should try to be one of the boys. Glory in your femininity. Be proud and be just awesome in your womanhood. There are people who refer to me as “iconic” and I love that at this age, younger women are still saying, “Why, she’s an icon!” An icon is the ultimate representation of womanhood.

‏‏That’s, again, super inspiring! I feel like I have so much to learn from you. What are your influences? Like, your models as far as beautiful, iconic women?

‏‏The first and foremost was my mother. She was a tall lady and she wore hats, gloves, and furs, and that’s how I dressed. I have this whole wardrobe-as a matter of fact, I’m the brand model for a company called, Harriet Rosebud Hats of New York. If you go to my Facebook page, you will see me in all of these wonderful hats. When I was a little girl, that was my dream-I’m going to grow up and I’m going to wear hats, furs, stilettos, and all of the great stuff. There’s a woman, Iris Apfel. Iris is a New York socialite. She’s in her 90’s so google her. Oh my God! She wears the most bizarre clothing but this woman in her 90’s is still just so glamorous and she loves fashion. She’s another one that I consider an icon. Then, there’s Iman, the model. I love Iman. I just think she’s just so exotic. I’m inspired whenever I see a beautiful woman. She doesn’t have to be a celebrity. When I see a beautiful woman on the street, I will let her know. I think that we should do that. We should inspire and encourage each other. Motivate. Let another woman know when she’s beautiful. Nobody gets tired of hearing it, you know? She won’t take it for granted but she will be appreciative that someone notices her efforts in being a beautiful woman.

‏‏I feel like lately, there are a lot of women movements on the rise and women supporting women yet there is still this jealousy. In some societies, the women are not friends, they’re not sisters, and when they see a woman that is dressed differently or looks better, they won’t treat her as well.

‏‏You’re absolutely true about that but you know what I have decided to do when I notice that? I keep a safe distance. If that’s the attitude that they have, don’t attempt to be close to them because you don’t want any kind of negative energy close to you. That type of woman, if there’s jealousy, I don’t care if she’s wealthy or if she is beautiful. If she’s jealous and not friendly, that still speaks, Orion, to some insecurity. There is some insecurity on that woman’s part. The problem isn’t with you, it’s with the other woman. They may not admit it but confident women are not jealous with other women. We love to celebrate each other and we love to celebrate beauty so when it’s that type of energy, I just keep a safe distance. I may be friendly but I don’t attempt to be friends because first of all, I don’t think that type of woman can be a true friend if she entertains that spirit of jealousy. There is a lot of that, you just can’t pay any attention, or pay a little attention, and you have to keep on being the most beautiful, fierce, glamorous woman that you can be.

‏‏Yeah, and that goes to business as well.

‏‏Yes.

‏‏As you grow, the bigger you are, the bolder, exotic, and powerful you are, the more friends you’re going to make but also, you’re going to get some enemies.

‏‏Yes, you are and that’s why, besides being beautiful, you have to be smart. You have to be smart and you have to have business-savvy so that you do know how to handle that. Those things will happen. That’s why I have never relied solely on my looks. I’ve been in corporate-I’m still in corporate, besides my own small business, and in that environment, it’s kill or be killed so through the years, I’ve learned how to protect myself professionally. I’ve always, whatever I’ve been doing, honed my skills so that I could be among the best-if not, the very best. When I’m challenged or someone has some hidden agenda, I know how to handle myself in that type of situation. That’s why, going back to image, it’s not only about appearances and confidence, it’s also intelligence. It’s all of those things so that when you come into the presence of those types of people, you know how to handle yourself because if you don’t, they can undermine you and destroy you if you don’t know what’s going on. You have to be business-savvy, as well.

‏‏And that’s true too. Many corporate women that I have encountered who got into their very masculine façade and they lost their softness or their feminine core and what I hear from them is, “I’m competing in a man’s world and if I’ll be all feminine, they’re going to step all over me and I’m not going to be respected so I have to be like a man.”

‏‏And you know they don’t though! See, these are my feelings on that: If you act like one of the boys, they’re going to treat you like one of the boys. I don’t want to be treated like one of the boys. Now, what I’ve always done was to make sure that I develop myself. That I’m as good, if not, better than them.

‏‏Right.

‏‏I negotiate real estate deals. There are times when, initially, the tenant’s attorney gets you on the phone and he hears a female voice because they’re not a lot of women they do what I do. Of course, initially, he will come off brash but as soon as he realizes that I know this industry as well as anybody, I change the attitude of that man and then, he knows who he’s dealing with-that you cannot speak to me in a certain way because I know what I’m doing and yet, I am still a woman. I don’t like, for instance, I’ve worked with a gentleman, a very nice gentleman, and I’ve never heard this gentleman speak profanity until I heard him in a conversation with another woman. The conversation in the office was, well, she’s like them, she talks like that as well. Now, that may be fine for her but for me, I’m still a woman so I don’t want to hear that. This gentleman has never spoken profanity in front of me so that says that he is well aware of the woman he has to respect and he cannot speak that type of language to and he’s aware of the woman who will accept it. I really think you can be strong-and that’s what I’ve been my entire corporate life-without sacrificing my feminine side. I will not do it. I just love being a woman. It’s just the man who makes the mistake and who thinks that he can take advantage of me because as soon as we start negotiating contracts or speaking, he realizes that I’m a smart woman. Men, unless he’s just a real jerk, they will be forced to respect you because, notwithstanding your beauty, they have to respect your intelligence as well.

Men, unless he’s just a real jerk, they will be forced to respect you because, notwithstanding your beauty, they have to respect your intelligence as well. Click To Tweet

‏‏You think that because you’re so empowered in your feminine, you have a competitive edge?

‏‏Yes! They don’t know how to respond to it. You throw them off of their game and sometimes, in business, that’s the basis, especially for what I do. I mean, it is what it is. Men respond to a certain way with beauty and then when they find out that she’s brainy too, those are just double weapons. They get a little cautious, “How do I deal with this?” He’s still being a man because he has a beautiful woman there but then, he has to control himself or learn how to still deal with her in a professional sense. I’m not going to discount the intelligent man because it’s been my experience that those who really respect smart women, they’ll get over the beauty part is some point. They will acknowledge it but they won’t let that be the distraction in dealing with you. You can have both. Some women don’t feel that way. Now, it’s my opinion that some of them don’t feel that way because they don’t feel that they are beautiful. They feel that they have to rely on acting like the men but you don’t because you don’t want him to feel that he can speak to you like he would a man. You don’t want that as a woman.

‏‏Let’s talk about your success stories. Did you find that, once you change someone’s outer image, it changed the whole course of their lives or changed their internal state completely?

‏‏When I work with someone, I actually talk to them about the inner person. I will advise them that if the inner person is broken, what we do outside is going to have little to no effect. It depends on what I’m doing. If it’s just judge and dressing somebody up for an event and they wanted that, that’s fine but if we’re doing consulting or image-coaching, I have to be candid and let them know that we can work on the outside and we can make their very beautiful and fierce but I do want you to understand even if you don’t work with me, you need to feel good about who you are inside or else it’s not going to work. That’s why you will have beautiful women, Orion, who are still jealous of other women and who will attack you. It’s because they didn’t fix the inside.

‏‏Do you have any tips to fix in the inside?

‏‏The inside is, first of all, learning to love you and knowing who you are. If there are problems from another relationship growing up, be honest about that. If there’s a problem in a romantic relationship, be honest about that. If the other individual or if the man or the woman made you feel inferior, you have to fix that. First of all, you have to and that’s why, I always stick with the relationship-coaching as well. It’s because the other person who makes you feel inferior is doing so because he or she feels that way and so, in their attempts to feel whole, they wind up emotionally and verbally abusing the other person. When you abuse, it’s not you, it’s the other person who is dealing with their insecurities, their brokenness, and their toxic backgrounds. It’s not you. That’s one of the things in their relationship-coaching that I would work with a person-it’s not you. Let’s deal with you. You are already born with everything that you need. The created does not make mistakes. You are beautiful. You have to feel that. You have to know that when people attack you because people who are confident in themselves and people who love themselves do not attack others. If a person attacks you, those are their issues-it’s not yours. You have to fight not to accept their issue. Know that it’s their issue but don’t you accept it. That’s what you do, you love you. Every morning, get up, look in the mirror, and say “I love you.” In the morning, say “You are beautiful” throughout your day. You are beautiful. I love you. Do things that someone else would do. Send yourself flowers. Treat yourself to a beautiful dress. Go someplace and get a massage. Love you, self-love, because we teach people how to treat us. If someone sees that you are beautiful woman and that you take care of yourself, your body, your weight, the way that you dress, and your makeup you are telling them, “This is what I do for me and this is what I expect from you nothing less. You cannot bring anything to me less than what I’m doing for myself.” And so, when people walk around and see you looking beautiful and they’re saying, “Oh, Orion, she is really successful and she won’t accept anything less than that.” Now, you will accept anything less that if, somehow, you are wealthy but there is still an issue back there-that you’re still insecure and the wealth is just hiding your insecurity. You know, it’s not just a manifestation of who you are, that you’re this phenomenal woman inside, that you just did phenomenal things, that you made phenomenal decisions, and that you were smart to do well financially but because a predator-if you are insecure-will pick up one that immediately and take advantage of it.

‏‏Absolutely! I was there and to get out of that situation, I had to do mirror work. I did mirror work every day and the first time I did that, I looked in the mirror and I said, “I love you,” and my reflection started crying. I couldn’t even say “I love you” to myself or look at myself in the eyes but it was such a powerful process.

‏‏Right. And that’s why it has to become a lifestyle and not just when we get in trouble. Repeat it even if it’s not out loud. Make that so that their conversation resonates with you all the time-that I’m beautiful, I’m strong, I’m powerful, and I deserve the best. One of my favorite quotes and it is my quote: “When it comes to love, you deserve the very best except nothing less than the real thing.” When you deserve the best, you should have the best in life. We were created to have a life of abundance and we have to live like what we were created to do.

When you deserve the best, you should have the best in life. We were created to have a life of abundance and we have to live like what we were created to do.

‏‏That’s so true and I feel like so many people come to the decision where they gave up and they settle for less. If they’re single, they are like, “I’m good being single,” and if they’re in a relationship, it’s good if it’s mediocre.

‏‏Once again, that’s because that’s being afraid to be alone. Actually, well, I haven’t gotten back to this because I’ve been away from the seminars for a while but I want to do a seminar on “alone versus lonely” because alone is not lonely and people think it’s one in the same and is interchangeable so they become frightened about being alone when so many wonderful things can happen in your alone state. You can be in a relationship and be lonely because that person is not satisfying you, not fulfilling you, not giving you anything, and you are made to feel as if you are alone. So alone is not lonely but people think it’s one in the same. They panic and to avoid being alone, they get into relationships and settle for it.

‏‏Absolutely. And beyond confidence and the internal game, can we change our external image to attract the right partner?

‏‏Yes! Yes, you can because it says a lot about you. If you are a very classy woman and you dress like that, you’re going to attract a certain kind of person. A lot of times, we don’t think men pay attention to certain things but they do. I was in a supermarket and I have these really large, gold hoop earrings. An elderly gentleman walked up to me to tell me how much he loved the earrings and then he told me he was a jeweler but I’m just saying, those kind of things jump out. I have a gold bracelet that I wear sometimes. I don’t put a bunch of gold braces on with this because they’re so beautiful-just subtle touches will tell the opposite sex a lot about you. I would not think a very affluent guy would be attracted to a woman who dresses trashy. It’s because if she’s dressing trashy, she’s saying some things about herself and so he already knows that she may be okay in the bedroom but he can’t take her to his events and he can’t take her to business meetings because she won’t represent him well. The manner in which we dress says a lot about us and it says a lot about the person who is going to be drawn to you. If you want a certain man who’s in a certain financial status, that’s how you have to carry yourself. I’m not saying to overdo it but you have to carry yourself in a way and you have to learn what those type of people like, where do those type of people go, who are they are around, and is what I am presenting going to be something to be proud of. What we put on external will determine who is going to approach us. There are some people who don’t approach me because they think I’m unapproachable and normally, that’s the type of man I would want to come near me anyway. The way that we carry ourselves-all of the things we talked about like, standing out in a crowd and wearing something bold, those are the things that catch the eye of the others and so, what are you catching their eye with? Is it with a glamorous look? Is it with a classy look? Or, is it with a trashy look? And then, it depends on where you’re going. What you wear in the club may not be what you wear in a day event or conference. What you wear there may not be what you wear at a black-tie event so it is just becoming knowledgeable about what works well in which situation.

‏‏And sometimes, less is more.

‏‏Yes, sometimes, less is more. If you have on a very good black dress, you don’t need to do much else with that. As I said, you got a black dress so put on some animal-print heels-Hey! You’re going to get noticed! See, you’re laughing because you can see that. You can see yourself in that!

‏‏I’m very visual so yes, I can see everything that you talk about.

‏‏Put on some red lips. Just wear a black sheath, some animal-print stilettos, some red lips, and then put on tiny pearls or diamond studs. You don’t have to overdo it and you don’t have to over-embellish when it’s very good. That’s why I say, stick with the really good stuff. I love St. John. I have a St. John suit that’s probably 25 years old, I still wear it, and whenever I come into the room, I get plenty of comments. That’s St. John, their particular line, the colors are very the same and they have their own sort of hue. I do things like that or just do unexpected things. Heavy wool-I have a have a powder pink, heavy-wool jacket. That’s unexpected! People don’t expect to see that in the winter but when I come into a room, they get that. Do things that are unexpected, that are fun, and keep it classy even when you do a bit of trash. There’s nothing wrong with that. You know, class with just a dash of trash.

‏‏Incredible! So, we dressed the part. We got the guy. We’re in a committed relationship. How do we dress behind closed doors? Do we need to let our guards down and just wear our old T-shirt and be completely cozy? Or, do we have to keep a little bit of sexy in our own private home?

‏‏Find out what he likes. If he likes to see you in tattered jeans and that’s sexy to him, that’s what you do. If he likes to see you in nothing, that’s what you do.

‏‏Got it!

‏‏It’s about pleasing him as well as him pleasing you. But still, whatever you do, if it’s your t-shirt and your jeans, still be beautiful because whatever or however you got him is the same way you have to do to keep him. It’s not fair to do something and to go through a lot to attract someone and then not give him the woman he became attracted to. That’s not fair. I don’t want that. I’ve been married for 26 years but if a man-whatever he attracted me with-that’s what I expect. I mean, that’s what we’re doing to-and this is for lack of a better word-to lure them in so, you don’t want them to feel entrapped. She lured me in with this beautiful woman. Now, all I see is this ragamuffin around the home. That’s not fair, you know, but some men love jeans; some men love a clean, scrubbed look; and some men love a tousled look. If he loves you with tousled hair, tousle your hair, girl! Now, it’s about pleasing. We come into these relationships with expectations and they may be different but what we all come into them with the expectation that we’re going to feel good so keep focused on making each other feel good and pleasing each other.

We come into these relationships with expectations and they may be different but what we all come into them with the expectation that we’re going to feel good so keep focused on making each other feel good and pleasing each other. Click To Tweet

‏‏Mm-hmm. Can we talk about colors?

‏‏Yes.

‏‏We touched a little bit about it before. Can you tell us a little bit about the meanings behind colors?

‏‏Red is a powerful color. That’s power. Everybody knows that. Blue has to do with uplifting the mood and anything pastel will give you a sort of floaty spirit. You would think that black is dismal but it depends on how you present it. I can’t find anything exciting about brown, can you?

‏‏No, I do not like brown. I never wear brown. You can’t force me. Ever.

‏‏Neither do I. See, that’s because of our personalities. Brown is drab, you know? It’s just drudgery so I can’t find anything exciting about brown but the pastel colors, they are calming. If you are-and I can’t say for men-but if you’re a woman, I was thinking your bedroom, a pastel paint on the walls, would be calming. There are some flesh tones that are very calming. I think that we should surround ourselves with the colors that evoke certain moods. If blue lifts you, you should surround yourself with as much of blue as you can-maybe go to a park on a beautiful day, just lay back, and take in the blue sky. If you can’t go there, this organ of thought that we have. this brain, this imagination-close your eyes and call “blue” into you. Call blue into you. Close your eyes, shut out everything, and just imagine a brilliant blue-the color of the sky. Colors evoke different emotions. Green is a powerful color. I don’t know if that’s because we associate green with money but green is a power color. I think you should contrast a lot of times. If you have black, do that red thing. I don’t wear a lot of red clothing because I don’t necessarily like it for me but I do wear some fierce, red lipstick. I do. That’s my contribution to red. When I put on red lipstick, I don’t need anything else red because it’s front and center. This is the other thing where we send subtle, sensual messages-on the lips. What’s more sensual than red lips? And you get away with that in an office or anywhere. As I’ve said, do the colors that evoke positive feelings. The only color that I can’t find much for is brown. I just love colors.

‏‏What makes you happy?

‏‏When I’m at peace. Peace is a very precious commodity to me. I am fortunate because I can make myself happy in almost any situation. That comes from self-love, learning to love myself, and being happy with who I am. I am a woman who has many interests so there are lots and lots of things that bring me joy. I always motivate people to do that because if you have one thing that brings you joy, and something happens, then you are completely without joy. It is said that men mostly identify themselves with their careers and that’s one of the reasons why, when there is a major career shift or they’re coming upon retirement, that’s why they struggle so much because they have made the job everything-that’s their joy. I would say to find joy in everything. I love fashion. I love to travel. I love to talk. I love fine dining. I love being with my girlfriends. I have a piano. I play a little bit. I have found and I keep adding joys to my life so that when something is off balance-this is life, we will have dark moments, I can turn to something else to bring me joy so there are a whole lot of things that make me happy. It’s because I intentionally go out and find new joys.

‏‏What’s your biggest dream?

‏‏My biggest dream is to, I guess, be extremely wealthy. Now, let me explain that though: I already live very well but I’m at a point where I see so much in the world that I want to do for others. It would take wealth to do that. I live in Maryland and we recently dealt with the riots of Baltimore. I would love to do something for Baltimore. Now, I do have an annual gala called The Power of Love Gala and I always give back to a nonprofit. In 2016, on that event, we’re going to actually give a portion of the proceeds-there’s another church, a Southern Baptist Church, and they were building a senior building but during the riots of Baltimore, it was burned down completely. Nothing left. My parents passed away. They were seniors so I have a soft place in my heart for seniors. That’s when I’ve decided that that initiative will be the recipient of some of the portion of the proceeds for the gala. My life now, at this point, is just trying to do something to help others to live a life of abundance.

‏‏That’s beautiful.

‏‏So, for the rest of my life, I want to impact other lives in a positive way.

‏‏I love that and I’m honored to be your friend.

‏‏Oh, I am honored to have you! I just love this connection!

‏‏So, who can work with you? And where can they find you?

‏‏Well, visit me at www.pamreaves.com. Anyone who is interested in relationship-coaching, image-coaching, or if you just want to live your best life ever, or live life as I do-and I live life from a position of power in every aspect of my life. If that’s how you want to live, you should coach with me. Visit me, once again, on www.pamreaves.com to find out what I’m up to.

‏‏Thank you so much, Pam, for this incredible sharing! Thank you, my listeners! Go ahead and live life from a place of power, from a position of power, and have a stellar life. I’ll talk to you next time!

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About Pam Reaves

Pam is the Founder and CEO of NELLA LLC, a Maryland limited liability company. NELLA LLC is the umbrella under which she power coach clients using her signature empowerment tool called TAPS (Transformation, Action, Power, Source). The four pillars of TAPS are the foundation upon which all success and/or greatness are achieved.